Never Enough

chapter 20



He pulled up at his apartment and opened my door for me. We walked back into that clean apartment that I still had to wrap my head around to understand. I excused myself to the bathroom when he handed me a shirt to wear. Walking back to meet him, there was a door open. Being nosy, I poked my head in and saw a whole set of tattoo equipment. I wondered if he would give me a tattoo. Wait scratch that, how would I pay for it? His arms wrapped around my waist and he turned me to him.

“You saw my room? I don’t usually work from home, but I keep extra equipment here just in case.” He moved one hand to turn the light on and show me his work.

There were pictures on the walls of tattoos he’d done. Anything from plain and simple to large and elaborate hung up there. His little personal gallery was way too cool, I stood there in awe just taking it all in. “Wow, Luke these are amazing. You’re really good.”

He gave me a big grin and replied, “Thanks.” His face fell slightly though as he continued, “I used to do it occasionally just for fun, but when my pregnant fiancée died in a car crash two years ago, this was the only way I knew to handle the pain. I threw myself into my work. I knew if I didn’t throw myself into this, I could end up hurt or dead as well. I couldn’t do that to anyone. Shit, I’m sorry I forgot you had a miscarriage, I shouldn’t have mentioned that.”

I couldn’t believe what he’d just told me. He didn’t even know me but was sitting here letting his secrets out. I pulled him into a hug and tried not to cry for him. “Luke, I’m so sorry. I should have not poked my head into here. Don’t apologize for that. I’m ok now. It wasn’t meant to be.”

He looked at me and gave a small smile, “You didn’t know its ok. You’d have found out eventually. It’s just something really shitty that happened. At first it was very hard, but I had to pull through for myself. That’s what she would have wanted me to do.”

Neither of us were drunk and I wish that had been my excuse for me but it was nowhere near it. I don’t know why I was crazy enough to not even think he had a past. Of course he did, we all had those skeletons hiding deep below the surface. I wanted to hug him, more importantly I wanted him to know I was there for him. “What happened? If you don’t mind me asking. You don’t have to tell me if its awkward.”

Shit. What was I thinking asking about it?

He smiled letting me know it was ok that I opened my big mouth and placed his hand on mine. “No don’t worry about it. I met Julianne two and a half years ago. She had come into the tattoo shop I worked at with some friends of hers. She was so scared of getting a tattoo but they somehow talked her into it.” He chuckled at the memory like it was yesterday. “I’ve never been one to believe in love at first sight, well I mean you took my breath away but that’s beside the point. She finally agreed to do the tattoo and I was the one who gave her her very first tattoo. She cried, it was the cutest thing. I swear she made me want to be better. We started talking after that day and slowing dated. She moved in with me a year later. When she got pregnant, that was the happiest day of our lives. We started buying things almost immediately.” He got quiet and I really wished I hadn’t asked. Tears were welling in his eyes and were bound to spill over at any moment. “She had gone to the store to get some ice cream she wanted because I was working late and she just couldn’t wait. An hour later I got the phone call. Some idiot ran his red light and smashed into her car. She was rushed to the hospital but they couldn’t save her or the baby.”

The tears that sat at bay slowly fell. I grabbed a tissue and wiped them from his face. “I’m so sorry for asking. I can’t even imagine what that was like.”

“In a way you do. Most of my tattoos are a tribute to her or the baby. It was, like I told you, the only way I could cope.”

Before I could stop my mouth from moving anymore I spoke up and decided to open up to him. I’d never done this before. Very big step for me.

“I know what it’s like to hurt too. Music is my release. I don’t perform but with karaoke but I listen to it and I mean it’s just my thing. It’s the lyrics, the actual music, it’s hard to explain.” I was babbling beginning to wonder again why I opened my big mouth. “When I was 19 my stepdad raped me the first time. My mom never believed me.” His eyes were full of concern and he held me close. “I turned to liquor first drinking myself into oblivion. It happened until I called my uncle and came to live here. The bar became my other home and the music it helped so much. I found my strength. I still drank but it wasn’t to hide the pain anymore.” He looked at me for what seemed like an eternity. “Luke, if you’re trying to find the words to say it’s ok. It’s the past.”

He kissed my forehead and held me. This was the first time I’d ever talked about it and not shed a tear or began hyperventilating. “We’re both pretty strong, you know that? Both got thrown some intense shit in our lives and we overcame it all.”

“Yep, we sure did. I have an idea.”

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“We should both get a tattoo. Something to symbolize how strong we are.” He looked at me smiling and I continued, “I’ll even trust you to do it. I say we both get the Chinese symbol for strength.”

He kissed my forehead and replied, “I’ll do them tomorrow, sounds like a plan.”

Our mouths met in a passionate kiss. He picked me up and my legs wrapped around his waist. Carrying me into the room, he kissed my neck and made his way back to my lips. He laid me on the bed and made love to me like nothing else mattered in the world.

The next morning he woke me up with a cup of coffee. I smiled as I sat up in his comfortable bed and took a sip.

“Still want that tattoo today?” His eyes sparkled as he asked. He sat beside me and leaned in for a kiss.

“Yes I do, don’t you back out on me.”

I finished the cup of coffee and went to brush my teeth and hair. I could hear him in his room setting everything up. I was a little nervous; this would be my first tattoo. I walked up to the door and stood there in nothing but his shirt watching him. He looked up and smiled at me. I walked over to him and straddled his lap kissing his neck.

“Hey if you start that we won’t be getting any tattoos.” He kissed me back and I climbed off his lap and found a chair. He sat in front of a table tracing the outline. Mine would go inside my wrist, he agreed that was a good spot. His would go there too. I gave him my arm trusting him fully. With gloves on, he cleaned the area and placed the outline on. He filled the gun with ink. The sound of the gun made me jump and he began laughing. “You don’t have to do this Macy, if you want to change your mind you can.”

“I want this Luke, I’m ready.”

He began the tattoo. It didn’t hurt at all like I thought it would. With this being my first I was prepared to cry but like the tattoo, I was strong. Because the symbol was so small, it didn’t even take long at all. When he finished he put some healing ointment on it and wrapped it then proceeded to do his. When he was done, I gave him a long hard kiss.

“Thank you for doing this for me it means a lot. Can I pay you or something?”

“Don’t be silly. You being here with me is payment enough. You know I almost didn’t go into Gills that night, but I’m so glad I did.”

All I could do was blush and smile. Luke knew exactly what to say. Just to think a few days ago I thought my life was completely over and there was nothing left for me. I had thought losing Trevor was the worst thing ever but I had become so strong, no even stronger than I have ever been.

I climbed back in his lap and just lay my head on his shoulder. He rubbed my back and I felt so at peace with everything. How I prayed this moment wouldn’t end. I don’t care if we’d only known each other two days. No one could tell me what was acceptable and what was not. I was a grown adult for crying out loud. Luke was just supposed to be a fling to get my mind off Trevor, but suddenly in that moment on his lap, I knew he would be more than a fling. I don’t know what it would be but this definitely wasn’t just a fling anymore. We had the ink to prove it.





Three months later

Things couldn’t have gone any better. No way, this was an absolute dream come true. Trevor was really gone. I hadn’t heard from him since he left. He hadn’t tried to call, text, or anything since our falling out. That was such a huge burden off my chest. I could breathe and live my life normally, how I wanted to.

Luke was the breath of fresh air I had so desperately needed. From time to time, I’d wanted Trevor to be that. Well I mean when we were together. After everything fell apart I did occasionally have the moments where I wished that would still happen but not anymore. For the first time I was able to think of him and not be angry or hurt for what he did.

Luke was standing in the doorway of our new apartment. Really it was his apartment, but a few weeks ago he asked me to move in with him. That was a huge step to me and a very big deal. Trevor and I had never moved out together even though he did basically move into Halley and my apartment. I was more than eager to take this step with Luke. Everything felt right.

Halley took the news a little harder than I wanted her to when I told her. She had stuck her lip out like she usually does that day and said, “No Mace. Don’t leave me!” She looked as though she would cry but then told me she had an announcement. Marcus had proposed to her and they were getting a smaller apartment for just the two of them. Basically I was getting kicked out anyway. I could have fussed at her for holding out on her announcement since it was a much bigger deal than my news but I hugged her so tight that day. I was ecstatic especially when she asked me to be her maid of honor. Really though, was there anyone else? I think not.

Luke wrapped his arms around me and kissed my hair. “Welcome to our new home.”

Smiling I turned around and kissed him. “Don’t you mean my new home, because technically it was already yours?”

He looked hurt for a minute as he watched me grinning. “Well it’s not just mine anymore, it’s yours too. So that makes it ours and you owe me another kiss.”

He gave me that sexy grin I love so much and his green eyes were twinkling. That was probably one of the first things I fell for with him, the rest was history. I got sucked in that first night. We spent all of our time together after that. I kept trying to convince him to give me another tattoo and he kept telling me I needed to wait. Typical stubborn man.

“I owe you nothing. Come and get it if you want it.” Playfully I ran into the apartment and tried to shut the door but his hand stopped it and he scooped me up into his arms not before he shut the door himself. I let out a shrill scream and began laughing as he kissed my neck up and down.

“I love you Macy.”

Trying to catch my breath, I managed to speak. It took a minute though; I didn’t realize I was laughing so hard. “I love you too Luke.”

He began kissing a trail up to my mouth again when my phone went off. It was Halley. She could wait. He began to kiss again but she called again. I stuck my lip out and gave my best pouty face. Chuckling he replied, “Go ahead and answer it, I know she’ll keep calling and eventually just show up if you don’t.”

I kissed his cheek and called her right back He had been around long enough to learn how Halley and I worked. There were no surprises. Everything was always straight up and honest with her and I and I knew he was right. She would be knocking on our door if I didn’t call her back.

“You know I was getting ready to show up at your house.”

“Yes, I know sorry. What’s up?” Halley was a little too predictable for me. I’d lived with her for too long.

“Well, I just wanted to ask you if I could use some of your flowers for my wedding so that they don’t go to waste. If you don’t want me to just say so, it won’t hurt my feelings.”

When Trevor and I didn’t go through with our wedding, I had cut up the dress out of pure hatred and rage one night. I’d never be wearing it for him and if I ever got engaged again I would have a whole new dress anyway. The flowers were in Halley’s room so I never got my hands on those. I probably would have lit them on fire and just watched them burn until there was nothing but ashes left. I would have no use for them either ever again.

“No go ahead. You helped pay for them anyway. Consider it one of my gifts to you and Marcus. Anything you need that’s in your room you can use, if not just throw it away.”

“Awesome. Thank you so much Mace. Ohmigod I can’t believe I’m getting married in a few months!”

Marcus really was her knight in shining armor. I couldn’t wait to stand by her that day.

“I know! It’ll be here before we know it. I’m so excited for you guys!”

“Oh, one more thing, you better plan me one hell of a bachelorette party.”

“Really, do you expect a crappy one? Don’t you worry about that, you have plenty of other things to plan and worry about. I’ve got this don’t start stressing!”

Luke was standing by me laughing and running his hand along my back and then around my stomach and up my shirt. I giggled trying to push his hand away but I was failing horribly. He always won, but then I let him. There was no fun in him losing.

“Ohmigod are ya’ll having sex? Gross Macy!”

I was in a giggle fit trying to catch my breath. Between her accusation and him now practically tickling me I replied, “No Hales, but if I don’t hang up soon you may hear more than you want to hear!”

She groaned and laughed out a good bye and we hung up the phone. I threw the phone on the couch and jumped into his arms. I could get lost in him and nothing else mattered. Gary really approved of Luke. Anytime we went to The Lounge, I practically had to pry Gary away from him. You could almost swear they had a bromance going on. I hadn’t heard anything about Mom since Gary gave me the news a few months back that she had taken the a*shole back. I don’t think I’d smiled this much my whole life.

He carried me to the room and as he laid me on the bed, I noticed all my boxes on the floor. I really needed to start unpacking but that was hard to think about with him running his hands up and down my body. While I packed my things from my old apartment, the one thing I almost had a hard time parting with was the stuffed tiger. It was the last thing I had that reminded me of Trevor. Halley had sat with me while I cried trying to figure out what to do. Ultimately, I donated it to a local thrift store. Someone else could find happiness in it.

“I really need to unpack.” I got out in between kisses.

“You have all the time in the world to do that.” He replied as his mouth went from my ear to my neck. “Right now all you need to do is be here with me.”

I let out a grin and brought our mouths together. With him I just knew I would never have to worry about being never enough for him. Happily ever after never felt so good.