The Scars of Us(Scars Series)

The Scars of Us(Scars Series) By Nikki Narvaez



Acknowledgments

I’ve heard people say that time heals all wounds, but I think that’s bullshit. All time did was allow the wounds to scar, leaving a permanent reminder of your suffering. The emotional pain might fade away, but a little piece of it always lingered, taunting your happiness, and never letting you forget.

Now love was a different story. I believed love could heal all wounds, but only if you let it; only if you trusted it. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t trust anyone, at least not completely. The one person in the world who I was supposed to be able to trust unconditionally ruined that for me. Now, the only person I could trust was myself, and even that was questionable most days.

Every day, I looked in the mirror, hating everything that stared back at me. Every single feature reminded me of him, of the person he made me to be. I hated what he’d done to me, hated the scars he’d branded on my soul. I wished I could erase them, but they were embedded so deeply into my being that I didn’t think even love could heal them.

I never thought I would ever experience love, until I met Ryker. He turned everything upside down the first time I’d laid eyes on him, and neither of us would ever be the same.



I glimpsed at the clock, which blinded me with glaring red light. As usual, my nightmare woke me way before my alarm was set to go off. Exhaling a sigh of resignation because of the ungodly hour, I rose out of bed and ventured to the bathroom.

Unable to look at myself after my reoccurring dream, I avoided turning on the light, not wanting to see my reflection in the mirror. Even a glance at my pale skin, blue eyes, and dark hair would almost guarantee a breakdown that would take hours to recover from. Avoidance was probably not the best method to deal with my issues, but it was one of the only ways I knew how.

After fumbling around in the dark while doing my business, I made my way to the kitchen to make a cup of tea to steady my nerves. Sleep was futile, and lying awake in bed with my thoughts was a disastrous idea, almost as bad as looking at myself in the mirror.

Padding down the hallway of my apartment, I stopped at my brother, Kamden’s, open door. Sometimes, I crawled into bed with him when I couldn’t handle the nightmares, but I didn’t want to wake him tonight. He needed his rest, and I needed to be less selfish. I hated being so dependent on him, but I needed him, more than he would ever know.

Kamden was the only person from my family that I still spoke to, the only person that I remotely trusted. But even after everything he’d done for me, all that he’d sacrificed for me, I still couldn’t trust him fully; I’d never be able to trust anyone completely.

Walking the rest of the distance to the kitchen, I began the process of shutting down, blocking out my thoughts, closing out everything around me. Withdrawing into myself was another coping mechanism, numbing myself, pretending that I was fine and didn’t care so that my emotions would be unable to break me—they were the enemy. I doubted that I’d be able to function in society otherwise.

After I made my cup of tea, I headed to my office. Immersing myself in my work was easier than addressing my problems and acknowledging my issues. The numbers and figures made sense, and had a purpose, unlike my thoughts and emotions. I had control over the spreadsheets, tables, and documents, dictating everything that happened within them. I needed to have that power, needed to control as much as possible since I was constantly on the verge of unraveling.

After working on several projects for a few hours, I was interrupted by Kamden. “You sleep okay? “he asked, yawning as he leaned against the doorframe.

I gave him a look of disbelief before sarcastically answering, “Wonderful.”

“Why didn’t you wake me? You know I don’t mind.”

“It’s not fair for me to wake you every night over a stupid nightmare.” I replied brusquely, directing my attention back to the spreadsheets on my screen.

Walking over to me, he placed a hand on my shoulder. “Your nightmares aren’t stupid, Ky. You can’t—“

Cutting him off, I snapped, “I don’t want to talk about it, Kamden.”

Raising both hands in surrender and stepping back, he softly replied, “Okay, Ky. You know I’m here for you if you need me.”

Sighing, I rose from my seat. “I’m sorry, Kam. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m just exhausted.”

“I know. That’s why I don’t mind if you come into bed with me—you need your rest.”

“Not at the expense of yours. I hardly fall back asleep anyway.”

Opening his arms to me, he responded, “I want to do all that I can to help you. Always remember that.”

I easily fell into his embrace, enjoying the security of his arms. Kamden always made me feel safe, which was a fleeting notion for me most days. “Thank you, Kam.”

Hugging me tighter, he replied, “No problem, little sis.”

Ringing from down the hall interrupted our exchange. “I left my phone in my room—I better grab it.”

Releasing me from his arms, he trotted out of our office. After a few seconds, I heard him greeting our mother. Great. His footsteps echoed from the hallway, increasing in volume along with his voice as he neared closer to where I stood.

“Hang on, Mom,” Kam spoke into the phone. He pressed his screen before directing his attention to me. “She’s asking for you—will you talk to her?”

I gave him a really look. “No.”

“Kaiya,” Kam chastised in an annoyed tone.

“Kamden,” I mimicked in the same manner.

He sighed as he pressed his screen again and put the phone back to his ear. “Sorry, Mom, she already left for work,” he lied.

I mouthed, “Thank you.”

Rolling his eyes, he turned and went back down the hallway as he made small talk with our mom. Following after him, I decided to get ready for work. I almost ran into him when he abruptly stopped in the corridor right before his door.

“What?” he gritted into the phone, his whole body tensing in anger.

I scooted around to face him, locking eyes with his narrowed, enraged ones. His nostrils flared as he inhaled deeply before seething, “You can’t be serious.”

“What?” I mouthed anxiously. My heart raced, my anxiety peeking from beneath my walls in anticipation of what my mother was telling Kamden.

Jaw clenched, he shook his head.

Shit, this must be bad. Breathe, Kaiya, breathe. You’re safe, you’re with Kamden—he won’t let anything happen to you.

Hanging up the phone without another word, he clutched the device in his shaking hand.

“Kam, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

He blew out a breath of frustration as he ran his free hand over his buzzed head. “You should sit down for this, Ky.”

My pulse pounded ferociously under my skin, my blood thrumming through my veins with fear. “What is it, Kamden?”

“Ky, I really think you sh—”

“Tell me, Kamden!” I shrieked, beginning my spiral out of control. My thoughts turned to the darkest of places, to where my nightmares were rooted. Please no, please don’t let it be him.

Kamden sighed before stating, “Kaleb is being evaluated for release.”

No… no, no, no!

Tears poured in rivulets down my cheeks as my lungs seized, my breath leaving me instantaneously at the sound of his name. My legs gave out as my stomach roiled, and my vision blurred. Kamden caught me before I crashed to the floor, and then blackness descended on me.






Light slapping on my cheek roused me from darkness. My eyes fluttered open to Kamden, whose face was creased in concern. His blue-gray eyes locked on mine before he sighed in relief. “Don’t scare me like that.”

“I didn’t plan to pass out,” I retorted as I sat up. I shut my eyes tight and pressed my fingers on the bridge of my nose as dizziness spread over me..

Kamden gave me some space, scooting over closer to the edge of my bed. “I told you to sit down, but you’re so stubborn.”

I scoffed as I rolled my eyes, not acknowledging his comment otherwise. He was right, but I wasn’t going to admit that.

Noticing I was in my bed, I scrunched my face in confusion as I asked, “How long was I out?”

“Not long. Ten minutes, maybe.”

I glanced at the clock, my stomach dropping at the sight of the time. Oh shit, I have to get ready for work!

“Don’t even think about it, Ky. I already called your boss and let him know that you’re taking a sick day.”

“But—” I attempted to argue.

Kamden moved closer to me on the bed. “No buts. You need to rest. You’re in no condition to do anything after that incident. Plus, you haven’t been sleeping well either. Your boss said that you could work on your projects from home today.” His tone was stern, but nurturing, the concern in his voice evident.

“I’m fine, Kam. Really, I am,” I said, attempting to get out of staying at home with my thoughts all day, especially following the bomb that had been dropped on me.

Kamden gave me a knowing look as he replied, “We need to talk about this, Kaiya. You can’t just avoid everything all the time. It’s not healthy.” Averting his eyes, I concentrated on a stitch of fabric on my comforter as I picked at it. He knows me too well.

“I can’t,” I whispered as tears began to surface.

Kamden grabbed my hands, cradling them in his larger ones. “Kaiya, look at me. I’m here for you—don’t shut me out. I only want to help you, to do what’s best for you. Please talk to me.”

A rogue tear fell from my lids as I looked up at him. More threatened to follow as I angrily questioned, “How could they let him out, Kamden? After everything he did to me, how could they release him? He’s a f*cking monster!”

“I know. He’s only being evaluated—he’s not out yet. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure he doesn’t get released. There has to be someone I can talk to at the hospital.” His eyes narrowed in determination, his tone resolute as he spoke.

Biting my lip, I nodded as my tears began to flow freely. “He’ll find me, Kam. He’ll come back for me. What if he—”

Kamden shifted next to me, his body tensing. Gripping my chin, he forced me to look him straight in his eyes. “He’ll never touch you again! I’ll kill him before I let that happen,” he growled in fury. “No matter what happens, I’ll protect you, Ky.”

Unable to speak, I nodded again. The tears continued to rain down my face as Kamden wrapped his arms around me. Clutching the back of his shirt in my hands, I trembled against him as I sobbed uncontrollably into his chest.

Kamden ran his hand through my hair as he attempted to console me. “Shh, I’m right here, sorella. I’m not going anywhere—you’re safe with me.”

I don’t know how long I cried for, but Kamden never complained. Continuing to hold me, he murmured words of comfort, which helped pull me back from the abyss that always attempted to swallow me whole when I thought about Kaleb.

Pulling away, I wiped my swollen eyes with my palms. I looked up at Kam, who smiled softly at me, his face full of understanding. Thank God for him. I weakly smiled back, still fighting against the waves of emotion threatening to drown me. Even after eight years, Kaleb still managed to affect me so intensely. I hated it—hated him.

“Are you hungry? Do you want me to make you something to eat?” Kamden asked, his tone tender and loving. The perfect big brother.

Wrapping my arms around my legs, I wiped my nose against my pajama bottoms. I probably looked like a horrific mess with puffy eyes and red, splotchy skin. “I don’t think I could stomach anything right now. The thought of him always makes me sick.”

“Well, let me know when you’re hungry. I’ll make you something,” Kamden offered as he rose up off my bed, making his way towards my door

“Don’t you have to go to work?” I inquired curiously, the space between my eyebrows bunching together in confusion.

“I called in, too. I wanted to make sure you were okay for the rest of the day.”

“Kam, you didn’t have to do that. I’m fine,” I lied. I was far from fine, but I didn’t want to tell him that. He’d only worry more.

His lips curved up as he leaned against the doorframe. “I don’t mind. Let me know if you need anything.”

As he turned to walk out, I stopped him, “Kam, wait.”

He stuck his head back through the doorway. “Yes?”

“Thank you.”

Giving me a genuine smile, he responded, “Anytime, sorella.”

Smiling, I watched as he pulled the door behind him, leaving it open just a crack. I couldn’t stop the warm feeling that filled me whenever he would use that term of endearment. Since I could remember, he’d called me sorella, which meant sister in Italian. Both sides of our family had some ancestry in Italy, and we had learned some words from our grandparents. Kamden was four years older than me, and had always been protective over me. He’d been even more so after the incident—especially since he almost didn’t make it in time.

Laying back in bed, the warmth from Kamden’s words began to fade away as memories of Kaleb came rushing back. Reminiscing about my childhood almost always reminded me of him because he was so interwoven with my past.

Curling up under the sheets, I attempted to dispel the thoughts of him. Clenching my eyes shut, I tried to focus on something else, but it was almost impossible since his face was so familiar to me—I’d never be able to forget it, no matter how desperately I wanted to.

Bolting out of bed, I headed to Kamden’s room. He was sitting at his desk with his laptop open, staring intently at the screen. Turning in his chair, he directed his attention to me, “Everything okay? Do you need something?”

Gnawing at my bottom lip, I nodded. “Can I lay with you?” I hated asking him to do that, hated being such a burden to him, but having him near me was the only way I would fall asleep after hearing about Kaleb.

“Of course, Ky. Anything you need.”

I silently walked over to his bed as he made his way to join me. Lifting the comforter, he slid onto the mattress and scooted back to allow me to slide in next to him before covering us with the blanket. Surprisingly, it didn’t take long for sleep to find me in the warm security of Kamden’s embrace.





Carefully untangling myself from the naked woman clinging to me, I eased out from under the sheets and got out of her bed. I picked up my clothes from the floor, and slipped them on soundlessly before heading to the door.

Sneaking out, I softly closed the front door, so I wouldn’t wake up the woman… Abby, I think.

Whatever, her name didn’t matter, but I doubted she’d care whether I remembered or not based on the night we’d had.

A slight pang of guilt threatened to surface as I trotted down the stairs from just leaving like that. I shook my head, reminding myself that all women were the same—they couldn’t be trusted. I learned that from experience, and I’d be damned if I let myself be manipulated again.


Hopping into my Chevy Z71 truck parked in her apartment complex lot, I checked the time: 3:26 A.M.

Thank God, I don’t have to wake up early.

My first class at the gym tomorrow wasn’t until two, so I could sleep in. I had some fitness regimens and nutrition plans to work on before then, but I could squeeze them in when I woke up or in between classes if I needed to.

Once I arrived back at my apartment, I undressed and went to bed. My muscles were loose, my body relaxed from my release as I lay on my mattress. The woman from earlier was almost completely forgotten as I drifted off to sleep.





The gym was abnormally packed for a Thursday afternoon when I walked through the doors to start my shift. Our peak times were usually the evenings and weekends, so I was surprised to see so many people. Most of the machines were occupied by a mix of men and women, however, the majority of people were male muscle heads like me. Hardly any weights sat in their spots on the racks that lined the wall, and the clang of all the equipment echoed throughout the building. I also had many new faces in my Intermediate Kickboxing class, including some hot women.

I had to remind myself not to get involved with clients. Hooking up with them was bad for business, especially since I was one of the lead trainers. But it was difficult not to get sucked in by them, given some of the fine specimens that were at the gym regularly.

After my class ended, I went to my office to finish a fitness plan for one of my clients. I had finished most when I woke up that morning, and I just needed to put the final few touches on this last one. The man was an overweight lawyer who was trying to impress his paralegal mistress by losing weight and toning up. Yeah, right. The guy got short of breath every time he walked up the stairs to the upper level of the gym. He would need many sessions before he even came close to his goal, which was for him to lose fifty pounds in six months. If he followed the strict diet and exercise plan that I’d set, it could be possible, but it would take a level of commitment that I didn’t think he possessed. Most people lacked the drive to stick with a fitness regimen long enough to see results.

Once my client, Harold Banks, arrived, fifteen minutes late, we began the session with stretches to warm up his underused muscles. We briefly talked about one of his newest cases, a woman who had been in a car accident involving a drunk driver, as we stretched. After that, I took him to walk on the treadmill. He had already broken out into a slight sweat from the stretching and stairs, so I set his treadmill on low to start. I chose a medium pace for my machine, wanting to motivate but not discourage my client.

During our run, I noticed an unfamiliar face out of the corner of my eye. A woman, who looked to be my age, maybe twenty-five or twenty-six, hopped on a treadmill two machines away from mine. She seemed to be tuned out to the world around her, not seeking any attention like many of the other women here as her head bopped lightly to whatever was playing in her earbuds. Something about her immediately intrigued me; I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but I wanted to figure it out. I had to stop myself from leaving Mr. Banks to go talk to her.

Her dark hair was pulled up in a high ponytail that swished back and forth as she briskly jogged. Even from this angle, I could see that she had gorgeous eyes, the color similar to that of bright, Caribbean waters.

Images of her beneath me, eyes closed, lips parted as she moaned my name while I filled her with my cock ran through my head. I wanted to run my hands all over her, feel the soft skin of her tits, ass, and thighs under my rough, tattooed hands.

After glancing at me out of the corner of her eye several times, the woman stumbled, gripping the handrails to keep herself from falling and being thrown off the machine.

Jumping off my treadmill, I rushed to her side to help her. Grasping her by the waist, I pulled her up and against me as I turned off the power. Her chest rose and fell rapidly against mine as she struggled to breathe, her hands clutching my shoulders for support. She feels good in my arms; natural.

“Are you okay?” The concern in my voice surprised me. Why did I care?

Abruptly, she pulled away from me, like she had been stung by my touch. Her face reddened, probably from a combination of embarrassment and adrenaline. Keeping her eyes averted from mine, she meekly replied, “Thank you. I think I’m okay.”

Sticking my hand out towards her, I introduced myself, “Ryker Campbell.”

Her eyes flitted back and forth from my face to my hand before she timidly placed her hand in mine, peeking up at me through thick eyelashes. Her dazzling eyes mesmerized me as they locked on mine. She gently squeezed my hand as I caressed hers with my thumb. “Kaiya Marlow.”

Her skin is as soft as I thought it would be. I wonder if she’s that soft everywhere.

“That’s a unique name. I’ve never heard it before. I like it.”

Her full lips turned up into a small, shy smile. “Thank you.”

We stood there staring at each other for a few seconds, as if in a trance, before I realized we were still holding hands. Kaiya must have noticed too because she pulled her hand from mine as her gaze darted around nervously, her skin flushing deeper as her smile widened. She’s beautiful.

Heavy breathing from behind me redirected my attention to my struggling client. Sweat trailed from his receding hairline down his reddened face before dripping off his chin. Turning back to Kaiya, I stated, “I have to get back to my client. Are you sure that you’re okay?”

“Yes. Sorry for embarrassing myself and interrupting your workout.”

Chuckling, I responded, “Really, it was my pleasure. Nice meeting you, Kaiya.”

Her voice cracked, catching in her throat as she replied, “You too.”

Even though I didn’t want to, I reluctantly turned around and went back to Mr. Banks. “Ready for weights, Mr. Banks?”

He nodded enthusiastically as his labored breaths continued. Laughing inwardly, I slowed his treadmill to a stop. He clutched the rails as he caught his breath, then stumbled off and trailed behind me towards the weight room.

As we walked, I looked over my shoulder, my gaze traveling back to Kaiya. She was still standing on the treadmill, unmoving as her eyes met mine, then instantly darted forward again. I smirked as her eyes flitted back and forth several more times before she secured her stare in front of her.

Glad to see I’m not the only one affected.

After Mr. Banks’ session ended, I briskly walked back to the cardio room to see if Kaiya was still on the treadmill. Slowing my pace as I neared, I tried to act cool and unaffected as I entered the space. Unfortunately, she wasn’t there, and I couldn’t stop the disappointment that filled me, my shoulders sagging slightly and my mouth turning down into a frown.

What the f*ck is wrong with me ? She’s just some girl. They’re a dime a dozen.

Shaking off the unexplainable feelings, I focused back on work, turning around and leaving the room without a backwards glance. I didn’t need to be distracted by some chick, especially when there were plenty of others that could take her place. I knew I’d be able to find one at the bar later.

My next class was in thirty minutes, so I went to my office to work on some more fitness plans. On my way back, I caught sight of Kaiya talking with one of the regulars at the gym, Kamden.

I’d never seen her with him before, but this was the first time that I noticed her at the gym. They seemed very comfortable with one another, which caused a spark of jealousy to flare within me. Of course she has a boyfriend. Look at her.


Tugging on her ponytail, Kamden laughed with Kaiya. Her smile lit up the room, and I couldn’t help but wish I’d caused it. Stop thinking like that! I veered the other way before I did something stupid I’d regret, like starting a fight in my workplace over some girl I barely knew. Get a hold of yourself.

I exhaled a sigh of relief once I entered my office. I set my attention on my fitness plans, class schedules, and workout routines. I actually needed to figure out some new exercises for my self-defense class tonight.

As I attempted to drive away my thoughts of Kaiya, a knock sounded at my door. Turning around, I faced Kamden and the woman that was currently occupying my mind. Great.

I plastered my fake, customer service smile on as I greeted them, “Hey, Kamden. How can I help you and your… friend?”

“This is my sister, Kaiya. Kaiya, this is Ryker. He’s a personal trainer here at the gym.”

Sister? A genuine smile spread across my face. She’s only his sister. I noticed the slight resemblance between them now, but Kamden’s eyes weren’t the same color as Kaiya’s.

“We’ve met already,” Kaiya said as she tried to hide a smile.

Kamden looked back and forth between us, “When?” His tone was full of confusion, along with some apprehension.

“I slipped on the treadmill, and Ryker was there to rescue me,” Kaiya answered as her eyes met mine. The corner of my mouth curved up as her cheeks flushed with color again. I’d like to make that whole body flush. Over and over again.

Clearing his throat, Kamden broke whatever haze Kaiya had put me in. He narrowed his eyes, glaring at me as he gruffly said, “I just added Kaiya to my membership. I wanted her to meet some of the staff since she’ll be working out here now.”

“Great. Please let me know if you need anything,” I replied, excited that I would be seeing more of the beautiful woman in front of me. I wondered how long it would take to get her in my bed.

“I will. Thank you, Ryker,” Kaiya replied with a shy smile, causing my stomach to knot at the sight.

What the f*ck? Snap out of it, man!

“We better get going. See you around,” Kamden said as he led Kaiya out. Turning to look over her shoulder, she gave me another coy smile as she walked out the door.

I was unable to fight the grin that spread because of hers. I’m so f*cked.