Hard to Hold On

chapter Twenty-Four



Nolan



“We shouldn’t have come back,” I growl, slamming the door behind me. Mills frowns at me from the sofa as I storm past him to get to my bedroom. I tug my shirt over my head a little too aggressively and then take my jeans off. I don’t want any trace of her on me. I’m already pissed I had to walk from her place to mine. The walk made me think way too much.

“Have we established that maybe you are gay?” Mills quips. I turn around and he folds his arms, leaning against the frame of my door.

“F*ck you.”

“Why are you so hostile?” he chuckles.

“Natalie’s been with somebody else. She’s been hiding it from me the whole damn time, Mills.”

Instantly, Mills’s features stiffen. He unfolds his arms while narrowing his eyes at me. “How do you know?”

“He came by her condo and said she went to a bedroom with him. She had to be with him last weekend and it explains why she wasn’t answering my calls. There’s no telling what she did with that f*cker or how long she’s even been with him.” I struggle to pull my black cargo shorts over my legs. I’m so boiled over I can’t even think straight.

“What?” Mills gives me a dry laugh as he takes a step forward. “That just seems so unrealistic. That girl loves you. I saw it in her eyes. She can’t possibly move on that fast.”

“Well I saw him with my own two eyes so screw it.”

“You aren’t really going to assume shit, are you? Assumptions are what kill relationships.”

“Mills—” I shake my head as I stare at him. “I. Saw. Him. He came to her condo in broad daylight.”

“He might just be a friend.”

“Friends don’t take one another into their bedrooms and then brag about it.”

“Maybe he just wanted to get under your skin. She’s probably been telling him all about you and he was just trying to get you to stay away. I guess it worked because now you’re here . . . pouting like a damn baby.”

“Okay—just shut the hell up,” I snap. “You aren’t making it any better.”

“I’m just saying. I know you. I know how you like to jump to conclusions. I swear you’re worse than a girl sometimes. I know for a fact you didn’t hear Natalie out. You most likely ran away, like you always do. It’s always been who you are. A runner. You never hear anyone out.”

I roll my eyes, snatching my keys up. “Whatever.”

“See,” he says, smiling casually. “My point exactly. You aren’t hearing me out. Go ahead. Run.”

I grab my wallet, my phone, and then push past him. He follows after me as I reach the front door and pull it open. “Where are you going?”

“Out.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to f*ck with that Sharon chick. She called your phone like ten times earlier but I didn’t answer.”

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” I say sarcastically, pulling my phone out. “I might just have to give her a call. Time to go back to the Old Nolan again.”

“Whatever,” Mills mutters. “I’m done giving you advice. You’ll never learn.” With that, he makes his way to his bedroom and shuts his door behind him. Sighing, I slip my phone into my back pocket, shutting the door behind me.

“What the hell am I doing?” I mutter to myself. I know it’s hard to face, but maybe Mills is right. Natalie didn’t seem very interested in that Tyler guy but she was with him. And he wasn’t a bad looking guy. He had the potential to steal Natalie’s heart away from me without a problem. I can’t blame anyone but myself for ignoring her to begin with anyway.

****

After a few hours of walking the city, I’d decided to call Dawson and tell him to meet me at the bar. For a Tuesday night, the bar is packed but I manage to find a table in the corner with four seats.

I pull my chair out and sit while scanning the bar. It’s the same old scene. Guys who’ve just turned twenty-one and want to show off by buying everyone drinks. Girls who are clinging to a few men’s hips for a free one. I used to love places like these but not anymore. It just doesn’t seem satisfying after being away from a bar for so long . . . after falling in love with someone.

The front door swings open and in comes Dawson’s whose long blonde hair is pulled up into a sloppy ponytail.

“If you had tits and shaved your beard, you could past for a really tall girl,” I tell him as he sits across from me.

He laughs, shaking his head. “You’re jealous. Get over yourself, bro.” I grab his hand to do our handshake and then he sighs, leaning against his chair. “So, what’s up? I went by the condo before getting here and Natalie’s was kinda happy.”

I look away from him to one of the television screens above the bar. My chest tightens but I force myself to get over it. “That’s because she’s seeing someone else.”

“Who?” he asks quickly, sitting forward.

“I don’t know. His name was Tyler or some shit. He seems like one of those rich kids and of course he had a smart ass mouth.”

“Did you punch him in it?”

I narrow my eyes at him and Dawson laughs as he runs his palms across the thigh of his jeans. “That’s crazy, dude. Maybe he’s just a friend of hers. He could know about you through Natalie and he might be trying to steal her away from you. Guy code, man.”

“That’s the same thing Mills said, but I doubt it.”

Dawson laughs silently and my eyebrows knit. “What’s funny?”

“Why the hell aren’t you fighting for your girl, man?”

I frown, fixing my lips to speak but change my mind instantly. There’s no point in arguing because he’s right. I’m not fighting as hard as I should be. “It’s not that I don’t want to fight, I just know she can do better than someone like me. I guess that’s what hurts to know the most.”

“Nolan, dude, you’re f*cking changing. I don’t understand why you’re still so hard on yourself. You’re not like how you used to be and I’m kind of glad about it.” Sighing, he brings his hands up to push a strand of hair out of his face. “It’s just crazy when the person you love most is the complete opposite of you. You and Natalie each have something that makes you two meant for each other. You two may not be completely on track but I know y’all can get there. A relationship takes time to build—trust me, I’m still learning with Harps. That girl is wild but she’s toning it down a bit. You’ve got it easy compared to me. Sometimes I feel like she only got with me to get over someone else.”

“Like you didn’t,” I say, narrowing my eyes.

“That’s beside the point,” he counters. “Plus I’ve been over Ivy.”

“You tell yourself that but I swear I always hear you saying her name in your sleep whenever you spend the night,” I laugh.

“Ah, whatever,” he sighs, waving it off. Ivy has always been a person he hates talking about. She’s a sore spot for him. She really destroyed him and I don’t blame him for not wanting to talk about her. He dislikes Ivy just as much as I dislike Sharon for what she did to me. It’s pretty strong for him and Dawson isn’t the kind of guy who stands against peace so that speaks volume. He’s one of the most humble guys I know. “I’ll go grab us a round of beers,” he says. I nod and he pushes from the table to get to the bar.

The rock music seems louder and the buzz of the conversations around me fills my ear buds but the noise can’t block what’s on my mind. Natalie. I hope she isn’t dating Tyler. I hope Mills and Dawson are right. I just have to talk to her to find out. I don’t want her with anyone but me. It may seem selfish as hell but it’s the truth.

She was my girl first and it’s best to talk about it. I just can’t help how hurt I am. My pride doesn’t want me to face her. I just want to stay away for a while and go with some other girl that will block the hurt. It’s what I always did before and only because it was the easiest thing to do. I’m sure it would feel good right now—especially since Natalie has taken my heart and ran with it farther than any other girl has. If she is dating that kid, I’m not sure what the hell I’ll do.

The door of the bar opens and at first sight of the blonde hair and perky tits, my face creases with a frown. She scans the bar with lightly mascaraed eyelashes and her glossy lips pucker as she takes as step forward. Her dark skinny-jeans are low-rise and her pink blouse stops just at the navel, revealing her flat stomach. When Sharon reaches sight of me, her green eyes brighten and she rushes between the gaps of the tables to come my way.

“Nolan!” she chimes.

“What the hell do you want?”

She gasps dramatically. “Why are you being so mean to me? I just wanted to say hello.”

“How did you know I was here?”

“I didn’t. I was looking for a seat but seems like they’re all taken. I’m supposed to be meeting a friend. She should be here in a few minutes.” She grins at me but I continue my scowl.

“What did you say to Natalie earlier?” Sharon’s cheeks lift as she grabs a menu and scans it. As she looks over each item, a smirk is still on her lips and it begins to tick me off. “Answer me!”

“It wasn’t anything too bad.”

“Why are you bothering her?” I hiss. “How do you even know what she looks like?”

“The first day I was helping you move, you left your phone on the kitchen table and I looked through it. I was curious. I wanted to see who the lucky girl you were dating was. She’s hot, but since when do you do dark-haired girls?”

“Since light-haired girls like you have always f*cked me over.” I grip her wrist and she stares at my fingers that are clutched around her before looking at me beneath her eyelashes. “What did you say to her?” I growl through my teeth.

“I’m sure she told you.”

“She didn’t tell me everything and I highly doubt she believed you.”

“Trust me, there’s more to it,” she sighs. “She’s in denial right now but after a while, she’ll start to think maybe it’s the truth. Give her time to let it sink in.” She winks, I shudder.

“Leave her alone or I swear I’ll—”

“You’ll what?” she snaps. “You can’t hide what happened between us in California, Nolan. I’m not denying it. I want you back and I can tell you want me, too. I still feel like we can work it out and I’m sure I know you a lot more than she does.”

“Are you f*cking kidding me?” I say, chuckling dryly. “That one thing and you’re gonna blow it up? I’m not interested in you, Sharon.”

“That one thing meant a lot to me,” she hisses.

“Well get the hell over it because it’s never happening again.”

“What isn’t happening again?” Dawson asks, placing our beers down.

I swallow as I look from Sharon to him. “Nothing,” I mutter.

Sighing, Sharon stands from her seat and straps her purse over her shoulder. “I thought you changed, Nolan. I seriously can’t believe you.”

“I can’t believe myself sometimes, either.”

Her nostrils flare as she glares at me and then she shoves her chair beneath the table, causing a loud scraping against the floor. She dashes between the gaps of the tables to get to the door and as soon as she steps out, I release a breath of relief.

“What was that about?” Dawson asks, taking a sip of his beer.

“It’s nothing.”

“Nah, that was something,” he muses, raising his eyebrows. “Isn’t that Sharon? Why the hell is she here?”

“Because she claims to be visiting her family and some friends,” I sigh. “But to be honest, I think she’s trying to get my attention.”

“She came all the way from California to Miami just to get your attention?” he scoffs over the rim of his beer bottle. “I think that’s trying a little too damn hard.”

“Sharon was never the type to play it cool. She goes overboard on everything.”

“Seems stalkerish.”

“It is stalkerish,” I laugh then take a swig of beer.

I bring up Harper to him and he begins to talk about her, which I’m glad for. I can’t keep talking about Sharon with him. The curious glint in his eyes lets me know he knows something is up and I’m glad he’s the kind of guy who brushes certain conversations off.

I hope she doesn’t try and use the small weapon she has against me and Natalie. What Sharon and I did was nothing. What happened was a mistake. I can’t even remember the damn night because I was pissy drunk but I know for sure she opened up to me and begged for me to take her back. I refused and since then she hasn’t left me alone. Since that night, she’s been like a leach on my back that I can’t seem to get rid of.