Never Enough

chapter 18



I drove Luke down to his car. He was a breath of fresh air for me. Part of me was glad I accepted his offer to go home with him. He was amazing. For a second I’d almost forgotten this was all just a release for me. I could definitely get lost in Luke. No doubt about that. From his eyes, to those arms of his and ohmigod the tattoos…he definitely made my heart cut flips. Was that even possible? I mean I am on the rebound. Everything with Trevor just happened and Luke and I just met last night, but there’s just something there I can’t deny. Maybe it’s all the innocence he seems to have. The ride was silent for the most part except for the radio. I quietly sang along to calm my nerves.

“You didn’t tell me you sang.” Luke watched me with mischievous eyes.

“Only if you count singing in the car or the shower and occasional karaoke.” I let out a small laugh and parked the car by his. He drove a hella nice black Dodge Challenger and he left it here? If I would have known, my car would have definitely stayed behind.

“Nice.” He smiled. “Where do you sing karaoke at?”

Great, here came all the twenty one questions and I had my jaw dropped staring at his car. “Well my uncle owns The Lounge and I used to help run it. When I wasn’t working I sang and got to enjoy myself like anyone else.”

“What do you mean used to help run it?”

Ugh. I really didn’t want to have to tell someone I just met my whole past story. Especially the parts that involved Trevor. “It’s a long story.” I took a deep breath prepared to let him in on why I no longer spent time at The Lounge then I felt a hand on my thigh.

“Sorry, it’s probably not my business. I didn’t mean to pry.”

“No, it’s no problem at all. I just was involved with the guy from the bar last night and his band plays there. Long story short, we dated, I got pregnant, he proposed, I miscarried, he cheated, I caught him and we are no more. I choose not to go inside the bar.”

I had to take a deep breath after saying all that and I just looked straight ahead. “I’m so sorry. Well really I’m not because I wouldn’t have gotten to meet you.” Shit, I was blushing profusely. This was crazy. “He was stupid to let you go.” He lifted my chin and our mouths met. Christ Almighty, I could really get used to these lips. I made a mental note to thank Trevor for sleeping with Taylor. I think I could forgive him after all. “When can I see you again Macy?”

Did I mention I had just met Luke last night? The butterflies were insane! This was all new to me, he was new. I tried to catch my breath so I could maybe speak but it took a moment. Those green eyes lit me on fire. “Whenever you want.” Why couldn’t I just say tomorrow? Or any other day for crying out loud?

He let out a small chuckle and handed me his phone. “Will you put your number in for me?” I typed in my number and handed it back to him. “I told you I never do stuff like this, but in your case I’m glad I took that risk.” He kissed my cheek and I turned to meet his lips.

“I’m glad I took it too.”

“I’ll call you later?” He had so much hope in his eyes. How could I resist that?

“Of course. Better hope I gave you the right number!” We shared a brief hug and he got out of the car. I watched him walk to his car, admiring his back side as he walked. Holy cow. I think I was a changed woman.

Before he got into his car he walked back up to mine and poked his head in the window. “I’d hope you gave me the right number. Guess I’ll find out later.” He winked at me and the walked back to his car.

The apartment was literally right up the road and I rode in silence with the biggest grin on my face. Luke had already sent one text telling me again how he had such a good time and he was happy I didn’t give him the wrong number. I parked my car and locked the doors. I saw Halley’s car too, I was happy to see her. I opened the door and she stood in the kitchen.

“Hey there stranger!” She walked up to me and looked me up and down. “You had sex last night didn’t you? I smell cologne. Is he hot?”

I burst out laughing. “Smoking Hales. Like you would not believe! And I’m not telling.”

She hit my arm and laughed. “Fine don’t tell but you already know I know!”

I noticed Marcus sitting on the couch. I waved and he waved back. He also gave Halley a look. I tried to figure out what the hell the two of them were up to. “Uh, Mace,” she said, “Come see please.”

Ok what the hell is going on? I followed her about to the bathroom when she finally stopped walking. “What’s going on Halley? What are ya’ll up to?”

She looked at me with an I’m sorry but please don’t kill me look and opened my bedroom door. There sat Trevor looking like a big pile of shit. I’d never seen him look so low before. I drew in a deep breath. I was not ready for this at all. I just had an amazing night and morning and now I had to deal with Trevor.

“What the hell is he here for?”

“Please just talk to him Mace. He’s really bad off and Marcus and I are both worried about him. Please don’t kill me, I didn’t know he was going to be here.”

I rolled my eyes at her. I couldn’t believe this shit. I waved her off and drew in a deep breath as I stepped into the room and shut the door. Trevor looked up at me with a tear stained face. The old Macy would have ran to his side to comfort him, but the new Macy was a little too hurt and didn’t care because she was never enough.

“What are you doing here Trevor?” This conversation needed to end quickly. I wasn’t in the mood to baby him. He stared at me and looked as if he were searching for the words. I tapped my foot impatiently waiting. “If you aren’t going to talk then you need to leave.”

He let out a huge sob and choked out, “I miss you so much Macy. I f*cked up. I told you that and then last night, I saw you at Gills with that…that guy. You ripped my heart out. Did you go home with him?”

Ohmigod we were not having this conversation. “First of all we aren’t together Trevor so if I do choose to go home with someone, it’s not your business. Second, well you did f*ck up and I’m not putting up with it. I didn’t cheat on you. You cheated on me when I was hurting and needed you more than ever and you showed me what was important to you. I know I was never enough for you. You don’t have to pretend I was.”

He tried to stand up but I glared at him, daring him to move. “I smell his cologne on you Macy. You slept with him? You’ve got to be f*cking kidding me.” He pulled the sleeve up on his shirt to reveal the tattoo that Luke had given him earlier. “I did this for you. Because I f*cking love you. To show you that you are everything to me.” His tears were flowing harder than before and I blinked back any tears I had trying to form. There would be no weakness in front of him.

How in the hell was he turning all this around on me? “Well you’re f*cking stupid for getting a damn tattoo. What the hell is that supposed to show me? That you’re stupid? That you think that changes the fact that you slept with her while I was grieving the loss of our baby?” I really needed to lower my voice because the more I continued the louder I got because I was getting angrier by the minute. “By the way, I did sleep with him since you think you need to know. Want to know something else? He did your stupid tattoo.” I smirked knowing I was being a complete bitch.

His jaw dropped and he stood up. He began pacing the room trying to figure out what to say. He was pissed though. I could tell that. “So you’re f*cking throwing us away for some guy you just met at a bar? I can’t believe you Macy.”

My eyes practically bugged out of my head. “I didn’t throw anything away Trevor. It was already gone the minute you put your dick in that bitch. Don’t you dare turn this around on me! We’re done and I don’t think I could ever forgive you. Don’t count on a second chance with me Trevor. I’m not that girl. It’ll never happen.”

He looked as though I just turned a knife in his chest. He tried to touch my arm but I jerked away. “He doesn’t know anything about you Macy. I know you. You know me. You know I didn’t mean to do what I did. You’re really going to make me suffer?”

My eyes turned cold and black as I stared into his. For the first time since I’ve known him, I was able to look into his eyes and not want to fall into his arms. “I obviously didn’t know you too well. I suffer every time I hear your voice or see your face. I suffer every time I see anything that reminds me of you. Get out of my room and my life I never want to see you again.”

He stood there like he was trying to figure something to say. What was he doing I just told him to leave. I looked down at his tattoo and laughed. He really was stupid. I shoved his chest and told him again, “Go. Leave.”

He grabbed my arm and stared dead into my eyes. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me but I had no idea what he was thinking. “Tell me you really honestly want me gone and I’ll go. I’ll leave this f*cking town, I swear.”

Trevor leave town? I don’t know if I could imagine that. Would Gary be pissed at me if Trevor did leave? Obviously there would be no more band. Nothing seemed to be working in my favor anymore. I stood there for a brief moment clinging to every good memory we had. Could I forgive him? I don’t know. There were so many good memories and he really did know everything about me, but he’d also hurt me so bad. I wasn’t ready to trust him again. But do I banish him away? Tears tried to form but I blinked them away.

“Trevor, you need to go. I can’t do this with you anymore.”

He dropped my hand and hung his head in shame. He looked into my eyes one more time and tearfully choked out, “I love you Macy.” I did nothing but stare at him as he sulked in his sorrows. He walked out the door and shut it behind him. It wasn’t until I hear the main door shut that I grabbed my chest and fell to my knees crying. But deep down, I knew I had made the right choice.

There was a brief knock at my door and Halley poked her head inside. She immediately came to my side and sat beside me. I lay my head on her shoulder and continued to cry until there were no more tears to fall. “He said he was leaving town.” That’s the only sentence I could muster. Halley just sat silent next to me. I knew I would be stronger by the end of this. These tears needed to come out. I’d cried enough over him.

“He’s gone, Marcus wouldn’t say where he was going but no one blames you Mace. This was his choice.”

“I know.” I took in a deep breath and lifted my head so I could wipe my tears. “I only did what I thought was right. Whether I would have met someone last night or not, I can’t forgive him yet. Am I that horrible?”

Halley shook her head and replied, “You are not horrible at all. He did this to himself. I know he and Marcus are best friends but you are my best friend. You come first and I’ve got your back. Hey this sounds screwed up, but now you can come back to The Lounge. Maybe bring this new hottie with you.” This is why I loved Halley. She could easily make me smile and forget that I was ever hurting in the first place.

I gave her a big hug and replied, “What are we doing tonight?”

She laughed. I knew exactly what we’d be doing. Going to The Lounge. I missed it so much and now I could go in without having my heart broken every time I walked in. “The Lounge, duh!” She stood up and helped me to my feet. “I’m going to plan my outfit! Get you some rest it’s on tonight! Invite this guy, I want to meet him.” I’m sure my face turned twenty shades of red at that point. Luke was turning to be a little more than a casual fling for right now. Why shouldn’t I invite him? He did say he wanted to see me again.

Halley walked out the room and shut the door behind her. I sat on my bed and opened my phone. I almost sent a text, but honestly I wanted to hear his voice. We literally just left each other though. Was it too soon to call him? Maybe he was supposed to call me first? Hell, I don’t know how this works. I stared at my phone trying to decide what to do. The phone started ringing and Luke’s name popped up. What a coincidence! I let it ring twice before I answered so I didn’t sound creepy as if I were waiting around on his phone call.

“Hello?’

“Hey Macy, I hope I’m not bothering you.” I could just picture those green eyes and those tattoos. And the blonde hair…man!

“Oh you know I’m just waxing my chest hair.” I burst out laughing as soon I said it. I was suddenly in a good mood and absolutely loving it.

“You know I don’t remember seeing any last night.” He let out a light chuckle. “I just can’t stop thinking of you.”

Oh Mylanta. I’m glad he couldn’t see me through the phone, I was cheesing big time. “Well aren’t you in luck. I was getting ready to call you to see if you wanted to go with me to The Lounge tonight.”

There was silence for a moment before he answered me. I was trying to figure out why but I remembered giving him the long short story of Gary owning The Lounge. Please let him say yes. “What about this guy you told me about? I want to see you but I don’t want any trouble.”

“He won’t be there.” Before he could cut me off, I continued, “When I got home, my best friend informed me he was in my room freaking crying. I walked in and asked what he was doing and another long story short, he cried and tried to convince me to forgive him. He said he was leaving town. He’s a past issue, he won’t show up.”

“Are you sure? If you’re worried we can go somewhere else.”

“Luke, you don’t know me at all.” I chuckled, “He won’t dare show up. He said he was leaving town, then he left town. Hey you want to know something? That tattoo you did this morning?”

“That was him wasn’t it?”

“Yep. I told him he was an idiot. But enough about that will you come with me tonight?” I held my breath as he sat silent on the phone. Honesty is supposedly the best policy. If it proved to be wrong in this, then I would not lose any heartache over someone I just met the night before. I just liked him and hoped to see him again.

“Of course I’ll go with you. Can I pick you up?”

I wanted to scream yes you can, but I had composure. I was a classy lady. “Of course you can.” I stood there smiling like a giddy school girl. This was beyond pathetic. But I am young and having fun, who cares. I gave him directions on how to get to our apartment and he said he’d pick me up at 6pm. After we hung up I lay across my bed still smiling. I was determined to have a good night and with Trevor gone, that wasn’t going to be hard at all.