Hard to Hold On

chapter Twenty-Nine



Natalie



A buzzing noise is the first thing I hear before my eyes open. Groaning, I flip on my side knowing it’s my phone but I’m not fully prepared to see Nolan’s face or body in the way. His eyes are shut but his mouth is gaping open and he’s snoring. I pause, taking a quick look around. My phone is on the night stand beside him, meaning I’ll risk waking him up. The sun is barely peeking through my curtains so I know it’s extremely early.

Reaching my arm across, I lean over Nolan without touching him but then I wince, feeling something burn beneath my shirt. “Ouch. Shit,” I hiss, my hand recoiling as I flop on top of him.

He grunts heavily and his eyelids fly open. He looks down at me with stitched eyebrows but once he realizes it’s just me, his face softens. “What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice gravelly.

“Nothing, I was just trying to get my phone . . .” I hesitate, staring down at my hand that’s pressed against his chest before pulling back a little. “Why are you here?” I ask.

“I can’t be with you anymore?”

“I’m just wondering.” Thoughts of the party come to mind and then our sex. Thinking about it causes my stomach to spiral in the best way possible. I can feel his hard-on through the sheets and I’m sure it would be nice to feel inside of me right now but the pain on my stomach interrupts my thoughts. Pulling away from Nolan and pulling my shirt up, I stare down at the Band-Aid right above my rib and frown. “What the hell is this?”

“It’s what happens when you hang with people that you barely know,” he sighs, sitting up to hike himself against the head board.

I frown, eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

He ignores me as he climbs out of bed. He grabs for his shorts and then makes his way to the door. “I’ll tell you all about it later. Right now, I have a surprise for you.”

My spirit lifts a bit. “What is it?”

He holds up a finger before stepping out of the room. I hear rustling and then whispering. Harper groans, snapping irritably but then it’s quiet again. I frown as I try to listen in but it’s faint. I can’t make out a damn thing.

Nolan’s finally pops his head in and smiles, his bright eyes meeting mine. “Ready?”

“Yeah. I’m pretty curious to know what it is now.”

He smirks, pulling his head back and whispering something to someone behind him.

“Alright, damn it. I got it,” Harper snaps.

The door swings open and in comes Nolan, Harper, and Dawson. Dawson has balloons, Harper has a cake in her hands, and Nolan has his guitar strapped around him. “Um . . . I’m sorry,” I say, laughing. “What is this?”

“A way to celebrate Natalie Carmichael’s birthday,” Nolan says.

“What?” I gasp, grinning. “You actually remembered?”

“Of course I did,” he chuckles. “You wouldn’t shut the hell up about it for the past four months. It’s your twentieth birthday and I want to make it as special as possible.”

He places his fingers against the strings of his black guitar and I stare at him, grinning like a little girl with a brand new Barbie doll. He begins to sing “Happy Birthday” and I’ve never been more excited than now. I really didn’t think he would remember. November twenty-seventh is a day I’ve completely forgotten about and that’s mainly because so much has been going on that my birthday is the last thing to come to mind.

As soon as Nolan finishes his song, Dawson and Harper scream “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

“Wow, guys. Thank you,” I say. “But no cake right now. It’s, like, seven in the morning.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Harper yawns. “He acted like he couldn’t wait a little later and wake you up with a simple “Happy birthday, Natalie”. Guys are so overrated.”

“Oh, are we, babe?” Dawson asks, taking the cake out of her hand and placing it on top of the dresser. She giggles as he picks her up in his arms and then makes his way out of the door. “Nolan we’ll pick your car up from the lake house when we go and get Harps,” Dawson says, his eyes hard on Harper.

“Happy birthday, Nat!” Harper squeals. “We’re going out for dinner later so be ready!” she calls before disappearing.

I laugh, listening as her bedroom door shuts and then I look at Nolan who’s placing his guitar in the corner. “I seriously can’t believe you remembered, Nolan. I didn’t expect you to.”

“I wouldn’t forget my Bunny’s birthday.” He climbs on top of the bed and steals a kiss. “She means too much to me.” He kisses me again and I kiss him back. This feels so right. We always feel right. Natural. I can’t believe I’ve been away from it for so long.

“I bet my parents have been calling me constantly,” I say as I pull away from him to get to my phone. Back when I lived with them, they would come up to my bedroom at six-twenty in the morning and scream “happy birthday” to me. Six-twenty AM is when I was born, twenty years ago. Sure enough, as I check it, there are a dozen missed calls from the both of them.

“Give me a sec,” I say to Nolan as I climb off the bed.

“Take your time, babe. I have until two today.”

“Why two?” I ask curiously.

“Some of us have jobs and bills to pay.” He winks, standing from the bed to stretch. He then stares at me, his smile fading. “Do you . . . do you remember last night at all?” he asks.

“What about it?”

“After you left from me you went with Tyler. He took you outside and later on you came from the trees scratched up and nearly unconscious.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “I remember talking to Tyler, yeah, but I don’t remember the scratched-up-trees part.”

I gaze down at my stomach, remembering the Band-Aid. “Natalie, I’ve been trying to get you to remember but it seems like you can’t. Last night you kept saying his name and then you said something about denying him.” His eyes turn stern as he takes a step towards me. “I’m worried about you. I don’t want you hanging with him anymore.”

“Nolan, I’m fine,” I say through a dry laugh. “I swear. Tyler’s a sweet guy. I’m sure I just fell or something.”

“Oh yeah?” He frowns, taking another step forward. “Then why hasn’t he been answering his phone? I called him last night from your phone because I wanted to find him and beat his ass for leaving you out there but he didn’t pick up.”

I shrug, staring into his eyes. “Nolan . . . I don’t know. I’ll call him later and ask him about it.”

“I don’t want you to see him by yourself. If he asks you to meet him, you let me know and I’ll go with you.”

“Why is it such a big deal?”

“I don’t trust him and neither should you, Natalie. I find it strange that he isn’t answering his phone after something happened to you. After you passed-out randomly. You were fine while you were with me. That doesn’t bother you? It sure as hell bothers me. Unlike that idiot, I care.”

As I stare at Nolan, that’s when what Brittany said to me at the coffee shop comes to mind. She dated him and passed out at one of his parties. She couldn’t remember anything but she woke up sore and tried to call him for weeks but he wasn’t answering.

I try to conceal my emotions and luckily it works because I don’t want Nolan to see me get all panicky. “We’ll talk about it later, okay?”

I don’t leave him time to respond because I’m out of my bedroom and hurrying for the balcony. I take a deep breath and brush it off. It’s my birthday and right now I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to assume that Tyler may actually be harmful after he’s been such a gentleman towards me.

I call my parents and luckily they’re both together because it spares me the need to make two phone calls. It’s been a week since I’ve talked to my parents but that’s only because they’ve been extremely busy. Dad is booked for the next month and has been working under the hood and beneath cars constantly and Mom always volunteers to work overtime at the hospital, as always. She tells me she’s been shopping a lot more so that’s a good sign. She’s finally starting to open up to her creative side.

“Nat, you gotta let me see the new hair-do,” my dad says.

I laugh. Ever since I’ve brought it up, he’s been asking me to snap a picture. “I’ll take a picture and send it later, Dad. Harper and I are going out so when I’m dressed and nice-looking I can send you one.”

“You’re always nice-looking to me, Nat,” he says.

“Yeah, I agree!” my mom interrupts. “But I do want to see. I’ve always wondered what jet-black would look like on you. I bet it’s hot.”

“It’s awesome, Mom. I love it.” Nolan comes into view, bringing me back to where I really am. Back to reality and a ton of confusion. When I talk to my parents, I always get excited. I’m always pulled away from the world because lately they’ve been making me smile like an idiot. I miss them and it’s a good thing I’m going to see them for Christmas. “Guys, I have to go. It was nice talking to you and thanks for the birthday wishes. I love you so much.”

“We love you, too, Nat,” my dad says. “And don’t forget my pic. I’ve got to see this.”

“I won’t,” I giggle.

“Love you, Natty!” my mom calls.

They hang up and I sigh, turning around to look at Nolan. He’s already smiling at me, his head tilted and his eyes curious. “Seems like things are a lot better between your parents,” he says.

“Things are much better,” I sigh. “I’m glad they’re happy again.”

“Yeah. Now it’s our turn to be.”

I pull my lips in and bite on them, forcing myself to keep my eyes on him. “Are you coming out for dinner tonight?” I ask quickly, hoping it will overcome how turned on I am.

“Yep. Wouldn’t miss it for the world. You’ll just have to text me and let me know where we’ll be eating at.” He takes a few steps forward to get to me and as his solid, bare chest brushes against mine, I inhale sharply. “You were probably thinking about what happened between me and Sharon in California when you walked away from me last night, weren’t you?”

“How’d you know?” I ask sarcastically.

“I know you. You never let shit go.”

“Not true,” I say, scowling at him.

“Very true, Bunny.”

“It’s only if that person means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me. I just need to know you won’t do it again. Promise me.”

“I promise I’ll never do it again, Natalie. I told you I want to change. I f*cked up—I know—but I swear on both of my parents’ graves that I will never hurt you like that again. I’m putting it on my parents, Natalie. That’s saying a lot.”

I look into his soft grey eyes and a smile touches his lips. I know it means a lot. When it comes down to his parents it means he’s taking the situation seriously. He lifts my knuckles to his lips and kisses them. His lips are warm and his breath tickles my skin as he stares into my eyes. He then leans forward to press those lips against my cheek. I ignite on the inside and without even realizing it, I’ve moved in closer.

Chuckling, he brings his head down, his lips colliding with mine. I tangle my fingers through his silky, dark hair as he lifts me up to hold me in his arms. Hooking my legs around his waist, I sink against his chest and he makes his way to my bedroom.

After he’s shut the door behind him with his foot, he lays me on the bed and his lips trail down to my neck. “One for the road, Bunny,” he murmurs, pulling my pajama shorts down.

I melt between his fingers and allow him to go for it. What do I have to lose?