Four Summers

The next couple weeks fly by. Charlotte and I sneak out every night. Sometimes I kiss her and sometimes I don’t. I remember every time Roxi and I got together, we made out. It’s not that I don’t want to do the same with Charlotte. It’s not like I don’t want to do a whole lot more with her, but we talk a lot too. I enjoy talking to her and listening to her and I know she tells me things she doesn’t share with anyone else.

I also really, really want to keep kissing her. It’s in my mind way more than it probably should be.

It’s our last night at The Village and Charlotte and I are meeting early. I told her we don’t have to because I don’t want her to get caught, but when she tells me it would be worth it, I smile. There’s this sense of urgency scratching at my skin. Both of us know this could be the last time we see each other. My parents could decide to go somewhere else next year or not take a vacation at all and, hell, we’re sixteen. How do you know what the future holds?

She plans to end up with Alec one day and the thought makes me feel like I’m breaking apart, so I try not to think about it.

When we meet, she has a bag with her, but it’s not the one she usually carries with her telescope in it. I take her hand and she squeezes my fingers, but Charlotte stops me when I move to head toward the woods.

“Let’s go somewhere different,” she tells me. I nod because tonight, I would follow her anywhere.

We head the direction where we’ve sat by the lake a million times. The first place I talked to her our first summer. Charlotte keeps going and I keep following. We walk for at least a half hour down the lake. We turn, following the water around a corner, which makes it feel more secluded.

All the cabins are far behind us, nothing here but Charlotte and me, the water, trees, moon, and her stars.

“If you wanted to get me alone, you just had to ask,” I tease, expecting some kind of smartass comment.

“I thought I did.”

Her answer makes my skin feel tight. Heat bubbles inside me.

She lets her bag slide off her shoulder and moves to open it, but I reach out and grab it, telling her, “Let me.”

I lay the blanket on the ground, and pull out the towels she brought, wondering what’s going on. She sits and I sink down beside her. “What’s on your mind, Star Girl?”

She shrugs. “Everything.”

I don’t want her to be sad, not on our last night together. I’d do anything to make her happy, so I ask her about the stars and she points out a few different things. I pretend to see them, because I think she needs it. The longer we talk, the more she seems to relax.

“Brandon was gone again tonight,” I tell her.

One of the flashlights is facing the sky between us, but with the moon so bright, we don’t really need the light.

“I’m sure he and Sadie wanted to give each other a proper goodbye.” There’s a smile in her voice and a blush on her cheeks.

“I guess. I tried to ask my brother about her, but he threw a pillow at my head and told me to mind my own f*cking business.”

Charlotte laughs. “I don’t even ask Sadie. It’s not like she would tell me. Last year she was pretty bummed he never called her, though. I used to hear her crying at night. It was strange. Usually Sadie doesn’t let guys get to her, ya know? She’s too strong for that.”

I think about her sister. The way I’ve seen her try to get Brandon’s attention and knowing they sneak out together, while she’s still with Brice, and even the way she treats Charlotte. “You don’t want to be that kind of strong, if 'strength' even the right word for it.”

She looks over at me, all tender like she’s going to cry and it freaks me out a little. I’m not ready to deal with the tears. Don’t know how, but the longer she stares the more she softens me up. Charlotte surprises me by crawling over and getting on my lap. She’s straddling me; her legs wrapped around me. My body immediately starts to respond.

I know she feels it when her eyes go wide.

“Can’t always control it.” Damned if I’m not embarrassed. I don’t get that way easily, but she probably didn’t expect a boner just from crawling onto my lap.

But then she leans forward and pushes her mouth against mine. It’s all the incentive I need to slide my tongue between her lips. Pulling her closer to me, I take the kiss deeper and it’s urgent and needy. I kiss her neck and behind her ear and take her mouth again. My hand slips under her shirt and I move it across her skin. She feels so good and even though it about kills me, I pull my mouth away from hers.

“We should probably slow down.” Shut up! What are you doing? A voice inside my head yells, but this is Charlotte and I’m pretty sure she’s only kissed me and one other guy. There’s no way I can go farther with her when I’m leaving tomorrow.

“What if I don’t want to slow down?”

My head drops back and I groan. She’s totally trying to kill me here.

“Oh,” she tries to move away, but I hold her tightly to me.

“No. Don’t do that. I want you, Charlotte. I do. This is killing me, but…” Her words from earlier about her sister pop back into my head. “You don’t have to do that. I don’t expect you to give me that kind of goodbye.” Would I like it? Yeah, but that’s beside the point.

She looks away and I hate that I hurt her, but I know I’m right about this.

“Talk to me.” I tilt her head up so she’s looking at me. “It’s me. You can tell me anything.” My hand is itching to touch her so I keep it moving under the back of her shirt.

“I …I want something for me. For us. You’re leaving and I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again and…”

Her words feel like a fist to my stomach. How can I never see her again?

“I want you to see me…Ugh. That sounds stupid, but I’m not like Sadie. I can’t just seduce some guy and I get embarrassed and—”

“That’s not a bad thing.”

“But it’s a hard thing. I don’t even want to wear a bikini in front of guys and I’m sixteen years old. And you said I’m beautiful and I trust you more than anyone else I know. I just…I wanted you to see me and know if you still think I’m beautiful.”

Holy. Shit. “You are so totally brave. I don’t know anyone who would have laid that out there like you did.”

“I trust you.” Her hand teases the back of my hair. It’s probably the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.

I don’t give myself time to think about it. To realize it’s wrong or to try talking myself out of it. I can say I’m doing it for her, and maybe a part of me is, but I’m doing it for me, too. Because who wouldn’t want to see her? Who wouldn’t want to give her another first? And that makes me feel selfish.

“I don’t even have any condoms, but…we don’t have to have sex for me to see you, Char. We don’t have to…but if you want to…” I’m wondering how in the hell I got so lucky. What it is about her. Why she trusts me, but then I think maybe it just is. Maybe everything doesn’t have to have an answer.

“I wasn’t talking about sex…”

Nice. Now I feel like an idiot.

“But I still want you to see me. I want to see you too,” she adds.

I nod, not able to trust my voice. I’m sure I’m supposed to be a lot smoother about this, but I’m seriously dying here. I don’t know what to do, so I slowly move my hands to the buttons on her shirt. “Can, I?” I ask.

“Yes.”

“You sure?” My voice breaks and I feel like an idiot.

Charlotte nods. One by one I push the buttons through the holes until her light blue shirt hangs open. She’s wearing a white bra underneath.

I wish I knew what to say, but I don’t, so I nod, trying to tell her to stand up. She does and I’m right behind her, before I draw the shirt off her shoulders and let it hit the blanket.

Charlotte is standing in front of me, in nothing up top, but a bra. I feel all jittery. My heart is going crazy. It’s killer to pull my eyes off her, but they dart to the water and I get an idea. “Wanna go skinny dipping? I’ve never done that, but—”

“It’ll be both our first,” she says, and I know it was the right thing to say.

I pull my shirt over my head and throw it to the blanket. Reaching out, Charlotte touches the necklace around my neck that matches her own. Not sure if she wants me to undress her or not, I go to my shorts first, pushing them down and kicking out of them.

My palms are sweating and I’m as nervous as I’ve ever been, standing here in front of her in my boxers. “What now?” I ask.

She doesn’t answer, just moves her hands to the clasp on the front of her bra and it pops open. She covers herself with her hands, but I still suck in a deep breath.

“You’re perfect,” I tell her.

That gets me a huge smile. “You didn’t see anything yet.”

“I’ve seen enough to know you’re perfect.”

Slowly, like, so slowly I think I could die, she drops her hands. Nothing could pull my eyes away from her. Charlotte. Star Girl. I can’t believe she trusts me with this. “See?” my voice creaks. “Perfect.”

Her eyes are watery. “Thank you.”

We stand there for a few minutes and I’m sure I’m supposed to do something, but I can’t. I’d seen Roxi without her shirt on but she wasn’t Charlotte. This is different.

“For the rest…how about we close our eyes and then run in the water.”

I laugh; glad she’s getting cold feet too. I don’t want to be the guy who freaks out.

“Deal.”

“One,” she says.

“Two,” I reply and it reminds me of that time we decided to go for it in the paintball game. We weren’t afraid, we trusted each other to have our backs and we just went for it. This is Last Man Standing all over again.

“Three.” That voice is my head is back, telling me I’m stupid for closing my eyes, but she trusts me and I won’t do anything not to deserve it. I push my boxers down my legs and then go toward the water. I hear her next to me, but I’m not sure so I ask, “How do we know when we can open our eyes?”

“Umm…we’ll walk until our waist is covered. Mine is, now.”

I take a couple more steps and then say, “Me too.” We open our eyes and look at each other. I think she’s blushing, but can’t completely tell because of the light. Trying to lighten the mood, I splash her and she does the same. We play around in the water and pretty soon I forget I’m naked. Not her, I’ll never be able to forget she’s bare.

After a little while, we run out of the water, neither closing our eyes but not really looking either. I toss a towel at her and she wraps it around herself. Not wanting to get our clothes wet, I only put on my boxers and Charlotte her bra and panties before we sit on the blanket again. This time, I hold her between my legs with her back to my chest.

“Thank you,” she whispers after a few minutes.

“It was my pleasure. Believe me. You have absolutely nothing to thank me for.”

It’s a little cold so I pull the blanket up around my shoulders and wrap it around her. We sit like that for hours, sometimes talking and sometimes quiet.

Before we know it, the sun is a threat in the distance, warning us that we’ll soon be going our separate ways. Leaning forward, I put my mouth next to her ear, “We should probably get dressed.”

She nods and leaves my arms. I instantly miss her. She slips on her shorts and her shirt and then I do the same. I can’t believe it, but I’m shaking. Really shaking, and I don’t understand it. I pull her toward me and kiss her, before just holding her against my chest.

Charlotte cries there as I rest my chin on the top of her head. I squeeze her tightly, knowing soon we’ll have to let go. “I wasn’t joking when I said you’re beautiful…that you’re perfect,” I tell her.

“I don’t want you to go,” she mumbles into my chest.

“I know…” I don’t tell her it’ll be okay. Don’t say we’ll keep talking. Both are true, but neither are enough and we both know it.

“What do we do now?” That, I need to know. There’s a part of me who says we’ll do this. She can be my girlfriend and it will be enough because we’ll talk every day. But then, there’s the realist in me. The one who knows there are no promises. That we’re f*cking young and she’s here with Alec and there’s a real possibility that maybe he’s better for her than I am.

“We keep living. There’s nothing we can do, Nathaniel. You’ll go back home and you’ll meet girls and you’ll play baseball and be happy and I’ll be here. I’ll work with my dad and hang out with Alec and life will just…keep going.”

“I hate it.” I kiss her forehead.

“I do, too.”

We stand there for as long as we can before heading back. She wipes her eyes a couple times and I wish I was doing it for her. Or kissing her tears away. When we get close to the cabins, I grab her hand and we stop. “I think…if things were different. If we were closer… You’d be it for me, Star Girl. Is that stupid to say? That I think I could love you?”

She shakes her head and she’s crying more now. I don’t like seeing the tears blur her green eyes. “No, it’s perfect.”

Charlotte pushes up on her toes and presses her lips to mine. Then, without a word, she walks away. I stand there, watching her go.





He met a girl in September, only a few weeks after school started. I could see it in his face while we Skyped. He didn’t have to tell me because I knew, but he did anyway. He’s honest like that. When he told me he wished it could be me, I believed him. When I went to Homecoming with Lance, Nathaniel told me I looked beautiful in my dress. When Dad was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in November, Nathaniel called to comfort me. When Mom and Sadie left us, we stayed on the phone all night. Nathaniel’s girlfriend Hailey came and went, as did the next one, Monica. Lance and I went out for three months before it ended. Alec had a girlfriend for a while, too. I found our betta fish belly up one morning. The only thing that stayed the same that year was us—how I felt about Nathaniel.





“Thank you!” The bald man takes a key for the cabin he rented before walking out. I turn to Alec.

“Are all the cabins clean?” I ask. “We need to make sure we double check all the empty ones and replace linens for current guests, oh, and what time does your mom have to leave today?” Maggie helps out a lot now that Mom and Sadie are gone. His dad once in a while too, but it’s harder for Randy because he has a fulltime job. Plus, him and Alec aren’t getting along as well as they used to. I’m not sure why.

Alec grabs my arm as I turn to pick up the piece of paper that’s hung in the office where Alec’s mom writes down the hours she can help.

“Charlie. Chill out. You’re running around like you’re on crack or something.”

“I am.” The words bite out of my mouth. “Did I forget to tell you I picked up the habit?”

He frowns and I immediately feel guilty. I don’t know why I’m freaking out. Actually, I do know why, and it makes absolutely no sense. And even if it does, I shouldn’t be taking it out on Alec. It’s not his fault Nathaniel is coming today and I can’t seem to get my head straight about it.

“I’m sorry,” I say at the same time Alec asks, “What’s wrong with you?”

Then the light bulb goes off in his head. “Oh, yeah. Lover boy comes today.”

Now I have a reason to be annoyed with him. He’s not my lover boy…though I do wish he was. “It has nothing to do with Nathaniel. It’s the fact that we’re busy.”

Alec shakes his head as if to say, ‘yeah right’.

“Why do you hate him so much?” I ask. “He’s never done anything to you.”

“I don’t hate him.” Crossing his arms, Alec leans against the counter.

“Sure you don’t.”

“I hate the way you look at him. The way you treat him like he’s perfect or something.” He turns to leave, but this time it’s me who grabs his arm. I don’t have time to reply because he’s speaking again. “You’re different with him, and you know it. I just don’t want you to get hurt. What do you think is gonna happen? You guys live totally different lives. He uses you while he’s here. When he’s home, he’s going out with girls and—”

“How do you know that? It’s not like you talk to him. Plus, why shouldn’t he? We’re not together. You didn’t seem to care when I went out with Lance!”

Alec sighs, a strange sort of sadness changing his facial features. “Because Lance wouldn’t hurt you. He wouldn’t leave you. This is it for you and me, Charlie. We both know it. Especially since…”

I hold up my hand and Alec stops talking. We both know what he was going to say. Especially since Dad was diagnosed. How could he ever do it on his own? It sends an ache deep into my bones.

I open my mouth to reply, but a bell dings and Dad comes through the door. He does good most days and today is one of them. He gives Alec and I a huge smile, which I know he doesn’t really feel. Not since mom left and his body stopped working the way it used to.

“What are you guys up to?”

Alec recovers first. “Deciding on a schedule for the cabins.”

Another fake smile from Dad. “I don’t know what I would do without you two. You make a good team.”

Dad winks at me and then walks away.



I’m nervous all day. It’s so different talking to Nathaniel than it will be seeing him again. Nine months of talking, of Skyping, but that’s safe, because I have no idea how to act or what to do in person. Our second summer, we held hands and he kissed me and he told me I was perfect, but nine months is a long time. There have been girls for him and, well, a boy for me, so what the heck do I expect?

Alec’s out on a boat tour right now, and his mom's in the store. Dad had to run to town, so it’s just me working on getting the cabins ready. I keep checking the time on my new cell phone. It’s important that I have one now, Dad says. That way we can keep in touch, which means he needs to be able to contact me if he needs me.

Every few minutes that pass, my gut churns more and more. They’re late. What if something happened? What if they changed their minds and don’t come?

Why can’t I ever stop thinking about Nathaniel?

Once the cabins are done, I go in to check on Maggie. She’s fine to stay until the shop closes at five, she tells me. We close early the night of the welcome party.

Alec and I start to decorate, and soon Dad is home helping, too. I watch him to make sure he’s not struggling. There are days his hands don’t work right or one of his legs goes weak. You can tell he’s in pain, but he tries to hide it and as horrible as it makes me feel, I try to pretend I don’t notice. Drawing attention to it only upsets him. Plus, I’m not really sure how to deal with it.

“What time were they supposed to check in?” Alec stands on stepladder, hanging the lights. The back of his blond head is to me and though there isn’t any sarcasm in his voice, I still don’t want to talk to him about Nathaniel.

“Why do you care?”

“Awesome. Because I never care about anything that has to do with you. You’re not my best friend or anything, Charlie.”

Guilt hangs like a weight from my heart. “I’m sorry. You know I love you, Alec. Its just…there’s a lot.”

Alec climbs from the ladder, steps up to me, and grabs my hand. “I’m sorry, Charlie. You know that. About your dad and your mom…you know I’m always here for you. I’ll always be here.”

My eyes feel wet all of a sudden and I squeeze his hand. I know that. I do, but it makes me kind of sad. Then I feel like a bitch for even thinking it. “Thanks, Alec.” And it’s true. Alec is Alec and Nathaniel is Nathaniel. They each hold different places in my heart and life.

The sound of tires on gravel comes from behind Alec. We both let go of each other’s hand, and turn to see who’s pulling in. It’s a different car than they had the last two years, but I remember Nathaniel telling me a couple months ago that his dad was having a mid-life crisis and bought a new car. I get what he’s saying now when I see the bright red convertible pull in.

Alec and I stand side-by-side watching the car. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I know where my eyes are. The top is down and Nathaniel’s brown hair is windblown in the back. Brandon is sitting beside him, which shocks me. Nathaniel told me he wasn’t coming. He’s eighteen and off to college next year. With Sadie being gone, him not coming made sense.

A little pang hits me when I think about my sister and my mom, but then my eyes are drawn to Nathaniel again and seeing him sends a wave of happiness, which eclipses the pain.

Nathaniel gets out of the car and turns, his eyes meeting mine. My heart jumps, dances, and then my feet are moving. I don’t let myself think about it, I just run to him. I knew I missed him, but didn’t realize how much until I saw his playful grin.

He holds out his arms and I jump into them. As we hug and the first thing I think of is, whoa, his body feels firmer, and then I think he feels taller, too.

“Hey, Star Girl,” he whispers against my ear, and I can’t help, but think of that last night before he left. I little stab of jealousy pierces me as I wonder if he did any of that with Hailey or Monica, but I try to push it aside because he’s here and that’s what matters.

“Hey.”

Nathaniel is holding me by my waist. My feet are off the ground and I wonder if he can feel my heart going crazy. And then I think about my breasts pressed against his chest and the fact that they’ve grown over the last year.

My cheeks flush, which makes me remember the fact that we’re not alone. His parents are here and Brandon is looking at me over the car and I left Alec behind me. I don’t even want to think about Dad seeing us. It’s just a hug, but I know he doesn’t get my friendship with Nathaniel.

“Sorry,” I say as I slide out of Nathaniel’s arms. His eyebrows crease together and my stomach flips. I’ve seen him over the computer all year. At least once a week, but it doesn’t change that fact that I want to stare at him. Study all the ways he’s changed and how much older he looks.

He’s always been cute to me, but now he looks more like a man.

“Look at you! You’ve grown so much!” Nathaniel’s mom says. She’s hardly spoken a word to me in the past couple years, but maybe that’s because she’s never seen me attack her son before.

“Thank you, Mrs. Chase.”

“You don’t have to call her that,” Nathaniel says as his mom offers, “Please, call me Judy.”

“Oh…okay. Thank you, Judy.”

Alec is the only person my age that doesn’t call my dad Mr. Gates.

Everyone except Nathaniel and I start talking and moving toward the trunk, discussing bags and keys and everything else. When Alec joins us, I’m afraid to look at him and see the disappointment there. I did nothing wrong. Nathaniel’s my friend.

My friend who I’ve been in love with for two years.

“Sorry we were late. Everything in the world went wrong.” Nathaniel moves forward like he’s going to reach for me, but then lets his hand fall again.

“It’s okay.” Stop staring, stop staring, stop staring.

“It’s good to see you, Star Girl.” And then his hand really does come forward. He pushes a piece of hair behind my ear, making me tremble. It feels so different than it would have last year, deliberately sexy, and briefly I wonder just how much practice he’s had.

“You too.”

“Are you planning on helping us or what, man?” Brandon says and Nathaniel drops his hand.

“I need to get back to work anyway,” I tell him. “Will I see you tonight?”

Nathaniel winks at me. Winks. I don’t remember him ever doing that before. Then he whispers. “I’m yours every night for the rest of the summer.”

I know he means it playfully—that he means it as a good thing, but I can’t help the sadness that sprouts from the buried roots inside me. The summer just began, and I already dread him leaving.





We have a huge turnout for the summer bash. Part of me can’t help but wonder if it’s because the locals feel sorry for us. They all know Dad’s diagnosis. They also know Mom left him soon after. It was the one thing to push her over the edge, I think. One more thing she couldn’t handle.

Because it’s so busy, I don’t have time to do a lot of visiting. Dad needs me more than ever now and it seems like every two seconds he’s calling me away for something. Alec helps too, of course, but like always he’s into being around everyone else. He keeps making his way back to the group of people from school, which Brandon and Nathaniel are hanging out with.

It was a big deal when Danielle found out Nathaniel was coming back. Last year she wanted him to swim with her and the year before she was into him at the drive-ins. I kind of wanted to lie to her. Or ban her from the bash. Anything, because I know she likes him, but I have to keep reminding myself that Nathaniel isn’t mine.

“I’m yours every night for the rest of the summer.”

Bands of silky heat wrap around me at the memory of those words.

“Boo.”

I jump, even though I immediately recognize the voice. “I was just thinking about you.” I turn to look at him, but then wondered if I should have said that or not. What if he wonders what I was thinking?

“Good. Your friend won’t stop hitting on me. I kept hoping you would come save me.”

A burn of jealousy scalds me that she gets to flirt with him while I’m working, but I try to ignore it. There’s a difference in his voice. He talks to me in a way he didn’t before. This flirtatious edge that he must have practiced a lot since last year. “You’re a flirt now. Oh God. Say it isn’t so. Who stole my best friend?”

I turn and pretend to walk away, but Nathaniel’s hands on my waist stop me. “Hey. I’m not—”

“Charlie Rae! The oil is running low on the torches.” Dad’s voice is firm and I wonder if he really needs me as much as he wants me to think. Or if he just doesn’t want me around Nathaniel.

“I’ll help you.” Nathaniel lets go of me and I don’t argue with him. If Dad’s going to keep me busy all night, I’m going to let Nathaniel stay with me as long as he wants. I deserve that much. It’s just the summer. All I really think about are my summers with him.

We fill the tiki torches, and then fix a strand of lights that fell down. After that, the trash bags need to be replaced. I feel guilty for not telling Nathaniel to go hang out with everyone else. I give so much to everyone else that I want to grab onto whatever time I can have with him. It's the one thing I get that’s for me.

Only once does Alec come over and offer to help, which partially makes me mad, but also doesn’t. It’s nice not to feel like I’m letting him down, but it also sucks that he seems to hate Nathaniel an awful lot, but only when it suits him.

Before I know it, the party is winding down and people are leaving. Once our friends are gone, Alec and Brandon find their way over to us and Alec starts cleaning up like he would have any other time.

“What do you need me to do?” Brandon asks.

Umm, what? I don’t think Brandon has offered to help me with anything or even talked to me much in all the time I’ve known him. He must see that knowledge on my face because he adds, “What? I help.”

“Yeah f*cking right.” Nathaniel laughs.

“You don’t have to help. It’s not your job. You’re on vacation.” I don’t do pity real well and that’s the only thing I can think of for him to hang around like this. Nathaniel must have told him everything that happened and obviously he knows Sadie isn’t here.

“Doesn’t matter.” He shrugs. “You guys are all out here so what else am I going to do?”

“Don’t argue with free help,” Nathaniel adds before bending to put his mouth close to my ear. “The sooner we get done, the faster we can disappear.”

Disappear. With Nathaniel. How much would I really love to disappear from this place? To leave and go where I want and do what I want without having my past and my family crumble apart. Family? I can’t even say that. It’s only Dad.

“You kids go on and head in. You don’t have to help. Charlie, Alec, and I have it.” Dad places one hand on my shoulder and one on Alec’s. Misplaced guilt suddenly slithers down my spine. I feel bad standing here, with link between Alec and I when Nathaniel is standing right there, and I shouldn’t.

“We don’t mind—”

“It’s not right,” Dad cuts Nathaniel off. “You guys have better things to do.”

But I don’t. Never me.

“The Village isn’t your responsibility.”

But it’s mine, even though I didn’t ask for it.

“Yes, sir.” Brandon tells him. Nathaniel doesn’t say anything to him at all, but he eyes my dad. I have no idea if Dad notices, if anyone who didn’t know Nathaniel like I do could read his face. She has things she wants to do, too. It isn’t her responsibility, his look says. If it’s possible for me to fall more in love with Nathaniel Chase, this is the second I do it.

“Come on, bro. Let’s go.” Brandon claps a hand down on Nathaniel and in that moment, I envy their relationship. Most of the time they’re picking on and fighting with each other, but right now, I see that they would do anything for one another. I wish I had that with Sadie. Turning, they start to walk away, but don’t get very far before Nathaniel stops and looks back at me. “I’ll see you soon, Charlotte.”

Dad frowns.

And just like that, he disappears into the night.

I want nothing more than to go with him.



Nathaniel is standing outside my window when I crawl out. I almost scream, but he puts a finger to his lips as if to say “shh.” He takes my hand and we walk around the side of the house to the stretch of beach by the lake before taking the path we’ve walked together so many times. He has a duffle bag in his hand, and I can’t help but wonder what’s in it.

Does he expect a repeat of our last night together?

Do I want one? Risking a quick glance at his tall frame and the rougher jaw than he used to have, I admit that I do. I want just about anything I can have with Nathaniel Chase.

We’re quiet when we get to our spot. I open my backpack and lay the blanket out, still wondering what he has in his. Nathaniel opens his backpack and pulls out another bag, this one long and slim.

“I got you something, Star Girl.”

I love the nickname. Love it so much. He’s started saying it more since last year. Almost every email or instant message.

“You shouldn’t have,” I say, because I can tell by the shape of the bag, what it is. “It’s too much. I could never…” I shake my head. I could never get him something like that.

“You deserve it,” is all he says before handing the bag over.

My fingers shake as I open it and see the beautiful white telescope inside. “Nathaniel…”

“I wanted to. It’s a good one. I did research on them before I bought it and this one is—”

“Expensive.”

“Perfect,” he adds. “For you. You’ll love it. I want you to have it.”

I need to feel my arms around him again. I set the bag down and lock my hands behind his neck. He pulls me close, holds me tight and lifts me off the ground.

“I do love it,” I say into his hair. He squeezes me tighter and I wish he would never let me go. “Thank you.”

I feel his lips on the side of my head before he pulls away and looks at me. “It’s different with you. You know that, right? You said I flirt more now, but I’m never playing games when I’m with you.”

He touches my hair. Pushes it behind my ears and I love the fact that he can hold me up with only one arm. “I know.” It sucks so bad to know that. To know he does care about me, and that he does see me as a best friend, but can still be with other girls and have a life separate from me, the way I have to with him. He talks to me about everything and wants to know every piece of my world. That doesn’t come around often. My parents were together since they were in high school and they didn’t have that. It should be freeing and make me float, but it doesn’t change anything. That’s what makes it harder and that’s what sucks.

It’s not that I think Nathaniel loves me. I know no matter what he’ll be happy and he’ll live his life and do whatever it is he wants to do, but…I think he could love me. Actually, I know he could. I think we could be happy together. Even if we stayed just friends, there will always be this bond between us that no one can ever replace, but it doesn’t count when I know I’ll be so far away. That I’ll never have as much of him as I have during our summers ever again. Why would he come back when he isn’t with his family?

“Good,” he whispers. “I really want to kiss you right now, Star Girl, but I don’t know if I should…I don’t want you to think I’m using you. I dated those other girls, but the second I see you, it’s like there’s no one else in the world, like there never has been anyone else.”

I don’t think I will ever in my life hear words that fill me up so much. Pump me full of happiness the way what he just said does. It doesn’t make sense that I, Charlie Rae, could mean so much to someone like Nathaniel, but I trust him and know he always means what he says.

So I don’t answer him. I don’t wait for him to kiss me. I kiss him instead.

We move together quickly. This frenzied, messy kiss is filled with passion, bridging last summer and this summer and trying to wipe all the distance and time from between us. Our lips fight to make it disappear. Our tongues tasting and exploring to remember, so it feels like yesterday when our lips last met instead of nine months ago.

He pulls me tighter against him as his mouth leaves mine. It trails down my neck, his rough voice saying, “Put your legs around me.”

So I do and it feels bad and good at the same time. No, not bad, naughty, but then I remember he’s seen me without my shirt on and this is nothing compared to that. This is Nathaniel so it doesn’t matter. I’d trust anything with him.

He walks, backing me up and I wonder where he’s going or why we’re not laying down, or standing still when he presses my body between a tree and him.

“I don’t want to drop you.” His breath on my neck. “Not that you’re heavy.”

And then we're laughing before he says, “I should have known you wouldn’t take it that way. Not you.” And then he’s kissing my throat and behind my ear and it’s crazy how one set of lips can feel so different than another. Lance’s touches didn’t affect me like this. If I was blind and deaf I would still know the difference between Nathaniel’s mouth and anyone else’s.

“Why didn’t you just lie down on the blanket?” I drop my head back and then he’s laughing against my skin again.

“Because I’m stupid and anxious and didn’t think about it.”

He kisses me again and it’s a little slower this time. Still all passion and wonderful, but like we have a little more time. I play with the hair at the nape of his neck, and savor how he tastes and wish that I’d never kissed another guy since him and that he’d never touched any other girls.

All too soon, the kisses stop, but he doesn’t pull away. “Does it make me an a*shole if I say I hate Lance, even though I’ve never met him? Because I do.”

“No, because I can’t stand Monica or Hailey.”

I wonder how many people have this kind of honesty. If it’s normal to be able to just say what’s on your mind to the person you care about. Even though I’m not sure if he loves me, I know I could tell Nathaniel that I love him. Even if he didn’t feel the same, it wouldn’t change things and I think that’s kind of a miracle. Still, those are words I won’t let myself say. Not when I know I won’t leave The Village.

“Do you wanna try your telescope?” he asks.

I can’t stop the grin that pulls at my lips. I really, really don’t want to let go of him, but I want to look into infinity with him too.

“I take that as a yes.”

I unravel my legs from around him. Before he steps away, I touch the star at his throat. “Do they know anything about me?” It’s a stupid question to ask, but one I’m curious about. “I know they wouldn’t know details…but just that there is a girl name Charlotte out there, who knows you too?”

I wonder if that question makes me sound weak, but I don’t think being honest makes people weak. It’s lies that do that.

He touches my hair again and I like that it’s starting to be his thing with me. “Everyone knows about Charlotte from the lake. I wouldn’t hide you.”

“I’m glad you’re here,” I tell him. He answers with a swift kiss to my lips before leading me to the blanket, where we explore the sky together.