Four Summers

I sit in the dark, waiting for it to be time to meet Nathaniel. It’s like there’s electricity inside me. A live wire that’s flipping all around because I’m anxious to have another of our nights together and because it seemed so important to him that I meet him. I know it makes me sound bratty, but when he didn’t push for it sooner, it made me feel like it didn’t matter. I think maybe I wanted him to…maybe not fight for me to meet, but to pull for it. To show me he wanted it and he did and that means more to me than the knowledge that this will make it hurt more when he leaves. He’s here now and I don’t have anything else I look forward to.

I’m taking this.

Quietly, I push my widow open and crawl out. The “pillow me” is under the blankets. Not like anyone will check on me, anyway. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I hear Mom’s voice surfing on the wind as it drifts from her and Dad’s partially open window.

“I’m so tired of this place! I tried to make it work, but I don’t want this life, Richard!”

“We’ve been okay,” Dad replies. “Things have been better. We’ll close for a week or so and take a trip this fall. Get out of here for a while. This is our life, Tabitha.”

“A life only you want! You and Charlie Rae love it here. This place fits you. I just…I want to take Sadie and go. You can go, too. We can sell and—”

“No! I’m not selling. This is our past and our future. How can you just want to throw it away? And what about Charlie? You’re going to leave her?”

“She can go if she wants.”

I grab my chest. Fight to breathe. Tears fill my eyes and I turn to run. I stumble and fall, but get right back up again. They’re leaving? She wants to take Sadie and leave? Leave me? I stop when hope fizzles in my veins. I could get out of here. How could I want to leave Dad? I don’t. I love him. And it’s not that she really cares if I go or not.

Her words hit me again and I dry heave. I fall to the ground again and cry. They’re going to leave and I’ll be stuck here. Then the guilt mixes in, making me nauseous. Is here really that bad? I don’t like it, but I would never just bail.

“Charlotte?” Nathaniel’s voice comes from behind me. “What’s wrong?”

I scramble to my feet, embarrassed that I’m on the ground crying. All I can think about is the fact that they’ll get out of The Village to find a new life, and then I hate myself for wishing for the same thing.

Nathaniel steps toward me. I try to turn my head away, but he ducks and follows, tilting my chin toward him. “What’s wrong, Star Girl?”

I watch him in the moonlight. His eyes look like they belong in the sky and I want to talk to him. I want to tell him things because I need to get the words out. Nathaniel has the key that can set them free before they eat me alive.

I can’t talk to Dad, Mom, Sadie, or even Alec. Not about this, but more than anything I want to tell him. “I hate my life.” If there was a way to snatch back those words, I would. They sound so end of the world and I’m not like that. I’m a realist. I know how things work and I usually don’t run so high on emotions, but…I think he might get what I mean. I hope he will.

“Wow…that’s pretty brutal.” There’s a laugh in his voice and it’s just what I need. It makes me smile when two seconds ago it felt like I’d never smile again. In this second, I’ll do anything to forget what I just heard. The thoughts are still there. They can’t disappear that easily, but they aren’t what I want to focus on right now.

“I want to show you something,” I tell him.

Nathaniel nods and I head down path that will lead us where I want to go. When I get there, I disappear into the trees. Nathaniel steps up beside me and grabs my hand. It’s not the way Alec and I have held hands before. Our fingers are weaved together and I like how his hand is a little bit bigger than mine.

We don’t talk as we follow the trail into the night, each of us carrying a flashlight in our free hand. It doesn’t take long to get to the fort my dad made us when we were kids. It’s a decent size. Alec and I used to have secret meetings out here with our friends so it’s big enough for a small group of kids to stand inside.

The little plastic table we used to keep out here is long gone, and the place is empty, but I like to come out here now and again. Alec and I used to play in the creek running behind the fort.

“What is this place?” Nathaniel asks.

“It used to be my hideout.” I shine the light inside. There’s no door or anything like that. “It’s not much, but when I was younger I used to think it was the most amazing thing in the whole world. I helped my dad build it.” That was back when I thought The Village would always be the place for me.

“That’s cool. None of my friends back home have stuff like this. And my dad was always too busy to help us make one.”

I nod at him. “Let’s go out back.”

If I’m being honest, I’ll admit it’s a little scary out here at night, but I grew up stomping through this place. Kids party on the mountains in Lakeland Village. It’s just a part of our lives.

When we get behind the fort, Nathaniel asks, “Why were you crying?”

I sit down and he follows right behind me. “I thought you were so different that first day. I thought you would be scared to get dirty or something.”

Nathaniel laughs. “Wow. Thanks. And you’re stalling.”

I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I let my light dance around the trees and look up to see the stars. “Why do I feel like I can talk to you?”

“Because you don’t know me.”

Maybe that’s true, but I also want to tell him I do. I do know him. Maybe not everything that matters, but I know him.

“When I was little, I thought The Village was magical. We were so lucky, right? People paid us to stay here. We cleaned boats and took people on tours and I could swim all I wanted or explore out here. Dad and I would make things and Sadie and Mom would mostly stay inside, but they’d tease us and we laughed and everything felt okay. I never thought I wanted to leave.

“And then as I got older, I realized that Mom hated it more and more every year and Sadie never really liked it and I started to watch the stars. It feels like nothing matters when I look up there, ya know? I used to dream about getting to study them one day, but I never really got the fact that I would have to leave to do it. When that occurred to me, I thought I would just be happy watching them. It was then that the stars became my magic instead of The Village.”

For a second, I think maybe I should be embarrassed saying all of these things to him, but I’m not.

“You don’t want to leave one day?” he asks.

“No. I do. That’s the problem. It’s like, I’m suffocating here now. I love it, but I don’t.”

“You only have a few more years till you’re off to college.”

I shake my head. “Who would help Dad if I left?”

“Can you just come home for the summer to help him?”

“We’re open all year. It’s not nearly as busy, but there’s ice-skating on the pond in the winter. There’s an apple orchard close that people like to visit in the fall. Wagon rides take them back and forth from here to the orchard. We don’t get people who stay months at a time, except in the summer, but people do come.”

He still doesn’t look convinced, so I add, “You don’t get it. It’s always been Dad and I versus Mom and Sadie Ann. He depends on me and he loves this place so much. He thinks I love it too and I do, but—”

Nathaniel brushes the hair back from my face. “You want to follow the stars.”

“I do… And planets. They all fascinate me.”

“What happened tonight?”

Automatically, I open my mouth to tell him. “I don’t think my mom loves my dad anymore. She said she wants to leave…to take Sadie Ann and go.” The words make it all too real again. My chest aches.

“Shit,” Nathaniel mumbles and puts an arm around me. I drop my head to his shoulder and let a few silent tears trickle down my face. He doesn’t talk and that’s perfect. He just lets me be and holds me because nothing he could say would fix this. I'm grateful he seems to know that.

We sit like that for a long time. He smells fresh like after the rain, but with a hint of something else. I hear him breathe and wonder if he hears me, too. Finally, after who knows how long, I can’t stop myself from asking the question that’s filled my head since Sadie told me.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

Nathaniel stiffens beside me. It’s all the answer I need, but he offers one anyway. “Um… Kind of.”

I chuckle and pull away from him. It hurts my chest, but it’s not something I didn’t know. “You can’t kind of have a girlfriend.”

“I’m serious. We were together. We’ve been together since December, but when summer came, and we knew I would be leaving, we decided to take a break.”

I sigh. “But you’ll get back together when you go home.”

He looks like he doesn’t want to answer. “Probably.”

I nod, not willing to let myself cry again. There’s no point. What will the tears do? It’s not his fault I like him. That I...what? Became infatuated with him the second I saw him? It’s so stupid. It serves me right that he 'kind of' has a girlfriend.

“You’re so freaking cool, Charlotte. I wanted nothing to do with this place when my parents told me we were coming. Both Brandon and I were pissed, but we’ve had a kick ass time. You’re fun to talk to and I’ve never met another girl like you. You’re like…hell, you’re almost like my best friend.”

Talk about ironic. Of course I would end up with another boy for a best friend. One who’s always been there for me, and the other who makes me breathe faster and my heart bounce. Who makes me feel like a girl when no one else does and who looks at me like he sees something that only he can see.

One that if I gave into my heart, I would love.

“You’re my best friend, too.”

He shakes his head. “That’s Alec.”

“He is. He’ll always be my best friend, but…I don’t talk to him the way I do you. We don’t talk about the sky and I never could have told him what I told you tonight.”

Nathaniel’s quiet for a few minutes before he turns to look at me again. “Things would be different for us if we lived close, huh?”

It’s not what I want. I want things to be different for us now, but I feel lucky to hear that. Because I believe it. I don’t know what it is, but I know he’s right. Things would be different for us if we lived closer. I wouldn’t be afraid to follow my heart.

“Yeah…I think they would.”

Nathaniel puts his arm around me again, and together we watch the night.





It’s Thursday, August 8th, and Nathaniel leaves tomorrow. He and his family have been gone all day. It’s their last day here and we won’t even get to see them. Sadie Ann is mad. She’s locked herself in her room and even though I’m sad, I don’t let it get me down. What’s the point? It won’t change anything.

I work with Dad around The Village. No one has said anything about what I heard the other night so I haven’t either. Part of me wants to, but I’m scared to hear the answer. Or of how I’ll respond, so I just try to forget it.

Even though I don’t want to, I keep watching Nathaniel’s cabin, waiting for them to come back. Soon it’s dusk and Dad goes back to the house. I follow him and he kisses Mom on the cheek and I take that to mean she’s not leaving.

She has this sort of resigned look on her face that breaks my heart.

After changing clothes I go back outside, hoping to see their car, but it’s still not there. Nervously, I pop my knuckles, before kicking my shoes off to walk along the edge of the water. Joy bursts inside me when I hear footsteps behind me. Please be him, please be him, please be him.

“Charlie. Wait up!” Alec calls and I let myself smile. I refuse to be disappointed. He’s still my best friend. He always will be.

Alec catches up to me. “What are you doing?”

“Taking a walk.”

“Mind if I come along?”

“Sure."

We wander and talk about school starting next month. He’s excited about football and we’re going to be sophomores, and I know I should be excited about it all too, but I’m just not.

“I’ve kind of been a jerk this summer,” he says after a while.

I shake my head at him. “No, you haven’t.” And he hasn’t. Not really. There’s no rule that says he has to pick me first for games or that he can’t meet new friends. No matter what, I always know Alec will be here for me and he knows the same about me.

“I don’t know what got into me. I…It’s not important, but you know I love you, Charlie. You’re my best friend and I didn’t work with you as much as I usually do and I didn’t pick you first—”

“It doesn’t matter," I tell him. "And I love you too.” We’ve been telling each other that since we were three years old and both of us know what it does and doesn’t mean.

We meander down the lakeside for another few minutes before we turn to head back. The Chase family still hasn't returned.

Alec gives me a hug before heading home. I eat dinner with my family and then go to bed. Just past eleven PM, a knock on my window wakes me up.

Nathaniel.

I hold up a finger for him to wait. He nods and disappears from my view. I slip on another shirt and some shoes before grabbing my flashlight and crawling outside.

“Wanna go where we went the other night?” he asks. I grin when I see his dimple and his backward hat.

“Sure.” I’m not sure how to feel right now, so I try not to feel anything.

We head out to the fort, mostly quiet. Nathaniel tells me his parents dragged him and Brandon around all day even though he wanted to be here hanging out with me. His words make me smile as we slip into the night. Our night. I think I might always think of it that way. I’m not sure I’ll ever see another moon and not think of Nathaniel.

A moaning sound comes from the darkness and I reach out and grab Nathaniel’s arm. There’s a little light ahead of us and he puts his finger to his lips as we sneak forward. We hide behind a tree and look toward the clearing where there’s a small fire and…holy crap! Brandon and Sadie are on the ground, under a blanket. Brandon is on top of her and I might be naïve and never kissed a boy, but it’s pretty obvious they’re having sex. Sex! I have no idea if it’s Sadie’s first time or not, but I don’t care. I turn away, my cheeks hotter than they’ve ever been. I can’t believe I just found my sister getting it on with a boy. I start walking away.

Nathaniel’s jogging to catch up with me. It doesn’t take me long to find my fort and I’m scared I’m going to die right here of embarrassment.

“My brother has game! Who knew,” he laughs and I swat his arm.

“Oh my God. I can’t believe we just saw them having…”

He cocks a brow. “Sex?” he supplies for me.

“Yes!”

At that, Nathaniel laughs harder “You couldn’t even say it. Damn, your face is bright red, Star Girl. I know it was awkward, but why are you embarrassed?”

I shake my head, knowing I’m getting redder by the second.

“It’s not like they saw us. Why are you so shy?”

“Do you really have to ask that?” I bury my face in my hands. He’s so quiet I have to peek out, afraid he walked away.

“Have you ever...” he starts.

I drop my hands. “What? No! Of course not.” I can’t help but ask him the same thing. “Have you ever?”

“No.”

He doesn’t add the of course not.

“Me and Roxi…we’ve messed around and stuff, but not that far.”

“Okay, that’s enough for me!” I turn my back to him. It’s not like I want to talk about the girl he’s going home to. And of course she’d have some cool name. Roxi versus Charlie Rae.

“What about you?” He steps up beside me. “Messed around, I mean.”

Ugh. Why is he doing this? I think about lying, but know I can’t. “Nope.”

“Nothing?” He says it like he’s shocked.

“Thanks! Make it sound like I’m a freak or something.”

“No, no. That’s not what I meant.” He steps in front of me so I’m looking at him. “I just figured you and Alec…”

Oh. “No.” I shake my head. “We haven’t. I’ve never even…” There’s no reason to continue because I already told him I haven’t done anything. Why embarrass myself more by repeating the fact that I’ve never even kissed a boy? But then, this is Nathaniel and I like talking to him and can’t seem to stop myself from continuing. “No guys have ever really been interested in me. They all assume Alec and me are together, or will be together. Who knows if that’s really why. Maybe that’s just an excuse because—”

“—Charlotte,” he cuts off my rambling. And he’s looking at me funny, all serious. Like he was by the boats that day and suddenly my heart starts a stampede and my stomach feels wobbly, maybe the way someone looks if you’re looking at them through a pool of water. Little waves making everything feel off.

“What?” I finally reply.

Nathaniel steps closer to me, his voice low. “I wanna be your first kiss.”

I can’t believe he said that. This is really happening and I’m licking my lips and nodding my head. Before I thought I wasn’t frightened of my first kiss, but I am. I’m so scared I could burst out of my skin, or set on fire, but I’ve never wanted to burn so much in my whole life.

He leans forward. I close my eyes and it’s not a second later that I feel his lips on mine. His hand pushes through my hair and rests at on the back of my neck. His lips tease mine with little kisses. I return them thinking nothing has ever felt this good.

Against my mouth he asks, “Can I kiss you more?”

Another nod from me and I feel his tongue trace my lips. I open my mouth and now I really know I’ve never felt something like this. Nathaniel’s tongue touches mine. Dances with it. I try to mimic what he does, slipping mine in his mouth and he lets me. It’s a trade off, and we learn to move together.

He pulls me closer, his whole body lined against mine, and kisses me deeper. I wrap my arms around his neck and his heart is against mine and I can’t stop it…can’t block it anymore. My heart opens and I know he’ll forever have a home there. It’s stupid and I’m young, but I don’t care. I love him and for the rest of my life, this moment will be engraved into my heart.

He pulls his mouth away, but doesn’t move his hand. I don’t let go of him either and all I can think is our breaths are mixing the way our tongues just did.

Wow…

“I saw something when we were out today.” He pulls away and I wish he hadn't, but then he’s reaching into his pocket and pulls whatever it is out.

It’s a necklace. Thin, black leather cord with a silver star hanging from the middle. My eyes water as I reach for it. “I love it,” I whisper.

“Turn around. I’ll put it on you.” I twist and lift my hair as he ties the necklace on me. When I face him again, he says, “Is it stupid that I got myself one, too?”

The tears spill out of my eyes and I shake my head. “No. It’s perfect.”

I look at his neck and the rope is gone. In its place is the black leather, just like mine.

There are so many times I’ve been with Nathaniel that I’ve thought, this is my moment. I’ll never forget this. I realize as I stand here with him, they’re all true. I’ll remember every moment I spent with him this summer.

He pulls me to him and hugs me as I cry. When my tears finally stop he grasps my hand and we walk back to my house together. He takes me all the way to my window this time and I wish the walk would have never ended.

“I’m going to miss you,” I tell him.

“You too,” he replies. We exchange emails and promise to write. He hugs me one more time before turning to walk away. I wish we could kiss again. I wish we could kiss all night. He gets a couple steps away before he stops, turns, and says. “Follow your stars if you want, Star Girl. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t.”

Crying, I watch him walk away, knowing I may never see him again.

When I wake up in the morning, Nathaniel Chase is already gone.



We email back and forth every day. He’s back with Roxi. I pretend to be happy for him, like a friend should. He asks about Alec and Sadie and I answer all the questions. He told Roxi about me. Not about our kiss, I don’t think, but about his “best friend.” I get the feeling he thought it would make me feel good, but it doesn't.

I imagine his dimples when he writes LOL and his backward hat.

Even being busy with school, we still write. I tell him that Alec invited me to Homecoming and he says he hopes I have a good time.

I do, but I still wish it was him.

After that, our emails become less frequent.

In December the emails from him stop. I write a few times, but he doesn’t reply and I know this must be the end. He’s moved on. It was destined to happen anyway.





He’s changed since last year. He’s sadder. I guess I’ve changed, too. I’m more wary of him, scared to get too close. I’ve had my first boyfriend since he was here last. I’ve taken to helping Dad more often. He seems to struggle sometimes and I don’t know why. Nathaniel looks at me differently when he doesn’t know I’m watching, and even though I can tell he’s in pain, we still have our nights. And they’re even more magical than they were before. ~Charlotte





I sit in the backseat with my headphones in. My iPod hasn’t been turned off once since we got in the car for Lakeland Village. Not that I keep it off much these days anyway. Makes it harder for people to talk to you when you don’t feel like talking.

It’s crazy because I don’t know how I feel coming back here. When we came last year, I wanted nothing to do with it. It was supposed to be a one-time thing because Dad is always busy. But then we went and I met her, and she made it okay. No, she made it fun and I started to really f*cking like her.

Charlotte is cool. Different. She would talk to me half the night, and as lame as it sounds it was almost like I was the only person she ever talked to. Like she would burst open and everything would spill if she didn’t get those words out and that made me feel good. I wanted to be that person for her and I liked listening to her talk. But, hell, what could we have had besides a summer friendship? One that meant more to me than I really thought it would because I missed her when I left and I looked forward to her emails, but we also live a thousand miles away from either other.

It hurt more than I thought when I wasn’t sure if I would ever seen her again.

But then everything in my life crashed in on me. I screwed it all up; people got hurt because of me and I stopped talking to everyone—even her.

Right as the song switches, Dad says, “Almost there!” from the front seat. It’s the pseudo-happy voice he uses with me all the time now.

I click the power off on my iPod to hear Mom add, “This is just what we need. Another family summer like last year so we can spend quality time together.”

Brandon huffs from beside me and I nod at him. Yeah, like we spent that much time together last summer. He was always with Alec or Sadie and I spent my time with Charlotte.

Mom and Dad get lost in their own little world together and I look at my brother. “I’m sure you’re stoked to see Sadie again.” I want the words to sound teasing, but they’re rough and serious like everything I say nowadays.

“Eh. Not really. She was too prissy. I’m hoping she’s got someone else so I don’t have to deal with her.”

That surprises me. Though it’s not like the past six months haven’t been hard on Brandon, too. We had to deal with half the town being against us, and then we had the trial too. Brandon had to leave our school with an awesome football team, to one with only an okay team. He was pissed. Once we moved, he met friends because that’s Brandon; he’s always talking to someone about something but he hadn’t screwed around with any girls. Hell, I don’t even remember him messing with anyone since last year. I teased him about getting his heart broken by Sadie, but I never really thought that was true.

In a low voice, so our parents don’t hear, he says, “What about you and the sister? Don’t tell me you didn’t touch her last year.”

A little flash of our kiss from that last night climbs into my head. I haven’t thought about that in a long time and it makes me want to smile. She was so nervous. How she’d never even kissed someone, I don’t know, but she’d been good. I liked it way too much. Was glad I was the one who got to do it. I shake those thoughts from my head.

Without realizing it, Brandon helps with that when he says, “Nah, it don’t matter anyway. She’s probably hooked up with Alec by now.”

I groan internally, a strange sort of ache taking root in my chest. I should be used to feeling like shit by now, but I’m not. Not when it comes to Charlotte. She deserves way better than Alec. She deserves her stars.

Without answering, I turn the iPod back on and hit play, and turn to face the window. When my brother shuffles next to me, I glance over to see he’s doing the same thing.



We’re getting the same cabin as we had last summer even though we booked last minute. It doesn’t surprise me. Dad has a way of getting what he wants, which I guess is why it pissed him off so bad when everyone turned their back on us after everything went down this year.

Mom leans back and pats my leg. “We’re here!” she says with cheeriness. A weight lands in my stomach. I want to see Charlotte, but don’t. I’m scared as hell she'll be different. After all the other changes, I need her to be the same. Maybe that’s not what I should be worried about at all, though. It’s not like I don’t know I’ve changed. What if that makes things different with us? I didn’t realize it until we pulled in how important it is to me that things be the same, though after the way I treated her, I’m not sure how they can be.

How am I going to explain to her why I disappeared? She sent three emails that went unanswered. I like that about her. That she’s caring and was worried, but also that she’s strong enough that she didn’t dick around when I treated her in a way she didn’t deserve.

We pull up in front of our cabin and Dad kills the engine.

“Looks just how I remembered,” he says and I want to tell him no shit. It’s not like they were doing a big remodel or something.

We get out of the car and head for the trunk to grab our things. “Nate, why don’t you go to the office and grab the keys?” Mom asks. Nate. That’s a new thing too.

I’m caught between telling her yes and trying to get out of it. If I go to the office, I’ll probably run into Charlotte and, it might make me a wuss, but I’m not sure I should see her yet.

“I have your keys for you already, Mr. and Mrs. Chase.”

I look over to see Alec standing on the porch. My eyes immediately scan for Charlotte. He’s always where she is.

“Thank you!” Dad calls to him. Alec takes the stairs to help us with our stuff. I’m still looking around for Charlotte, but she doesn’t come out of the cabin and I don’t see her anywhere.

When Alec gets to us he gives my brother a quick nod and he returns it, before Alec’s eyes cut to me. And damned if I don’t see the anger there. It’s not like we were ever buddies anyway, but he’s pissed and I can pretty much guarantee I know why.

“You guys are welcome to go inside. I can help Nathaniel with the bags,” he says.

“I didn’t realize I’d offered my help,” I toss back at him.

“Nate!” Mom screeches.

Alec doesn’t take his eyes off me and I stare him down, too. I get it. I really do, but whatever went down is between Charlotte and me. I’m not going to let him push his way in the middle of it.

“I was kidding, Mom. We got this.”

“Why don’t you help, too, Brandon?”

My brother nods, but as soon as my parents start to walk away, he grabs the smallest, closest bag he can find and goes inside with them.

“I knew it. One look at you last year and I f*cking knew you’d hurt her.” He steps closer to me, but I don’t back down. He’s gotten bigger since last year, but so have I.

It really sucks that I don’t know exactly what he’s talking about. Does he know I kissed her? Did that hurt her? That was the last thing I’d wanted, but she’d been standing so close and her lips looked so good and I couldn’t let myself leave without having kissed her. Maybe it was a mistake, but I can’t regret it because…hell, I don’t know why. She’s Charlotte, my friend, and she’s cute and funny and maybe I’m a prick for being the one to want her first kiss. But I did and I’m glad.

“Whatever went down between Charlotte and me isn’t your business.” After I say it, I realize it might really be his business. What if Brandon was right? They might be together now.

“Charlie’s my best friend. If she’s hurt, it’s my business.”

“She’s my best friend, too, and in case you didn’t notice, she’s strong enough to take care of herself. Plus, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who’s ever hurt her.” But it still feels like a knife to the gut. Out of everyone in my life, she’s the last one I would ever want to cause pain.

He balls his hand in a fist and even though my parents will freak, I’m not about to let him hit me. I’ve been in enough fights this year to promise I can come out on top.

“Alec!”

We both freeze at the sound of her voice. I turn toward the office and she’s standing on the porch. For a second I feel like someone has knocked the breath out of me. Her hair is longer. It’s kind of whipping around her head in the breeze. She looks a little curvier. Not big or anything, but last year she looked even younger than she was. Now? Not so much.

The first thing I wonder is if she’s still wearing the necklace. If she has the star that matches the one in my pocket. It got ripped off in a fight this year and it took me forever to get a new clasp on it, but it’s there now and even though I don’t wear it, I keep it.

The second thing is she dresses the same and it’s almost like some of the weight slides off my chest. She’s still in cut-off shorts. Still wearing a tank top and it reminds me of our nights last year when everything was easier.

“Alec!” she calls again, but doesn’t look at me. She crosses her arms and I smirk. Damn, I missed her.

“Go ahead. I got this,” I tell Alec, but my eyes don’t leave Charlotte. Alec doesn’t need to be told twice. He jogs off toward Charlotte who waits for him. I watch them, tightness taking hold of my chest. All the shit that I’ve been through this year, I didn’t realize it, but somehow I thought things would get better when I got here.

Look at me. I feel like such a p-ssy for silently begging her to turn back, but I need someone to see me and not the one whose family had to uproot their lives for, or the guy who would have gotten himself in that kind of situation in the first place, the nark who ratted out his friends when they were just having a good time.

Alec gets to her on the porch and wraps an arm around her shoulder. The tightness in me spreads and I tell myself it’s just because she’s my friend and I think he’ll hold her back.

Alec turns her so her back is to me and they start to walk away. It’s not until they get to the far side of the building, just about to go around the corner, that she glances over her shoulder and her eyes find mine.

Somehow, just that one look, makes it so I can breathe again.