I stare at her speechless which I guess she takes as her cue to continue.
"I've known Jake a long time. In all states of… sobriety. He doesn't even know some of the things that he's divulged to me when he was drunk or high off his ass. But, sober or not, it always comes down to the same thing. He'll never love anyone except her. If you think you love him, you should know that he's just trying to turn you into her. I've seen him do it again and again. - he takes a poor little mouse, uses her, gives her nice things, makes her think he has real feelings for her and then throws her away when it becomes obvious that she's not her. You'll never be enough for him, Evie. It's not you he really wants."
At her words, I die a thousand deaths. It's my greatest fear. I'll never be enough for anyone. Not ever. No one ever wants to keep me. Not when it comes down to it. In my life, I've been thrown away again and again by those that I thought loved me. I can't live through it again. I can't.
I push past her, trying desperately to get away from her words, cutting me to the bone.
"He has her picture on his back," she calls after me. "Surely you've seen it?"
I look back at her with wide eyes, mouth open in question and she just laughs. "He hasn't let you see. Typical. Run while you can, honey."
Then she turns and saunters down the hall while my heart shatters into a million pieces. I feel brittle, breakable, like I might crumble right there in the hall of the luxury spa. I walk to the counter, numb, and sign the paperwork. The girl behind the counter tells me that all cost, including tip has been taken care of and that they look forward to seeing me again soon. I smile what feels like a broken smile and walk woodenly out the door.
Jake told me to text him when I was almost done and he'd send a car for me but I don't call him. Instead I walk the five or so blocks to his condo, my head swimming. I arrive at the front door, not even remembering the walk there. I ring the bell and the deskman opens it for me. His smile freezes on his face when he sees me but he doesn't ask me what's wrong. He just buzzes Jake's condo and talks into the phone in quiet tones.
"Mr. Madsen will meet you outside the elevator," he says, guiding me inside and pressing in the code.
It takes a million years for the elevator to get to Jake's floor and when it opens, Jake is standing there, a perplexed look on his face. He takes one look at me and pales. "Evie, baby, what's wrong?" he says as he puts his arms around me and leads me into his condo. I let him, not knowing what to do.
He closes the door behind us and he turns me towards him, taking my face in his hands and looking in my eyes. "Evie, talk to me, love, what's wrong?"
"Take off your shirt, Jake," I say expressionless.
A look of confusion crosses his features. "What? Baby, I don't understand."
"Let me see your back, Jake," I say, gazing into his eyes, begging him to laugh and tell me I'm being ridiculous.
Instead, a look of dawning crosses his expression and he closes his eyes. When he opens them, he looks pained. "Evie, who did you talk to? Baby, let me explain first."
"No!" I scream, suddenly irate, voice shaking. "Show me your back, Jake!"
He closes his eyes again and drops his head and then he looks me in the eyes, as he reaches down and takes the hem of his shirt, lifting it up and over his head. For a second he just stands there, bare chested and staring into my eyes. Then, he slowly turns away from me, giving me his full naked back and dropping his head.
My eyes lift and I let out a gasp. For stretched across the entirety of the top half of his back is a tattoo and as I study it, a strangled cry comes to my lips and I stumble backwards.
The artwork is done in shades of black, with beautiful scrolls around the edges. It is the inside of a circus arena. In the middle background is the master of ceremonies, his face turned sideways, lost in shadow. There is a little pale haired girl walking a tightrope in the far right corner and several clowns, male and female, in the far right background. But when I look closely, their faces are not silly or funny, but ghastly, evil, sharp teeth dripping blood and eyes bloodshot and crazed.
And in the middle of the arena, the central art, there is a creature, half man and half lion with the man side facing slightly away so that his features are unclear and the lion side fully exposed, vicious and roaring, up on his hind paws, lunging towards a girl holding a fiery ring.
My eyes move slowly, as if in a trance to the girl and my breath hitches in my throat. Her face is serene, calm, a slight smile on her lips and she is looking directly at the man-lion, no fear in her expression at all. She is young but I recognize her immediately. She is me.
And she is a lion tamer.
Oh my God. Oh God, Oh God.
The moment slams into sharp focus, and I let out a quiet, strangled cry.
At the sound, Jake jolts, but he remains standing with his head hung, facing away from me. I walk around him and take his chin in my hand, lifting it so his tortured eyes meet mine. My hand is shaking, my heart is beating wildly but I don't hear any expression in my voice as I look into his eyes and ask, "Why are you looking at me?"
His eyes search mine for several long seconds before he holds contact and whispers, "Because I like your face."
I stumble backwards, crying out, and then turn and run. I fling his front door open and run to the elevator, pushing the button desperately. The elevator opens immediately. It never left his floor. I fling myself inside and push the lobby button. As the doors close, Jake appears in his doorway, a look of desperation on his face. "Evie," he chokes out just as the doors close.
I stumble out the front door of his building and I run.
CHAPTER 26