Trying Not To Love You

When I made it home that night, everyone was in the living room watching movies. I peeked in to see if Hunter was in there, and thankfully, he wasn't. I sat on the arm of the couch near Mason. "Hey guys."

"Hey, where were you?" Hailey asked.

"Oh, I just went for a walk, trying to clear my head." I grabbed the hem of my shirt, messing with it, trying not to make eye contact.

"Kenzie, can I talk to you for a minute outside?" Jaylinn asked, standing up from Coopers lap.

"Um, yeah sure." I put my hands in my pockets, and looked down to the ground, then made my way outside with her.

"So I know shit is all screwed up with you and Hunter, but what you said to him was f*cked up Kenz. You know how much he hates Dom for what he did to you. What do you do? You go and throw that shit in his face that Dom was there for you and Hunter wasn't. That's low Kenz."

I didn't think she would understand and I didn't expect her to. I just hoped after I figured everything out, that she would understand. "You don't understand what's been going on and I don't expect you to. But I stay out of your relationship with Coop, and you need to stay out of mine."

Looking apologetic, she said, "I know and I am trying. I just want you to know that it is killing him Kenz. He's a mess. Coop and I had to go pick him up from the bar just a little bit ago. He never drinks like this Kenz." A shadow passed by the light from the deck, but she kept talking. "Please, at least talk to him."

"Stay out of it Jay!" Hunter's voice boomed through the silent night. He came down the stairs to where we were on the patio. "Mind your own f*cking business." He was furious, livid.

Jaylinn looked at Hunter and then back at me, closed her eyes and shook her head. "I'm just trying to help, but you two seem to be doing such a f*cking good job yourselves that I will let you be." She stomped off towards the house.

I did not want to wait around to see if I was the one who got yelled at next, so I followed her in and went up to my room. In a small way, I hoped Hunter would have asked me to talk, but I knew it was for the best that he didn't.

I grabbed a pair of shorts and a tank top and decided to relax in a nice hot bath. I had to deal with this one way or another; this wasn't something that would just go away with time. Realizing I didn't have the first clue where to start, I figured I would talk to my mom. She had handled Jackson and Chloe telling her she was pregnant pretty well. I could only hope she would handle this that well too.

After I turned all wrinkly, and the water had run cold, I got out and went to put my clothes on, but realized I left them on my dresser. I opened the door to make sure no one was in the hallway, and quickly ran into my room.

I had dropped my towel, and was pulling on my tank top when the door to my room flew open. I yelped in surprise. "What the hell Hunter, get out."

He froze in place, staring at my bare ass. "Hunter!" I yelled again.

Shaking his head, he looked at me and then moved towards me. "Why didn't you lock the door?"

I quickly grabbed my shorts and pulled them on. "I shouldn't have to. Normal people knock first, a*shole."

He reached up, tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and took a deep breath. I stood completely still, waiting for his next move. "God CC, you're killing me. You need to talk to me, tell me what's going on with us. I know I screwed up and took shit out on you, but we can work it out. Just stop running from me." He started swaying where he stood.

"Hunter, you're drunk. I'm not talking to you about anything. Now get out." I pushed his shoulders back a little, letting him know I was serious but I didn't let go of him for fear he would fall over.

"I'm not drunk." He was slightly slurring his words. He may not be drunk but he was feeling pretty good. "I want you so f*cking bad it hurts, CC."

His words were squeezing my heart so tight I felt like I couldn't breathe. I wanted him too, but not like this, not until he knew my secret. "I can't Hunter. It hurts me too, but I just can't do it."

I needed him to wrap me in his arms and tell me everything would be ok, that we would figure things out together. I gripped his shirt where my hands were still on his shoulders and pulled him so we were close but not quite touching. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath; he smelled manly and clean, with a hint of his cologne that I loved so much. His smell settled me. He lifted my chin with his fingers. He was shaking, or maybe that was me.

"CC please, even if it's for tonight. I just need to hold you."

I took a deep breath. I could do this. We didn't need to do anything and I doubt he would even remember come morning. I know this is a bad idea, but I need him too. I'll slip out before he wakes and hope he doesn't remember this.

"Fine, but nothing is happening Hunter. It can't." I let go of him, went to pull down the covers from my bed and crawled in. I heard Hunter wrestling with something behind me. Please let it only be his shoes. I cannot have him cuddled up to me skin to skin. Luck wasn't on my side tonight. When he got in bed, he was in nothing except his boxers.

"Hunter, you need to put your clothes back on. I don't need my parents walking in here, and seeing you practically naked, lying in my bed." My parents wouldn't come in here but he didn't need to know that. I just needed his clothes back on.

"It's fine CC, just lay here with me." Hunter said, with his eyes half closed.

Huffing, I reached under my head, took one of my pillows and shoved it between us; Hunter looked down at the pillow, reached for it and threw it on the floor, then pulled my body so my back was against his chest. "Stop fighting me." He whispered.

His arm snaked around my waist and his hand spread out over my stomach. I tensed. "Stop pushing it." I moved his hand down my body so it rested on my hip. I was self-conscience about my stomach, knowing I was pregnant now.

After a few minutes of complete stillness, I heard Hunter whisper, "I love you," and then a second later he was lightly snoring. I was finally able to relax and fall asleep. I snuggled up to him a little closer, wanting to take advantage of this time.

The next morning, I woke up before Hunter even stirred. As soon as I opened my eyes, I ran to the bathroom to throw up. After that, I went back into my room as quietly as I could, grabbed some clothes and went back into the bathroom to get ready for what could be the worst day of my life.

Mom was leaning against the kitchen island reading the paper and drinking her coffee. I could not see anyone else around, and thankfully, she wasn't cooking anything. "Morning, Mom."

She took off her glasses and set them down on the island. "Morning baby girl, you want something for breakfast?"

I took a deep breath, trying hard not to think of food. "No thanks, I was going to go for a walk. You want to come with me?"

"Oh, um, sure." She finished her coffee, sat the cup in the sink and we left for our walk.

"So," She crossed her arms over her chest. We were walking down the sidewalk towards the park I met Dominic at last night. "You want to tell me what's going on with you and Hunter?"

Here goes nothing I guess. It is probably better to start at the beginning. "Well, it was Mason that we were fighting over; things were pretty tense for a while. We were fighting off and on and I was constantly panicking that at any minute he would tell me he couldn't work things out with me. I kept getting sick, worrying about it all the time. He found out that Dominic came over to the house on Christmas, and was pissed off because I hadn't told him. I told Hailey I needed some space from him, so I took off one night from his house while waiting for Hailey; I guess that pissed him off even more. He didn't talk to me for two weeks after that. A guy from school covered my shift yesterday so I could leave early and come home." We stopped at the stop sign, looked to make sure there were no cars coming then crossed the street. "I ran into Dominic on my way home from work that night, and he asked if we needed a ride home. I guess Hunter came looking for me and when I wasn't there he panicked and called you."

"He told me he had a feeling you were with Dominic. He went to Dominic's dorm room and he wasn't there either but Hunter wasn't sure. Sweetie, I know this isn't any of my business but he really does love you and your brothers. He was torn between you guys."

"I know mom, I just wish things didn't end the way they did. Mason, I think, finally got his head out of his ass about us, but it's a little too late now."

"It's not too late if you don't let it be. I know you love him." Mom said smiling at me.

I started crying, and sat on a bench that we were passing. "Mom, he's going to hate me for what I did. He is going to think I'm trapping him. I don't know how I am going to be able to tell him. I'm so scarred he's going to leave me for good."

She sat down next to me, and hugged me into her side. "Tell me what's going on baby girl."

I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked her direction, "I'm so sorry mom. I didn't mean for this to happen but I'm pregnant."

Mom blinked a few times, letting the words sink in. Disappointment crossed over her face, and then realization as to what I just said hit her. She didn't say anything for a while; I started shaking from my nerves. Was she upset, mad? I needed her to say something, anything.

She reached over and grabbed my hand, I sighed with relief. Maybe things would be ok. I could deal with her being upset with me because I was upset with myself.

"MacKenzie," She squeezed my hand. "I can see how upset this is making you and it should. You have such a bright future ahead of you. I'm not saying you can't have that now, but it's going to be a struggle." A few tears fell from her eyes. "I didn't want this to happen to you. I am disappointed, but it has happened and now we have to deal with it. We, sweetie, not just you. Your whole family is here for you."

The tears flow freely now, and my mom wraps me in her arms and shushes me.

"I take it you haven't told anyone yet?" She asks, running her hands through my hair.

"Not really, only Chloe, Hailey and Dominic." I said through the sobs.

"Dominic?" I knew she would be surprised. After all, she knows I don't talk to him anymore.

"Yeah, he's actually the one that bought me the test. Logan, the guy I work with, figured it out pretty quickly. He told Dominic that I was acting the same way his sister did over winter break. I think that's why Dominic took us home. Any other reason and I don't think he would have chanced it with Hunter and the boys."

Nodding at me, she said, "You need to tell Hunter sweetie. This isn't something you can hide from him. If he doesn't want any part of this, then it is what it is but I don't think that will happen. Your family is here for you, and before you even ask, yes, they are going to be upset over this, but no one will turn their backs on you or my little grandchild in there." She said as she rubbed my stomach.

Calming down a little, I wiped the final tears out of my eyes, and hugged my mom as tight as I could. "I love you mom."

"Aww, I love you too baby girl." She said hugging me back. "Have you called the doctors or anything yet?"

"No. I have no idea what I need to do, which is another reason I decided to talk to you first."

She took my hand in hers. "Well, first thing we need to do is call and make an appointment to see the ob-gyn. They will have you take a test in the office and will also do some blood work." She stood up, and pulled me up with her. "Let's get back to the house," she pulled her sleeve up to look at her watch. "and make an appointment. Someone should be in the office until noon."

Smiling my first real smile in a few days, I said, "Let's do it."

Mom stopped walking and gave me another apologetic smile. "You are going to have to tell your brothers and your father, but I'll be there with you."

"Well, Mason was pissed at me already, so I might as well add this to his list of reasons now; I just hope he doesn't murder Hunter. I know Coop and Jackson will be upset with me. And dad, ugh I don't even want to think about it."

"We will get through it as a family sweetie."