Four Summers

Mom is sitting on the couch when I come down the next day. She’s still in her pajamas and eating from a bag of chips. She gives me a guilty smile when I see her. “They're only chips, Mom. You don’t have to look like it’s the end of the world.”

“I thought you were your father,” she says, like he would have thought it was a big deal either.

“How ya feeling?” I ask her. Some parents have a mid-life crisis when their kids are both at college and decide to move to Hawaii or something like that. First my started working to get close to Brandon and I—which is cool. Then they decided to have another baby. It’s not like I know much about being pregnant, but apparently it’s harder on you in your forties than when you’re younger. She’s already on light bed rest, which is part of the reason they didn’t try to get us to go back to Lakeland Village this year.

“I’m doing great. What about you? Where are you headed off to so early?”

“I’m going downtown. I’m not sure what time I’ll be back.” I’m definitely not in the mood to answer questions about Charlotte so there’s no way I’m saying who I’m meeting.

“Okay. Be careful. Have a good day. I think I’ll finish my chips and then take a nap.”

It’s a little wild seeing Mom like this. She’s always been one of those girls who thinks she has to look perfect all the time. Even if she’s in the garden or at The Village she always looks perfect. I think that’s part of what intrigued me about Charlotte. She was so different than what I was used to.

“See ya later,” I say before walking out.

It’s a long ass ride to the city, but I’ve done it a million times. I pull out my iPod and listen to music, wondering what the hell I’m doing.

It’s a couple block walk once I get off the train. As soon as I round the corner on 52nd Street, I see her. She’s already standing in front of the coffee shop that Mom goes to. I didn’t know where else to tell her to meet me and now I don’t know why I’m thinking about stupid things that don’t matter like why I picked the coffee shop.

Her hair is shorter. It’s up to her shoulders and I wonder when she cut it. She’s wearing jeans and I realize that as long as I’ve known her, I’ve never seen her wear pants. What does she look like in the winter? It’s crazy just seeing her not surrounded by her lake.

When I look at her from this far away, all our summers slam into me and it’s almost like from this distance, just looking at her, I can almost forget all the bad shit that happened.

For the first time, I think I want to, but then that last night body slams its way in and I remember how many more of her moments that Alec has than me and I wonder what’s the point? We were young, stupid kids and we tried to make something work that never would have.

I’m about to turn around and walk away, but of course that’s the second Charlotte turns around. The crowd doesn’t matter. There aren’t hundreds of other people around us like there always are in New York. Her eyes land right on me.

This would be way, way easier if she wasn’t so beautiful. I almost forgot how she goes right to my head with just one look. It’s always been like that, even from the first glance in front of the cabin when I didn’t understand what it was.

Charlotte lifts her hand and gives me a small, nervous wave. There have been so many people who’ve come and gone in my life. We’ve never seen each other for long periods of time or really known each other beyond our summers, but every time I see her, even when we were confused or I was depressed or whatever, things always feel a little better when I look at her. No matter the time that’s passed or how one of us might have changed we always still knew each other. I could look at her and see through her to the bits and pieces of her I knew so well, but standing here now, for the first time, I feel like I don’t know Charlotte anymore.

And it really f*cking sucks. Which then makes me pissed at myself because she kissed Alec. She let me walk away and she never even told me why.

I’ve never been a p-ssy before, and I refuse to let myself be one now. I shove my hands in the pockets of my shorts and walk toward her. “Hey.” I nod my head at her and then feel like a douchebag.

“Hey…thanks for meeting me.”

“No problem. Let’s go get a drink.” I open the door for her and she walks in. It’s crazy and stupid, but I could swear she smells like The Village; all open air and trees and water.

I try to buy her drink, but she doesn’t let me. It probably shouldn’t bother me, but it does. If it were Alec, would he be buying one for her?

Charlotte and I head back outside and we’re lucky a table opens up. It’s close to the building and toward the end, which means we’ll get about as much privacy as possible out here. Which isn’t much.

“You’re taller,” she blurts out and then her cheeks go a little pink. “I mean, I think you are. Maybe you’re not, but you look like it.”

“Your hair’s shorter.”

She touches it, making me remember when I used to do that. How she’d shiver and I wondered if she could feel it deep inside her the way I could.

“Yeah. I cut it a couple months ago.”

I think maybe I should tell her it looks good, but I don’t let myself. Just like I don’t tell her it’s good to see her outside The Village. Or ask her how she likes it. Or tell her I’m proud of her. All I ask is, “What are you doing here, Charlotte?”

Disappointment creases her brow, before she says, “It’s kind of a long story. So much has happened, Nate. I want to tell you all about it, but I don’t know if you want to hear and—”

“—Is your dad okay?” I cut her off. Yeah I’m pissed, but I would feel like a prick if something happened to her dad and I never knew. Wasn’t there for her.

“Yeah. He’s fine. As fine as he can be. He’s hanging in there. The MS seems to have slowed down a little which is good. He met someone.”

“Wow.” I never expected him to. He seemed like not much mattered except his family and The Village.

“He says it isn’t serious, but of course it is. She’s at The Village all the time. She helps out there, too. She’s a nurse and works three days a week. If she’s not a work she’s at The Village.”

I can’t help but wonder if that’s why she’s here. If her dad has help now and she’s coming for school or vacation or what. But then…I know she wanted California, so if she’s going to school, I’m sure it isn’t out here.

“That’s cool.”

We’re both quiet and it’s the kind of silence I hate. It’s not like I’m real chatty. Marisol could get like that sometimes and it drove me crazy. This silence is strangling and awkward. “What are you doing here?” I ask again.

She seems distracted, watching people as they walk by.

“Is there somewhere else we can go to talk?”

I almost say yes, but I feel like she’s stalling. “Here’s as good as any place.”

Charlotte flinches, making me hate myself a little. I don’t want to be the guy to make her feel that way.

“School…I’m going to Vassar in Poughkeepsie this fall. Alec and I are out here for two weeks getting to know the city a little bit.”

Aaaand, now I’m pissed. She’s here with Alec, but she called me. That’s not even the worst of the thoughts injecting anger into my veins. A familiar ache in my chest develops that I haven’t felt since last year. She left The Village for him. She’s going away to college with him. Maybe it makes me a selfish bastard to think that way. Her dad needed her and I always understood that, but I still wanted her with me too.

But now she’s here, in my city, with him.

“Bet your dad loves that. I’m sure he’s cool with you leaving for school since you’re with his golden boy, right? Have a good visit.” I push to my feet, but she grabs my wrist before I can get too far.

“I’m not with Alec. I swear. I never have been. He’s my best friend and that’s all, Nate.”

“Then why can’t you tell me what happened that night? If you’re not with him tell me why, Charlotte. I deserve that much.” She flinches again, but doesn’t reply. “That’s what I thought.”

Her grip loosens and I start working my way through the tables and people. I don’t know how I know it, but she’s behind me. She always gave in when it came to her future, but that’s about the only thing.

“Nate,” she calls, but I keep going. “Nate!”

I turn a corner and I’m slowing down. Damn, I’m an idiot, because even though I’m pissed I can’t make myself just walk away from her.

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” she says. Her eyes are red and her face is wet.

“Damn it.” My hand pushes through my hair and I duck into the alley next to us, Charlotte right behind me. “It’s been since August, Charlie! You could have explained a million times. I’m not stupid. I knew when I said we should try to be together that the odds were against us. Who the hell can make it last in a normal relationship, but we had distance, too. But I was willing to try. If you didn’t want to, all you had to do was tell me. It would have sucked, but I would have been okay. I’ve never lied to you. Even when we weren’t together and I went out with other girls I always told you—”

“—I didn’t lie to you, either! I’ve never lied to you! Alec kissed me, but it wasn’t him I wanted. I was caught off guard and then you showed up and all hell broke loose.”

“And if that was all there was to it, you would have told me then.”

I lean against the wall. I don’t want to fight with her. I’ve never wanted to fight with her.

“I would tell you in a second if I could, Nate, and you know that. It’s not my story to tell. This whole year I’ve spent trying to figure out my life. How to be who I am without you and without Alec or my dad.”

“And you lump me in with them? I’m the only one who ever pushed you to go for what you wanted.”

She groans. “That’s not what I meant. You’re trying to fight with me, Nate. That’s not why I messaged. I just want…I just…”

“You just what, Charlie?” It’s the second time I’ve called her that today. It feels strange. She’s always been Charlotte to me.

“I want out friendship back. I miss you. And I know it’s crazy and doesn’t make sense because you’re probably going off somewhere to school. I know you didn’t want to stay close to home and I’m going to be here, but it doesn’t change the fact that after everything, I at least want my friend back.”

My defenses are weakening, softening up with each of her words and I try to turn, but she steps in front of me the way I’ve done with her.

“I want to tell you about my year and explain how I ended up in New York and hear you talk about baseball and I want to look at the stars here with you. I want my friend…”

Her words echo through me. I study her face I know so well. The curves of her body, her hands that I’ve held and that anger is still filling me, but there’s something there pushing it aside.

I miss her.

I want our friendship back, too.

I’ve always wanted her.

I grab her hand and it’s a little awkward, but she doesn’t pull away. She’s breathing hard and all I can think is she’s still wild and crazy as always.

With my other hand I touch her hair and push it behind her ear. “I hate it. No one wrecks me the way you do, but I can’t help it. I miss you, too…”





The whole way home I’m still not sure I did the right thing. I wasn’t lying when I said she wrecked me because she did, but she’s also here and I never really expected her to be. I’ve given her so many of her firsts and she’s had so many of mine that I want this. I want to be the one to show her New York and pretend it’s the world.

I want to be with her when she looks at the stars in the city and see if she thinks they look any different than they do at home.

And I really, really need to stop dwelling over this.

I get home after six. Dad is there like he is most of the time now. Usually the only time off he takes is when we went to The Village every summer, so it’s crazy to see him at home so much and the way he takes care of Mom.

“I ordered pizza,” he tells me as I walk into the living room.

“Nah, I’m good. I already ate. Is Brandon here?” When Brandon’s in town he’s never usually home. He’s off doing whatever with whomever.

“Yeah, he’s upstairs in his room," Mom answers.

“Thanks.” Turning, I run upstairs, my tennis shoes slapping on the tiled floors.

About three seconds after I knock on Brandon’s door, he tells me to come in. The first thing I do is blurt out, “Charlotte and Alec are here.” Wow…way to freak out.

“What? Here?” Brandon pushes to his feet, looking even more tripped out than I feel. What the hell is up with that?

“Not at our house, dumbass. In New York. Why do you look like you’re going to puke? Your football buddy is here. And, you know, the guy who kissed Charlotte when I was with her.”

“You weren’t really with her,” Brandon tosses back.

“How do you know? It’s not like I ever told you anything. We were though.” In a way I feel like I’ve always been with her. It doesn’t make sense because she’s gone out with other guys and me with other girls, but even back then, I knew she was the one for me.

Brandon rolls his eyes. “Yeah, until you got home and realized your girlfriend lived a thousand miles away.”

My brother’s words light a fuse under my barely controlled anger. “F*ck you, bro. It was different with her. Just because you’ve never had anything serious with anyone—”

“F*ck you, too. You don’t know anything about what I have and haven’t had.” Brandon falls back into the chair at his computer desk, still looking a little sick. “And what does that even mean? Just yesterday I asked you if you loved her and you made it sound like she didn’t really matter that much.” His leg is bouncing up and down like it’s on crack.

“Why are we even fighting about this?”

“I don’t know, man. You started it.” Brandon shakes his head. “So…what are they doing here? Did she say anything? I mean, about what happened with her and Alec.”

Opening my mouth, I almost tell him nothing, but then figure it can’t be that bad to talk to him about something. “Kind of. She said she’s not with him and that she never was. She says he just kissed her, which is all stuff she said before. I know there’s more to it than that. Otherwise, things wouldn’t have gone down the way they did.”

Brandon looks at me, really looks like he wants to figure me out. We’re cool, but we’ve never been all that close so I wonder what he sees. Wonder why we don’t really know each other better.

“I believe her,” he says.

I shake my head. “You don’t know her.” Not that there isn’t this part of me who doesn’t know he’s right. I think that’s why I gave in today. Why I told her I want to take her to The Met tomorrow. It’s impossible to really tell her no to anything. “Regardless, I hate Alec and always will. If I see him, I can pretty much promise you I’m taking him out again.”

“But… What if…what if it wasn’t his fault?” Brandon asks. He has his cell in his hand and he’s screwing with it and not looking at me.

“How can it not be his fault? He kissed her, man.”

At that Brandon pushes to his feet. “You have a lot of growing up to do. Things aren’t always as simple as you think they are.”

“I have a lot of growing up to do? Says the guy who doesn’t care about anything but football and getting laid.”

Jerking Brandon’s door open, I slam it before going into my room and falling onto the bed. His words keep playing in my head. He believes her. That things aren’t always cut and dry as I think they should be. Just like that night with Chrissy, I didn’t think of the consequences of telling. Yeah, it was the right thing and I wouldn’t change that, but I never really thought about how it would affect anyone.

This is Charlotte. I know her. I do. And it’s never really fit. If Alec kissed her and she didn’t want to be kissed back, then what was the big secret behind it? That whole night has always been this strange clusterf*ck that I can’t piece together to make sense of it.

But I know her.

My brother might be right in at least some ways. Charlotte wouldn’t lie to me. I feel that in every part of me.

Still don’t get why though.

And I can’t help but think my brother got a hell of a lot smarter all of a sudden. I wonder what else there is about him that I don’t know.



We stand at the bottom of the stairs, Charlotte’s eyes practically as big as the building in front of us. People are all around like they always are, sitting on the steps, walking on the street, and taking pictures. I try to see it through her eyes, for the first time with the oversized pillars and the intricate artwork on the upper ledge of the building, but I can’t really do it. Instead I just want to watch her soak it all in. Watch her and wonder what’s happened since I saw her last and then I get a little annoyed at myself for caring.

“It’s so…big.” Charlotte smiles and I can’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, you can say that.” Then we’re quiet and she’s still soaking it in. “It’s one of my favorite buildings in the city,” I tell her.

Charlotte turns to face me. “It is?”

“Yep.”

“I didn’t know that. Though why would I? It’s not like I know everything about you.”

She knows more than anyone else. “I don’t know everything about you, either.”

“Yes, you do.” Her answer is quick. “As much as someone can know about someone else.” Her words spark all kinds of questions, confusion and a little bit of anger. As if she can sense it, Charlotte changes the subject. “What’s your favorite part about it?”

“The small details.” I point to the top. “It’s simple in a way, not over done like a lot of buildings are, but it has those little pieces to it, those little extras that make it special.”

“Buildings are like your stars. I knew, but I’ve never seen it before.” There’s awe in her voice and in her green eyes that I don’t see or hear from anyone else.

“Yeah… I guess you can say that.”

“Can we go in?” she asks and I suddenly can’t wait to show it to her.

“Come on.” Reflex makes me reach for her hand, but I jerk back before I touch her. If she notices, she doesn’t say anything.

We go inside and Charlotte looks even more amazed than she did standing at the bottom of the stairs. Pictures are on the walls and pieces displayed everywhere. Charlotte leads the way; excited in a way I don’t remember seeing when we were at The Village. It’s a different part of her here, one who is more unsure than she was at home, but eager and anxious to figure it all out.

You wouldn’t think so, but it’s kind of hot. It surprises me that as many times as I’ve seen her and everything we’ve experienced together that there is so much more out there to do.

“Don’t they do lectures and stuff like that too?” she asks.

“For sure. Wanna go to one?”

“Oh my God! Yes!” She moves like she’s going to hug me, but just like I did with her hand earlier, she pulls back.

I just want to put it out there. Ask what the f*ck happened to us and how we can get it back.

“Are we going or what?” She smirks, breaking the ice.

To hell with it. Putting my arm around her shoulders, I say, “I don’t remember you being this pushy… Oh, wait. That’s a lie. I do.”

“Nate!” Charlotte tries to pull away, pretending she’s mad, but I hold onto her and keep her close.

“It’s a good thing to always tell the truth, right?” I tease again.

Charlotte crosses her arms. “I don’t remember you being so mean. Oh, wait. Yeah I do.”

We laugh as we keep walking and then we’re not laughing and her head’s on my shoulder and all I can think is it feels like it did at the beginning of every summer. Like it always has. F*ck, I missed this girl.



“So...how ‘bout that Eros, huh?”

Charlotte rolls her eyes.

“You have to admit it’s kind of crazy. I definitely didn’t expect a lecture on Eros, God of Love.” Though maybe I should have.

The sun burns my eyes when we step outside again.

“Why not? What’s wrong with it?”

“I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it. Did you like it?”

Charlotte stops and looks at me, into me. “I loved it.”

What is it about her that turns me so inside out? My hands itch to grab her, to pull her to me and kiss her and talk the way I only do with her. “I’m glad.”

“Nate—”

“—Come on. I’ll get you back to your hotel.”

Charlotte nods.

“Subways are so cool,” she says as we sit inside.

That makes me laugh. “If you say so. I’m sure most of us could think of a few other words for them.”

Charlotte watches everyone, her eyes never staying still for very long. I have to remind her to get off when it’s our stop. Her hotel isn’t a long walk from the subway, and when we get there, I pause her before she goes inside.

“If Alec is here, it’s probably not a good idea if I go up there.” It’s not a good idea regardless.

Sadness dims her eyes. “Nate… I need to know you believe me. Alec doesn’t like me like that and even if he did…it’s never been him for me. It never will be.”

I’m not sure if it’s smart, but my reply is automatic and honest. “I do. I believe you. It doesn’t mean I’m not pissed, because I am. I wish you could trust me with the truth.”

“I do. You know I trust you with everything. It’s just not my truth to tell.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I deserve some answers.” She opens her mouth to reply, but I continue. “I’m not trying to fight with you. I’m here, Charlotte. That means something. Today was…”

“Perfect,” she fills in the blank.

It wasn’t. I know that and she knows that, but I can’t deny her reply either. It’s like that with us. Imperfections are still perfect. Just being with her is.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning, okay? We’ll do Times Square.”

Charlotte replies with a nod.

I wonder why I haven’t told her I’m going to Columbia. That we’ll only be an hour and a half train ride from each other. Reaching out, I touch her hair. “I’m glad you’re here, Star Girl.”

Pulling my hand back, I turn and walk away.





I’m exhausted from taking the train into the city again. I don’t know how Dad does it, but it’s worth it because I still can’t believe Charlotte is here.

She’s waiting outside her hotel when I get there. I have to do a double take because, standing there, she looks more like the Charlotte I remember than she did yesterday. For the first time, I see her legs again, all smooth and tanned in the jean shorts she’s wearing.

And a tank top. I love her tank tops. It’s yellow just like the swimming suit from the first summer and the bikinis from our second and third. It’s a stupid thing to remember. I’d probably be embarrassed if it was anyone but her.

“Hey.”

She’s smiling so big that it takes everything inside me not to kiss her.

“Hi.”

“You ready?” I ask.

“Yep.”

We take another subway ride and walk to Times Square.

I almost never come here. If people think the city is busy, they've never visited Times Square. Tourists everywhere and so many people it’s almost impossible to breathe.

“Holy crap, it’s crazy here.” Her voice is a little unsure, so I grab her hand.

“I got you. You have to learn to shove your way through.”

I make way for both of us as we work through the throng of people. It’s loud and there are lights everywhere even though it’s daytime. I should have taken her at night, so she could see even better how it lit up. I don’t know why I didn’t think about that.

We watch the screens and go into shops and stores. Charlotte asks questions, reminding me how she likes to know so much about everything. And still, we’ve hardly seen half of it.

“How far is Central Park?” she asks.

“You wanna go? We can. That’s why I came early today. There’s still stuff to see here, too.” It’s only noon right now so we have some time.

“I’ve always wanted to see Central Park,” she says.

I didn’t know that about her. “Yeah. Let’s do it. We won’t be able to see the whole thing, but we have some time.”

We head toward Central Park. The whole time I’m wondering if she thinks some parts of it will remind her of home. If that’s why she wants to see it so badly.

When we get there, we grab some food at a little stand before walking into one of the huge grassy areas. We sit on the ground and she crosses her legs, taking a bite of her sandwich. “I think I could live here,” she finally says.

“You’re going to in a couple months, right?” It’s still crazy for me to think about.

“Yeah, but I mean here. In the park. It’s amazing, Nate.”

“Eh. Probably not a good idea to live here, but you’re going to freak out when you see the rest of it.”

Charlotte watches a bike go by before saying. “Dad’s been paying me a little and I’ve done some odd jobs. I’ve been saving up since last summer for this trip. Well, I guess I didn’t know what it was for at the time, but I was putting money away for something. I can’t believe I’m really here.”

“I can’t believe you are, either. How’d it all come about? Going to school here and stuff?”

She sets her sandwich down and lies down on her back. “I wish it was nighttime. Most of our talks are under the stars.”

I don’t know what makes me do it, but I lay down next to her, leaning on my elbow. “Close your eyes and pretend.” Lightly I set my hand over her eyes. Her lashes brush my palm, so I pull away. It’s such a little thing, but I love how she trusts me, even in something as simple as this.

“I’m scared to mention it because everything came about after that night,” her voice whispers.

A fist tightens around my chest, but I ignore it. “You can tell me anything, Star Girl. You know that. That’s why I don’t understand—”

Her eyes jerk open. “It’s not me. I would tell you if it was.”

“So tell me the rest.”

She closes her eyes again. “I missed you so much, Nate. It was different than when you left all the other years. Even though I never really knew if you’d come back, I had hope. I was so scared you hated me.”

“I wanted to,” I can’t help but say. “I wanted to hate you, but I couldn’t. Then I was even more pissed at you because you still had this grip on me.”

“You had me too.”

The fist loosens slightly. “So what happened?”

“I started applying places. I was so mad at the world. I felt like I was being rebellious or something. I didn’t tell Dad or Alec or anyone. I wasn’t talking to Alec at all so it was just me and my secrets. It felt like it used to, when no one really knew how I felt. After I met you I always had someone I could tell anything to, but I was on my own again. I applied to LA and a few other places. I don’t know what made my try Vassar… Because it’s close, I guess? Not too far from home, but still somewhere new.”

“You knew you’d go?”

She opens her eyes and looks up at me. “Nope. I thought I’d never get out. I just needed to feel like I was doing something. Maybe I just wanted to pretend. It was after Dad met Nancy that I really started to think about it more, but I still didn’t see how it was possible.”

“You deserve your dreams, Star Girl.” I touch her hair and I know I need to stay away. We have too much history and now it’s bogged down with the last night we spent together, but I can’t stop myself from wanting her.

“I missed that name.”

“What happened next?” I ask, trying to find out everything about her year, but also putting some distance there.

“Dad happened… He just talked to me one day. He told me Alec’s parents were interested in becoming partners of The Village. They love it as much as we do and they’ve spent their lives there. At first I kind of freaked out because it’s ours. It’s our life.”

“And you felt guilty.”

Charlotte nods. “It was so hard, because then he started telling me how all he ever wanted was The Village and how it was his dream…but then he said he knew it wasn’t mine. He didn’t want to force it on me. If he deserved his dream, I deserved mine, right?”

That surprises the hell out of me. I never expected her dad to go there, but I don’t want to sound like an ass by saying it.

“Didn’t expect that one, did you?”

“You said it, not me.” I wink at her.

“He’d already talked to Alec’s parents and Nancy and they all had this plan worked out. He said it was happening regardless and that I deserve to live my life. They’re only doing summer and fall now. Nancy loves it there and loves to help, plus she helps take care of him. Add in Alec’s parents and…here I am. I’m still close enough to home that I can go back and help, but I’m free too.”

“You love The Village.” We both know she does. Getting out never meant she didn’t love it. “And Alec?” I don’t mean for my voice to be so tight when I ask about him.

A sad look takes over her face. “I want him to get out of there… I don’t know if he will yet. He needs it. All these years I thought I really knew him, Nate, but I didn’t. Not really. He—”

I groan and rub my hand over my face. “You’re killin’ me here.” It’s not something I like to admit, but I’ve always been jealous of him, their relationship and the times they had together.

“Not like that!” She sits up. “Shit, I didn’t mean for it to sound like that.”

“I have no right to care if it does.” I don’t like the words, but they need to be said.

“Maybe you don’t want to, but you do.”

“Char—”

She counters with, “Nathaniel.”

“You haven’t called me that in a while.”

“Maybe that will be what I call you when you piss me off.”

“What? What did I do?” I don’t know how the mood suddenly got so much lighter, but it did.

“You’re being a guy. I understand things like that so much better since I started hanging out with Danielle.”

That’s the first time I realize she really must not have talked to Alec for a while. That maybe she’d been almost as pissed at him as me.

“Let’s pretend we’re at The Village right now, okay?” Charlotte lies back down. “It’s like every other summer. Let’s just…talk.”

So we do. I tell her about Mom and the baby and she asks a lot of questions about Brandon. I manage to dodge the college question, but we catch up on everything else.

Its already almost evening time before I get her back to her hotel.

“You do realize I didn’t get to show you any of Central Park today, right?” I ask.

“It doesn’t matter.” She shakes her head.

An expression that says she still had a great day plays across her face, but I’m not ready to hear it. “I better go. I’ll pick you up tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.”

As soon as I round the corner, my cell phone beeps. Pulling it out of my pocket I see a text from Charlotte.

What we did was better

Maybe I am ready to hear it. Not sure what I plan to say when I get there, I turn around back around, take the corner and see that she’s gone.

I don’t go after her. Don’t reply. Just head back to the train and go home.





“Nate! Wake up!” Brandon grabs me, jerking me out of sleep.

My room is pitch black, but then the lamp from my bedside table flips on, the light stinging my eyes. “What the hell, man?”

“It’s Mom. She’s bleeding. A lot. We’re taking her to the hospital.”

I’m already out of bed before the last word leaves his mouth. I pull on the same jeans I wore today, which were on the floor, get a t-shirt from my drawer and then I’m right behind my brother, snagging my cell as I head out of my room. My shoes are already by the door so I shove my socked feet into them.

“Where are they?” I ask. My voice shakes. My hands are shaking.

“They just left. Dad caught me when I was getting up to go to the bathroom and told me. I saw her nightgown, Nate. It’s…”

Brandon doesn’t continue and he doesn’t have to. It’s bad. I can see it with one look at him. “Just drive. Let’s go.”

We climb into Brandon’s truck and he backs out.

“We got into an argument tonight,” Brandon rushes out.

“Why?”

“I guess it wasn’t really a fight, but she was upset… I told her I’m not sure I want to play football anymore.”

That catches my attention. “You love football.”

“I never said I didn’t. But it’s a lot of pressure. You don’t get it. You loved baseball, but it was never the same. You’re also a brainiac and everyone has always known you’re more than just sports.”

“What are you talking about, Brandon? Mom and Dad have never been like that. Hell, Dad couldn’t care less about sports.”

“Who said I was talking about them?” he says quietly.

Every time I talk to Brandon lately, it’s like he has another surprise for me. Another secret I don’t know about him. Does he really think he’s not more than football?

“If you don’t wanna play ball, don’t. You have to live your own life.”

Brandon sighs. “Easier said than done, bro. And I don’t know for sure. I just…never mind. Mom is what matters right now."

“It’s not your fault.” I’m not sure why I say that. “The fight. If…”

I feel Brandon’s eyes on me. “Thanks, man.”

We don’t talk after that. I hold my phone in my hand the whole way to the hospital. While Brandon is parking I stop fighting the urge to text Charlotte.

Might not be there 2morrow. At the hospital with Mom. Bleeding.

It doesn’t matter that it’s two in the morning, Charlotte replies quickly.

What hospital? I’ll be right there.

A deep breath pushes out of my lungs. I should have known she’d give me exactly what I didn’t know I needed.



They’re in the room for an hour before Dad comes out. His face is pale as he sits down next to Brandon and I. “They’ve slowed the bleeding down, which is good. They also did an ultrasound to check on the baby; he’s doing okay for now. Still has a heartbeat and everything.”

“He?” Brandon asks. They’d decided they weren’t going to find out what they were having, but I guess this changed things.

At that, Dad smiles. “Three boys. How lucky are we?”

I lean back in the chair, studying Dad. It’s not like I never knew he loved us or I ever felt mistreated or anything. He has just always been…busy. Even when he would take summers off and we’d go to The Village, we have never been one of those families who eat together at night and plays games or whatever. We’ve all had our own lives, but looking at him now, I see how much we mean to him and how proud he is of us. It’s funny that I would feel closer to him now than I did when I was a kid, but maybe that’s how life worked sometimes.

“He’ll be okay, Dad. How could he not be? I mean, he’s cool enough to have me for a brother.”

Brandon punches me, but Dad laughs. “You guys are good kids. Your mother and I love you. Let’s keep Mom and your brother in your prayers, okay?”

The seriousness of the situation weighs heavily on us again. “She’s at twenty-four weeks now and that technically means the baby is viable.”

Viable? I don’t know why that word makes me nauseous. He says it like it’s a good thing, but, but it sounds so…cold.

“So they’d be okay if he comes early?” I ask.

Dad awkwardly adjusts his weight from one side to the other. “There are no promises, Nate. Obviously every day we can keep him in there safely is a good thing. He needs all the time he can to get strong. The odds of survival get better and better, but it’s still a tough road.”

Odds of survival. That’s hard to hear. I was freaked out when they told me they were having another baby, but now, I just want my little brother.

“Come here.” Dad gives us each a hug before saying, “We’ll be in the ER a little while longer, then they’re going to admit her to the labor and delivery department. They’re just waiting on a room. You guys can head home and we’ll call you—”

“—No. Not yet.”

Brandon nods his head in agreement.

He squeezes each of our shoulders again, before he disappears into the emergency room with Mom.

Another hour passes and then I hear another sliding door, this one coming from the entrance. My head shoots up and I see Charlotte standing there. I push to my feet to go to her, but then I see she didn’t come alone. Alec is standing right behind her.

My jaw tightens. My hands fist. I need her. I need her and she came here with him.

Alec’s eyes meet mine. They don’t linger on me long before they dart toward Brandon.

Charlotte moves to me. “Nate, is everything okay? How’s your mom?”

I know I should answer her. It shouldn’t matter that Alec’s here because Mom is in there bleeding, and her and my brother’s lives are in danger. But it still sucks. Still feels like someone pushing a knife into my gut.

Charlotte walks up toward me, steps so close. “He wanted to come for Brandon,” she whispers. “They’re…friends. Brandon means a lot to him, too.”

I lean against the wall, knowing she’s right. “I hate it, Charlotte,” I say softly. “Hate seeing him and knowing you’re still close to him, even though I shouldn’t. Things have changed and even if they hadn’t, now sure as hell isn’t the time for me to let it bother me. It’s just...I need you. I’m scared out of my mind here and even after all this time, you make things feel better, but he’s always there.”

She gets closer to me again. She steps between my slightly spread legs. Doesn’t hesitate. Just wraps her arms around my neck.

“I’m here. I’ll do whatever you need. I’ll always be here for you.”

As if they have a mind of their own, my hands rest on her waist. Like I’ve done so many times, I slip them under the bottom of her shirt, seeking skin. She buries her face in my neck. I don’t know where Brandon or Alec are. And I don’t care. “I’m scared, Star Girl. She wants this baby. What if something happens to my mom?”

“It won’t.”

We just stand there and hold each other. Her supporting me the way she’s always done. The way only she can. “Thanks for coming,” I finally tell her.

“You would have done the same thing for me. You have. You were the first one who told me I could get out of The Village, Nate. Even my mom who wanted out herself never told me I could leave. And when they did go, you helped me through it. You’re always there for me.”

“It’s a trade.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize how true they are. “You helped make me realize everything was okay after the Chrissy thing…and you’re here now.”

“So we’re two for two?” She laughs. “You were my answer that first summer, then me for you the second one.”

“I had the third summer and now you the fourth,” I finish. It’s amazing, I realize. Having that with someone. Having it with her.

She licks her lips, something she does when she wants me to kiss her. It’s another of those things I know about her that I hope no one else ever does. I lean forward, needing to feel my mouth on hers. Charlotte’s breath catches. I want to swallow each and every sound she makes. “I’m so freaked out right now. I just need something familiar. Can I kiss you?”

“Déjà vu.” She smirks, reminding me how I asked her the same question in the past. “Yes.”

Only I don’t get the chance. The doors leading back through the ER open and Dad comes out again.

Brandon jerks out from around a corner and I pull from Charlotte to step toward him. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh! Wow. Surprised to see you kids here. I didn’t even know you were in New York.” Dad says to Charlotte and Alec.

“They’re here for two weeks,” I say.

“Thanks for coming. I’m sure Nathaniel and Brandon appreciate the support.” Dad tells them.

Brandon steps closer to Dad. “How’s Mom?”

“Better. The bleeding has almost completely stopped. That doesn’t mean we’re out of the woods yet, but it’s a good sign. They’re bringing her upstairs in about five minutes. The doctor said you boys could go in and see her for a minute, and then why don’t you head home? There’s nothing you can do here right now. If anything changes, I’ll call.”

Brandon and I look at each other. My brother nods. “Yeah…okay.”

“It’s the third room on the right,” Dad tells us. Brandon and I go in to see Mom. She’s all covered up in white hospital blankets, her hair a mess, but with a small smile on her face.

“Hey, guys.” Her voice is raspy.

“Hey…” I grab her hand and Brandon steps to the other side, doing the same. She has IVs in and there are machines all around.

“How are you?” I ask.

“Okay. Tired.”

“Mom?” Brandon’s voice cracks and his eyes pool. Shit. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my brother cry. Not since we were kids, at least.

“Shh. Your brother and I will both be fine. You understand that? I promise you guys. The Chase boys are fighters. This little guy is going to take after both of you. My strong, brave, wonderful boys. He’ll be okay and we’ll all get to meet him and you two will be able to show him just how wonderful you both are, okay?”

My eyes are wet, too. I squeeze her hand, but not too tight, afraid I’ll hurt her. “You’re strong, too,” I tell her.

Mom smiles. “I love you guys. Go home and get some rest. Your dad and I have his under control. We’ll call you later.”

I nod before leaning down to kiss her, and then Brandon does the same.

Dad gives us another hug when we walk back out to the waiting room. “I told Charlotte and Alec that they’re welcome back at the house with you guys.” He eyes me. “But be good. I’m trusting you.” But he really means me since I’m the one bringing a girl home to an empty house for who knows how long.

“I will.”

Brandon’s quiet as Dad goes back into the waiting room. Charlotte and Alec walk up to us and I say to Charlotte, “Do you have to go back?”

She shakes her head. “No and I can’t believe how long you’ve traveled every day, Nate. I didn’t know.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

And even though I can’t stand Alec, I’m glad he took the train ride with her to keep her safe. When the four of us walk out of the hospital, I can’t help but think it feels good. It feels like so many of our summers from the past.





“I can’t believe I’m in your house.” Charlotte stands in the entryway looking around. “It’s huge, Nate. How many bedrooms are in this thing?”

“Six. Wanna come up to mine?”

Her eyes go wide and it makes me crack a smile. “Just to sleep. I’m tired as hell.”

“Yeah… I do. But I just have to talk to Alec for a second.”

Of course he picks that moment to walk up. They don’t say anything. He pushes a hand through his blond hair. Maybe it makes me a prick, but I’m not walking away and leaving him alone with her.

“I’m good,” Alec tells her and I wonder why he wouldn’t be.

“Brandon can show him to one of the guest rooms,” I say.

Charlotte nods and then follows me upstairs to my room. When we get inside, l close the door and step out of my shoes as she walks around, looking at everything.

“Oh my God! You still have your old hat! You never wore this after the first summer.” She grabs the Yankees hat off my dresser.

“It got too small.”

She examines the bookshelf, my desk, the corkboard where there’s a picture of us from the second summer. “You still have this?”

We’d taken it on our hike. “Yeah.” I can’t really manage much more than short answers. I’m tired, worried about Mom, and a little annoyed that Alec is in my house. “I’m dead on my feet. You have to be tired too.” I nod my head toward the bed. “Lay down with me.” And then I realize it probably won’t be comfortable for her to sleep in jeans so I go to my dresser and pull out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt for her. “They’ll be big, but it should work.”

Charlotte nods.

“The bathroom is across the hall.”

Another nod before she walks out. I step out of my jeans, pull on another pair of shorts, and toss my shirt to the floor. By the time she comes back in, I’m already laying down.

I pull up the blanket. Charlotte hesitates for a second before switching off the light and climbing in. She curls right up to me and I wrap my arm around her. “They’ll be okay.” The words come out for me, more than they do anything else.

“I know.”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” she replies and just that quickly, I’m out.



At about noon, I wake up. Charlotte is asleep beside me, this half-smile on her face. I wonder if she’s dreaming and what it’s about. She stirs slightly, but doesn’t wake up. Grabbing my cell phone, I send a text to Dad to check on Mom. He replies back and tells me she’s resting, they’re monitoring the baby, but the bleeding has stopped.

A huge weight lifts from my chest.

“Hey,” Charlotte says from beside me.

“Sorry. Did I wake you up?”

She shakes her head. “Nope.”

“I don’t know how I would be dealing with this if it wasn’t for you,” I tell her. She smiles up at me.

“I have something for you,” Charlotte says. Getting out of bed, she grabs her shorts and pulls something out of the pocket. Once she’s back next to me, she opens her hand, showing me the two leather necklaces inside.

“I wasn’t sure if I should give it to you or not, but…I have to. I don’t know if you’ll want it—”

“I want it,” I tell her, taking mine from her hand. Guilt pulls at my seams, threatening to pull me apart. “I shouldn’t have ripped it off. I was so…yeah, it killed me seeing him with you and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted it back, though. Even right after I did it.”

“I hate what happened to us. We wasted so much time.”

Charlotte has fixed the latch on the broken cord. It’s the second time it’s been broken, but the leather stays strong. Hopefully we can do the same. I sit up and put it on my neck. “Let me do yours,” I say, and she sits up before handing me her necklace.

“I still wore it, but I took it off before we had coffee. Other than these couple days, I’ve always worn it.”

Looking at her, I don’t think I’ll ever love another girl like I love Charlotte. Despite everything with Alec or the time we’ve spent away from each other or the fact that we’re young, I still know I love her. Leaning forward, I press my lips to hers.

Charlotte gives a shocked noise, but then she’s opening her mouth and I’m slipping my tongue inside. She leans back and I go down with her. Her hands trace paths up and down my back and I slip my hand under her shirt. My body is screaming, finally! But I’m trying to slow down because I don’t want to rush her.

It feels different than the other times I’ve kissed her, and I wonder if it’s because we’re older now and if it means we’re more ready. Or, hell, maybe I’m getting ahead of myself, something I only do with her.

I roll onto my back, pulling her on top of me and I kiss her deeper, wanting more and then—bang, bang, bang.

“Nate! My phone is dead! Have you talked to Dad?” Brandon’s voice comes through the door. Charlotte jumps up and runs her hands down her clothes like she’s trying to unwrinkle them. It’s a lot easier for her to hide what we were doing.

I grab a pillow and put it in my lap before sitting up.

“Open the door.”

Brandon sticks his head in. “Bad time?”

I pick up another pillow and throw it at him. “Screw you. Charge your phone. I just texted Dad and she’s doing better today. No bleeding, but they’re keeping her for now.”

“Good. Okay. Alec’s downstairs. Neither of us knows how to cook. Wanna go get a pizza?”

“Breakfast of champions. Go for it.”

“Cool.” He closes the door, leaving charlotte and I alone again.

“You okay?” I ask. “I don’t want to seem like I’m pushing you…”

“You’re not. You never could.”

“Good.” I stand up and walk over to her. “The past nine months sucked. The beginning especially, but when you’re here, it’s like none of it happened. Like we can just pick up where we left off.”

“I feel like that, too.”

Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her toward me. “What are your plans for the next week? I wanted to show you around, but I don’t want to go too far from here.”

“We don’t really have much set. I want to take a trip to Poughkeepsie. I haven’t been, but I have all week to do it. I could come back and forth. If you guys need any help while your parents are in the hospital or anything.”

“That’s a lot of back and forth.”

“You did it.”

“Why don’t you guys stay here? I mean, if you want to. I don’t want to ruin your trip, but I’m sure Brandon and Alec will be happy that they can do whatever the hell it is they do again. It’s not quite as exciting as being in the city, but…it’s cheaper. You can stay here for free.”

Of course my dad may have an aneurism but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. He let them stay one night, so what’s a few?

“That depends,” Charlotte says. “What are the stars like out here at night?”

“They’re perfect.”



Alec and Charlotte went back to the hotel to check out early and get their stuff. Brandon called Dad and told him told him they needed a place to say. Yeah, he’s stretching the truth a little, but who cares.

“What do you like so much about Alec?” I ask Brandon as we watch TV.

He whips his head toward me. “What do you mean, what do I like about him?”

“I mean, why do you think he’s so cool? You know, your obsessive football friend?”

Brandon turns of the TV and tosses the remote to the coffee table. “We get along, I guess. He likes ball, but it’s not like that’s the only thing we have in common. I don’t know. Why does anyone like anyone?”

“But anyone is Alec.”

“You never gave him a chance. You always hated him because he’s close to Charlie.”

“Because he’s in love with Charlotte.”

“He’s not in love with her, you douchebag. Open your eyes a little, yeah?” Brandon stands up.

I suddenly get the feeling I’ve been letting my brother down a lot lately, though I’m not sure why. “Hey,” I call to him before he walks away. “We should like…hangout or something. Pretty soon we’re gonna have another brother in the mix.”

“Yeah. That’d be cool. Want to go see Mom before Alec and Charlie get back?”

“Sure.” I push to my feet. “But I get to drive this time.”