I run until my lungs are burning and the tears running down my face have stopped falling. And then I walk, but I don't stop moving.
My mind is a jumbled mess and all I keep coming back to is that tattoo. At first I want to sob and scream, I want to beat my hands against something, but strangely, the farther I move from Jake, the more numb I become until I am walking dry eyed and lethargic down the street.
I stop when I see a small park and wander over to a bench. I sit down and pull my cell phone out of my purse. There are 17 missed calls from Jake. I erase them and dial Nicole.
"Hey babe," she says cheerily.
"Nicole," I start but my voice breaks.
"Evie, what's wrong, honey?" She says, concern spilling from her voice.
"He's been lying to me, Nicole."
"Who? Jake? Honey, about what? Where are you?"
"I ran. I don't know. I'm in a park… I don't know. Hold on, there's a sign…" I read her the name of the park and she says quickly, "I'll be there in 15. Hold tight, honey."
I sit on the bench, staring into space until Nicole's small car pulls up next to the curb. I climb in and when she sees my face, she opens her arms and I do a head plant into her shoulder and she holds me as I cry more tears I didn't think I had.
"What's going on, hon? Tell me." She says, wiping wetness off my cheeks with her thumbs.
"He's Leo, Nic. That story he told me about Leo dying in a car accident isn't true. Because he's Leo." I frown. "But he's Jake, too. I don't understand it."
Nicole looks stunned. "He's Leo? Your Leo? The Leo? But why didn't he tell you? How did you find out?"
"Nicole, can we go to your house? I want to wash my face and… is that okay?"
"Of course, let's go." She pulls out and I lay my head back on the seat and close my eyes. Nicole must know I need to rest for a few minutes because she doesn't ask me any more questions on the drive.
We go into her house and it's quiet. "Where's Kaylee?" I ask.
"She's with Mike's mom today and tonight. I thought it might be nice to have an adult night since we were going to meet Jake," she shoots me a look and bites her lip.
I sigh. "Can I clean myself up a little bit? I'm a freakin' mess."
"Yeah, go do that and I'll make some tea… or do you want something stronger?" She smiles.
I laugh for the first time since I left the spa. "Later. For now tea is good."
I clean myself up in the bathroom, smoothing my hair back down which is all blown to heck and holding a cold, wet washcloth on my eyes for a few minutes each. When I come out, I feel better.
I find Nicole curled up on one side of her sofa with a steaming cup of tea in her hand. She gestures to mine on the table next to the big, upholstered chair to her right.
I curl up and pull the afghan draped across the arm, over my lap. I pick up my tea and take a sip as Nicole says, "Tell me what happened today."
I recount my run in with Gwen at the spa and then when I tell her about confronting Jake and about his tattoo, Nicole sucks in breath and says, "What? YOU are the girl on his back? Okay, wow, this is blowing my mind. But, wait, I don't get it… what does it mean?"
Haltingly, I tell her about Leo's family, his brother, his pain, and the story I'd made up to try to ease his suffering, at least momentarily. I only cry once during the telling of it, remembering a roof on a hot summer night and a broken boy in my arms.
I look up at Nicole and her eyes are glistening with tears, too. "Wow, Evie," she chokes, "He carried that with him on his skin all these years. That's just… wow. That's beautiful."
"He lied to me, Nic, twice. In my life, that boy destroyed me… and now the man has been deceiving me." I have no idea how to feel right now. My mind is reeling with hurt and confusion.
"Are you going to give him a chance to explain things to you, honey? I'm not saying you'll be able to forgive him. I have no idea what he'll say, but I think you need to listen to him." She looks at me worriedly.
I mull over her words for a few minutes and then I sigh. "I guess I owe that to myself, too. I just can't process all of this right now. I need time."
"Okay, hon. You go to him when you're ready. Just hear him out. You deserve answers."
I nod, taking a sip of my tea.
Nicole speaks again, haltingly, softly, "Honey, you really didn't recognize him? Not even a little bit?"
I'm silent for several minutes, sipping my tea and deep in thought about her question. "I mean, Nicole, he looks so different. I guess now that I know, I can see the boy that he once was in some of his features, but, I mean… okay, who was the first boy you kissed?"
Nicole grins. "Jimmy Valente. We were 14. He was my boyfriend for a year."
"Okay, can you conjure up his face in your mind right now?"
She looks up, concentrating, then frowns, "No, I guess I can't."
"Okay, well imagine that Jimmy Valente was a scrappy, skinny kid in worn clothes the last time you saw him and then eight years later you came upon this huge, stunning, Godlike creature in a designer suit whose hair had darkened and who had gotten dental work and he told you his name was Tom Smith. You might not recognize him either."
I feel defensive because truthfully, why didn't I recognize him? He was the love of my life, up until I met Jake anyway, or… wait… God, this is all so fucked up.