Hard to Hold On

chapter Twenty-Three



Natalie



The look on Nolan’s face nearly kills me. As he storms away from me with nothing but rage it frightens me but hurts me at the same time. It hurts because I know I’ve hurt him. I know he’s upset and I’m still left with unanswered questions from earlier. I wanted to talk about Sharon but his lips distracted me. That body distracted me. I wanted him against me so badly. I’ve missed him but to know I may have actually lost him is stabbing at my gut.

“Why would you say that to him?” I yell at Tyler, slamming the door behind me.

“Is he important to you? He seemed like a dick.”

“He’s not a dick. He’s my boyfriend.”

“You mean your ex-boyfriend,” he corrects. “I can tell by the way he was looking at you. Why was he here?”

My eyebrows pull together as I grab my notebook and pull out the notes from class I had taken yesterday. I shove the papers into his hands and then rush for the door. I don’t have to explain myself to him. “You need to leave.”

“Why?” he chuckles. “I thought we were studying.”

“We’re not, Tyler. Leave.”

Tyler’s smile fades as he looks me over. He then folds the sheets of paper I’d shoved at him and slides them into his back pocket. “I’m sorry I’ve upset you, Natalie, but I think you deserve better than a guy like him.”

“You know nothing about him,” I hiss. He steps forward slowly and my heart pounds. What is he going to do? From what Brittany told me earlier, I’m paranoid to be alone with him now. He finally meets up to me but I grip onto the doorknob, pulling the door open. “I think it’d be best for you to leave.”

“I’m sorry, Natalie,” he whispers, placing his palms flat on the door to shut it. He cages me in with his arms and I stare up into his soft hazel eyes. “I guess I tried too hard. I know he hurt you and I know you deserve better than a guy like him. Let me take you out to make up for my reckless behavior.”

I force myself to swallow the heavy brick in my throat, staring at the blood that’s on his nose. He brings his hand up to run the back of it across my cheek. As he strokes it, I feel my cheeks heating up. My belly is brewing with a feeling I’ve never felt before. I can’t believe it. I’m enjoying how much he intimidates me.

“I’m sorry,” Tyler murmurs again, leaning back a little. “Let me make it up to you.”

“How?” I whisper

He smirks and then pulls his keys out of his pocket. “Let’s get ice-cream. It’s pretty warm today.”

I debate in my mind on whether I should or not. Nolan appears in my thoughts rapidly and I feel guilty but then again I don’t because what Sharon told me earlier has gotten to me. I don’t want to believe anything she’s said but why would she go out of her way and find me just to lie? She was talking about it too casually and for her to know who I am has me curious. Maybe there’s more to it than I know. I can’t continue to reminisce and worry myself about it. My motto for the past forty-eight hours has been “f*ck it and get over it” and I’ll be doing just that. I can’t let it get to me.

“Alright. Let me grab my bag. You can clean the blood from your face in my bathroom,” I finally say. He smiles broadly and then leans in to kiss my cheek.

“I have a lot to learn about you,” he murmurs. “I don’t mind it, though.”

“Yeah,” I breathe, forcing a smile. Whatever that means.

****

“I’m serious,” Tyler says as he grabs a napkin from the table. “Professor Doran is wild. He told me once before that he makes his son audition in plays. His son wants to play basketball but Doran wants him to be an actor. The guy is insane.”

I giggle before taking a lick of my ice-cream. “I love Professor Doran. He teaches differently and I love how I can actually learn with him.”

“You’re huge on writing and reading, huh?”

“Very huge.”

Tyler nods before taking a lick of his strawberry ice-cream. He stares at me and his eyes soften a bit as he rests his elbows on the table. “I’m sorry about . . . earlier. It wasn’t right of me. I just—” He runs a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. “I could just tell he was someone who used to be close to your heart.”

I bite on my lower lip as I look away. He has no clue how close Nolan still is to my heart. Tyler stands and tosses his strawberry ice-cream into the trash can behind him. I look at him, dumb-founded, because I still have a ton of cold vanilla left on my cone. “Why did you throw your ice-cream away?”

“I want to talk.”

“About?”

“You. What is it that you find interesting in a guy—I mean what was it in him that you fell so hard for? Not trying to be rude, but the guy seemed like a huge ass.”

“Nolan is sweet,” I say quickly, defending him. I look up at Tyler who has all of his attention on me, a smirk on his lips. “I just opened my eyes a lot while I was with him. He was patient with me during a hard time. Sweet and there when I needed him to be. He was only being an ass because you were around. He’s not too fond of other guys talking to me or . . . touching me, I guess.”

Tyler chuckles and I look up at him. “Natalie, I can understand why you don’t want anything serious. I understand we should just stick with friendship—to be honest, I don’t want to push it. It’s fun being around you and I’m not trying to ruin it. I won’t give more unless you ask for it.” I grin, my gaze lowering bashfully. Bringing a hand up, he runs his finger across my chin to tilt my head up. “It would be amazing to share more with a beauty like you, but I’m not the kind of guy who rushes into things. I won’t press it unless you’re willing,” he murmurs.

“Tyler—”

He cuts me off, placing his finger against the fold of my lips. He then leans forward to place his against mine. The kiss is slow, sweet, and simple. “Slowly but surely, I guess,” he whispers.

For some reason, I melt and I’m surprised my ice-cream hasn’t melted with me. “Have you been to a game-arcade down here in Miami?” he asks, snapping me out of my daze. “I bet I can whip you bad in some Pac-Man.”

I nod, laughing as I take another lick of my ice-cream. “I haven’t, but that sounds fun.”

Tyler stands and offers his hand to me. I take it and we walk away from the table, hand-in-hand which is odd but it doesn’t feel wrong. At least he knows where we stand. Nothing more than friends with minor benefits, I suppose.