Never Enough

chapter 5



After closing up The Lounge, I shot my Uncle Gary a text to let him know everything went smoothly and the bar was still standing. I even let him know the fire extinguishers didn’t need to be taken out. He appreciated that and sent me a text saying thank you. I rode home with Halley and Marcus in silence trying to decipher the night’s events. I never saw Trevor leave. Matter of fact, I hadn’t seen him since our kiss. He probably left while I was still in the office trying to catch my breath. Maybe that was a good thing but part of me hoped he would have stuck around so I could have seen him again before we left. Would this make things awkward now? I mean basically he kissed and ran. I sure hope it wasn’t a mistake.

We walked in the door and I tossed my purse on the kitchen counter. Marcus was staying the night so he and Halley basically ran to her room before I could say goodnight or good show. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my purse and went to my room. I snatched my phone out of my purse to put it on the charger by my nightstand. As I plugged it up the screen lit up with a text from Trevor. My heart sorta skipped a beat and I smiled. I was nervous just a few minutes ago that maybe this was all a mistake with how he left the bar but he actually texted me. I opened the message to see what he said. "Can I see you tomorrow?" I made sure to save his number earlier this morning to save any future heart attacks.

I stared at the screen afraid to answer. We had already crossed the lines, what else could we possibly get into? My breath was held as I typed my answer. "Sure." There was no going back.

"I'll text you in the morning. Goodnight beautiful."

Grinning from ear to ear and blushing I replied," Goodnight."

I had to splash my face with cold water after I reread my text messages that morning to make sure I didn't make it up in my sleep. It was definitely not a dream, this was real life and I was still grinning from ear to ear. Shit! What do people like Trevor James do during the daylight hours? I’d never seen him outside of The Lounge now that I thought about it. Seeing him there was usually enough. Halley and Marcus were still sleeping so I crept into the kitchen to grab a glass of orange juice. I didn't like keeping secrets, especially from Gary, but it had to be done. I vowed that to myself. At least until we knew what we could possibly be. What if we didn’t work? If I were never enough for him, then why would I risk telling Gary anything and making him possibly mad. I looked in the mirror. In my opinion I've become a strong, beautiful, independent woman. I’d taken that part of me back and no one would ever take it again. I wondered if my mom would be proud of me now. She probably wouldn't recognize me; unfortunately I'd recognize her a mile away. I got in the shower and let the hot water wash away all my pain. Trevor could oversee my past if he really even wanted to be with me right? Who was I kidding of course he wanted to be with me. The kiss said it all, I’m sure of that. My luck he wouldn't even call.

I turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around my hair and my body. Quickly I dried off and threw a pair of jeans on and a plain black fitted tee. I made my way into the kitchen where Halley and Marcus were drinking their coffee.

"Morning guys." I halfway made an attempt at a cheery greeting that worked for me.

Halley replied, "Morning what's going on today?" Marcus just smiled and continued to drink his coffee. He didn't seem to be a huge morning person or at least that’s what Halley has told me. Clearly I see what she meant.

"Ah, I'm not sure. I may venture into town today for a little." She looked like she was thinking of possibly joining me but I quickly added, "Alone. I may go see Gary, I'm not sure yet. I just want to do something." Secrets were seeming to become a normal part of my life these past few days and I didn’t like it but I was only doing what I felt was necessary right now.

A look of disappointment shown on her face. I hated lying to her but I couldn’t tell her yet. I needed to see that Trevor and I could hang out just fine alone. "Oh ok, we'll probably hang around here, that ok Marcus?"

He looked at her and grinned, "Sure babe, whatever you want to do." He leaned in and kissed her on her cheek. She turned to meet his lips and to keep me from puking and losing my orange juice I had earlier I smiled and went back into my room, quickly.

I began drying my hair when the phone went off. I held my breath and picked it up. A message from Trevor stared at me. It read, "We still on for today?"

Instantly beaming I replied, "Yeah, what time?"

He replied just as quick with, "I was hoping to grab lunch? Can I pick you up at 11:30?"

No he most certainly could not pick me up. Halley had no idea we were hanging out and I had no intention of sharing that fact with her. She would try to tag along and that would just make it even more awkward than it already would be. The thought of offering to get him crossed my mind but I wasn't sure if he was one of those guys who disliked having a woman chauffeur them around and really he lived not far from us so it wasn’t a big deal. Surely, I didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes, not this early anyway. "No, I can meet you. Just say where."

I had just finished placing my hair in a ponytail when he replied, "The new sandwich place by The Lounge?"

"K, sounds good. See ya there."

"See you soon Mace...."

My heart cut several cartwheels and I started to take my hair out of the ponytail and actually fix it. No, we weren't going on a date; this was just two friends that just happened to have kissed hanging out. We were just going to eat lunch. We weren’t planning our whole lives out today. Ponytail it is. I applied a little make up and threw some earrings on. I glanced at the clock. It was close enough to 11; I was ready to leave before I talked my way out of this and stayed home.

Uncle Gary's number popped up on my phone as I began to walk out my room. I stepped back in and answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey Macy, I just wanted to thank you for last night. I really appreciated it. I know I’d told you but I forgot myself and I didn’t know if you did."

"No problem, like I texted you everything went fine."

"Well the band isn't playing tonight, they have the night off and I am pretty much guessing it’s going to be a quiet night so unless you want to come just to hang out, take a break and relax kiddo."

Relaxing sounded amazing right now. My brain and body needed it big time. "You sure Uncle Gary?"

"Yes Macy. You need a break too." His voice paused then he began talking again with a slightly different tone in his voice. "Your mom called me this morning."

I stood silent as I listened to what he just said. My eyes stung with tears that I refused to let fall. He didn’t call just to thank me again for covering him last night. There was always an ulterior motive. "What'd she want?" I asked rather flatly.

"Just said she hasn't talked to you in a while and misses you."

If she missed me she could pick up a phone. I never called her because I had nothing to say to her. It'd been six months since we'd spoken. Yes, I've kept count. And she still didn't believe a word I said. No many how many times I told her. The story never changed it was the same story word for word every time I talked to her and she didn’t believe me. She never would. "Oh. Well I’ll call her soon."

He knew as well as I did that was a pure lie. There was no truth behind that sentence; I just said it to say it. "Look kiddo I know all of that was f*cked up and I still can't believe she thinks the way she does..."

I cut him off and a few tears fell down my cheeks. "He came in my room for a year!! He didn't always get what he wanted but he violated me. He took everything away from me and she f*cking believed him!" I suddenly realized I was screaming and I prayed Halley and Marcus were back in her room and couldn't hear. She knew already but Marcus didn't need to. He had no reason to know anything about my past. Him knowing would make him being here too uncomfortable to me.

Uncle Gary's voice softened as he replied," I know Mace, and I'm sorry. I thank God every day you called me when you did and we got you out of there. If anything I wish you would have called sooner but the most important thing is you got away."

Tears were flowing now. Great I needed to fix this before I saw Trevor. No one likes a tear stained face. "I know Uncle Gary. Thank you."

"I’m sorry I wasn’t trying to upset you in any way Macy. Relax today kiddo don't show up at the bar." He chuckled and I couldn't help but smile.

"Ok I will and it’s ok I shouldn’t have overreacted. Love you Uncle Gary."

"Love you too kiddo."

With that I hung up the phone and finished draining what tears were still at bay waiting to fall. After a minute or two, I fixed my face and smiled in the mirror. I am a bright, beautiful woman. Nothing or no one can bring me down anymore or ever again. I opened my bedroom door and when I didn't see Hales or Marcus, I dashed out the front door leaving that previous conversation behind.

I plugged my IPod in during my brief ride. It wasn’t that long but it was long enough to hear a song or two from Breaking Benjamin. I sang along as I pulled into where I was meeting Trevor. I parked my Honda Civic to where if Uncle Gary went to The Lounge anytime soon he wouldn’t be able to see it. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. My cheeks were still a little puffy from crying but hopefully Trevor wouldn’t notice. I opened my door and before I could walk two feet I noticed Trevor standing by the entrance with a sexy grin on his face. He wore a worn pair of jeans that fit him perfectly and a vintage Guns N Roses tee that clung in all the right places. His messy hair hung just almost covering his eyes like always. This boy was going to be the end of me if I didn’t keep my guard up. I took a deep breath as I slowly approached him. It was now or never.

He reached out for my hand. Part of me hesitated but I placed my hand in his and he brought it immediately up to his lips and placed a kiss there. I felt my face flush several shades of red and tried to turn my head away. He chuckled, "Sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you."

"You didn’t, it was just really sweet." It was. Nothing like that has ever happened before to me. No guy had ever even attempted it, but then I never gave them the chance.

"Good." He looked relieved as he let out a long breath. "You hungry?"

"Ohmigod I’m starving." I gave him a big smile then reached up to peck his cheek. I could probably get used to this, if I could ever put the past behind. That was going to take quite a bit of work.

"Good me too." He smiled and brushed his hair from his bluish gray eyes with his other hand. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and we began walking.

We walked into the little sandwich place and stood in line until it was our turn. A few people stared I’m assuming trying to figure out if that were really Trevor James. He chatted with a few of them politely then would turn back to me and grin. When we reached the counter I ordered a turkey poboy on white bread with just about everything that could fit in it. Trevor ordered a grilled shrimp poboy that looked amazing. Halley had told me before they had these stuffed pistolettes that were to die for but I didn’t feel like trying one. We ate and made small talk about nothing in particular really. I made him look at something on the wall and stole a shrimp. He caught me and I began laughing I can’t believe he fell for that one. It was the oldest trick in the book. I am usually scared of talking and eating at the same time for fear of spitting food at people’s faces. I did not want to spit food at Trevor but so far so good I had managed to keep all my food in my mouth.

We were finishing our meal when he asked, "Where to now? We could go sit at the park around the corner if you want. We can walk there, save gas." He winked and tried to be all suave but I saw right through that act.

"Sure, we can do that. We can drive though I doubt it wastes that much gas to go around the corner." I stifled a laugh to lighten my comment. Gary didn’t need to see my car around; I wasn’t ready for the consequences that were bound to come with it. This was only lunch but I wasn’t looking to open something I wasn’t ready for.

"What can I say; I just want to hold your hand Macy. You blame me for trying?" He attempted to sound serious then he starting laughing. "Come on let’s take a walk."

Reluctantly I got up and he grabbed my hand and we began our walk. I swore silently I would kill him if my car was spotted. There was not a single cloud in the sky. Just the sun shining in the perfect blue sky. The birds were flying and I even saw an airplane pass. The temperature was perfect for a little stroll. The humidity wasn’t that bad either so honestly I didn’t mind walking. That was always a plus down here. The humidity usually sucked and as a result there were many bad hair days, and well really hot air. On those hot days I’d rather stay inside than risk going outside and suffocating. We passed several families with children, I watched as they walked hand in hand laughing and carrying on. The children were excited to go feed the ducks and were pulling on their parents’ arms as they got closer and closer. They took turns tossing pieces of bread into the water and laughed as the ducks swam up to eat it. It was the cutest thing I’d ever seen and I couldn’t help but smile and at the same time be upset that I had all that stolen from me. Every happy memory I had from my childhood I had pushed far in the back of my mind. Some I’d even forgotten by this point in my life. Maybe one day if I stopped being so stubborn I could have all that again with someone of my own. Oh well, you live and you learn and I wasn’t going to let old memories take away the little bit of happiness that had entered my life in the form of Trevor.

We walked to an empty bench and sat down. He never let go of my hand. Inside I was dying to know why he chose me, but I was unsure of how to bring up that conversation. My self-esteem was alright but I always seemed to have that little bit of doubt that stuck around. That was a conversation we could have later if something grew between us. My mind suddenly raced to my Uncle Gary. He has been the rock I've leaned on these past 3 years and I had no idea how to break this to him if something did indeed happen? Would he feel betrayed? I hope not. I couldn't stand to upset him in any way. Would he shut me out of his life and leave me all alone? My brain reentered reality and Trevor was looking at me with a rather amused look about him. "You ok Macy? You seemed like you were out in space."

"I'm so sorry about that. I get that way when I'm thinking."

"Don't be sorry. What are you thinking about?" Now he wanted to be nosy? He could have pried at any other time and I most likely would have started spilling my guts. Not this time, not like this in a park with other ears around.

"Nothing really. Listen thanks for inviting me to lunch, I had a great time."

"You're welcome. I've been waiting for a chance to do something like this with you. I’m just glad we finally have the chance." He had sincerity in his eyes that I could not deny. I studied his facial expression then he began speaking again, "I know your uncle has a rule about you and me staying away from each other but I just couldn't stay away any longer."

What was this a blush-a-thon? He'd made me blush so many times today it was crazy. He also knew how to make a girls heart soar with the simplest words. "You, Trevor James, can't stay away from me?"

"You may find it hard to believe Macy but it's true. I wouldn't lie to you."

“And just why can’t you stay away from me?” I hated to snort in his face but I just wasn’t really sure if I were supposed to fall into this or not.

He looked out at the pond and back into my eyes. “Everything about you draws me in. I can’t describe it. I could try but I’d probably sound like an idiot.”

I laughed and looked away. “I seriously doubt you could sound like an idiot.”

He sat there as if he was going to say something else but he didn’t.

We sat in silence and I pulled my hand away to brush my hair behind my ears. I swallowed and took a deep breath taking in the warm air that was around us. I watched the breeze blow through the trees before looking back in his direction. His bluish gray eyes were amazing and I almost lost my train of thought. Without warning I looked at him and replied, "You shouldn't bother with me Trevor. I'm leaving, please don't follow me." I got up to make my exit and before I could move he grabbed my arm.

"Macy did I say something wrong? I thought we were having a good time. Please don't go." He was practically begging for me to stay with him and I was running away. My head knew my heart would jump in and thankfully I had the brains to stop this before it began. This is how it would always be.

I looked at him trying not to lose it, and then took my arm back from him. Without another word I walked off. I made my way to where my car was by the sandwich shop. I got in my car, drove up the road, parked it and cried. Cried tears for the past, tears for things I didn’t fully understand. Tears for someone who liked me and I’d just shoved them away. I'd never hear from him again. It was clearly for the best, it had to be. But for that brief moment, I cried.

I let myself back in the apartment. I was never happier to find it empty. I made a cup of black tea and sat at the kitchen counter. Most of my crying was under control by now. All I wanted to do was lie in a hot bathtub and listen to music. Before I could go make good on that, there was a knock at the door. I took a sip of my tea as I walked up to the door and peered through the peep hole. It was Trevor. I groaned seriously debated not answering. After all I'd just run off on him and now I'd been bawling my eyes out. Wait how did he even know where I lived? I unlocked the door and opened it up standing there with my hand on my hip like Halley would do.

"Macy, what the hell? Are you ok? Why'd you just run out on me like that? I'm sorry this looks creepy, but I followed you. I couldn't leave things like that." He looked panicked standing there, like he was unsure of how to handle any of this. Join the club buddy.

I stood in the doorway with a rather unamused look on my face with my hand still attached to my hip debating whether to let him in or not. I wondered if he could make out that I had been crying. I’m sure he could but I sure hope not. I could slam the door in his face and pretend he never knocked but unfortunately I was not a mean person. I gave him my answer when I said," Why did you follow me? Never mind that, Trevor, come inside."

"Are you going to talk to me?" Pain was written all over that face. For a sheer moment, I didn’t care.

"Yes." No, I wasn't going to or at least not the truth. He didn't need to know. All he needed to know was that this was not going to work now or ever. Even though I badly wanted it to give it a try.

"Ok, thank you." He walked in and I led him into the living room. He reached for my hand to sit by him on the couch. I declined and sat on the recliner. It was more comfortable than that couch was but that wasn’t the point. He looked hurt and I hated seeing him like that but I was protecting him. This needed to end now or at least that’s what I was letting myself believe.

"This should have never happened. It's all a mistake. You know it is too Trevor." I drew in a deep breath and continued, “Look, there are many women out there, who I'm sure are willing to make you happy and go for walks in the park with you but I'm not that girl." It hurt to lie and I tried even harder to hold the tears back.

"So that's how you feel? Why didn't you just tell me that from the beginning Macy? I have feelings too. When you gave me your number I thought this was finally it. My shot with you. You've been flirting with me at The Lounge for months now and I decide to finally act on it and you tell me it's a mistake. But tell me how can it be a mistake if you won't give it a chance?" His voice sounded angry and hurt all mixed together.

Hold on. Did he just say I'd been flirting? Dammit I didn't remember any of it. All the more reason to not drink anymore, under no circumstances ever would I actually flirt with him. He had it all wrong. It was always him flirting I know this much. "I flirted with you? I’m sorry you must have me mistaken for someone else, like one of the floozies who throw themselves at you." There is no way I have ever flirted with him. Wrong person Trevor.

"Yes Macy. Every time your uncle wasn't around or had his back turned you'd bat your eyelashes at me and make sure you always brushed up against me enough to make me want to push you up against the wall and kiss you but I couldn't because of his rule. Do you know how hard that is? Huh? To be turned on like that?"

Holy shit. I had no idea what to say because I had no idea any of this had been going on. Apparently I was doing this when Halley wasn’t around either because she would have already jumped my ass for it. "I, uh, well you know that's what drinking does to people. It screws with our judgment." The bitch card was played; I laid it out on the table. He was sure to leave now. Except he didn't, he still sat there on the couch, on my couch just staring at me. Why hadn’t he taken a hint and left yet? If our roles had been reversed I know I would have gotten up and practically ran out the door. No way would I sit there humilitated.

He stared at me with the biggest puppy dog eyes. I was hurting him, I knew it and it was written all over his face. "You should probably leave Trevor."

"Macy, no. Talk to me. You were fine earlier and then all of a sudden you just turned. I just don't understand. You think I wasn't listening when you sang last night? You never sing songs like that. I'm a lot of things Macy Young, but I'm no fool." He was right. I never sang sappy love songs. Those were usually reserved for the drunks, and they always seemed to butcher them into a million pieces. It was something most people tended to cover their ears for.

I so badly wanted to ask him if he listened to the song, why didn’t he come up to me after I sang it. He claims to know exactly what I was singing about but he didn’t act on it. He walked away. I took a deep breath, got up and walked towards the front door, opened it and looked at him with cold, hateful eyes. "Please go."

He slowly peeled himself off our tan couch and walked up to me. He tried to touch my arm and I turned away from him. My eyes refused to meet with his; no matter how hard he tried, I couldn't bring myself to see what I was doing to him. And if I met his eyes, I may take all this back and give in. His head hung and he walked out the door. The door shut before I could blink and I locked it before I could chase him and beg for forgiveness. I walked to the bathroom, ran the hottest bath and lay there and cried.

*****

Halley was banging on the door like she'd lost her mind screaming at me. "MACY!! ARE YOU OK PLEASE SAY SOMETHING, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU!"

Shit, I'd fallen asleep in the bathtub. She was bound to slap me when I walked out. "Ohmigod Hales, I fell asleep hold on give me a second." I stumbled out the bathtub and threw my robe on. I unlocked the door and there stood Halley rather unamused with Trevor next to her wearing the same look on his face too. Great, what was he doing here? Getting thrown out wasn’t good enough the first time I guess.

"Macy what the hell? I ran into Trevor down the road and he was talking about how worried he was about you and I get home and you didn't answer while I was calling for you. Do you have any idea how worried I was?! Do you even care?"

I glared at Trevor practically shooting daggers at him and he hung his head. "Halley can I talk to you privately, please?" I tapped my foot impatiently and she followed me. "I'm sorry." I shut the door and she just stared.

"What the hell happened with Trevor? He looks so upset."

"We had lunch." She was now gawking at me; I remembered that I never told her we were having lunch. "And I was having fun but it's all a mistake nothing can happen with us. I left and he followed me like a crazy person and I made him leave."

She opened her mouth to speak then stopped. She stared into my eyes. "I understand Macy but you have to open up eventually. How often do we have to have this talk? He looks crushed out there. What happened to you isn't fair to him. He really likes you."

"He doesn’t know me Halley. All he sees is my face, he doesn’t see anything else. Do you know what it's like, huh do you?" I glared at her daring her to tell me she understood because she knew as well as I did that she had no idea what it was like to have someone take everything from you.

"No I don't but you can't let it keep consuming your life."

Huffing and puffing, I glared at her,"Look if I talk to him will you leave me alone?"

"Yes, get dressed and then he can come in here and talk with you. I'm not saying tell him all your life's problems but just talk to him. Obviously you two have something brewing that you can't just leave alone."

We hugged then she walked out and before I could even get my robe off my eyes caught Trevor's. I motioned him in and said, "Please sit down."

Cautiously he sat and just looked at me. I owed him an apology and so much more. I never should have treated him like I did earlier and he actually came back. I opened my mouth to speak and my phone rang. Great, who was it and what did they want? My mom's name lit up the screen and I immediately hit ignore. A minute later it rang again, she was never this persistent but she was soon going to figure out that I didn't want to speak to her. Hell, she’d gone six months without talking to me, a few more minutes wasn't going to kill her. Not even two minutes later a text came through from my uncle that stated: “Answer her call please kiddo." I told myself I would only answer because Uncle Gary asked me to. Not even a few seconds later the phone rang again. What was the deal today?

Trevor looked at my phone then at me, “You going to get that?"

"Uh, yeah, uh sure hold on please, I'm so sorry." I stammered and fumbled to hit the talk button. My mom and I didn't talk much since I left. There was nothing to say. There was the occasional call here and there which most of them were ignored. She took her husband’s side over mine and refused to believe what he did. I had removed her from my life that day. She should have taken my side but instead she left me hurting inside, I honestly had nothing at all to say to her. "Hello,” I answered in a rather flat tone.

"Hey baby. How are you I miss you." She actually sounded sincere but I kept my guard up though. I couldn't fall for anything she said, I refused to. She was attempting a conversation with me as if nothing ever happened.

"I'm ok. Why do you keep calling?" I answered flatly. This conversation needed to end so I could handle the Trevor situation.

"Macy, baby, I know you've been hurting,” she started sniffling and then continued, "I'm so sorry I never believed you before. I wanted to let you know that I left him. I never knew he was sneaking in your room all that time and I wish I had listened to you and stopped him before I lost you. I know it's probably too late to come back into your life and I would like forgiveness but I understand if you can't give that to me just yet."

There was silence for a minute and then shakily, I laid the phone down on the bed and buried my head in my hands and cried. These were tears that couldn’t be contained no matter how strong I wanted or tried to be. They always found a way out. This couldn’t be happening. I wasn’t reliving any of this in front of freaking Trevor. Maybe I fell asleep again, but I knew I was wide awake. I felt an arm cautiously reach around me and pull me closer and I suddenly remembered that Trevor was in the room. Mortified, I prayed he wasn't able to hear anything on the other end of the phone. I lifted my head and looked at him with a tear stained face and offered a tiny smile as a thank you and then reached for my phone.

"Macy, are you there?"

I sobbed out, "Yes, sorry about that." Trying to contain my tears was much harder than I thought. Suddenly I was thankful for waterproof mascara. "You already told Gary?"

"Yes. He told me not to force myself back into your life because you are still hurt and I promise I won't. Not until you are ready."

"Ok." Just when I thought my emotions had stabilized I began sobbing into the phone. There were so many questions that needed to be answered for my sake. "Mom, why didn't you believe me sooner? Things could have been so much better for me, for you. I wanted to kill him sometimes. Why..why.." I had so much hatred locked away inside from all this. So much hatred for her, hatred for him, hatred in general towards anyone. Why did she think she could just come back into my life and say she left him? Was I supposed to forgive and forget? Was it that easy?

"Baby girl, I'm so sorry." There were tears on both ends of the phone and I suddenly wished she were there in person so I could hug her. My defenses began to fall, after all she was my mom. No matter how mad I got or how screwed up it was, at the end of the day she is my Mom. "I just wanted to tell you that. I won't keep you but please call more often. I love you so much Macy. Can I ask you something please though before we hang up? I need to know."

"I love you too Mom, thank you. What is it?"

“Did he ever actually...”she began sobbing and I knew what she was getting ready to ask. It’d been hidden for years and everything was about to spill out at once and she actually believed me? I tried to be brave and quit crying but I couldn’t. The tears were still steadily streaming. All the memories flooded back and it made me sick to my stomach. Memories I’d always prayed would stay low and never come back up. Memories I never wanted to relive as long as I walked this earth. “Macy, are..you..a..v-virgin?”

I sat there terrified afraid to answer the question. I’d blocked this for so long and I really didn’t care to bring all this back. Trevor gave me a concerned look and touched my arm. I let him because I was scared he’d never want to touch me again if he ever fully understood what this conversation was. I drew in a deep breath, clenched my chest with my free arm then whispered, “No.”

Mom began frantically screaming and I couldn’t make out a single word she said. I tried to listen and squeeze in a word or two to let her know that even though that a*shole had stolen my innocence I had made myself ok, that I was stronger than ever before. Yes I had my bad days, but the good days outnumbered the bad. That’s what I wanted to tell her. After a minute or so, I had to place the phone down because the reality of it all was continuing to sink back in and I sobbed uncontrollably. Trevor pulled me back into a hug and I cried on his shoulder. I wanted Halley in here with me seeing as how she already knew everything but I didn’t want Trevor to feel he wasn’t good enough. Frankly, I was surprised she hadn’t barged her way inside yet. I could still hear Mom screaming even though I wasn’t holding the phone. Literally, it felt as though time had stopped. I heard my name and picked up the phone.

“Macy, I want to see about pressing charges against him. I was so ignorant and blind to this. He can’t and won’t get away with it.”

“Ok Mom,” I was still sobbing and more than ready to end this phone call. “Can we talk later Mom; I really just want to rest now.”

“Yes baby, I’m going to call a lawyer. I’ll get back with you as soon as I know something.”

We said our goodbyes and hung up the phone and Trevor was still there holding me. The tears had begun to subside but every so often I was unable to hold a few back and the waterworks would start all over again. He never let me go. He never asked any questions. He sat right there next to me the entire time. I always knew that eventually if Trevor and I made anything work out he'd have to know and without realizing it, he'd almost heard everything.