Hard to Hold On

chapter Sixteen



Nolan



“If she doesn’t answer I’m gonna flip shit,” I grumble as I slouch down on the couch beside Mills.

He chuckles, bringing the rim of his beer bottle to his lips and chugging down a few gulps. His feet are kicked up on the box in front of him and he has various colors of paint all over his arms, his grey T-shirt, and even his faded painter jeans. We had to repaint the living room and Mom’s room today. We also had to take all of the boxes to storage. Doing both of those took up our entire day. It’s around three in the morning and Natalie still hasn’t text me back. We leave tomorrow so if she doesn’t continue to answer I’ll just show up at her condo without a heads up. I really don’t give a f*ck. I need to talk to her.

“Tike really put you in the shithole,” Mills says.

“Deeply,” I mutter. I finally turn the screen of my phone off and place it on top of one of the boxes. “She shouldn’t have thought anything negative, though. Her insecurities always take over her. I hate that.”

“The brain of a girl.” He reaches forward to place his empty beer bottle on the floor and then stands. He stretches while gazing around the empty house. It’s bone-dry in here. Not even our beds are in the rooms. There’s nothing but walls and carpets now. It ripped us in half to have to put everything out but I know it’s going to be worth it. Mills went to the bank and sold the house which is good because we need the money. We just aren’t sure when we’re going to get it. As bad as I don’t want to leave just yet, I have to. I have to save my relationship and I have to do it right. I can’t take the misery I feel without Natalie.

“What if she’s met someone else over there already?” Mills takes out a pillow from the box in front of him and places it on the floor. He then grabs one of the sheets and spreads it out. “I mean, what if she doesn’t want a relationship anymore. She’s still young and she feels like she’s been stabbed in the heart . . . twice. I know you didn’t do anything but she doesn’t know that yet and girls think fast. They move fast. They’re some sneaky creatures.”

“Don’t say shit like that.”

“Hey,” he shrugs. “Just saying. It’s life.”

“I don’t want to think negatively. I love Natalie. I know if I talk to her in person she’ll actually listen. Of course she isn’t going to answer her phone right now after what Tike told her. She’s avoiding me because she thinks that I’ve cheated on her. If I tell her that I never cheated and that I’m there to stay, she’ll come back. It took me a hell of a lot to get her. I had to get past her insecurities—past her lack of trust in men. I don’t want to be a part of her past. She was just starting to open up to me—”

“And then you f*cked up,” Mills says, completing my sentence.

“Yeah,” I sigh.

“Well, tomorrow we’re on the flight to Miami. We’ll take this couch and these two boxes to storage in the morning, hop on the plane, and tap some ass. I’ve been missing Lorie like crazy. Can’t wait to get back to her.” A smile spreads across his lips as he turns his head. I sit for five whole minutes before I actually hear him start to snore. I then grab the keys, pull the door open, shut it behind me, and then march for the car. I need some air and a few drinks and I know exactly where to go.

****

Cali Breeze is a bar on the shore I had always enjoyed going to—especially when my dad had a gig here or just wanted to come for some fun. It’s also the last bar he had performed at on the night he died. Being here is bringing back harsh memories, but I miss him. I can’t be wimp about it anymore. I have to face reality. It’s not the bar’s fault he got shot. It’s those f*ckers’s fault for popping their guns at the wrong man.

Grabbing my beer, I take a heavy gulp before staring ahead at the waves that are crashing in. A waitress comes up to me, asking if I’d like another drink but I tell her no. I should be heading out anyway. I’m going to see Natalie tomorrow but something terrifies me about it. What if Mills is right? What if she doesn’t want a relationship anymore? I don’t know why I always let him get inside of my head—especially when he’s drunk. But when he’s drunk is when he speaks his mind the most. He might be right about her wanting to forget about me. I’ve hurt her in more ways than I thought. I was so selfish to have let her go but now I want her back.

The breeze picks up and nips at my cheeks but I gulp down another swig of beer. “Nolan?” an airy voice calls from behind me.

I turn slowly, facing Sharon who has a glass of wine in her hand. At first sight of her I roll my eyes. “What do you want?”

She giggles as she steps to my side. She pulls the stool back that’s to my right and sits with me. “You,” she says.

“Too bad. Go away.”

She studies me as I take another swallow of beer. “You’re being so rude to me,” she says teasingly. “I told you I was sorry.” My gaze shifts from the body of water to her. Her wide eyes blink at me as she presses her lips together. “You want to know something?” she asks.

I sigh heavily, hoping to get her to go away.

“I’m going to Miami for a visit as well.”

“Well I hope we don’t run into one another,” I sigh. “That’d be a joy-killer.”

She laughs, as if I’m joking. “Nolan, you have seriously manned-up. I love it.” She touches my shoulder but I pull away.

“Sharon, I’m going to tell you something. Not that it isn’t obvious, but I want nothing to do with you. I don’t care if you were my mom’s favorite student or that I was even in love with you—actually, yes. Yes I do. I do care that you broke my heart because it gave me the realization that you weren’t the one for me. I found the one and she’s waiting for me in Miami, where I’m supposed to be.” I sigh heavily, running a hand through my hair. “Just do me a favor and leave me alone. Don’t try to purposely run into me at Miami and don’t try to call my phone. I’m going to be with her and I don’t need anyone in my way—especially someone like you.”

Sharon swallows some of her wine as she stares into my eyes. She then looks towards the body of water and her eyes glisten. “I told you I was sorry.”

“Sorry is just a word. Not that I don’t forgive you, I just can’t stand what you did to me. We can never be friends. It’s just not going to happen.” I grab my beer to finish it off and then slam the empty bottle on the counter. “And don’t try your sneaky shit. I know you have a relative in Miami you’re most likely going to visit but I find it weird that you’re going on the same week as I am.”

“Whatever, Nolan,” she grumbles, standing to her feet, her black dress rising and revealing a bright glimpse of her thighs. “But don’t think I don’t know you. All it takes is a few drinks and a bedroom to get you to break down.” She runs a hand across my cheek but I smack it away. Her eyes broaden in awe before she sips on her wine again. “The angry sex will be the best part. I’ll let you get it all out if that’s what it takes for you to want me again.”

“Get the hell out of my face, Sharon.”

Her fingers trail across my chest and she giggles before clunking away in her high red heels. A sigh of relief brushes past my lips as I watch her disappear before I hurry to the back exit. I can’t run into that girl. I can’t be alone with that girl. I’ve come a long way from where I was before but . . . I’m not completely there yet. It’s not safe enough for me to be around any girl alone—no girl other than Natalie. If I’m caught with Sharon alone—drunk, especially—I don’t know what I’ll end up doing.