Hard to Hold On

chapter Twenty-Two



Nolan



I wake up to the feeling of a million needles pricking at my brain. It’s painful and the sunlight from the curtains doesn’t make it any better. I stare at the white curtains for a brief moment, noticing they aren’t mine. This room isn’t mine. I sit up quickly and look around, taking in the familiar room and then the personal scent of Natalie with a mix of rich, warm vanilla.

How the hell did I get here? I push on my hands to get out of the bed, staggering a bit. My mouth is dry, my head feels like it weighs a million pounds, and my legs are weak. Nothing seems to be functioning correctly. What the f*ck happened?

“It’s about time you woke your drunk ass up,” Dawson says. I look up quickly at him and he’s staring at me, his head cocked as he leans against Natalie’s door frame with a sandwich in his hand.

“What happened?” I wince as I take a step forward, hating the sun.

“Well you came here like the idiot you are and threw up everywhere from your bad case of alcohol poisoning. Natalie stayed up all night with you while you spilled your guts in her toilet and all over her bathroom floor.”

I blink slowly, staring back at him. “Shit, is she still here?”

“Nah. I heard her tell Harp she was going to meet that Brittany chick. Man, we seriously need to talk. You don’t drink like that unless something’s bothering you.”

Groaning, I step past him to get to the kitchen. “Where is Harper?” I ask, aiming to avoid the conversation.

“School.”

I pull down a glass from the cabinet and drown it with water. I gulp it down, not bothering to stop. I turn slowly just as Dawson finishes his sandwich but his eyes don’t drift from me. “Tell me, damn it,” he says with a mouthful of food.

“We broke up,” I mutter. “Does that help?”

“Why? What did you do?”

I raise an eyebrow. “Why do you assume it’s my fault?”

“Hmm . . . maybe because you’re the one that always seems to f*ck up with the ladies. She wouldn’t leave you. She doesn’t have it in her.”

“Whatever.” I fill my cup to the rim again.

“So, what exactly happened? Harper told me Natalie paid a visit to you in Cali after Ms. Iris died . . . I’m sorry about that . . . by the way.”

“It’s the past,” I sigh, staring down at my glass of water.

“I know how much she meant to you and Mills,” he says, raking a hand through his long, sandy hair. “I know it’s been hell for you.”

“It is like hell and my dumbass yelled at Natalie for my pain. I told her I wanted some space but I didn’t expect her to want to continue giving it to me.”

Dawson chuckles, leaning against the fridge. “Natalie’s kind of different. Harper says you cheated on her?”

I frown at him after finishing my second cup of water. “Dawson, I swear to you this time I didn’t cheat on Natalie. Sharon kept popping up and my manager Tike accidentally told her she was with me. He even told her Sharon was my ex which was stupid on his part.”

Dawson laughs, his dark eyes lifting a bit as he jumps up to sit on the counter. “That’s hilarious.”

“It’s not. I think she’s really done with me.”

“Nah.” He hops from the counter and pulls his hair back into a ponytail. “By the way she was worried last night and how late she stayed up just to make sure you were well taken care of, I would say she’s far from done. I would say she’s actually just starting to know it’s not the same without you. I guess your stunt last night hit her soft spot.”

I laugh, placing the glass in the sink. “I didn’t do it for attention. I don’t even remember half of it. I just remember walking here. After that, it’s blank.”

“You’ve got to be in love to walk from your apartment just for her. She must really be your match.”

I shrug. “I love her.”

Keys jingle from a distance and we both spin around as the door creaks open. It takes Natalie only two seconds to step into the kitchen and for her eyes to immediately meet mine. I don’t think she even notices Dawson standing near the fridge. “Nolan,” she breathes, placing her keys on the counter. “I thought you’d be gone by now.”

“Just woke up, Bunny.”

“I can see that,” she says, biting on a smile as she observes me in my blue boxers. I stifle a laugh, adjusting myself to seem a bit more confident.

“Well, let me head out. Harp and I are going for lunch after her class,” Dawson says, pulling his keys out of his cargo pants.

“Sounds cool,” Natalie says, watching him step past her.

“Don’t make up too much!”

Her cheeks burn red at Dawson’s remark but I laugh as I fold my arms. As soon as the door shuts behind him, that’s when the atmosphere grows heavy. Natalie adjusts the strap of her bag while standing on the heel of her shoes.

“So, should I go?” I ask, dropping my arms.

She shrugs. “It’s up to you, not me.”

She forces a smile then licks her lips. I miss those lips. I miss everything about her. “Natalie, why are we making this worse than what it is?”

Shrugging, she takes her bag off and sits it on the counter, along with her book. She makes her way towards the fridge but before she can grab the handle to pull it open, I grab her hand to spin her around. I pin my hands on both sides of her head, pressing my palms flat against the fridge. “Don’t act like we were nothing, Natalie.”

Her breath hitches as she stares at my lips. “I know we weren’t nothing.”

“Then stop brushing me off.” Her brown eyes look from my lips to my eyes. I wait for her to blink but she doesn’t.

“I ran into someone today,” she says.

“Who?”

“Sharon.”

I grimace, pulling back. “How? She doesn’t even know you.”

“It doesn’t matter if she knows me or not. Are you sleeping with her?” she snaps.

“No, Natalie! Why would I be? I told her not to bother me or you before I left.”

Her eyes narrow and then she slips beneath my arm to get away from me. “Something’s fishy, Nolan. Why would she be down here of all places? How could she find me when she doesn’t know what I look like?”

“What did she say to you?”

“That something happened between you and her in California.”

Shaking my head, I run a hand through my hair. I’ve never been the one to handle situations like this. Back then, I used to brush confrontation off and make the girl feel like the weakest link. I never really gave a damn about arguing . . . that is until Natalie came into my life, of course.

“Tell me the truth, Nolan.”

“I promise you I’m not sleeping with her, Natalie.”

She bites her lower lip heavily and something inside of me skyrockets. I want that lip between my teeth. I want her. I step towards her again but she shakes her head, taking slow steps back.

“I’m not in the mood for you right now, Nolan.”

I raise a brow. “Oh really? Since when?”

“Since . . .” She trails off, her eyes falling down to my chest and then my abs, and I smirk as I hook an arm around her waist.

“You don’t miss me?” I ask.

She hesitates on her answer. Then, as she looks into my eyes, I see something spark within them. “I’ve missed you a lot, Nolan.”

Her lips crash against mine and I cup one of my hands around her face, the other gliding down to lift her up so she can wrap her legs around me. Both of my arms fall to hold onto her and I step backwards to get into the kitchen again. The fridge comes into view and her back presses against it, but I don’t stop. I don’t want to. It feels too f*cking good. “I’ve missed you, too, Natalie. So much.”

My hands trail from her waist up to her breast and I slide my tongue into her mouth. She always tastes sweet. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of her. I begin to unbutton her pants, kissing her neck. She moans and I think she’s going to stop me but she doesn’t. I drop her but my lips never leave hers. I begin to slide her jeans down but three heavy knocks bang against the door, stopping my eager hands.

She jumps, startled, and I pull away, taking in her full, swollen lips. “Who is that?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” she breathes.

Frustration takes hold of me and as bad as I don’t want to be away from her, I step back. “Let me go get some clothes on.”

She nods, buttoning her jeans before stepping from in front of me to get out of the kitchen. I hurry for her room before I can be seen in just my boxers and scramble for my clothes lying on the end of the bed. I’m surprised they’ve been washed.

As I tug my jeans on, I hear Natalie gasp and then whisper. A deep voice echoes through the condo and I frown because it doesn’t sound like anyone that I might know. Pulling my shirt over my head, I grab my socks and shoes and slide them on before heading out of her bedroom.

At first sight of the blonde-haired boy, my jaw locks and twitches as his hazel eyes meet mine and he smirks at me. Natalie steps out of the kitchen with her notebook in hand but once she sees me in the living room, her face softens.

“Who’s this?” I ask.

“Nolan, this is Tyler,” she says, placing her notebook on the coffee table. She steps towards me, her eyes nervous. “We’re studying together for a test tomorrow.”

I look up at Tyler who’s smiling softly. He then steps forward with his hand held out but I shake my head, stepping away from him and avoiding the hand he’s offering. “Are you sure that’s all you two are doing?” I ask.

“Yes,” she whispers. “Do you think we can meet up later to talk?”

“How late?” Tyler asks, looking at Natalie.

I frown at him. “Why does it matter?”

“Because I was planning on taking her out later. That’s why.” He slides his fingers into his back pockets casually, still smirking. Jealousy blinds me and then something snaps. I take a step forward but Natalie grips my arm to stop me.

“You aren’t taking her anywhere,” I hiss through my teeth.

“Why not?” He chuckles, bringing a hand up to run it through his hair. “I would say after last weekend we have a lot more in common than I thought. She went upstairs with me to a bedroom and it was—”

In an instant, I yank away from Natalie to rush for him and punch him in the nose. He stumbles back, landing on the sofa as blood spills. I rush to try and snatch him up by his shirt but Natalie yells my name and yanks on my arm before I can hit him again.

“Get off of me, Natalie!” I pull away from her and instead of going for Tyler, I go for the door. Yanking on the door knob, I rush out and hurry for the elevator. The time when I want it to open up immediately, it doesn’t.

“Nolan,” Natalie calls. She places a hand on my shoulder but I turn around, facing her with nothing but rage.

“You were so worried about me sleeping with someone else but you’ve been with another guy this whole time? Who the hell is he, Natalie?”

She flinches but her eyes remain wide, glistening. “He’s a friend, Nolan. I met him at school.”

“You went into bedroom with him?”

She swallows and her grip loosens but I pull away completely, shaking my head. “Nolan, I—”

“Don’t even explain to me, Natalie. I should have known you would turn out like the rest. I should have f*cking known you were too good to be true.”

“Nolan, how could you say that? We weren’t together when I hung out with him. You made me feel so alone! I love you—”

“Obviously not if you’ve moved on this fast with the f*cker in there!” I step around her and rush for the stairs, knowing it’s pointless to wait for the elevator. I can’t face her any longer. I have to get the f*ck out of here.

“Nolan, I’m sorry! It’s not like that!”

I ignore her. I can’t look back. I came back to Miami in hopes that we could work it out. All of this time I’ve been trying not to f*ck up with her but she’s the one who f*cked me over? There’s no telling how long she’s been talking to that dick. The thought of her sleeping with him comes to surface and kills me. The thought of him touching her, kissing her, taking her in his arms makes me cringe.

I hit the last level of stairs and burst out the door. The sun is high and blazing, adding more fuel to my temper. I’m literally on fire on the inside. How could she do this to me? To us?

What’s wrong with me? Every girl I date makes me feel like I’m worthless—like I can’t make them happy. Was she not happy with me? So many thoughts and questions are running through my mind right now and it hurts to think about. It hurts to know maybe Mills was right all along. Maybe she knows she deserves someone better than me. Maybe she’s trying to let me off easily so she can move on for good.