Four Summers

The next day, Sadie Ann doesn’t stay in the store. She’s outside with the rest of us, working in the sun. And when there isn’t work to do, she’s still out here, which I guess isn’t as unusual as her breaking a sweat for The Village. She suntans by the water, and again, that isn’t anything new. She does it every summer, but it feels different right now because I know she’s hoping to see Brandon. It shouldn’t bother me, but no matter how hard I try I can’t stop the anger from glaring daggers every time I look at my sister.

“What’d Sadie do? You’ve been giving her the evil eye all morning.” Alec says. Leave it to him to notice.

“Nothing.” I walk over to the dock, which isn’t too far from Sadie, and sit down. Alec sits beside me.

“What do you wanna do today?” he asks.

We spend a lot of time working, but it’s not like that’s all we do. Lots of the guests are pretty much on their own and don’t need us often. There are boat rentals and sometimes people want us to take them on a tour, but usually they’re good to go by themselves. It isn’t like I don’t have any free time here, even though it never really feels free. I’m still always inside the cage of this town. Of my life. “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

Alec shrugs, pushing his blond hair out of his eyes. As he does, I see something in his expression change. He’s looking over my shoulder. While I turn to see what it is, he says, “Looks like Sadie found a way to keep herself busy this summer.”

My stomach sinks as I see her smiling up at Brandon. He’s standing beside her and she’s holding her hand over her eyes to block the sun, a huge smile on her face. Her red bikini looks perfect against her golden skin. Especially when you count the boobs she has holding them up. The bumps under my tank top aren’t even a quarter of hers and she’s only a year older than me. I dust off my shorts like it matters.

A movement behind Brandon catches my eye and I notice Nathaniel standing there. He has a Yankees hat on, that I watch him turn around and wear backward, with cargo shorts and a white t-shirt. He gives me that nod that boys do, slightly lifting his head and sends a partial smile in my direction.

“You know him?” Alec’s voice has a strange sound to it.

“No,” I shake my head, but I’m still looking at Nathaniel. “I ran into him, but I don’t know him.” Which I guess is really what Alec is asking. Nathaniel hasn’t been here long. It’s not like I can really know him.

Brandon sits down next to Sadie and Nathaniel nods his head again, this time calling me over. Well, me and Alec over, I mean.

My heart darts through my chest like a shooting star. He steps closer to his brother and Sadie before sitting down, too. His feet are flat on the ground, his knees up with his arms resting on them. He looks so relaxed. So comfortable. I find it hard to breathe.

Which makes no sense. I don’t know this boy. But he’s different. I see it and feel it and that calls to something deep inside me that I don’t understand. But I want to. Being here at The Village, I know everything. I always have. Nothing is ever new, no matter who comes and goes. Alec and I will probably always be best friends. We’ll probably grow up and get married like Mom and Dad because they were best friends.

Sadie will leave. Mom will wish she could. Dad will grow old and Alec and I will take over. It’s written in the stars. Probably our destiny and I suddenly want to cry.

I stumble forward at the nudge to my back.

“Oh crap. I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t realize you weren’t paying attention.” My eyes find Alec to see he’s not looking straight at me. He's glancing back and forth between the group of three sitting down and me.

“It’s fine.” I fight the embarrassed heat I feel pushing to the surface. Alec grabs hold of my arm, as though he’s trying to steady me, despite the fact that I’m not falling. I wait for him to let go, but he doesn’t.

It’s awkward having Alec hold me like this in front of the others. It’s not like he’s never touched me before, but part of me wants to slip out of his grasp. Then I feel like a horrible person for it, so I don’t.

We walk over to the group and Sadie looks up at me. “Hey, Charlie! Hey, Alec.” The fake sweetness in her voice makes me want to throw up.

“Hey.” When I sit down, Alec’s hand comes off my arm. I nod to Sadie Ann, then Alec, Brandon, and Nathaniel.

“What do you guys usually do for fun around here?” Brandon asks. His voice is totally different from Nathaniel’s. Not deeper, but maybe a little rougher. He almost sounds like my grandma who smoked sixty-five years of her eighty. Okay, maybe it’s not that bad. Maybe I just want to find something bad about him so Sadie won’t want to get close to Brandon or Nathaniel.

“What do you do?” Alec replies with a strange kind of tightness in his voice.

Brandon shrugs. “Whatever.”

Alec’s eyes dart down. I try to keep looking at him. Or to look at Sadie, or even Brandon, but I can’t stop from peeking over at Nathaniel. He smiles and shakes his head as though he thinks they’re all being ridiculous. It’s impossible not to smile back at him.

Sadie speaks up. “You should let me show you around Lakeland Village. There’s not a lot to do, but it would get us away from here for a little while.” The way she looks at Brandon, it’s as though the rest of us aren’t sitting there. She looks confident and beautiful and a mixture of jealousy and pride blends inside me. I never thought I would look at Sadie and feel pride like that, but I do. I wish I could look at a boy I liked and feel that confident.

“Sure. That would be cool. You guys wanna take off?” Brandon looks at Alec and I, then at Nathaniel. “I know you do.”

Sadie’s confidence looks a little dinged. “Charlie and Alec hardly leave The Village if they don’t have to. I’m sure they don’t want go.”

“I’ll go,” shoots out of my mouth, unplanned. “I mean…”

“You should go.” Nathaniel replies. “We’ll all go. But my douchebag brother failed his driver’s test, so hopefully one of you can drive.”

“Screw you. At least I’m old enough to take it.” At that both Brandon and Nathaniel push to their feet. They play around with each other; pushing and fake punching and I can’t help but watch them. Maybe boys are the same everywhere. Right now I don’t see anything different in the way they act and Alec. Except when it’s Alec, it’s me he’s goofing around with.



I fidget in the backseat, sandwiched between Alec and Nathaniel. Sadie Ann is driving and of course, Brandon is sitting in the front with her.

Dad about had a fit when we told him we were leaving. All it took was Sadie pouting out her bottom lip and he was a goner, though. He was happy the two of us are hanging out, apparently. I didn’t tell him Sadie would rather I stay home.

I shift again, uncomfortable in the too-tight shirt Sadie made me wear. I don’t know why she cares what I have on anyway.

“You okay over there?” Nathaniel asks. “You’re squirming around like you’re about to jump out of your skin. You’re not about to go all Incredible Hulk on me or anything, are you?”

His comment stings. “No!” leaps out of my mouth, with a harsh edge to it.

“She doesn’t usually dress like that. She’s uncomfortable,” Alec grits out. I want to thank him for sticking up for me and bury myself in a hole at the same time. Nice of him to out me like that.

“I was kidding, man.” Nathaniel leans closer to me. “You know I’m kidding right, Charlotte?”

The car goes deathly quiet at the name. No one calls me Charlotte. Sadie laughs while Alec gives me a strange look, but Nathaniel doesn’t seem to notice or care.

“Yeah. It’s cool,” I tell him. We pull into a parking lot in town. I’m thankful that we’re here so I can get out of the car. Alec gets out first and I stumble out behind him. It’s a bright, sunny day like it always is in the summer. Sadie is smiling as she slips on her sunglasses.

Alec cocks his head at me. I can see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to figure out what’s going on with me. The truth of the matter is, I don’t know. I wouldn’t even know what to tell him. It’s not just about the summer boy…it’s everything.

“There’s not a ton to do, but we can show you guys a few places,” Sadie tells Brandon.

“Sure. Sounds cool,” he replies.

“Charlie, if you guys wanna take off by yourselves and meet up with us later, that’s cool. I know you’re more comfortable around just Alec anyway.”

Dude. I’m going to kill her.

“If you wanted to get Brandon alone, you just had to ask,” I shoot right back at her. I’m used to taking crap from a lot of people, but most of the time, I don’t take it from my sister.

For the first time in forever, she blushes. Alec laughs and I hear Nathaniel mumble a “well played.”

“I have to keep this twerp with me anyway. My folks made me promise.” Brandon tries to flip Nathaniel’s hat off, but he dodges him.

“I was just being nice. I don’t mind if we all hang out.” Sadie’s smile is forced and I feel a little guilty for embarrassing her.

Brandon and Sadie walk in front of Nathaniel, Alec and I. One of the boys flanks either side of me and it’s impossible not to accidentally bump against them. Alec here, Nathaniel there. A brush of an arm, the touch of a hand.

We show them a few of the shops. There’s this ridiculous Lakeland Village Museum, which is really nothing more than an old, white house stuffed with Lakeland Village history. The boys walk through like they care and Alec and I pretend we haven’t seen it all a million times before. It was our first field trip in Kindergarten, then again in third grade.

We go to the ice cream shop where Brandon buys Sadie ice cream. Nathaniel turns to me and says, “What do you guys want?” And as stupid as it is, it makes me swoon a little. A boy has never offered to buy me ice cream before.

“It’s cool. You don’t have buy it,” Alec replies just as I opened my mouth to answer. “You want your usual, Charlie?”

Nathaniel shrugs like it isn’t a big deal and steps forward to order his ice cream. I try not to let it bother me, and nod at Alec.

We sit at the little tables with ice creams painted on them. One of the girls in Sadie’s grade did it. She’s planning on leaving Lakeland Village as soon as she graduates to pursue art school, and I envy her that.

Soon, we’re all piled in the car again and heading back home. I’m stuck between the two boys again and I’m kind of bummed I can’t make myself enjoy it. They’re both cute, super cute, but Alec is my best friend and Nathaniel’s only here for the summer.

“Anyone around here play ball?” Brandon looks toward the backseat. I actually feel Alec’s body go haywire.

“Football?” Alec asks, excitement in his voice. And I know, as much as he didn’t want to like these two boys, he’s just found a new best friend.

“Is there any other kind?” Brandon asks.

“Baseball. Anyone can tackle someone else,” Nathaniel says from beside me.

Brandon and Alec start rambling about teams and the next season and blah blah. It’s not that I don’t like to play around. We get together and have tons of games. It’s fun. Alec always picks me for his team and most of the other girls sit around watching, but I don’t care. I like being involved. But it’s different liking to play sometimes and being in love with it.

Alec is in love.

I wish he would try to leave this town one day to play somewhere.

“You want to get a game together when we get back?” Alec asks.

Brandon’s eyes glow with excitement. “Really?”

“Yeah. I’ll call a few people.”

Sadie Ann has a cell phone, but I don’t. “You’re only fifteen, Charlie Rae. You don’t need one,” Mom told me when Sadie got hers. I don’t really care. It’s not that I would call anyone but Alec anyway.

Alec pulls his out and starts texting a few people. Since he gets paid for helping out at The Village, he actually has money sometimes.

“You going to watch us play?” Brandon asks Sadie.

“Sure. I guess.” Even thought her words sound nonchalant, I can tell she’s happy he asked her.

“You’re down to play, right, Charlie?” This from Alec. He would never ask me to watch. He knows better than that.

“Yeah. Sounds cool.”

“You play?” Nathaniel asks, but it doesn’t sound like he’s making fun, just curious.

“Yeah, sometimes.”

“All the time is more like it,” Sadie says. “She likes playing with the boys.”

I hate it when she says things like that. It makes my gut twitch, but part of me doesn’t blame her. It’s true and I don’t think she’s always trying to be mean. She just doesn’t get me, and she likes to make sure everyone knows that.

“Cool,” Nathaniel replies.

“Her and I are awesome together. We kick ass out there,” Alec says.

No one replies to that. We pull up back at home and turn off the car. Everyone piles out. My insides don’t know if they’re excited to play, to hang out with Alec and the people we know. To do something comfortable, or if I’m freaked out because being around Nathaniel seems to make me that way.

“You ready?” Alec asks, but he’s not looking at me. He’s looking at Brandon.

“You know it.” Brandon grins.

“Charlie Rae! Thank God you’re back. I’m going to need your help a little bit, kiddo!” Dad calls from his perch by one of the boats.

I deflate. It doesn’t matter if I was excited before. Doesn’t matter if I wasn’t sure how I felt because now there isn’t a choice.

“We were going to play football,” I say, knowing it won’t change anything.

Dad looks bummed. “It won’t take long. I’ll make it real quick and then you can get back to your friends.”

I turn back to the group. This is where Alec would usually say he’d stay and help me. We’d get done quickly and go play, but the look on his face—the guilt blending with the desire to play is as plain as day

“Go with them. I’ll be over when I’m done.”

“Thanks, Charlie. That’s why I love you.” He gives me a hug and then bounces on the balls of his feet. All energy, like he always gets when he plays football.

“Want me to stay?” Nathaniel asks. “I can help.”

That causes Alec to pause. It makes my heart stutter, too.

“No,” I shake my head. “That’s okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Charlie! Hurry up, please!” Dad shouts.

“I have to go,” I say, and turn around to walk away.





It’s dark outside when I slowly slide open my window and sneak out. I’m not sure my parents would really care. I’m sure they wouldn’t. It’s not like I’d be sneaking out to meet a boy or do anything dangerous, but I still never let them know. They wouldn’t understand my fascination with the night. With the stars and how they amaze me and make me wonder what else there is in the world.

Sure they know I like them, but they don’t know how the stars carry my dreams. That I wish I could drift away on one and see and explore everywhere.

That's a fact I like to keep just for me.

Tonight, I need a little piece of that thing that’s just mine. By the time I finished helping Dad this afternoon, the football game was over. Sadie was angry because Brandon disappeared with Alec to do some stupid boy stuff and, according to her, she didn’t know or care where Nathaniel was. I’d used the home phone twice to call Alec, but he didn’t pick up or call back. That’s never happened before and I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but it does.

It’s not like I should want to hang out with them anyway. Alec can be best friends with that stupid summer boy if he wants to.

When I walk by one of the cabins, a noise startles me. Looking over I see the older couple in chairs on their porch. The light shows me they’re holding hands. Pausing, I watch them for a second, my heart going pitter-patter as I think about how much they much love each other and how hard it must be to know, they’ll soon be separated. Shaking my head, I start walking again.

It doesn’t take me long to walk to my spot. There are other places I like to go at The Village, places that are more private and harder to get to, but tonight I don’t go to them. Tonight I want to be here, in this same little place I snuck off to the other night with the cool view, down the beach.

I have my telescope in the bag over my shoulder. My eyes are following the light from my flashlight as it dances across the ground. I’m not even wearing any shoes, because it doesn’t matter out here. For a minute I think of my toenails and how plain they are without all the colors that Sadie Ann and Mom like to use. Maybe I should paint mine too.

I shake my head. I have no idea why I’m thinking about my toenails right now. I’ve never cared how they looked before, so I’m not about to start now. I’m so lost in thought, that I don’t see anyone in front of me, just hear the voice in the darkness say, “Boo.”

I don’t jump, but my heart does. Not because I’m scared. It jumps in excitement. Maybe even wants to do a little dance in my chest.

“I’m not very scary, huh?” Nathaniel says.

I look over and see him sitting close to where we met last night. He has his legs out in front of him, a pair of Nikes on his feet, and I suddenly wish I was wearing shoes. Or that I would at least be the kind of girl who painted her toenails. “What are you doing out here?” My voice sounds a little sharper than I meant for it to. Don’t be a dork, don’t be a dork.

“Waitin’ on you.”

“Why?” I don’t mean for the question to come out, but no one really waits for me, except Alec, but I feel like he kind of has to. We bathed together as kids. We learned to walk together and our parents threw us in the pool to learn to swim on the same day. Alec grabbed my hand under the blue water and we found our way to the surface together. I’m not sure he has a choice but to wait for me, but Nathaniel doesn’t.

“I felt bad you got ditched today.”

Oh. That’s not really the same thing as wanting to be here. “I didn’t get ditched.”

“So you didn’t want to go with us?” he asks. It takes me a minute to make sense of him. Boys are so strange. He seems to say whatever is on his mind and he’s so literal. Alec is like that with me, but not quite as much. Alec wouldn’t tell me I got ditched. He would say he was sorry my dad made me stay, which, yeah might be the same thing, but they sound a whole lot different. Choice of words is important.

“Whatever,” I say, and go to turn around, but he speaks again.

“I’m just asking. I’m not trying to be a jerk.”

I pause, wanting to walk away, but knowing there’s a bigger part of me who wants to stay with the summer boy who came out because he felt bad I got abandoned while everyone else got to have fun. And when I put it that way, it doesn’t sound like such a bad thing.

“What’s in the bag?”

I turn to face him again, shining the flashlight in his direction, but not right in his face. The moon is bright enough to give some light, but it gives me something to do. “My telescope.”

“Can I see it?”

I shrug. “It’s not that nice.”

“So?” He sounds confused by my words and I have to bite my cheeks not to smile. My face is hot and there’s a game of tackle football going on inside my belly.

I walk over to him and sit down. My fingers are all shaky and I cover my plain toes with my pack as I pull out the old, black telescope. I hand it to Nathaniel and our fingers brush. It makes me feel like little fairy wings are brushing my skin.

I turn so he doesn’t see my smile as I pull the stand out of my bag. My back is still toward him as I set it up. I turn to grab the telescope from him and Nathaniel is looking at me. His eyes are this dark blue that somehow reminds me of the moon.

Once it’s all set up I scoot over and nod my head toward it. “Look.”

Nathaniel gets up on his knees; so super close to me that I swear I feel the heat from him. It’s like I’m sitting by the woodstove. Like I’m freezing and he’s giving me the warmth to keep me alive even though it’s a billion degrees out here and I know my thoughts make me sound like an idiot.

He looks through the scope and I watch, excitement burning in my insides because he’s going to get it. I know he is. He’s going to understand me in a way no one from The Village can. I hold my breath, wanting, needing, waiting, flying.

“Look like stars to me,” he says, leaning back, and I crash to the ground. My eyes prick with tears. I’m stupid. So stupid. Why did I think he would get it? Why do I want him to?

“Oh,” I say, those fairy wings replaced by little pins poking my skin.

The look on his face changes thing. His eyes crinkle and he removes his backward hat. “Show me what you see up there, Star Girl.”

My pulse stutters and then tries to catch up. “Really?”

Nathaniel shrugs. “Sure. Whatever.”

I’m not sure if it’s something he really wants, but he asked me and so I do. I start off easy and show him the big dipper. I move to Orion and Pegasus and on and on. I don’t know how interested he is, but he at least pretends to be. He asks questions and looks at each one and listens to me talk.

“So is it the scientific aspect you like?”

I almost say no, but change it to, “Both. It’s fascinating, but I also love the legends and stories. I like that it’s so…well, space and stars could be anything.”

“That’s cool,” Nathaniel replies.

When he first showed up, I thought that was one of my moments, but it has nothing on right now. How it feels to just sit back and talk about something I like without feeling guilty for it or like I’m some stupid kid. Dad doesn’t understand loving anything but The Village, Sadie only loves herself, and Mom just doesn’t get me. Alec would listen, but it’s different.

Soon we've abandoned the telescope, and we’re just talking about stars, and then The Village, and it feels different to talk to someone on the outside of everything. I don’t tell him how it feels like it’s suffocating me, but I wonder if he knows.

An hour and then two passes by. There’s a pause in the conversation and I realize I’ve been blabbing forever. That’s not me; especially not with someone I don’t really know. “Sorry. I talked a lot. You probably didn’t expect me to say so much.”

“I asked. Duh.” But he leans to the side and nudges me with his shoulder. “I’m kidding.”

“I better go,” I reply, even though I don’t really want to.

“Yeah. Me too.”

He helps me pack up the telescope and then stands. I move to get up and realize he was holding his hand out to help me, but I missed it. I’m glad it’s dark so he can’t see me blushing. “Sorry.”

Instead of replying, he says, “I’ll walk back with you.”

We’re quiet as we walk back to the cabins. The whole time my heart is beating like crazy and I’m way more exited than I should be, just from walking next to a boy.

When we’re close both of us stop. “Thanks for hanging out,” I whisper.

“No problem. I’m kind of a night owl.”

“Oh,” I say. We’re just standing there and it shouldn’t be a big deal, but it is. I wish I was older. And more like Sadie Ann so that I could lean forward and like kiss him or something, just because I want to. If I were Sadie Ann, maybe I could totally know if he wanted to kiss me, too. I am completely lost. I’m sure she’d kissed lots of boys by the time she was fifteen.

“See you later,” I say.

I make it ten steps away, yes, I counted, when his voice stops me. “Wanna do it again tomorrow night?”

My smile is so huge I know I’ll look like the biggest loser in the world if I turn around, so I don’t. “Yeah,” I say. “Yeah, I do.”





That was how it began, our summers of sneaking out and watching the stars. Where we shared our secrets with each other and the night. We’d meet in secret and sometimes sit in my favorite spot. Other times, we’d head down the lakeside and I would pretend we could walk forever. I think I was really the one pretending and Nathaniel just listened. I wanted those summer walks with that summer boy to be my way out of The Village forever. But, really, I knew that couldn’t happen. Nathaniel would leave and I would be the one who stayed.





“Thanks for helping me wash the boats,” I tell Alec as we work on the second to last one.

“Don’t I always help? Plus, it’s my job,” he replies. At that I give him a small laugh.

“Most of the time you help, but you’ve been super busy this summer. I think Brandon has replaced me as your best friend.”

“Shut up. You know you’ll always be my best friend, Charlie. Brandon just likes ball as much as I do. He’s cool.” Alec looks away and starts scrubbing the boat again, his blond hair hanging in his face. He’s still been working at The Village and if I’m being honest, I guess it’s not that he hangs out with Brandon all the time, but it’s different. Alec has never ditched me for a guest before, though I guess he’s right. They are both obsessed with football and we don’t get a lot of people close to our age that would want to hang out and play as much as Brandon does.

Still, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to tease him. “He’s cool. You sound like you’re in awe of him!” Which in a way makes sense considering Brandon is supposed to be really good. Nathaniel says there’s no doubt he’ll play college ball.

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them. Alec grabs the hose and turns it my way.

“No! Alec you better not!” I’m wearing a plain tank top and cut off shorts like I always am, and a pair of flip-flops. None of these articles will hold up well against a hose assault.

Alec steps closer.

“I said no, Alec Andrews!”

It really gets him when I add in his last name like that. Alec pulls the trigger to douse me in water. I scream and stick my hand in the bucket, ridiculously trying to fling water at him with a soppy sponge. Alec laughs when I give up and try to take cover. I turn to run and don’t make it very far before I’m crashing into someone. I bounce off of whoever it is, assuming it’s Dad who is going to freak out because Alec and I are playing around instead of working, but as soon as a pair of hands come out to catch me, I know it’s not Dad.

It’s Nathaniel.

Alec stops spraying and I stand there with Nathaniel’s hands on my arms. I shiver and hope he thinks it’s from being wet when really it’s because he could totally be letting me go by now and he’s not.

“What are you guys doing?” Nathaniel asks. I'm a total sucker for the backward way he wears his hat.

“Workin’,” I say, which is sort of silly because it’s obvious we’re not. My eyes take him in and I realize his t-shirt is all wet. “You’re all wet. Crap. I’m sorry.”

At that, he laughs. “I’m pretty sure you’re the one who’s all wet.”

His eyes trace down my body and I can’t help but look down, too. Oh my God! My white tank top is sticking to my embarrassingly small boobs. You can see my bra through it. I pull away from him and bump into Alec, who I totally forgot was there.

“Chill, Charlie,” Alec says.

Pulling away from him, I cross my arms over my chest.

Nathaniel looks at me, then Alec, and back to me again. I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking, wishing his eyes or his face would tell me something.

“I came to see if you guys want to do something,” Nathaniel says.

“Yes,” I say at the same time Alec says, “We’re working.”

“Didn’t look like it to me.” Nathaniel raises his eyebrows. There isn't a chance to reply because Brandon and Sadie Ann walk up. They’ve been hanging out a lot over the past month. She brags about it all the time. It’s so hard for me not to tell her about my nights spent with Nathaniel, but I don’t.

And it’s obvious she doesn’t like how much time he spends doing guy stuff with Alec.

Brandon is the one who speaks. “Sadie said there’s a spot everyone goes to watch the movies at the drive-in? Maybe we can get a big group together to go.”

“I’ll call some people,” Alec says, right as Sadie replies, “I didn’t know we were inviting other people, too.” She crosses her arms in the way she does when she’s trying to get what she wants. It usually works.

“Aw, come on, beautiful. It’ll be fun.” Brandon pulls her to him and wraps his arms around her. He nuzzles her neck and I’m pretty sure, for the first time, someone other than Sadie is going to get his or her way.

I’m shocked when Alec steps closer to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders. It’s something we’ve done before, but it feels different this time. My heart races and not in the way you want it to when a boy touches you. Oh, God. What if he tries to get all close to me like Brandon’s doing with Sadie? I’ve never kissed a boy, and I’m not like scared to or anything, but I don’t want to kiss Alec.

I look over at Nathaniel, hoping to see something from him that says he cares, but he’s screwing around with his iPod. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Why would Nathaniel care? I should feel lucky if Alec wants me. I'm not exactly a real hot commodity around The Village like Sadie Ann.

“I’m going to get ready if we’re all going out tonight.” Sadie pulls away and when she does, there’s a huge smile on her face. Behind Brandon’s back she gives me a thumbs up as though it was ever any question that she would get Brandon.

“Cool.” Brandon glances at Alec and grins, looking an awful lot like Nathaniel. “You calling people up, Andrews?”

When did Brandon start calling Alec by his last name? It’s this strange guy thing that I’ll never really understand.

“Yeah. Sure,” Alec replies. “I forgot my phone though.”

“You can use mine.” Alec and Brandon walk away as though Alec wasn’t just helping me wash the boats. Sadie is already halfway back to the house by now and I know there’s no way I’m getting her out here to help me.

“Looks like your boyfriend left, Gates,” Nathaniel says. Since when did he start calling me by my last name?

“I told you he’s not my boyfriend,” I snap.

“He wants to be.”

“You don’t get it. You don’t understand us.”

His blue eyes see right through me. He has a little dimple in his cheek when he smiles, which he does a lot. There’s a kind of rope necklace around his neck that he always wears. It’s tucked away under his shirt, and I don’t know what’s on it.

“Then why don’t you explain it to me while we clean the boat?”

I look at the very light, few freckles on his face. The smile curling his lips. The necklace that keeps me up at night. I don’t know what it is about this boy. Why he makes my heart dance and my stomach flip. Why he makes me wish I painted my toenails, but also makes me nervous to try.

He cocks his head and stares at me. I want to turn away, should turn away, but I can’t make myself.

Then, Nathaniel says, “Sometimes when you look at me like that…I don’t know…I wonder what you’re seeing.”

My cheeks burn with an embarrassed heat. My eyes dart away from him as my mind starts going at Mach speed. I am so stupid! Why do I stare at him? He knows.

I take a step away, and then another. My feet move faster each time. It’s so ridiculous, but I feel like I’m going to cry. He’s probably going to want to stop sneaking out with me and stop talking to me because he knows I like him.

“Hey. Where are you going?” Nathaniel asks.

I keep going until I’m on the other side of the last boat where no one can see me.

He follows. “What are you doing, Charlotte?”

“Washing the boat.”

“Why are you pissed at me?”

“Why are you following me?” I try to walk away again. It’s stupid that I’m mad. It’s not his fault I can’t hide the fact that I like him, but it is his fault for basically calling me out on it. Doesn’t he see I want to be alone?

Nathaniel grabs my arm. Not hard, but enough to make me stop. We’re still hidden around the back of the last boat. My chest is heaving up and down I’m breathing so hard and I try to forget about my wet shirt and tiny boobs and unpainted toenails.

“Why are you running from me?”

I let out a deep breath and close my eyes. His hand is still on my arm, and I’m shaking. I don’t look at him yet. Can’t, but I’m also not a runner. Dad taught me to be strong, not just physically but mentally too. There’s no reason to run because it’s not going to change anything, so even though I kind of feel like I’m going to puke right now, I open my eyes.

“You know why I’m running and why I’m embarrassed.” Because I like you. I like you and I know you don’t like me the same way. Because even if you did, you’d be leaving at the end of the summer and it wouldn’t matter.

I want Nathaniel to let go of me. To walk away or laugh or something like that, but instead he just looks at me the way I looked at him. Not that I think he likes me, too, but I think maybe he sees something there no one else does. Or at least that he’s searching for it.

His right hand still has my arm, as his left moves toward me. I can’t help but think, this is it! I’m going to get my first kiss and it’s going to be perfect because it’s with this summer boy who gets lost in the night with me.

But instead he touches my hair. Lets it fall through his finger tips and I know it’s not silky and pretty like Sadie’s but it looks beautiful when my brown strands wrap around his fingers. You can see the highlights from the sun.

“I’ve never met anyone like you,” he finally says.

I don’t know what that means, so I say, “I’m just Charlie.” It’s a stupid thing to say.

“Charlotte. You told me to call you Charlotte.”

It's the perfect thing he can say. I’m not Charlie Rae, the girl who plays football with the boys or the one who has no future but to stay here and take over The Village. With him I’m Charlotte and that feels entirely different.

“You going to let me help you clean the boats?” he asks. A nod is all I can manage.

Nathaniel lets go of me and we walk over to the hose and buckets. Right before he gets started his voice stops me.

“Charlotte?”

I turn to look at him. “Yeah?”

“I’m glad we came this summer. I’m glad we’re friends.”

I chew my bottom lip, not sure how to reply. His words pump my heart up, because I want that. To be his friend, but then it gets so big it shatters, too, because I know that’s his way of telling me that’s all we’ll ever be.