Hard to Hold On

chapter Twenty-Six



Nolan



I haven’t talked to Natalie in a week. It’s been a long ass week, too. I don’t like knowing she’s with someone else but I’ve been trying to occupy myself with working. I’ve been picking up double shifts and whenever I couldn’t get one, I’d go to the gym to work out.

A part of me knows I don’t deserve her but a part of me knows she’s all that I want. I’ve changed. I guess Dawson was right about that one. It wasn’t like me to chase after a girl constantly but with Natalie it’s different. No one’s been on my mind this much before outside of my mother and father.

A knock comes from the front door, interrupting my guitar strum. Placing my guitar down, I make my way to the door and swing it open. At the sight of Harper, I frown. “You’re late.”

“I got caught up with shopping,” she snaps. “Don’t be a baby.”

“Whatever.” I let her in and she shuts the door behind her.

“You’ve changed the place,” she says, stepping forward to look at the picture frames on the wall.

I grab my guitar to strap it around me again. “Where’s Natalie?”

“Out with . . . you know who.” She glances over her shoulder to look at me and then turns around. She takes a seat on the sofa across from me but I keep my gaze down and allow my fingers to work. The melody is soft, slow. It causes Harper to actually shut up and listen.

“That’s nice. What’s the title?”

“Broken,” I murmur without looking at her.

“Oh.” I look up and her eyes have saddened. She sits forward as if she’s ready to speak and I stop playing to look at her.

“Why can’t you just tell her to leave him alone?” I ask.

“Because I can’t tell her what to do. I’ve tried to bring up conversations about you but she always brushes me off and starts another subject. She’s my best friend, Nolan. I have to support her regardless of her decisions.”

“But I was with her first, Harper. She was better with me.” She bites on her bottom lip and silence seizes the room. “Am I wrong?” I ask, my head tilting as I observe her guilty features.

“Tyler is a nice guy. He’s been coming around every day this week and she’s been . . . happy. At first I thought it was just a front but after a while I’m seeing that it’s become kind of real. She’s smiling again . . . foreal this time.”

My heart stops. I look away from Harper and force myself to bite on the angry tears. “Has she asked about me?”

“She asks Dawson about you every day. He doesn’t know what to tell her since you’ve been ignoring his calls, too. She thinks you’ve moved on with Sharon.”

“I haven’t seen Sharon in a week.”

“Why the hell is she even down here?”

I shrug as I stand to my feet. “I don’t f*cking know. I’ve been trying to avoid her. She told Natalie something but I can’t figure it out.”

Harper stands with me, shaking her head. Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, she straps her purse onto her shoulder and makes her way to the door. “Look, I have to get going. I don’t have all afternoon so I’ll just be upfront and honest with you,” she sighs. “You aren’t trying and I think it’s because you don’t want to be denied. You’re afraid that if you talk to Natalie, she’ll reject you so you’re trying to leave it in the air. If there’s one thing I know about Natalie, it’s that she knows what she wants. If she calls you again, pick up your damn phone—no actually how about you call her. Tell her you’re coming over and that you want to talk about it or something! Make her realize where her heart really is. She’s confused right now and with you leaving things in the air, it’s making the situation worse, Nolan. Believe it or not, she needs to hear from you right now. Not talking to her isn’t helping.”

Her blue eyes look me over from head to toe and then she swings the door open. “There’s a party tonight and she’ll be there. I’ll text you the address . . . just make sure you actually look presentable. You look like complete shit right now,” she scoffs.

Laughing, she shuts the door behind her while I look down at my brown basketball shorts and my white T-shirt. My hair isn’t gelled but I don’t think I look that bad.

But she’s right about one thing. I have to go for Natalie. I can’t let Tyler win. She hit it right on the nail. I don’t want to be rejected so I’ve been keeping it open. I don’t want an open relationship. I have to shut it again and the only way I can do that is if I get Natalie to talk to me alone.

I just hope it actually works.