- 3 -
Aimee has been bubbly and talkative all week, especially today, so I thought she was okay. I was wrong. As I left my last class and headed into the bathroom stall nearby, I heard a girl crying in another one.
I’m not usually the person who helps people stop crying but I’m not heartless and leave them there to cry alone so I left my stall, huffing, and looked under the doors for feet. I saw a pair of nude pumps and I knew who it was instantly.
I knocked on the stall door and asked Aimee if I can come in. She unlocked the door and stared at me with a mascara streaked face. God, I know this phase and I always hated it. The heartbreak is never worth it.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, chewing on my bottom lip. I’m not good with this. I’ve always had my problems but people were always there for me. I’m never usually the listener when it comes to other people.
She grabbed my sweater and pulled me into the stall, closing the door. “He has a new girlfriend,” Aimee cried, wrapping her arms around me and getting a little too close to the girls. “It’s only been two weeks and he has a new girlfriend.” This is why I hate men. Most of the time they’re just f-ucking assholes.
“How long have you two dated?”
“A year.”
Aimee looked up at me and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
“I’m an idiot. I know. He broke up with me, I shouldn’t care but I do,” she cried, sniffling even more.
“Aimee, you’re not an idiot. He is. He thinks he’s happy right now but you’ll see that in a month…or three he’ll be feeling like shit for leaving you,” I said, grabbing some toilet paper and dabbing her face. “Just let it out, Aimee. Crying sucks but you need to do it.” I would know.
“We loved each other,” she sobbed, tightening her arms around me. I wish it was less awkward than me standing here not really knowing what I should do but I tried. “We had a future.” Then she completely broke and let it all out. In the bathroom stall. With no shame at all.
It felt like hours passed but it was probably only thirty minutes. When Aimee washed her face and made herself pretty so no one would see what just happened, we headed out of the bathroom and I collided into Logan. I know because the smell of him hit me first.
“Do you want to go to your dorm?” he asked, completely ignoring me as he hugged Aimee. I can see that my job is done so I started to walk away. Why be the third wheel of…that.
“Rebeckah, do you want to come with?” Aimee asked, her voice barely over a whisper. I stopped and turned around. Judging by the way Logan is giving me a look daring me to say no, I should accept. Dammit.
“Sure,” I sighed. Aimee went doe-eyed and I mentally kicked myself. She doesn’t want to feel like shit and I’m groaning over here. f-uck me. “Yeah, let’s go,” I tried to add with a small supportive smile.
We walked outside and headed down a few streets with college kids in large groups, laughing and talking to each other. I remember those days. I remember leaving class with Alice and heading to our favorite pizzeria near campus. I remember us thinking we’d watch each other walk across the stage. Get an apartment. Get nursing jobs together. We had a whole life planned out. We were planning on doing lots of double dates. Having kids. Living.
It all ended when we got into that taxi.
Stop thinking about it, Becka.
It’s not good if I do. I’ve been down that road before and nothing good comes out of it. I almost had to go into therapy because I was getting worse.
When I heard about Kelsey, Dad told me to come back home. I didn’t have another choice. I lost my best friend. I wasn’t going to leave my sister behind.
We walked into Aimee’s dorm building and signed ourselves in. I wasn’t shocked when I found out Logan’s dorm room is right across the hall from Aimee’s. They seem close. If he was a girl, I totally picture them braiding each other’s hair and swooning over hot guys with Justin Bieber playing in the background.
We walked into Aimee’s room and I was shocked by how messy it was. Clothes and makeup are scattered all over the bed and floor, there are open bottles of alcohol everywhere, and her TV is flipped upside down on the floor. Jesus, I’m glad her roommate only shares a bathroom with her. No one should have to share this.
“It’s kind of crazy,” Aimee said, sheepishly.
“Jesus, Aimee. He is not worth all of this,” Logan said, taking it all in then eyeing his sister. I can tell he wants to say something but he stayed quiet and just shook his head while walking over to the bed.
Aimee swiped things off her bed and told us to sit before pulling out her phone and ordering pizzas and subs. I’m looking at the twins like I’m watching a tennis match. They’re not looking at me and I don’t know what to do now. Should I go? Stay? Run? Clean?
“Uh…can I clean up?” I asked. “I kind of have a tiny bit of OCD.” I love having my things organized and just being in this room is suffocating me. I need to do something!
Logan laughed and handed me a black bag as he did the same. Aimee sat on her bed with a look on her face telling me she’s not really with us right now. Hopefully she’s not thinking of the piece of shit who turned her into this.
When my bag was full of glass bottles, Logan and I headed into the elevator and walked over to the trash room. “Is she okay?” I asked him. “Like mentally?” We’re all a little crazy, I just want to know if it’s official.
He chuckled and glanced at me. Those blues searched my face again and I was left wondering why he keeps doing that. Like I’m some puzzle he wants to piece together. That won’t ever happen. I’m too fucked up. Too jagged. My pieces will never fit.
“Yeah, it’s just her and Victor were like soulmates. They did everything together. I personally didn’t like him but what can I do?” he said shrugging his shoulders and scratching the back of his head after throwing the trash down the trash chute. When he was done thinking about whatever he was thinking about, he turned to me. “You didn’t have to clean up.”
“Trust me, I did,” I said, staring at the floor. I should go now. This is awkward. We’re just standing here, next to trash, talking about his kind of psycho sister.
“You’re wet. I can help you with that,” Logan said, his eyes on my chest. I looked down and groaned. I’m covered in Aimee’s tears. Seriously? I was a human tissue.
“Why does everything that comes out of your mouth sound like a sexual innuendo?” I asked.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said walking past me to open the door. He has every idea.
“So, I have to go. Tell Aimee she’ll find someone better,” I said turning my back to him as I walked to the elevators. “And just let her stuff her face.”
“You’re not staying?” he asked, reaching out to grab my arm. He must have noticed the look I gave him over my shoulder because he stopped midway and dropped it to his side.
“No, I have to be somewhere.”
“Where?”
“None of your goddamn business.”
“Cold hearted, huh?”
“Yeah.”
I walked down the hallway and got into the elevator. Logan appeared at the doors but didn’t stick a hand out to stop the doors from closing. He just stood a few feet across from me with a look in his eyes. I know he’s trying to figure me out again. He should stop.
I’m not worth being looked into.
I dropped my eyes to the floor as I leaned against the elevator wall. I will not look at him. I will not look at him.
The doors finally closed and I sighed in relief.
I don’t need to get involved in other people’s lives. I need to focus on my own and my families. And right now, I have some place to be instead of eating pizza with a pair of twins who are way too close. Aimee just needs to cry and let her feelings out, and Logan needs to f-uck a random girl and leave me alone.
When I got to the hospital, Jacky was there with Remy. For a split second, I wanted to let go of the doorknob and turn back around, head to the cafeteria and kill time. I’m not in the mood for Jacky’s regular questions. It’s like she doesn’t know that I shouldn’t be thinking about it.
But I looked at Kelsey who was lying in bed with a pen in her hands, drawing miserably. I’ve been there before.
I opened the door and tried my best to smile.
It wasn’t faked when Kelsey looked up and saw me.
“You’re late,” she said, cocking an eyebrow.
“Jacky and Remy are here. I was giving them privacy,” I said. “I can’t keep you to myself.” I glanced at my sister and her long time boyfriend and waited for the questions.
Remy isn’t a bad guy. He’s a six foot two, dark blondish hair, green eyed teddy bear but when Jacky starts with the ‘are you seeing anyone yet?’ shit, he gets involved and tells me I should stop being picky. They both know what happened. They know I don’t date.
“We haven’t talked in awhile,” Jacky said glancing at me. Her manicured nails pointing at me like it’s my fault. It’s not. She has a phone. She can call me back when she’s not busy.
“Been busy,” I said, shrugging.
“How’s school?” Remy asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
“Eh. Last year. Can’t wait.”
Who starts college at seventeen? Me. I told you I was smart. Insert wink face.
When I finally turned eighteen on Christmas, freshman year was kind of better. I bought a pack of cigarettes and finished it in a month (I’m not a chain smoker) and bought my first five dollar scratch ticket which I won twenty on. I was stoked while jumping up and down and squealing like an idiot.
“Any boyfriends?” Jacky asked, locking eyes on me.
f-uck me. Here we go.
“Why is your sweater wet?” Remy asked changing the subject. Jacky shot him a look and I knew it was for changing the subject. My sex life, rather lack of, is the only thing Jacky wants to know about. I f-ucking respect Remy a lot more now. Thank you, Remy Carter. You grew a pair of balls.
“A girl in my class used me as a shoulder to cry on,” I said. “Her ex has a new girlfriend.” I watched as the two lovebirds grabbed each other’s hands and squeezed. They’re going to be together forever. Separating is not in their plans.
“A friend?” Jacky asked, hopeful.
I shot her a look to stop talking then walked over to Kelsey’s bed. “So, did Micha come back?” She bit her bottom lip and pretended to ignore me. “Listen, kid, I have all day. We’re going to end up talking about him,” I said taking off my sweater. It wasn’t lost on me how silent the room got as I did. I only have a spaghetti strap tank top on so most of my tattoos are visible.