Hard to Hold On

chapter Nineteen



Natalie



As I get into my car and slam my door shut behind me, I feel all of my nerves jumbled into one. I feel all of the pain crashing down inside of me and then the tears build up. I grip the steering wheel tightly, wanting something to hold onto to ease the pain. What is he doing here? I hate that I’ve run into him because now all of the negativity is coming back. Now, reality has set in and I realize that I do have a broken heart I’ve tried to cover up and mend with a party and a few drinks.

I had fun last night, but the fun only lasted for so long and can’t cover up how I really feel. I can’t believe he’s actually come back to Miami. The look in his eyes nearly killed me and I seriously wanted to take him back but I knew better. I knew not to fall into his arms like the idiot that I once was. I know to stay away because all players and cheaters do is lie. They’ll lie straight to my face but, for some reason, Nolan didn’t seem like a liar. He seemed far from it.

“Shit,” I hiss, cranking the car with trembling hands. I pull out of my parking spot, spotting Nolan’s red Mustang sitting at the curb. Seeing it causes my heart to pound and I speed out, hurrying to my destination. I’d rather be at school than anywhere near the guy who promised not to break my heart but did anyway.

****

Class has just started as I swing the door open. I trail down the aisle with my head down, feeling a pair of heavy eyes on me. Tyler is sitting at my old table, the spot next to him available and ready for me. Unfortunately, I don’t go for it. I go for the table where a girl is already sitting. She looks at me and forces a smile but I’m sure she’s considering me crazy for sitting beside her, just like I thought Tyler was crazy for sitting beside me when there were plenty of empty seats left in the room.

“Natalie!” someone hisses. I turn around only to see Brittany standing at the door. Brittany is the first girl I’d met at this community college and she’s pretty down to earth. She’s sweet, into reading, and has a really hot boyfriend that plays a mean acoustic guitar.

I don’t even bother to remove my satchel. I grab my book, stand, push my chair in, and hurry for the back door. I can still feel Tyler’s eyes on me but I don’t dare myself to look his way. I can’t make eye contact with him. I can feel the frustration coming from his direction but I purposely avoid it.

Brittany steps back and I follow her out, allowing the door to shut behind me. “Brittany, where the hell have you been?” I ask, pulling her in for a hug.

“Jordan and I just got back from a cruise,” she sighs. “It was a blast. We made so many stops and picked up a ton of souvenirs. In fact . . . I got you something.” She digs around in her purse and then pulls out a long, silver box to hand it to me. “Go ahead, open it. I saw you rushing to class but had to give it to you before I headed home. When I saw it, the first person I thought of was you.”

I smile lightly, taking the lid off the box and staring down at the encrypted gold pen. The words on it are: “To write is to breathe”. The script of the encryption stretches across the entire length of the pen.

“Wow, Brittany,” I gasp. “I love it. Where did you get it?”

“From a trip in Hawaii. There was a mini gift shop and a whole section full of books and writing supplies. They say this pen came from one of the greatest poets in Hawaii who died two years ago. I can’t remember his name but they made it a huge deal.”

“What? How much did it cost?”

“Only fifty bucks,” she shrugs.

I gasp. “You paid fifty bucks for an ink pen?”

“Hey, it’s worth it! At least I know that you’ll use it a lot.”

“Are you even sure there’s any ink left,” I tease as I twist the pen. The tip rolls out and I draw a line on the top of my hand. “It still writes pretty good.”

“He had it made by someone. It’s supposed to be durable for ten years I think. So . . . you like it?”

“Brittany, I love it!” I pull her in again and she giggles as she hugs me back. As I pull away, the door behind us creaks open and we spin around, only to see the phenomenal Tyler Stokes stepping out.

He looks at me first but once he reaches sight of Brittany, his eyes narrow. “Natalie, can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Um . . .” I bite on my lower lip then look at Brittany who is scowling at Tyler.

“I’ll call you later, Natalie.” She twists around, almost too quickly to seem real, and then dashes down the hallway and out of the door.

Turning slowly, I face Tyler who has his fingertips tucked in his pockets. “You know her?” he asks, smiling casually.

“She’s a friend of mine.”

He nods slowly, licking his lips. “May I ask you something?”

“Sure,” I say as firmly as I can but I have to admit I’m nervous as hell.

“You’re ignoring me. Why?”

“I’m not ignoring you.”

“I had a seat saved for you in there. I saw you look right at it but you went for a seat next to someone you didn’t know? Was last night a regret?”

I shrug as I place my new pen into my satchel bag. I then adjust the strap and my book that’s beneath my arm. “Last night isn’t a regret. It was fun.”

Tyler chuckles lightly but then he does the unexpected. He steps forward and pushes me against the wall, kissing me with a little too much passion. I begin to melt against him as the heat radiates from his firm body but it takes only a few seconds for me to pull away.

“Tyler . . . I—we can’t do this. I’m not feeling well today.”

His eyes harden as he takes a step back. Taking a deep breath, he rakes a hand through his hair and swallows the invisible lump in his throat. “I’m sorry. I’m just . . . it’s been a while. I really like you. I just thought you had fun with me last night.”

I look at him inconspicuously, adjusting the strap of my bag again and taking a step forward. “Last night was fun, but today has been shit for me. I’ll call you soon and we can still study tomorrow I just need a little me-time, you know?”

“Yeah,” he breathes. “Yeah, sure. I can give you that.”

Nodding, I step around him but as he calls my name, I curse beneath my breath. I turn to face him, confused by the smile on his lips. “Please don’t keep me waiting.”

Forcing a smile, I take gradual steps back until my back bumps against the exit door. “I won’t,” I lie before hurrying out.