Absolutely Unforgivable

chapter 6 - Betrayed By My Dreams

That night as I fell asleep securely in Jeromy’s arms, I must have had been thinking of Billy for some reason because the thought of his sinfully delicious body crept into my dreams.

In my dream I accidentally brushed up against him as he walked past me in the living room. Without saying a word he came up behind me and our bodies started swaying to the song that was playing only in our heads.

He briskly turned me around to face him, while his hips continued rocking into mine. I licked my lips in anticipation of his kiss -- A kiss that never came. He instead grabbed the back of my head and pulled it back as he started licking my neck lustfully, just as Jeromy had done before in the dressing room. I moaned in pleasure. A tide of tempestuous, erotic desire invaded my body.

Still holding my hair, he pulled my head back up, and then forced me closer to him. We didn’t say a word or make a move. We simply gazed at each other.

“I want you,” he muttered around my lips. My heart sped at his touch. “I want inside you,” he growled in my ear. My body desperately wanted that too.

“No, I can’t. I just can’t,” I said to him softly as I tried to pull away. He grabbed my arm forcefully and pulled me back to him. His eyes blazing with desire he huskily said, “I don’t recall asking.” And with that I melted into his arms. He flipped me over and kissed me from the nape of my neck down my back slowly. I wanted him to take me now, but he took things at his own leisurely place. I gasped, overwhelmed by pleasure.

The dream must have stirred something in me because I unknowingly put my hand on Jeromy’s crotch and squeezed. My hands bearing down on his private parts woke him up and as he heard me moaning, he just decided to go with it.

While my body was screaming for Jeromy to take me, somehow in my sleep induced haze, my mind replaced the image of Jeromy with Billy. I was technically awake but overcome with confusion and a desire I had not felt before.

The next morning Jeromy had to get up for his first day of work at his new job. He rolled over to kiss me good morning like he always did and as I opened my eyes I noticed he had the biggest grin on his face. My groggy mind was trying to recall what he could possibly be so happy about this early in the morning, when he whispered “Last night was great. You really know how to send a guy off to work on a good note.”

Oh God! Last night really happened. I grimaced as I remembered the events of the night before. My face reddened as waves of shame and guilt poured over me.

I knew you couldn’t control what you dream about. Still I couldn’t help but feel guilty about it and I really didn’t understand why I was dreaming about Billy in the first place. I have a perfect boyfriend who is gorgeous, attentive, tender, kind-hearted, decisive and strong. Just thinking about Jeromy made my stomach fill with butterflies, so why was I having naughty dreams about his best friend?

I was so embarrassed by what had happened the night before I did everything I could do to avoid even looking at Billy over breakfast. I know that Billy had no idea what had happened and it was only a dream, but still I couldn’t face him.

I looked around the room while we were eating breakfast. This was a nice house, but a home it was not. It lacked a feminine touch. The walls were rather bare and boring, so I decided that would be my project for the day while Jeromy was at work.

After breakfast I made my way to a Target to pick up a few supplies. I was going to put the money I earned from Rowdy’s to good use. I found four blank canvases and some paints. I made my way over to the home decor department and picked up a clear, large plastic tarp. I didn't want to make a mess after all. Before heading back home, I picked up a handful of black picture frames as well.

When I got back I went to the band’s website and picked a few of my favorite photos and printed them out so that I could put them in the picture frames I had just bought. I hung them up in the living room and then took the canvasses to the backyard and laid them on top of my plastic tarp.

I didn’t want to ruin my clothes so I had changed into an old bikini that I didn’t mind getting paint on. I thought about throwing on an old t-shirt and some shorts but decided against it. While painting in the backyard, I could still be getting a tan.

I knew that Brick was there with Billy and Zander but I wasn’t sure what they were doing, and I quite honestly was doing my best to avoid Billy, so I was glad they were keeping him busy.

I put my iPhone in the docking station outside and cranked up my music and danced around as I splattered various colors of paint on the four canvases in my best attempt at being creative, Jackson Pollock style.

It was getting hot by now and I wanted to cool off so I walked over to the diving board. I wondered as I approached it if I could still do the back handspring into the pool that I used to be able to do when I was younger. It had been years since I had tried but since nobody else was around, I thought what the hell and gave it a try.

I nailed it but as my head came up out of the water I was met with cheers from the band, who had all gathered at the open window in Billy’s office upstairs.

I tried to hide my embarrassment as I grabbed my towel and covered my body but really there was no hope of that. I went inside to shower and clean up as my artwork dried outside in the hot Houston sun.

I tried to waste time until Jeromy got home so I painted my nails pink and then my toenails and then messed with my hair some more, but eventually I was running out of things I could do to avoid leaving my room. Finally I decided to just suck it up. I was going to have to face them all eventually so I found an old pair of cutoff jean shorts to put on and a large t-shirt that hung loosely on my body.

When I walked out of my bedroom I could hear that they had made their way downstairs. There was a lot of noise so I figured they were in the game room which was next to Billy’s studio.

Still not wanting to face everyone, I made my way outside to check on my artwork. Since it was finally dry I hung it up in the living room near the photographs I had put up earlier. While I was admiring my handiwork the noise from the game room was getting louder and my curiosity finally got the better of me. I had to see what they were doing in there.

At hearing the clink of balls hitting each other, I glanced over and saw Mindy was playing pool with Darla and Starla. There were also a few others near them that I didn’t recognize. I made my way to the crowd and realized the entire band was there now and by band I mean, the band plus the sound guy Patrick, their webmaster, a handful or girls, including Mindy, Darla and Starla and their self-appointed publicist / manager named Trista who had been with the band for years now.

Billy told me that one day she approached them after a gig and offered her services, saying she would work for free because she could use the experience. It was like her own self-created internship. She was a very serious, organized person and made sure everyone else's lives were just as together. She screamed anal retentive. I remembered what Billy had told me about her before. He said that Trista was a very intense, highly focused person, who wanted everything and everyone in her life to fit into neatly organized little slots.

When I walked into the game room Trista, who was talking to Bran, stopped what she was doing and looked up at me with her mouth wide open. She stared at me and then after a moment of extreme awkwardness she leaned back into Bran. “So that’s her, huh? Damn, damn, damn, damn.”

“Yep. That’s her in all of her perky glory. Have you seen the video yet?” Bran asked Trista.

Perky? I’m not perky. At least I don’t think I am. Mindy, she’s perky. I’m far more subdued than that. And what video were they talking about? They spoke about me like I wasn’t standing right there, in the same room. I wasn’t sure what was wrong with them. Why were they treating me like this?

“Yeah, I checked it out on my way over. This girl is going to be trouble. Big trouble,” Trista said. She was attempting to be quiet, but I was close enough to still hear every word.

I started to walk over and say something to them; but then Billy caught my eye. He was behind Trista sitting on a bar stool strumming an acoustic guitar. He played a few chords and then looked up at me with a sort of sexy half smirk. I had to catch my breath. He extended his arm, calling me over to him.

While I stood next to Billy listening to him play, I heard Trista still talking to Bran. “That one is going to be the death of him.”

I don’t think they meant for me to hear that. But I did and it kind of hurt my feelings. What the hell was their problem? I turned to glare at Bran in disgust and heard him say, “Well if ya gotta go, that’s one hell of a way to go,” as he eyed my ass in my cut off shorts.

I rolled my eyes at his comment. I decided not to confront them. They weren’t worth wasting my time on. Instead I turned back to give my full attention to Billy but I still couldn’t help but wonder what video they were talking about. Something about that stuck out in my mind.

And then Travis, who just seemed to have noticed my arrival, gave me a nod and a big smile “Yeah! There’s our little superstar.”

Everyone in the room stopped to face me, which caused me to blush. I wasn’t used to being the center of attention.

Mindy let out a loud squeal, ran over to me and threw her arms around me. “I’m so glad you are finally here. Ya! I missed you.” She dragged me over to a laptop sitting on a table near the back of the room. “I want to show you something. You are going to love it,” she exclaimed. “Don’t get mad, okay?”

I looked at the computer screen cautiously. “Ummm okay.” Why would I get mad? I had no idea what she was about to show me on the computer but I was pretty sure that if she had to preface it with don’t be mad then I probably wasn’t going to like it.

As she pulled up the band’s YouTube page I read the title of the video, ‘Our Little Superstar ... Stacy Keller’. Then she pushed play and I could have died, right then and there. I felt so violated. How could they do this?

The band’s webmaster had pieced together a video montage of me and just uploaded it to their YouTube page. I know he had just finished it because the video started off with a shot of me doing my back handspring off of the diving board into the swimming pool earlier today.

I cringed watching every second of the video.

After the opening shot of me doing my back handspring off of the diving board, which they played back in slow motion, the video cut to a shot of me painting in my bikini, prancing around the back yard covered in different colors of paint and then the video flashed to my dance number I had done for Jeromy the other day by the pool, when I thought we were alone.

Oh God. Did they see everything? I began to panic as I watched the rest. Was this going to turn into a real life sex tape? I pushed pause and turned to Brick demanding to know how he got this footage.

“You guys are jackasses!” I shouted as my face reddened with an angry blush.

Billy came up beside me giving me a reassuring look. “It’s not what you think,” he said softly while grabbing my hand and stroking it in an attempt to calm me.

I frowned at him and sighed as he continued. “After he recorded your dance while hanging out the window,” his eyes looking upward for just a moment as if he was showing me where they were, “I pushed him away and made him give you some privacy. I promise. He left right after. I told him it wasn’t cool that he was spying on you like that.”

He leaned into me and grabbed my chin and forced me to look up at him. “I promise. If anything else did happen by the pool, nobody would have seen it.” My blush had returned in full force as he squeezed my hand tightly and then his fingers linked with my own.

“Please just watch the rest of the video. You are so adorable; we just wanted our fans to fall in love with you as much as we have.” I felt the hum of his words vibrate over my skin. “Trust me.” His voice was hypnotic.

I turned back to face the screen as the rest of the room cheered me on. They may have been enjoying it, but I wasn’t happy. This is not normal. What kind of jackass goes around recording people and posting those videos on the Internet?

The video cut to some scenes of me singing Jessie’s Girl with Billy on the stage that night at Rowdy’s and then ended with a shot from another part of that night that made my stomach fill with butterflies. It was the part of the night where Billy put his arm around my waist and pulled me into him tightly. I gently squeezed Billy’s hand as I remembered how that felt.

As mad as I wanted to be at Brick for creating this video of me, something else was keeping me calm. It was Billy. After the video was over he tilted my chin back so that he could look at me; I felt as if I could drown in the intensity of his gaze.

“Why?” I whispered to him, scarcely able to force the word from my lips.

He arched a brow, like he had just thought of something amusing. Then the corner of his mouth tilted up in a dangerously sexy grin. “You are my little superstar,” he rasped.

My mind flashed to my dream of Billy from the night before and I started to pull away from him; but he wouldn’t let me. The more I struggled to get free of his embrace, the more he pulled me in tighter to him, pressing his body against mine. I tried to relax but his body was mercilessly hard against me, provoking thoughts of lust and desire.

The frustration of the video mixed with a sweet ache that roared a little brighter with every brush of his body against mine was more than I could take. I struggled to regain control of my senses.

Luckily Mindy bounced back over to me handing me a drink. “Here, you look like you need this right about now.” She was right, I did and I quickly downed the entire glass and then took Billy’s drink out of his hand and drank it just as quickly.

She smiled and then pointed to the screen. “And look, you've already gotten over 80,000 views!” I turned away embarrassed. How could this really be happening? Did Jeromy know about this? Oh God, what was he going to say when he sees this video?

Eventually Billy dragged me back over to near where he was sitting before. He nodded to all the liquor bottles sitting on the table; so I happily joined him on that side of the room. Billy sat back down on his bar stool and pulled me partially down on his lap. I leaned over and poured liquor into my glass. I was so mortified after watching that video that I needed something to help me relax.

Since everyone was there, Brick decided to share his vision for a new video he had been working on. He looked around at all the girls in the room and said “Listen, I know this is going to sound crazy, but just hear me out.”

Mindy’s head perked up as she looked his way while Darla and Starla gave him a sort of f*ck you glare. They didn’t seem to like Brick but then again they tended to give that same glare to a lot of people.

“We take the girls and put them in front of the instruments like they were playing. We can put Mindy on the drums, Darla and Starla could play the guitars while Trista shakes the tambourine and that fine ass of hers to the side of the stage.” Brick then turned his head my way and said “Billy’s bitch will play the part of the lead singer.”

I looked around the room wondering which of the girls there he was talking about being Billy’s Bitch, when suddenly I noticed everyone in the room was looking back at me.

I jumped up and started to protest. “Oh hell no!” I wanted to say first of all I’m not Billy’s bitch, nor would I ever be. But I found myself unable to come up with a way to say it without offending him and I didn’t want to do that.

“Come on! Just hear me out. It’s going to be a really cool video,” Brick said, pleading with me and perhaps the other girls as well, to consider doing it.

Billy pulled me back to him and I leaned up against him to hear what else Brick had to say. “In the first part of the video the chicks are all dressed up in really nice clothes. Then it flashes to them playing the same instruments but they are in lingerie.”

I rolled my eyes but relaxed as Billy started running his fingers mindlessly up and down the side of my thigh. It felt good. It was mind numbingly intoxicating.

Just then Trista looked at Billy and then to me. She noticed where his hand was and then gave me an evil glare. Something tells me Trista isn’t exactly fond of me, yet I have no idea why. I truly had no idea what I did to offend her so much but at that moment I didn’t really care. The liquor had started to kick in and I was feeling great.

“Let’s just give it a try”, Billy whispered into my ear. I turned my body around to face him and he lifted one eyebrow as if to say please without actually saying it. My heart melted. How could I possibly say no to that?

I placed my lips to his ear. He squirmed against my body and that gave me a charge. "For you, I will," I whispered to him seductively, drawing all of his attention to me. He began to breathe heavier but I did my best to maintain my composure even though my heart threatened to beat its way out of my chest.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat as I looked over at Mindy and then to the other girls in the room. They were all dressed up in amazing looking outfits. I was really the only female in the room who was dressed so casually. I looked down at my baggy t-shirt and cut off jean shorts and then back to Billy. “I’ll be right back,” I said quietly and then darted upstairs to my bedroom to find something more appropriate to put on.

I searched through my closest, frantically trying to find the perfect dress. Then I saw it, it was a simple white dress that had a bit of a shimmer to the fabric when you moved. It was beautiful in its simplicity. It was sleeveless and short, probably to short. It was not a dress that you would want to bend over a lot in. I matched the dress with a pair of large white bangle bracelets and some white strappy heels I had picked up the other day while shopping with Jeromy. I touched up my hair and makeup and then headed back downstairs to the studio where they were setting up the video shoot.

“Hey that’s not fair, you can’t see me back here,” Mindy pouted from behind the drums.

I glanced over at Darla and Starla and laughed to myself as images of the Robert Palmer Addicted to Love video flashed through my mind. The girls had the exact same look of nothingness on their faces as they swayed back and forth holding the guitars awkwardly.

Billy came up behind me and wrapped his strong arms around my waist. He leaned into me and softly sang in my ear the chorus of that very song. I giggled as he sang the words to the song I had just been thinking of. It seems we were both of the same mindset. Then he led me over to the microphone stand and lowered it so that I could reach the top.

Brick looked toward Darla who was rolling her eyes at him; then he looked over to Mindy and said, “Okay girls, act like you are playing. Act like you know what you are doing.”

I let go of the microphone stand put my hands down to my side, turned to Brick and said “This isn’t going to work. We need some sort of music to pretend to play to.”

Travis shouted out, “F*ck yeah. That’s hot. Make them bitches work for it.”

“Like karaoke,” I said while rolling my eyes at Travis for the bitches remark.

Billy walked over to the sound guy Patrick and messed around for a moment with some equipment by the large soundboards and then they put on I Hate Myself for Loving You by Joan Jett. Well that works, I thought to myself.

I grabbed the microphone and started to sing the words, even though I knew the equipment wasn’t really on so no sound would come out. Perhaps knowing that is what gave me such confidence; or perhaps it was all the drinks I had earlier.

When I got to the slow part of the song, I grabbed the microphone and then ran my hands down the stand seductively as I danced around it, working my way down and then back up the microphone stand. Billy’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. I glared into his eyes as I mouthed the chorus of the song.

Trista stopped playing. “Okay that’s enough of that,” she said while glaring at Billy whose eyes were locked on me. “Let’s move on to the next part already,” she whined.

“I just had a great f*cking idea. Seriously. This is my best idea ever,” Brick proclaimed.

Brick said something to the boys I couldn’t really hear and then the actual members of the band moved into position and took their instruments from the girls. Brick moved the other girls over to the side and gave them their instructions, except for Trista who decided she wasn’t going to be a part of our little video shoot anymore.

“Okay superstar, you ready?” Brick asked as he turned to me. I nodded that I was, but really I was secretly terrified. I’m really not a superstar. This is not something I really had ever seen myself doing, at least not in front of people. This time we were all going to perform the band’s rendition of Joan Jett’s Bad Reputation.

Billy stood next to me and then we leaned into the microphone as the beat started and we both sang the first line of the song. Billy took over and sang the next line by himself. Then Brick pointed to me. It was my turn to sing, alone. Only this time the microphone was actually on and people were really going to hear me. I took a deep breath and then sang the best I could. Then together Billy and I sang the next line.

When we came to the chorus everyone leaned into the microphones in front of them and sang the words, including the girls. They swayed seductively the rest of the time, waiting for their singing parts to come up.

Next it was Billy’s turn to sing. He grabbed the microphone from me forcefully with both hands and leaned into it. It was so sexy when he did that. He made my entire body feel all warm and tingly.

When it came time again to sing the chorus again I leaned in to Billy and shared the microphone with him. It wasn’t easy to do since he was so much taller than me. Even in my six-inch spiked heels I still had to stand on my tippy toes to try and reach him.

I had so much fun. I couldn’t believe I did it. I really had forgotten the video camera was running and I just relaxed and enjoyed myself. I had never sung before in front of people like that. Actually that’s not true. I guess I had done karaoke a few times in the past, but it was nothing like this.

Luckily this new version of the video left out the part where we were all playing in our panties. I was so happy not to have to do that part.

My voice wasn’t exactly that great so I knew the boys would have to do some auto-tuning when it came to actually getting the video ready for release but I didn’t mind. I truly didn’t have any delusions of grandeur about being a rock star. They may have teasingly called me their little superstar but I knew I was far from it. I was just having fun.

Brick examined the footage he had and then repositioned everyone randomly to get some different shots here and there to fill out the rest of the video. And by then, we all had several more drinks in us and things were getting a little more complicated. You could tell Brick was getting frustrated with us, but I didn’t care, I really was having a great time.

Time had gotten away from me and before I knew it, Jeromy was home. I ran to greet him at the front door and jumped into his arms. He lifted me off of the ground as we locked in a passionate embrace. I wrapped my legs around his waist and then put my arms over his head. I held on to him firmly and he carried me up the stairs, all the while continuing to kiss each other. He was big and strong and had no problem carrying my tiny body all that way.

When we got in the bedroom he shut the door behind him and sat his briefcase on the floor and then gently laid me back onto the bed. He positioned his body on top of me and began to grind his hips into mine as we kissed. I gasped and arched against him

“I can’t believe how much I missed you today,” he said gingerly. I didn’t respond, I just kept kissing his luscious lips, stopping only briefly to look into his eyes. He was irresistibly handsome.

His breath heavy, he brought his lips to my ear. “I need to be inside of you, as deep as I can go.”

I moaned shamelessly, feeling absolutely uninhibited and excited by pure lust. My body ached for him. I needed to have him inside of me too and Jeromy was eager to give me what I wanted most.

After, we laid in bed facing each other. I'd happily spend the rest of eternity wrapped in his arms. Just knowing we have an infinite number of days to spend side by side provides me more happiness than I think can bear.

He propped himself up on one elbow and began looking around the room. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I’m looking for ...” he started to say and then found it. He pulled a small box out of his briefcase and handed it to me as I sat up on the bed next to him.

I sat up on my knees and eyed the box carefully, cautiously, wondering what in the world he could have gotten me now. When I opened the box it revealed a shining pair of dangling earrings. They were beautiful and big and shone brightly with little clusters of small diamond chips.

“Jeromy, no. I really can’t. No. This is just too much,” I tried to object, but as usual Jeromy didn’t listen. Instead he pulled them out of the box and put them up to my ears. He helped me put them on as I stood in front of the mirror gazing at them in awe. There were dazzling. I had never owned anything like this in my life. Jeromy was just way too good to me. I didn’t deserve this.

Jeromy whispered, “I promise they cost less than the car.”

“Wait, what? Did ...” I started to say but he put a finger to my lips and said, “It’s okay. Please just enjoy them, for me.” His absurdly sexy smile made it hard to say no.

The crowd downstairs was beginning to get louder. I suddenly became acutely aware of the fact that we had a whole household full of people while I was upstairs having sex with my boyfriend.

Jeromy tilted his head to the side trying to get a grasp of what the noises were the he was hearing. “Billy must be home.”

“Yes, he has some friends over. I guess I forgot to mention that.”

“Well, we were a little distracted,” Jeromy said with a smirk on his face.

I went to the bathroom to clean myself up before heading back downstairs, but by then everyone was starting to head out. I made my way to the kitchen and started making Jeromy a sandwich. We spent the rest of the night together, alone, wrapped in each other’s arms mindlessly watching television just enjoying being together.

The next morning I got up to see what Billy had been cooking in the kitchen for breakfast but when I got there the kitchen was empty. Billy hadn’t come home last night. A wave of sadness washed over me and I didn’t know why.

Jeromy walked in the kitchen behind me, and sat down at the table reading the paper. I worked my way over to the stove and was about to make him something for breakfast but he said, “That’s okay, I’ll just take a bagel.” I went over to cabinet and pulled out the bag of bagels, toasted it and then smothered it with cream cheese and topped it with tiny bits of fresh strawberries, just the way he liked it.

I brought it over to him and then sat down beside him, lost in thought, as Jeromy ate and continued to read his paper. I drank my glass of orange juice, wondering where it was Billy could have gone last night and why he still hadn’t found his way home.