Never Enough

chapter 4



From the moment Trevor informed me we had kissed I didn’t know what to think. There were no words, no thoughts, no anything. Halley couldn’t find out because my head would surely be on the chopping block. I have never kissed a guy before. Seriously. Twenty three damn years old and I’ve never kissed a guy. Was I a horrible kisser? Wait he didn’t say it sucked, he said it was the highlight of his night. Does that mean it was a good kiss? I was a good kisser? Was it just a peck or a full on make out kiss? I wouldn’t know, I didn’t remember! I don’t’ even know what you even do when you kiss a guy and apparently I did it all last night.

The crowd in The Lounge got loud and the lights dimmed. This place could easily hold about a hundred people. There weren’t that many tonight but it was definitely packed. Trevor grabbed the microphone and with a loud husky boom said, "How’s everyone doing tonight?" The crowd roared. The guys were pretty popular here. They needed a name though. Maybe one day they would get one together. Gary had made a good investment in them. "How’d everyone like Macy’s singing?" The crowd roared again and I swore I’d kill him if I ever stopped blushing. "Well, we have some originals we’re going to play tonight if that’s ok. You guys like the band Chevelle? We may play a few covers if that’s ok." The crowd of course went wild, especially the women. It was pretty pathetic. They probably didn’t even know who Chevelle was, they just liked the idea of Trevor. Trevor up there in his tight shirt and him playing guitar with those muscles bulging out of that shirt. Oh man. His voice coming through the speakers touching the inner core of your soul, ok that’s enough. I’ve never heard them cover Chevelle and of course that was one of my favorite bands. Well maybe they have covered them and I was too drunk to remember. At that point, the band broke into ‘The Red’ by Chevelle and I took an oath that I was not drinking anymore tonight. I sang along behind the bar trying not to look his way. No way in hell would I not remember another night that involved Trevor and those lips of his.

"They sound good tonight!" Halley reappeared watching the stage. She leaned against the bar as she blew kisses to Marcus that obviously he couldn’t return because he was playing but he smiled at her in return. She practically had to scream for me to hear her. I nodded at her in agreement as I slid her another shot of tequila that she happily accepted.

The attempt to answer her with actual words faltered for a moment because my eyes wandered towards the stage and Trevor was gazing at me while he sang and I wished with everything in me I could remember that kiss. I’d give my left arm right now to have known what it felt like to feel his lips on mine, to be able to gaze into those gorgeous eyes. To have his hands in my hair and running down my back. So much for not looking in his direction. I was putty in his hands. He could do whatever he wanted to me and I would be perfectly fine with whatever he did to me. What a fool I was becoming. And all over a boy.

"Hales come with me. I need to talk to you." The desperation shown in my eyes. I had to tell her. No way I could keep this from her. I grabbed her arm and pulled her towards Gary’s office. She asked no questions, just followed. No one at the bar needed a drink right now. Everyone was near the stage listening to the band, it was the perfect time.

We burst inside the small office and I shut the door. She asked immediately,"Hey you ok? I see that look in your eyes. What’s wrong? Your face is pale Mace. Have you seen a ghost?" She laughed a little trying to lighten the mood but I just couldn’t smile no matter how hard I tried.

The words couldn’t come out. I fumbled them around in my head for a few minutes rearranging them trying to figure out how to say what I was trying to say before I finally spat them out. "Trevor said we kissed last night."

Before I could finish the fact that I didn’t remember she jumped in like always. I really didn’t expect anything less, "Macy! You didn’t tell me that either. Wait you said he said? You don’t remember?!?" Bingo. She finished my thought for me and waited for my answer with her hand in its normal position. On her hip.

"Dammit Halley no I don’t remember. What the hell else did I do last night? Wait you wouldn’t know you weren’t here! This is your fault you know! You should have come but no you were tired and you wanted to sit home. I need you to promise me something. Please don’t let me drink another drop tonight. I have to make sure they get paid anyway but I also need to make sure nothing like last night happens again tonight. Can you do that for me please? If I want a shot, just put coke or water in the shot glass or something like that." I finally caught my breath. It felt like I didn’t take a single breath during that whole spill. And I probably didn't. But I was dead serious and she could see that as she looked into my green eyes.

"I swear I won’t let you drink another drop. Just don’t get mad at me because I’m just doing what you asked me to. Man what do you think it was like to kiss him?" Her face lit up and she was grinning ear to ear. She may be immune to his charms but like any other woman alive she had no issue with wondering what those lips could possibly feel like. If I had to guess I would say it was like heaven.

"Ugh, I have no idea. I wish I knew though! It’s driving me insane!" Boy, do I wish I remembered. We laughed then walked out the office. I made sure the door was shut. No one ever tried to walk back there but just to be safe I always double checked it. We slowly made our way back out to the bar where the band was on a new song.

The band played a few more songs then took a break. I tried to avoid Trevor at all costs but it just wasn’t possible. The Lounge wasn’t that big of a bar. Gary really needed to think about expanding. It was so weird because I didn’t want Trevor around but I needed him there. Without seeing him, I felt completely lost. He was like fuel to me and I couldn’t explain it. I’d put on this front for so long and with last night’s events coming to my attention reeling through my head I felt I needed to come clean somehow. The remedy hit me like a ton of bricks. I needed to sing again. After all, this was how I expressed myself. I darted towards the DJ booth and whispered my choice. I climbed on stage with confidence and flipped my hair like before the music began and ‘I Try’ by Macy Gray started. I belted it out probably the most sober I’ve ever been when I sang. That was a first. But the song said basically everything I was feeling. This was the only way he’d ever know if he even could see through it. This was the only way I could confess to him that I did like him. Trevor locked glances with me a few times throughout the song but that was it. There was no smiles or anything. When the song ended everyone cheered and Halley and Marcus were kissing. I prayed she would keep her promise. The urge to grab a shot of something was tugging at me and I wanted to resist it so bad. Trevor watched me leave the stage. That was the last time he locked eyes with me then but he didn’t follow this time. There were no smart remarks, no snide comments about singing with him. Instead he went and grabbed a drink and went back to meet his band mates to get ready for their next small set. And I stood there wondering why I even bothered with what I just did.

Part of me hoped he would have approached me again. I waited and he never did. If he would have it was bound to have been amazing. I could picture it now, I would fall into his strong arms or I mean he could hold me and I’d wrap my legs around his waist and I’d gaze into his beautiful eyes and tell him how much I wanted to be with him and when I realized he didn’t and wasn’t going to, I suddenly wanted a drink. I had just basically poured my heart out in song to him. Maybe I should have gone with another choice but that needed to get off my chest. Halley had stopped kissing Marcus long enough to see the look on my face. I had to hand it to her, she had amazing best friend radar and she knew I was wanting that shot of whiskey. She stepped away from Marcus, walked behind the bar and she grabbed a shot glass and filled it with coke and slid it over to me. I grinned and accepted the drink and threw it back.

The band got back on stage a few minutes later and finished their set around midnight. While they began taking down their equipment, everyone spread out among the crowd while the DJ kept the music going into the wee morning hours. People were drinking and dancing the night away without a care in the world. That must be nice. I drew in a deep breath and made my way back to the office to get the money to pay the band for their performance. I fumbled through Uncle Gary's filing cabinet to find the envelope. I swear he has papers from the last twenty years or so just piled up in this office. He needed to throw some of this away. Some of these papers didn’t even have anything to do with the bar. He probably didn’t want to clutter up his own house so he figured The Lounge was the perfect place. After what seemed like an eternity, an envelope stuck out that said 'The Band'. I didn’t really expect it to say anything else. I rolled my eyes and I grabbed it and turned around to find Trevor standing there leaned against the doorway. My oh my, he was so good looking. My brain began throwing all kind of sentences together but nothing would come out. Good thing they didn’t. Some of them sounded too corny in my head I couldn’t imagine how stupid they would sound out loud. "Oh uh, hey...I didn't know you were there. Here's uh your money." His hand brushed mine as he reached for it and it felt like a million fireworks went off inside my stomach. And I thought the Fourth of July fireworks were intense. They had nothing on this. I couldn’t deny any of this any longer. I wanted him.

He stepped closer and I could feel the heat radiating between us. It was enough to start a fire. A very hot smoking fire. Burn down this city kind of fire. "Thanks,” he whispered leaning into my ear. He must have recently taken a shot because his breath smelled like whiskey and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to taste his poison.

His lips moved closer to mine and I swear they were so close I could almost feel them. I desperately wanted to feel them. Ashamed of my actions last night, my head lowered and I looked down, “Did we really kiss last night?" I should have left that alone but I needed to know. The thought of not knowing was killing me the more I thought about it.

He touched my chin and raised it up til our eyes met. He stared into my green eyes for a minute before he responded, "No Mace, I wanted to but I didn't want to cross any lines. I do know the rules." His face wore a serious expression. In the time I've known him I've never known him to be so serious. He was a joker. Everything was funny to him; he always had some sarcastic line to use. That’s how he always had been, always would be.

My eyes didn't stray from his, they stayed locked, completely mesmerized. I stood unaware of what was getting ready to happen but I already knew deep down. "Trevor the lines have already been crossed." I leaned in as my lips fiercely met his and I felt dizzy with emotion. My mind told me to stop but my heart wouldn’t listen. I had wanted to do this for so long. I reached up to grab the back of his neck to steady myself. My lips parted to let him explore. He didn’t push me away, he leaned in closer. I was right, he had been drinking whiskey and I savored every minute of our kiss. This one I would definitely remember tomorrow.

He pulled away and looked at me with a glimmer of hope in his eyes. He looked as though he was going to kiss me again and I anxiously awaited it but Halley came bursting in suddenly and we tore our hands off each other before she could catch on. "Hey everyone's starting to clear out, you ready to start closing this place down?"

"Yeah sure thing, I was just making sure the guys got paid for tonight." I quickly brushed my hands over my lips to feel where he just was.

Trevor gave a quick thank you and walked out the door, shutting it behind him. Halley turned to face me and asked with a grin on her face, "So Macy what was that?"

"What are you talking about?" I brushed my lips again. Halley would figure me out there was no doubt about that at all, but I'd keep this secret as long as I could.

She gave me a sly grin and replied," Oh ok I see. I’ll meet you out by the bar." She winked then walked out closing the door behind her. She wasn’t stupid. She knew exactly what had happened. I had to sit at Uncle Gary's chair for a moment or two to process everything that just happened. I leaned back in his office chair and stared at the ceiling with a goofy grin on my face. I can’t believe what just happened. And everything that just happened, it changes everything.