The Scars of Us(Scars Series)

Looking out of the window at the passing traffic, I bit my lower lip to contain the smile on my face. Butterflies performed elaborate, acrobatic routines in my stomach throughout the whole ride home after my encounter with Ryker. No matter how hard I had tried, I couldn’t push him from my thoughts. My mind had been preoccupied with the muscular, tattooed trainer ever since I laid eyes on him on the treadmill.

“You’re in a good mood,” Kamden observed, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye as he drove.

I shrugged my shoulders. “It was good to relax and get out of the apartment for a little bit.”

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Did you like it better than your other gym?”

“Yeah, there’s more equipment and space. And I like having someone to go with—makes me feel safe.” I replied nonchalantly as I turned my attention to him.

“Good. Aren’t you glad I made you call in sick today?” he asked with a smile of satisfaction

Chuckling softly, I punched his arm lightly as I responded, “Yes. Thank you. I needed to relieve some stress.”

“Anytime. Let me know when you want to go back.”

“How ‘bout Saturday?” I asked, trying to hide my excitement. I told myself that my enthusiasm wasn’t because of a certain sexy-as-sin trainer, but the knots in my stomach expressed otherwise.

What the hell is going on with me? I never get like this.

When he “rescued” me from careening off the treadmill and injuring myself, I was shocked that his touch didn’t make me feel the normal panic I get whenever I come into contact with someone. I actually liked his touch. His strength made me feel safe, and I knew he wouldn’t let me fall.

Once we arrived at our apartment, I headed straight for the bathroom. Eager to wash the sticky sweat off my skin, I wasted no time in undressing and turning on the shower. The warm water helped wash away some of the imaginary filth that still clung to me from the news about Kaleb’s release earlier in the day, allowing me to relax a little.

I was thankful that Kamden dragged me out of bed to go to the gym. Working out cleared my head, something that I desperately needed in my life. Typically, I worked out at a smaller gym, but Kamden insisted I start going to his after finding out about Kaleb. Even though he’d never admit it, I knew he feared what could happen if Kaleb really did get released.

A shudder ran through me as my thoughts veered back to him. Squeezing my eyes shut, I immediately blanked my mind before replacing the horrid images with the first thing that came to my head—Ryker.

My eyes snapped open as confusion set in. Why did he pop into my mind? I tried to shake him from my thoughts, but his dark, messy hair, inked muscles, and deep, brown eyes were hard to ignore.

There was no way I could get involved with him, even if it was only a hook-up. I didn’t need to get him tangled up in my web of issues. Guys that looked like him didn’t fall for average-looking girls like me, anyway. They went after blonde bimbos with fake tans and boobs. At least that’s what I told myself.

Sighing, I stepped out of the shower after giving my hair one last rinse. I plodded to my bedroom, avoiding the mirror once again. Definitely can’t look at myself for a while after this morning.

I quickly dressed before heading to the office to get some more work done before tomorrow. I was the Project Coordinator for a huge marketing and public relations firm in Boston. I handled client invoices, contractor payments, ordered supplies, managed inventory, and created presentations, spreadsheets, and documents for meetings.

Kamden and I lived in the Riverside area of Cambridge, a small town about five miles outside of Boston. After I had graduated from college, we moved out here away from our mother, who lived in Bridgewater, MA.

There was no way I could stay there—not after everything that had happened while in that house.

Don’t think about it, Kaiya. Think about something else.

Ryker’s face appeared again, but I didn’t try to shake his image away this time. Instead, I focused on his gorgeous features, especially his strong jaw line, golden skin, and full lips. Everything about him screamed man, and warmth began to simmer in between my thighs as I thought of him.

Damn, I need to get laid. I’m getting turned on by just thinking about a guy. A ridiculously hot guy, but still.

Grabbing my phone off the bed, I scrolled through my texts until I found the conversation I was searching for. I quickly typed my message before sending the impulsive query.



Me: U busy tonight?



Not surprisingly, I received a response within a few minutes.



Bryce: I think I can fit you in :) same time same place?



I hesitated for a few seconds before typing my reply.



Me: sounds good see you then



Bryce: :)



Bryce was a friend I’d met in college. Despite my standoffish demeanor, Bryce had continued his attempts to break through my walls and befriend me. Eventually, I had given in, unable to resist his good-natured personality and humor. Not to mention, he was extremely attractive—his hazel eyes were set upon a tan face that was framed by tousled, honeyed locks.

I’d never gone into detail with Bryce about my past, and thankfully, he’d never pressed the issue of my “issues.” It had made our arrangement so much easier, and had allowed my need for control to flourish. He had always gone along with everything that I’d wanted, never questioning my stipulations when it had come to sex.


Those rules were absolutely necessary for me to have sex with someone, and most guys wouldn’t put up with all of my OCD demands. I had been pretty promiscuous in high school, but after the incident, I’d changed. Everything had changed.

I’d spun into a downward spiral, sinking into a depression that encased me, shielding me from the ugliness of the world. Kamden had barely left my side, never relenting as he attempted to coax me out of the hole of despair I had buried myself in.

When I’d emerged, I was irrevocably altered, and I knew I would never be the same again. I had been emotionally scarred beyond repair, left a fractured shell of who I once was—all because of him.

Kamden had been the only light in the darkness that constantly enveloped me following what had happened. He and my best friend, Nori, had never let me give up, never let me sink too far back into the chasm deep in my soul. Even now, they still helped keep me grounded, helped keep me tethered to sanity.

Thinking about Nori reminded me that it had been a few days since we’d last spoken. Given the events of the day, I decided to text her to fill her in:



Me: Bad day today



Nori insisted that I let her know when I had rough days, being the mother hen that she was. She had been that way since we’d become friends in middle school, and I loved her for it, even if it was annoying at times.

My phone chimed with Nori’s response:



Nori: I’m sorry :( want to talk about it



Me: Not ready yet



Nori: Tomorrow night? Girls night?



Me: Maybe



Nori: :)



Even though my reply was noncommittal, we both knew I’d be at her house tomorrow night, ready for a night of dinner and dancing. Dancing was another thing that helped clear my mind. The sound of the music and movement of my body allowed me to drown out everything else as I became one with the beat.

I headed down the hallway to my office to finish some of the spreadsheets I was working on before ordering take-out for Kamden and myself.

When we finished eating, I informed him of my plans. “I’m meeting Bryce at the bar.”

I received his typical disapproving look as he responded in a parental tone, “Be careful.”

Giving what I hoped was a reassuring smile, I said, “Always.”

I’d never explained the details of the arrangement Bryce and I had, but Kamden knew; big brothers always knew stuff like that, no matter how old you were.

When I arrived at the bar Bryce and I typically met up at, I was surprised that he wasn’t there yet. He was normally early.

I took a seat at the bar as the bartender walked over to me. “Hey, Ky. The usual?”

“Please.” I looked around nervously before directing my attention to my phone, checking if Bryce had sent a message that he was running late, but there was none. I wonder where he is.

“And for you?” the bartender asked, peering around me at another customer.

“Jack and Coke,” a deep, luscious voice said from behind me.

I stiffened before turning around and coming face to face with Ryker. He unabashedly appraised me, causing heat to simultaneously flood my cheeks and the juncture of my thighs. “Uh, hi,” I squeaked nervously. F*ck, just kill me now.

Ryker chuckled, obviously amused by my awkwardness. As he laughed, I caught a glimpse of something gleaming in his mouth.

Is that a tongue ring? Oh, God, it is. So f*cking hot.

“Can I buy you a drink?” he asked as he moved closer to me, almost pressing his firm body against mine. His arms caged me between him and the bar, causing me to inhale deeply from the sudden proximity. His scent was amazing, a combination of man and clean. I had to stop myself from begging him to touch me.

“Actually, I, um, I’m meeting someone here,” I stammered.

His eyes imperceptibly narrowed; I wouldn’t have even noticed if I hadn’t been so fixated on his face.

Is he jealous? No way.

“Everything okay, Ky?” the familiar sound of Bryce’s voice interrupted.

Ryker’s eyes stayed locked on mine, even though my “date” had obviously arrived. His arms remained in place, even when I broke eye contact to look at Bryce.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Ryker’s a trainer at the new gym I’m working out at now.” I replied, attempting to keep my voice steady, even though Ryker’s closeness unnerved me.

Bryce stepped towards to us, keeping his gaze on Ryker as he approached. He warily stuck his hand out in greeting, “Bryce. I’m Kaiya’s boyfriend.”

What?

“No, you’re not!” I impulsively defended. Shit. I wanted to slap my hand over my mouth because of my outburst.

Ryker’s eyes met mine again as his lips curved up in a sexy smirk. Pulling his arms away, he moved back, taking most of his delicious scent with him. Some of it lingered for a few seconds before fading away I almost audibly sighed from the loss, but stopped before I made a bigger fool of myself.

Get a hold of yourself, Kaiya!

“Maybe I’ll catch you at the gym,” Ryker said coolly as he grabbed his drink off the bar. Looking at the bartender, he continued, “Put her drink on my tab.”

Then, he walked away. What just happened? I turned around, not wanting to be caught ogling his retreating form. Grabbing my Cranberry Vodka, I quickly downed it as Bryce stared at me.

“What?” I asked defensively.

“Nothing,” he replied with a knowing smile. He turned toward the bartender, leaning on the bar as he ordered another drink for me and a beer for himself.

Rolling my eyes at him, I headed for a booth near the bar while Bryce waited for our drinks. A few minutes later, he slid into the seat next to me and handed me my drink.

“How’ve you been?” he asked.

“Pretty good,” I replied distantly. That was always my answer, and Bryce knew not to pry. “How about you?”

“I’ve been swamped at work, but the money’s good.” Bryce was an investment banker, and earned an envious salary, but he was always stressed out. That stress translated surprisingly well in the bedroom, making our sex intensely passionate as he took his aggression out on me.

After several more rounds of drinks, I was more than ready to head back to Bryce’s apartment. I had been torturing myself as I watched Ryker flirt with various women around the bar as they draped themselves all over him. He caught my gaze more than once, giving me his seductive grin every time and causing my stomach to tighten.

“You ready to go, baby?” Bryce whispered in my ear as he trailed his fingers over my thigh. We both had a nice buzz going, making us overly touchy and affectionate. His mouth trailed down the side of my neck, pressing kisses as his hands began to roam over my body.

“Yes,” I nearly moaned as I tilted my head to give his lips better access to the sensitive skin of my neck.

Bryce disentangled himself from me before helping me out of the booth. As he led me to the exit, my eyes locked with Ryker’s once again. His deep eyes were hardened, his smirk absent from his beautiful lips as he took me in. He paid no attention to the slutty blonde draping herself all over him as he watched me walk away. I couldn’t fight the guilt and disappointment creeping into my stomach as we left.





I followed Bryce back to his condo. As soon as the front door shut, I was on him instantly. I tugged at his clothes, needing them off so I could feel his skin against mine. I needed to feel something other than the emotions plaguing me constantly, needed his touch to drown out everything else.

Pushing him down the familiar hallway to his bedroom, I freed his body from his shirt. Even his toned form had nothing on Ryker, whose immaculately chiseled muscles bordered on perfection.


Stop thinking about him!

As we burst through the bedroom door, I fumbled with the belt on his jeans before unbuttoning them as Bryce’s lips claimed mine. Our hands urgently worked together to take the rest of each other’s clothes off as we fell onto his bed.

Bryce rifled through his bedside nightstand until he pulled out a condom. He eagerly ripped open the wrapper before sheathing his hard length, pressing it against my entrance within seconds.

Ryker’s face came into my mind when my eyes fluttered shut as Bryce slowly pushed inside me, groaning as he filled me.

God, I wish it were him inside me right now.

Thrusting at an almost perfect pace, Bryce knew exactly how to please me, knew exactly what I wanted. My eyes closed in pleasure as Bryce’s hands threaded in my hair and tugged lightly, pulling my head back to expose my throat.

My lids snapped open as I roughly remarked, “Bryce.”

Apologizing, he immediately let go, “Sorry, Ky. I forgot.”

Not responding, I tried to focus on the sensations of Bryce stroking inside me. Increasing his pace, he continued to plunge in and out of my slick, hot sex. I could feel my climax approaching as his large cock pounded against my walls. Almost there.

I pushed against Bryce, notifying him that it was my turn to take over. I always controlled when I came, needed to have that power over my body. No one will ever take that power from me again.

Bryce rolled us until he was on his back and I was mounted on top of him. Beginning to rock against him, I closed my eyes as I pictured Ryker. A moan escaped me as I thought of his luscious mouth, visualizing his tongue ring tracing over every intimate area of my body.

I imagined his rough, tattooed hands caressing my skin as his cock filled me, thrusting inside me over and over, our bodies intimately tangled in hot, sweaty ecstasy.

It didn’t take long for me to find release. Normally, it took a while for me to relax and let go of everything, but thinking about Ryker filled me with hot desire. My body trembled as Bryce gripped my hips and thrust upwards, groaning out seconds later as he came.

Once we caught our breath, I lifted myself off Bryce and began to gather my clothes.

Bryce watched me from the bed as he questioned, “Why don’t you stay the night?”

I almost ignored the ridiculous question—he knew my rules. Then, I remembered we both had a lot to drink, and it might have slipped his mind.

“You know I can’t.”

“No, you just won’t,” he sighed angrily.

This time, I did ignore him. I didn’t want to fight with him. What we had was the closest thing that I had to intimacy; I didn’t want to ruin that. I cared for Bryce, even if I didn’t know how to show it.

Once I finished getting dressed, I said, “I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” he replied sadly as he rose off the bed. Throwing on a pair of gym shorts, he led me to the front door before walking me outside to my car.

“Thank you for a great night.” I politely remarked as I pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“No problem. Anything for you, Ky.” His eyes were sad as they looked into mine, but he still gave me a smile.

Bryce shut the door for me after I got in my car, then headed inside his condo. As I drove home, thoughts of Ryker still dominated my mind, confusing the hell out of me.