- 12 -
It’s only November 29th and it’s f-ucking snowing. Really hard. Boston sucks sometimes and this weather is a pain in my ass but I’m not complaining because I have a hot as hell, naked, blue-eyed sex god lying beside me.
Since it’s snowing really hard, The Happy Hour is closed until tomorrow. And instead of getting on a train and heading home like I should be doing, I took a detour and went to Aimee’s room. Alyssa was already there waiting for the snowed in movie night so I brought the popcorn and they had the snacks.
Once Caleb stopped by and Darren kidnapped Alyssa (he’s been doing that often nowadays), I went to Logan’s room–where I had to wait outside for a bit because Logan was doing laundry. He left his phone in his room so I didn’t know where he’d be so I waited. The smile on his face when he saw me waiting at his dorm was priceless. So was the image of him carrying a laundry basket. The Snuggle dryer sheets popped out and I smiled. Every time I see a bear, I smile. I think about our first date. And the sight of a man doing laundry is nice too. Shows he’s more than good looks.
“Did you fall asleep on me?” Logan whispered into my ear. He drained every last ounce of energy I had left so I might have closed my eyes for a bit but I didn’t fall asleep. I can’t. Not with him right behind me. Holding me. I feel like if I fall asleep and open my eyes, this won’t be real. It’ll be some dream that I’ve been in because I was in a coma or something. I have a weird mind. I think about things like this.
I tried to hide my smile as his lips moved down my neck onto my shoulder. Shit, he knows I’m awake. And he’s going to get me turned on to prove it. I can’t do another round. I will probably have a heart attack.
So I sucked it up and I turned on my back.
“We don’t have a lot of sex,” I said glancing at him. “But every time we do, it’s like we’re making up for lost time.”
“That’s because we are,” Logan said smiling as he slowly pulled the sheet down my chest, stopping just when nipple was about to show. His eyes found mine and they sparkled. I’m speechless when they do that. Not only are his eyes amazing already but they get that sparkle sometimes and it’s like he’s fake. He’s something my mind made up to make me happy. And I don’t ever want to wake up if it is. “What?” he asked sliding a hand over my stomach.
“I can’t believe you’re real sometimes,” I said.
“Sometimes? So I’m fake the other times?” he teased. I turned on my side and propped my head up on my arm as I brought a finger up to his dark eyebrow and traced my way down his face to his mouth.
“You look like you came out of a magazine,” I said sliding my finger down his throat to his chest, down his abs. “And like you hit the gym for seven hours a day.” I slid a finger lower until I got to the V of his hips. I pulled the comforter down a bit, not revealing anything. If I go down that road, I’ll have a heart attack because I won’t be able to stop myself. “And like you came out of a porno.”
Logan laughed as he grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed each knuckle then laced our fingers together.
“You look like you came out of a ‘virgin ‘til I die’ club,” he said with a serious tone. I burst out laughing when he did. “You have no tattoos, you’re innocent and boys gross you out.”
“Exactly.”
He propped himself up on his elbow a few seconds later and looked down at me. “You look like you stepped out of a photoshoot,” he said brushing hair off my face. “You’re so beautiful. Anytime. Always.” His eyes scanned my face. “Your tattoos make you stand out and every time I see you, my lungs collapse and I can’t speak.”
His eyes found mine and my heart skipped a beat. See, heart attack. It’s going to happen.
“I want to know everything about you.”
I dropped my eyes to his chest as I replayed that in my head a few times. And then the fucked up part of me decided to make an appearance.
Once he really knows you, he’ll leave and never look back. You’re not worth knowing, Rebeckah. You never will be.
I slipped out of bed and threw on my clothes.
“Where are you going?” Logan asked, confused.
“It’s getting late,” I said, grabbing my purse. “I’m going to grab something to eat then head home.”
“It’s only seven.” So? “And I think your family can handle another hour without you.” He tried to pull me back into bed but I slipped out of his arms and walked toward the door. “Rebeckah.” He slipped on his boxers as he caught up to me. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I said. “I’m hungry.”
“I’ll go down with you.”
“No,” I said way too fast. “I mean…you don’t have to.”
Logan’s brows furrowed as he studied me. I feel like I’m being investigated by the CIA because of the way he’s trying to pull my thoughts out of my head.
“Rebeckah, I know you’re not okay.”
I turned around and opened the door, leaving him there as I walked down the hall. I power walked to the elevators and slipped inside one that was open and was brought to the first floor. I’m hungry so instead of running out of the building and walking over to the train station which is only feet away from here like I wanted to, I made a detour and headed to the dining hall.
It was almost empty and there was barely any noise.
I guess everyone is either holed up in their dorms watching Netflix or getting laid.
I was about to sit at a table with no one around when I heard heels behind me. I know one person who wears heels with any kind of weather.
“Boo!” Aimee said poking my side. “Come sit with us. Darren is drooling over Alyssa’s choice of clothing.” I had no say because she linked her arm through mine and steered me toward the crowded table with Caleb, Darren, Alyssa, Kevin and the three amigos.
“Where’s your other half?” Max asked.
“More like her one-third,” Aimee winked.
More like my nothing…
“Oh, bitch alert,” Alyssa said looking over my shoulder. My eyes took in Alyssa’s pjs and barely there tank top. She wasn’t wearing that for our movie night. I see why Darren can’t stop staring. My eyes roamed behind me and saw Valerie walking this way. She threw daggers at me as she walked by and met up with some girls at a table a few feet away from us.
“For some reason, she thinks we’re in high school,” I said. “The stares and the attitude are getting annoying.”
“You don’t look like you got bullied,” Shaun said eyeing me.
“I wasn’t,” I stated. “My mouth made people turn the other way.” I was a bitch to people who didn’t like me. I didn’t care either.
“Are you sure it wasn’t the tattoos?” Kevin asked.
“I didn’t get them in high school. When I turned eighteen, I was already a freshman at college. That’s when I started getting them,” I said numbly. “Didn’t need parental consent. Best birthday present ever.”
“Hm, just you wait until Christmas,” Caleb said pointing his fork between me and Aimee. “Those two planned one hell of a surprise.” Aimee slapped his shoulder and gave him a look.
“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Aimee said to me. Yeah and judging by the wide eyes, she’s hiding something.
Logan popped up at the table with a soda in his hands as his eyes took me in. I looked down at my pizza and started eating it.
“Join the party,” Juan said, his mouth full of pasta.
When Logan pulled up a chair and sat beside me, I tried to distract myself with texting Jacky or Kelsey. Or just staring at my phone, reading FML’s but that didn’t happen because I don’t have my phone on me. I checked in my bag but it is officially MIA.
“I left my phone in your room,” I said to Logan, not looking at him. Instead, I kept my eyes busy staring outside and watching the snow pile up while drivers tried to make it to their destination.
“Why’d you run out?” Logan asked in a voice only for me to hear. I leaned in my chair and made up some bullshit about being hungry. That clearly isn’t the case because he sees my half-eaten slice of pizza on the table. “Did I say something?”
Yeah.
“No.”
I stared off into space and got hit with popcorn seconds later. “Hello, Earth to Becka,” Alyssa sang. “I asked if you were getting any tattoos in the near future.”
I sat up and shook my head. “I’m not in the right state for picking out something. I’ll regret it later.” Understatement of the year.
“What does that mean?” Caleb asked.
Like I’m going to tell them I might get something about being worthless tattooed on my skin. Or maybe a suicide note. I’m not thinking about it but it does sound like a good idea. Just in case it does happen and I don’t have time to write anything.
“Which one hurt more?” Aimee asked.
Damn, now that I think of it, none of them hurt.
“I loved getting them so I don’t think pain was a factor,” I said. “I literally sat in the chair and laughed the whole time.” No wait… “One of them did hurt,” I said standing up. I rolled up my sweater until I stopped at the bottom of my rib cage. Wedged in-between a diamond ring I got done when Alice ‘proposed’ to me and the words, ‘I’m what you never wanted’ (I don’t talk about it because it brings up bad memories of my mother), I have a blossoming pink rose and the petals have withering tips. This one hurt as I got it. Maybe because it means something important.
“Running low on space,” Valerie said glancing at me.
“Lend me some of your saggy skin then,” I snapped.
I know I should have just kept my mouth shut but she’s getting on my nerves and I can’t deal with her anymore. And it was a low blow. Girls hate to be anything less than perfect. And Valerie likes to be perfect 24/7.
Her jaw dropped as she turned away.
“I got this when I flew back to school after I spent winter break with my family. It was after the first time I heard my mom say I repulsed her.” Everyone’s eyes turned on me. Yeah, I just said that. “Pink roses symbolize love, grace and appreciation.” Which I lost. “If you look closer, you see the withering tips.”
“Meaning?” Alyssa asked reaching out to touch it.
“I was losing all of it. Every tattoo made my mom hate me that much more causing love to fade away. The flower is my heart,” I said softly. “And every flower dies. She was just causing mine to shrivel up and die even slower.” I guess that’s why I don’t rely on people. I don’t open up. I don’t want people to be let in only to get disappointed and leave.
That’s why I’m trying to push Logan away.
My heart wants him but my mind is too screwed up to let him in.
Sneakers hitting the floors and people telling someone to slow down and watch where they’re going jerked my attention to a blur running in our direction.
Victor ran to our table with snow in his hair, all over his face, and soaked jeans. “Why don’t you pick up your phone?!” he snapped at me while breathing hard.
“I left it upstairs,” I said. “Jesus, relax.” f-uck.
“Matty called Jon to get in touch with you. Your mom was in an accident,” he said. “And it’s bad.”
My sweater dropped down as my arm lost its strength. I was just talking about her. And I know I hate her but she’s my mom. She did give me life. Even if she hates me, she brought me into this world. I don’t know why but there were some good times.
And to know that she was in an accident. And it’s bad. Why don’t I feel like I should cry and ask questions? I’m the worst daughter on the planet.
“Becka, Kelsey was with her,” Victor breathed.
As soon as he said that, my legs started moving. I grabbed my bag and I ran past everyone. I tripped on a table but I kept going. I didn’t ask questions because in my head I knew that Victor drove here to tell me. He was probably at his dorm a few blocks away, got a call from Jon and then he drove here. When I ran out of the building, I saw his car with the lights on. He didn’t have time to park anywhere.
“Come on. I’ll drive,” Victor panted behind me.
He gets me. He understands that I’ll walk into fire for Kelsey. So running out of a dining hall like a manic is understandable.
I threw myself into Victor’s car and he floored the accelerator. I don’t understand how he didn’t get a ticket, probably because there is barely anyone on the road now.
We got to the hospital and ran into the ER.
I saw my family sitting in chairs and Robert or Rabbit or whatever the f-uck his name is was sitting on the opposite side. That’s when I noticed Dad standing by a set of double doors, talking to a doctor.
“What happened?” I breathed.
Dad glanced at me when the doctor said the next words. I didn’t believe it at first but everyone heard it. Making it real.
“She’s gone. I’m sorry. We couldn’t do anything.”