Trying Not To Love You

What was I going to do? Neither one of us was ready to have a baby, neither one could afford to provide for a baby. Hunter was graduating this year and then would be enrolling into a police academy; I wasn't even sure where he was planning on living. I still had 3 years to finish so that I could become a teacher, something I have always wanted to do since I was little. Yes, Hunter and I both had jobs to help pay for things we needed but not enough to take care of a baby. Would he even want our baby? Would I be a single mom? There was no way I was aborting my baby or giving him or her up for adoption. I could not even think about it. It just wasn't an option for me.

Mom and dad are going to be so disappointed in me, Hunter's mom too. All they want is to see us graduate and make something of ourselves, and I messed it all up. I dread telling them that I made a mistake, but I would live up to it. It was my fault that I got Hunter and me into this mess.

My brothers are going to kill Hunter. Yes, Cooper and Jackson were ok with us dating, but now to have to tell them about this? Oh God. Mason really was going to murder Hunter. There is no way I can let them find out.

I needed to get out of here; I needed to figure out what I was going to do. I put the test back in the box and shoved it in my purse. I opened the door and the smell of bacon and eggs immediately hit me again. I quickly shut the door and took a couple of deep breaths, trying to think of anything but getting sick.

My stomach settled. I took a few more deep breaths in and out of my mouth. I could do this. I would walk out there and say I have to go do something with mom and pray I don't get sick.

I opened the door and took a few more breaths. I can do this. I walked into the living room and lay down next to Alex on the floor. "Hey baby, Aunt Kenzie has to go. Grandma needs me to go with her to the store. I'll see you later, ok." I kissed the little peach fuzz on his head.

I went over to Jackson, reached up, placed a kiss on his cheek and told him, "I'll talk to you later. Mom wants me to run some errands with her."

"You're not going to stay for breakfast?" The second he even mentioned it, my stomach clenched.

"No, I'm not really hungry anyway."

I went over to Chloe and kissed her cheek. She whispered in my ear, "Call me later."

"I'll talk to you guys later. Chloe, maybe we could grab lunch or dinner this week since I'm home on break."

"Yeah sure sounds good, we have to talk about the wedding anyway, get some ideas for bridesmaids dresses." Chloe said as she walked and put her arms around Jackson.

Oh my God, there is no way I can be in that wedding looking like a whale. "Um yeah sure sounds good."

I was walking down the driveway when I heard footsteps behind me. Damn it, I thought I was in the clear. I acted as if I didn't hear anything, quickly made it into the car and started it up but Jackson was at the window knocking on it.

I pressed the button and the window rolled down. "You sure everything is ok? You hate waking up before noon Kenzie."

"Yeah, I just couldn't sleep. I haven't been sleeping well since Hunter and I broke up. No big deal." I shrugged my shoulder, praying he would buy it.

"I'll talk to Mason and Hunter this week and get this shit worked out. I don't want there to be any problems at my wedding."

"No!" I yelled a little too loud. "No, its fine. Mason said he was going to talk to Hunter, so just let them work it out, ok?"

Huffing he said, "Fine but if by the end of the week those a*sholes aren't talking, I'm going to make them."

"Fine, do whatever you want, but just let them work it out themselves first." My phone beeped from inside my purse. I dug it out. It was Chloe, saving me. "Look I have to go. That was mom looking for me."

"Yeah alright, love ya, see ya later." Jackson stepped away from the car and I put it in reverse and made my way home.

When I got home, Hunter's truck was in the driveway. I didn't want to go in, but I didn't have anywhere else to go since Hailey was here. My other friends were gone for spring break or still at school. I parked next to Hunter's truck, and decided to try to sneak in the back door and right up the steps.

I wasn't so lucky, because Hunter, Mason and Hailey were sitting at the kitchen table. I turned, shut the door, kept my head down and walked right out of the kitchen. I heard the legs of the chair scrape the floor and Hunter saying, "Wait."

I didn't wait though; as soon as my feet hit the steps, I took off, ran into my room and locked it. I rested my back against the door just as Hunter banged on it.

"CC, we need to talk. Let me in." He yelled through the door.

I dropped my head back against the door. Why now? I can't do this. I can't worry about him. I needed to worry about me. I needed to ignore him until I can figure this out.

"CC, please open the door." He tried to wiggle the door handle.

"Hunter, just go away. I don't have anything to say to you." My voice started to crack. I just wanted him to come in here and tell me everything would be ok. He wouldn't though because he didn't know. If he did he would be running the other way.

"Fine, for right now, I'll leave you alone, but this isn't over." he said, sounding frustrated.

I kicked off my shoes, laid in my bed and started sobbing. I thought of how I really messed everything up. Once Hunter found out about me being pregnant, he would leave me, probably for good. How could I be so stupid? I put my headphones in, and eventually, cried myself to sleep.

When I finally woke up, it was dark in my room. I pulled my headphones out, reached over and turned the lamp next to my bed on. Hunter sat on the chest at the end of the bed with his head in his hands.

I sat up and asked, "What are you doing in here?"

He turned around to look at me. "Mason picked the lock since you weren't answering anyone. Once we came in, we realized you had your headphones in." He shook his head and continued. "I thought you did something stupid."

"Well, now that you know I didn't, you can go." I didn't want him in here; I didn't want anyone in here.

He sighed. "Is this how things are going to be with us now? Can we not even be in the same room together? I love you CC. I'm sorry for the way shit went down between us; I didn't know how to handle it."

"Hunter, it's a little too late for apologies now." Do not cry. Hold it together. "You told me you wouldn't break my heart again, and you did. You said you picked me this time, but you didn't." The tears started flowing. "Please just leave." I begged.

"No, I'm not leaving. I did pick you. I do pick you." He walked over and sat next to me on the bed, and I moved away. He frowned, "I know I acted like an a*shole. I am an a*shole. I shouldn't have been taking that shit out on you. You don't need that. Mason and I talked, and I think he finally gets that I am not going to hurt you. Look…"

I cut him off, "But you did exactly what he said you would do. You hurt me Hunter. I can't…"

He slammed his lips down on mine. He tried to deepen the kiss but I wasn't having it. I couldn't with this secret between us. Hunter's fingertips reached the bottom of my shirt, lying on my stomach.

I pushed him back; I couldn't let him touch me, especially not my stomach. "Stop, you can't make everything better by doing that."

"CC, I love you. I need you." Hunter said, breathing heavy.

I turned my head towards the window and whispered, "I don't need you."

He sucked in sharp breath, "You don't mean that; I know you don't. Your flushed body and goose bumps tell me you don't mean that. CC, baby, please talk to me. We have to fix this. I'm screwed up without you."

I had to get him out of here. He was killing me, and I knew I had to say something that would hurt him. "There isn't anything left for you to fix. Dominic took care of me when you wouldn't." I sobbed the last part out. I could not believe that had come out of my mouth.

Hunter sat up, and ran his hand threw his hair. I wanted to run my hands through the same hair. God, why could he not just leave? It was killing me to hurt him like this. He stared at me. I could see the storm in his eyes, the rage pulsing through his body. This was what I needed him to feel to keep him away from me. I needed to figure out this pregnancy on my own. I couldn't burden him with this.

"Are you f*cking serious?" he finally asked.

I nodded. He got up and stormed out of my room. A few minutes later, I heard his truck start. I quickly scrambled over to my purse called Dominic.

"Kenzie, hang on." He must be at some kind of party, because the music was blasting. "Hey, everything ok?"

Twisting my fingers, I said, "Um, not really. Where are you?"

"At Jason's party with Brittany, what's going on?"

"I kind of just told Hunter that you've been taking care of me. I'm sorry; I didn't know what else to tell him. He wouldn't leave me alone." I said nervously.

"Don't worry about it. So, I guess you took the test?" I heard keys jiggling in the background.

"Yeah and I'm sure you already know the answer." I said, trying not to cry again for the hundredth time.

"Yeah, I'm going to swing by. Is that ok?" He asked as I heard his car start up.

"What about Brittany? I don't think it's such a good idea. Hunter might come back. And then world war three might start." That was the last thing that needed to happen right now.

"Don't worry about Brittany. She'll understand. Why don't you meet me at the park around the corner? I'll pick you up there and we'll talk."

I looked over at the clock. It was only nine, and I had slept for so long that I wasn't even tired. "Yeah ok, ten minutes and I'll meet you there."

"Yeah, I'll be waiting," Then he hung up.

I put my shoes back on, threw my hair up in a ponytail and pulled on one of Hunter's hoodies that I stole from his home. It still smelled exactly like him. It gave me a little comfort knowing his smell wrapped around me. The pain in my chest was not any less but I would deal with that one day at a time.

No one seemed to be home, so walking out of the house was easy. I made it to the park in no time. Dominic was there waiting for me on one of the park benches, with some crackers and a ginger ale.

I looked at Dominic and smiled. This was my old Dominic: sweet, caring and loving. "This always helps when I get sick." He shrugged his shoulders.

I smiled, a real smile. "Thank you, but I think it's better if I don't eat for now since my stomach is settled."

"Yeah, ok. So, you are pregnant huh?" He could not look me in the eyes when he asked.

"Yes, but you already knew that." I grabbed his hand and he looked at me. "How did you know?"

Dominic chuckled. "Well actually I didn't. Logan did."

What? "Logan knew?" I'm confused. I didn't even know until now. "How?"

Dominic moved his hand back into his lap. "He called me Thursday while you were working and said he knew you were. His sister was the exact same way when he was home on Christmas break."

"Oh." Logan was talking about me. He did not get anyone pregnant. Now it made sense. Maybe Logan was a good guy after all. He could have just looked the other way and I still wouldn't know I was pregnant.

"So," He looked nervous, like he wasn't sure we should be talking about this or not. "What are you going to do?"

"Honestly," I looked over at him and met his stare. "I have no idea. I'm so scared; I'm not ready to be a mom yet, but...," I took a deep breath. "I don't really have a choice now. It's not weird or anything for me to be talking to you about this is it?"

"No, I think I always knew deep down that you would wind up with Hunter, but I kept hoping it would be me." he said, giving me a wink.

Dominic and I talked for two hours before I realized how late it was. I didn't take my phone with me, so I knew that my brothers would come looking for me. Dominic walked me home, even though I insisted that I was fine. Everyone was home when we made it to the house and Hunter's truck was back in the driveway.

"So, it's probably a good idea if I walk up alone." I wrapped my arms around myself.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I've had Hunter beat my ass enough this year." He said laughing. "Plus, Brittany is waiting for me."

"Funny." I said sarcastically. "How are things with Brittany anyway?"

"Well, not so good right now. She came all the way up here to confront me about knocking you up."

"What! How does she know?"

"She doesn't. I denied everything. She just thought she knew."

"Well thanks for everything Dominic. I'll talk to you later, I'm sure."

He tucked his hands in his pocket and nodded. "I think you should tell him Kenzie. He may be pissed off at first. Shit, he may not even believe you, but he needs to know. Figure things out together you know. He is just as much a part as this as you are."

A few tears fell. He was being so sweet. "Thanks, we'll see what happens." I gave him a kiss on the cheek, and went home.