I tell him she hasn’t mentioned anyone she could stay with and assure him I’m in no danger at all, but I know this won’t put his mind at rest. ‘I can’t just dump her in a hotel, Will. And she’s the one in danger, not me. I can’t turn my back on her, can I?’
He sighs. ‘No, I suppose you can’t. That’s not who you are. I do understand, I just hope you know what you’re doing. Please be careful.’
‘I will. Stop worrying. Everything will be fine.’
But he’s not convinced. ‘I’d feel better if I could meet her. Maybe I could come over after work tonight?’
‘I don’t know, Will. She might not be up to that. But I’ll see. I’ve got to rush home and pack a few things for Freya before Megan’s mum drops her home. Pam and Graham are coming to pick her up this evening so she can stay with them for a few days.’
‘Oh,’ says Will. ‘I didn’t realise that was happening.’
‘It wasn’t arranged until just now,’ I say, but I don’t elaborate on the reason. He’ll worry even more if he hears me say I don’t want Freya around Alison. ‘It’s best for everyone,’ I add, when he doesn’t respond.
‘I really don’t like this, Mia. Are you sure you know what you’re doing?’
‘She needs my help, Will. I’ve got no choice. If you knew what she’d been through…’
‘Just be careful, okay?’
Before we say goodbye I promise to speak to Alison about him coming over this evening.
Just as I put my phone down there’s a loud tap on the window. I haven’t even noticed Alison appear so it’s a shock to see her face staring back at me.
‘Is it still okay?’ she asks, as I open the door to help her with her bags. On the pavement are two large weekend bags and a small suitcase – far too much for a few nights. Despite the heat, my body shivers, but if feels as though I’m shaking on the inside. What am I doing?
‘Of course. Come on, let’s get going in case Dominic comes back.’
* * *
‘It’s funny being here like this,’ Alison says, when we get to my house. ‘I’ve imagined what the rest of your house might look like but it’s not what I expected.’
Her words set me on edge but I try to give her the benefit of the doubt. She’s just making small talk to fill the strange void between us. Neither of us spoke much in the car on the way here, but I told her not to mind my silence, that I just needed to focus on driving. But in the quiet I wondered if she’d changed her mind and was already planning how to tell me she wanted to go back to Dominic. To the life she claimed she was desperate to leave behind her.
‘Are you okay? I know this is a big step for you.’ I’ve got to do my best to put her at ease, to let her see she is safer here with me, even though I can’t let her stay too long. But I can help her find her way forward, without the man who’s abusing her.
‘It’s a bit weird. But thank you, Mia. This must be strange for you, too.’
‘I can’t lie about that. It’s not something I ever thought I’d end up doing.’
‘Well, Zach would say you’re doing the right thing, wouldn’t he? He seemed like a good man.’
The shock of her bringing up his name in this way renders me speechless. But I can’t let myself forget that Zach is part of the reason I want her to stay.
‘Oh, I’m sorry. I… That was a bit insensitive,’ she says. ‘I just meant that from the few minutes I spoke to him I really picked up a vibe that he was a decent man. He’d understand you wanting to help someone, wouldn’t he?’
I nod, but inside I’m conflicted, wondering whether I’ve done the right thing, one minute convinced I haven’t and the next certain I have no other choice. And then I remember the bruises all over her body and it reaffirms that I’ve got to see this through. Not only do I need to protect Alison – if she’s telling the truth – but I also need to determine what she knows about Zach. If anything.
* * *
It’s almost 8 p.m. by the time Pam and Graham collect Freya. She was a bit surprised when I told her she was going to spend a few extra days with them, but she soon got carried away with the excitement of being away from home. I’m sure being able to curl up with Socks all night was a big pull.
And now I am alone in my house with Alison.
‘Your daughter seems a lovely girl,’ she says, as soon as I’ve seen them all off.
I nod. ‘I’m very blessed to have her.’
‘She looks like Zach, doesn’t she? She’s got his light hair and eyes.’
‘Yes, she’s always looked more like him than me.’ Something I found hard in the months following Zach’s suicide, his mirror image constantly looking up at me.
Alison follows me into the kitchen. ‘I can’t imagine having children. I mean, I’d love to one day, but I can’t see it for myself yet. I actually don’t think I’d be a very good mum.’
‘Well, that’s understandable. You’re still young. It’s not unusual that at your age you can’t see how a baby or child would fit into your life.’
She chuckles. ‘Young. That’s all relative, though, isn’t it? I remember feeling old at twenty-one.’
Twenty-one. The age Josie Carpenter was when she met Zach. The age Alison was when the two girls lived together. I shudder.
‘Well, believe me, Alison, you’re not old. And even if you feel it at twenty-six, when you get to thirty, you’ll wish you hadn’t wasted time feeling that way.’
She stares at me for a moment. ‘You are so right. That’s the trouble with life, isn’t it? It’s so hard to get the right perspective on things.’
I turn away and begin searching for something to cook us for dinner. It feels odd talking to this woman – with twelve years and a whole lot more than age between us – as if we are close friends. She is still a stranger to me, even though Zach has bonded us together.
‘That’s true, but we need to try and stay positive,’ I say. ‘As much as we can.’ I pull out a packet of pasta. ‘Will this be okay for dinner? I can make Bolognese?’
‘Oh, thanks, Mia, but I’m really not hungry. It’s been a hard day.’
I study her thin frame and pale skin. ‘You need to eat something, Alison.’
‘I don’t have a big appetite. The problem is I cook things for Dominic and he complains so much it ends up being wasted, and then I don’t feel like eating mine. So I usually make myself a sandwich when he’s gone to bed.’
‘It’s not going to be like that for you any more. Okay? We’re going to have some food and then we need to talk about your next steps.’
‘I know.’ She sighs and looks around the house. ‘It just feels so good to be here. Away from him, like I’m in a different world. I just want to take it all in.’
Her choice of words worries me. Take it all in. My house? My life? I’ve got to be careful here. Always on my guard, and one step ahead of her.
Despite saying she wasn’t hungry, Alison wolfs down the food I place in front of her and hardly says a word in between mouthfuls. I barely touch mine because I’m still not comfortable with any of this. We are both avoiding mentioning Zach, and what led Alison to me in the first place. I know why I’m reluctant to talk about it, but I’m not sure why she is. It was only the other day she was begging me to help her prove Dominic harmed Josie.
‘Do you know Dominic’s ex-wife, Elaine?’ I ask, my sudden question almost causing Alison to choke.
She stops eating and puts down her fork. ‘I’ve met her a couple of times. Why?’
‘I just wondered if you know what kind of person she is? What their marriage was like?’
‘She seemed… very assertive. Like she knew exactly what she wanted. But it’s hard to tell when you only have a few moments to make a judgement, isn’t it? And as for their marriage, Dominic never talks about it. He refuses to. Says the past should be left in the past. What he probably means is that it’s none of my business. Why do you ask, Mia? Do you know her?’