Never Enough

chapter 12



Marcus and Halley were nowhere to be found when we got back to the apartment. Several hours at the park had worn me out. Trevor sat on the couch and I lay across his lap. My phone was stabbing me in my leg. I pulled it out and saw a text from Halley. She said they had gone out for the day and by the way she had started her cycle. I breathed a sigh of relief for her. I know she was very relieved. She had worried for nothing; I figured that much while she was in her panic. I know she was stressed with work. She was up for a promotion and had been putting in a few extra hours at the clinic. On top of all that, she was attempting to have a social life. Sometimes it’s hard to balance all that. She had a lot on her plate. I wish she were here so I could tell her she worried for nothing and give her a huge hug. She would get her hug when they finally got back.

Speaking of cycles, I opened my period tracking app out of curiosity and my face went white. I was two weeks late. Why the hell did I think I wasn’t supposed to start for two more weeks? I’ve always kept up with all that the way I was supposed to and I sure have never been late for my period. Ever. I felt my body tense as soon as I realized what was possibly going on and Trevor felt it too.

“Hey Mace you ok?”

“What are you talking about? I’m fine baby.”

“You’re all stiff all of a sudden, you ok?”

I fumbled for the words to say. I had literally just had this talk this morning with Halley but about her and now I was the one about to become a freaking mess. I hadn’t closed the app yet. It was still open on my phone. Trevor caught a glimpse while I fumbled around to grab it and stared. I hurried and closed it out praying he hadn’t realized what he was just looking at and he silently watched me. It was kinda eerie.

“It’s nothing Trevor.”

“Are you late? I’m not crazy, I know what I just saw on your phone.” My jaw slightly dropped and I looked down. I couldn’t look him in the face. This talk could not possibly be happening right now. He lifted my chin until our eyes met. “Macy. Talk to me.”

“Uh, um, y-yeah. I’m sure it’s nothing though.” I added the last part quickly. I was terrified and trying not to hide it. I badly wanted to text Halley but it was not easy with him sitting right here staring at me.

He stood up and grabbed my hand. “I’m going down to the store and I’m buying you a test.” My eyes grew wide and I stared. I wanted to blurt out that Halley probably had one lying around but I was not going to put her business out there like that. She would kill me but right now that didn’t sound half bad.

“Um, ok.”

“Don’t they sell those early detection ones? I don’t know what kind to buy, I’m going to look. Just sit right here. I’ll be right back.” He kissed my forehead and walked out and I began crying on the couch.

This could not be happening right now. Things were going so good. What the hell would I tell my Uncle Gary? Hey remember how you didn’t want us dating but then you gave us your blessing but guess what? I may be pregnant! Still giving us that blessing now? I fumbled for my phone and dialed Halley’s number.

“Hello?”

“Where the hell are you Halley?”

“Macy we went out didn’t you get my text. I got us all a surprise we’re going to be home soon.”

“I need you here, like now. I may have a damn surprise of my own! Trevor just went to buy a damn pregnancy test.”

There was silence for a minute then she whispered, “What the hell are you talking about you said you weren’t supposed to start for two weeks?”

I did not whisper when I replied, “Well I was wrong. I’m two weeks late. I was looking at the app and he saw it. What the hell? You rubbed off on me! I’m freaking out here.”

“We’re an hour away. Just take the test and text me. You’re probably the one who’s super stressed. Don’t worry Mace. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

I hung up the phone and laid on the couch sobbing. A few minutes later Trevor came in with a bag of tests. “Christ Trevor how many did you buy?”

“At least five. Look I don’t know how this works. I just want to know what’s going on and make sure everything is going to be ok.”

I grabbed the bag and ran into the bathroom. I locked the door and stared at every test he bought. It was now or never. I had to do this. I was just stressing. You are fine Macy. There is no baby growing inside of you. You and Trevor are not having a baby. Think positive thoughts. I peed on every stick and laid them out impatiently waiting for the verdict of my life. This was a dream. Mother Nature would be here shortly to grace me with her presence and I would be forever grateful. I would look back at this day and laugh. I glanced at each and every test and my eyes filled with tears. Every single one read or showed the symbol for pregnant, one of them even had a little pink line. Time stood still as I tried to process the fact that was staring me in the face, there was a baby growing inside me.

I suddenly felt like Halley this morning when she was babbling about Marcus possibly not wanting kids or her anymore and what if Trevor didn’t want all those things. How the hell would I keep an eye on him at the bar with that bitch preying on him? The tears kept falling and it turned into a horrible nasty cry. I mean nose running and everything, I was glad no one was in there to see this display of snot and tears. My life as I knew it was over.

“Macy, open the door are you ok?”

Shit. He was outside the door. I wanted nothing more than to disappear right now. I wasn’t ready to face any of this. Slowly, I mustered the strength to get up and unlocked the door. Trevor opened it and saw my face and looked at the tests.

“You can leave if you want. I completely understand, “I choked out in between sobs. I tried to shut the door but his hand caught it and he opened it back up.

Trevor stepped inside of the bathroom and he pulled me into a hug and sat with me on the bathroom floor. I sobbed onto his shirt til most of it was soaked. “Macy, I’m not going anywhere. This may be happening sooner than we want it to but I don’t want this with anyone but you. I’ll do whatever I have to make you happy and take care of you and our baby.” Our baby, those words sounded so surreal. Shit, I needed to text Halley. She was going to flip her lid. “I love you more than anything Macy. I don’t mean to bring this up now just because you’re pregnant, but I’d love to marry you one day and continue to take care of you. Watch you grow old. You have no idea what you mean to me.”

“I love you too Trevor. I’m so sorry about all this.”

“It’s not your fault, Mace. This took both of us to do this. We should have been a little more responsible, but what’s done is done. We need to get you a doctor appointment set up so you can get checked out and see how far you are and all that stuff the doctors do.” He was surprisingly very calm about all this. He held me close and we just sat there on the floor of our bathroom. I never realized just how small the bathroom was until now, but for the two of us it was perfect right now. Time stood still for that little amount of time. I kept my eyes fixed on one of the floor tiles. I must have outlined it with my eyes about thirty times. Then I heard the front door open.

Halley called for me but I didn’t answer. She glanced in the bathroom where she found us sitting on the tiny floor. She took one look at my tear stained face then at all the tests and her eyes grew wide. “Macy, you ok?” She joined us on the floor that I thought was too small for two people, it was even smaller now. I nodded my head to let her know I would be. “I’m here for you with anything you guys need ok? I have an idea. Let’s stay in tonight and order pizza and watch movies.”

I also noticed she had a puppy in her hands. Guess this was the big surprise. “Oh hey guys, this little fella is Oreo.” The little black and white dog wiggled out of her arms and licked my arm. It was cute, I could put up with it, as long as it didn’t use my room as its personal bathroom.

“Hales, don’t cancel any plans because of me.”

“No, don’t say that. We didn’t have plans at all right Marcus? Just staying home with you guys and Oreo.”

He replied, “Nope, just to sit around with you guys, like she said.” He gave me an assuring smile and I smiled back.

“Thanks guys, so much.” The bathroom floor was getting mighty uncomfortable. We slowly began getting up and Halley and Marcus went to the living room while Trevor carried me to my room.

He lay me down on the bed and lay beside me. He touched my belly and looked into my eyes. “So our baby is growing in there?”

“Seems to be that way. Crazy huh?” I let out a small laugh and began to ease up about the whole situation. I’d have rather this happen later but it was happening now.

He planted a small kiss on my belly then made a trail of kisses to my mouth. “I love you so much Macy. I can’t wait to meet our baby.”

I grabbed the back of his head and kissed him passionately. He removed my shirt and we took turns trying to remove each other’s shorts. He slid inside of me and made love to me until neither of us could see straight. It was just what both of us needed to clear our minds for the moment.

We lay there taking each other in and holding one another. His hand never left my belly. It was bittersweet. I grabbed my phone and looked at the time. My doctor’s office was still open.

“What are you doing Mace?” Trevor watched me smiling. I loved when he looked at me like that. Like nothing else in this world mattered.

“I’m going to call my doctor and set up my first appointment for us.”

“Can I come with you?” I couldn’t believe he would even ask such a silly question.

“Well duh. It’s our baby. I’d be pissed if you weren’t there!” He kissed my lips then let me finish my task at hand.

I sat on the bed on hold waiting to make an appointment. The receptionist asked a few questions and pulled my record up. I hung up after she told me my first appointment was in two days. I wondered if we would be able to hear its heartbeat. How amazing was this going to be? As much as having a baby scared me, I was actually excited to be doing this with Trevor.

“Hey Trevor, can I ask you something?”

“Anything you want babe. What’s up?”

“Are you scared? You know of raising a baby?”

He sat there quietly as if he were processing the perfect response. “I am very scared, I’m not going to lie to you Mace but I know we can do this and we will be amazing parents. My parents were pieces of shit. I won’t be that way for my kid.”

He never opened up about his family and now that I thought about it, I knew nothing about them or him for that matter. My shit hole of a life always seemed to take the front seat. I suddenly felt so selfish and horrible for never asking anything about his life. I know the only reason he found out about my life so soon was because he just happened to be sitting there when my mom called but I should have been a better girlfriend to him. “What did they do?” I found myself asking trying to make up for my selfishness. My heart was hurting for him.

“They decided they didn’t want me anymore so they gave me up and skipped town. I grew up in and out of foster homes. Babies have a better chance of getting adopted than an older kid, so that was my life. Don’t look at me with your puppy dog eyes, it wasn’t that bad. I know it sounds horrible but trust me, I was just fine. I haven’t seen them since I was four. I have no idea who they are and I never want to know who they are.”

My arms instantly embraced him. “Ohmigod Trevor, I never knew. I’m so sorry. I feel horrible, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Hey don’t be. Probably for the same reason your secret was so hard to tell babe. It’s not easy I know that, that’s why I commended you for telling me when you did. I know that was hard as hell. If I would have never gone into the foster system I would have never met you. I’ve lived a much better life than they could have probably given me. Why do you think I am so into my music? Why I enjoy it so much? It’s my therapy...my release. You are my release. I love you.”

“I love you too.” I kissed his lips and kept my arms around him. I felt bad that I never asked him any questions about his past but now that we each knew our own worst secrets, I felt even closer to him than before. We were going to be a family. Trevor, I, and our baby would be a family. The thought sent butterflies into my stomach and I smiled. Things sometimes seemed like they were going too quickly for us but I didn’t mind. He and I were going to have the family we each never got to have, I couldn’t wait.

Halley knocked on the door and came inside. “Hey you guys ok?”

We were sitting up on the bed talking and smiling. “Never better. My first appointment is in two days.”

She grinned and came to hug me. “I better get to be the nanny or I’ll kick your ass after it’s born. I can’t beat up a pregnant woman but I’ll sure hate text you all the time though.” She was joking but seemed so serious. Did she honestly think she wouldn’t be the nanny? That was just absurd. Who else would it be?

I muffled my laugh then replied, “Well who else is it going to be?”

Baby talk really excited her and I guess it would seeing as how it wasn’t her who was pregnant. “So do you guys want a boy or a girl?! I hope you have a girl so she can be just like us and we can dress her up. Ohmigod it’s going to be so awesome I can’t wait! I’m sorry I’m just so excited!”

Trevor laughed and watched us giggle like little girls talking about hair bows and girl things he didn’t care about and gave us his answer, “As long as it’s healthy I am ok with whatever but I would like a boy.”

Halley rolled her eyes and laughed. “Typical guy answer!!”

“Hey I want a boy too! Girls are too much work! I mean have you met us?” I began laughing and waited for her reaction.”

She slapped my arm and laughed with me. “That’s exactly why you need a girl, so she can be as awesome as we are. Hey you guys come out here we’re going to order pizza. Pepperoni good with everyone?”

We all nodded in agreement and walked out to the living room where Marcus began placing the order. Halley and Marcus sat on one couch and we sat on the other. Having Trevor next to me, made the lumpy couch not seem so bad. I could tolerate it right now. Some movie was on TV but we were all too busy talking and being hungry to pay attention to what was on. Looked like something with Drew Barrymore in it. I love all her movies. Twenty minutes into our conversations, the pizza arrived. We all looked like hungry wolves devouring it. I know I didn’t care if I looked like a slob or not scarfing it down. Within five minutes, there wasn’t but one piece left in the box. With full bellies we all sprawled out on the couches again and watched the movie. Halley and I quoted it to each other while the guys continued to roll their eyes at us. We kept that up for another hour at least until we all fell asleep.