‘Well, you should talk to Zach Hamilton,’ I tell him. ‘He’s cool.’
‘Yeah, I know. But he’s already given me loads of extra help so I don’t really want to hassle him again. The man’s got a life outside uni!’
Hearing this shouldn’t bother me but it does. I know Zach gives everything he’s got to his students, and it shouldn’t surprise me that I’m not the only person he’s helped, but somehow I feel less… something. Special? God, I’m pathetic.
‘Well, if it makes you feel better I don’t exactly find this uni thing easy either. Most of it goes way above my head, to be honest. But d’you know what? I’m not going to let it beat me. I will finish this, and pass, if it kills me. There’s always a way to achieve what you want.’ I pause. ‘Sorry if that’s not very helpful.’
Craig smiles. ‘No, it is. And you’re right. Thanks. Maybe I just needed a kick up the arse. I need to stop thinking I can’t do it and focus on… just doing it.’
‘Here you go,’ I say, handing him the hot chocolate. It makes me feel good to know I might have helped him find some motivation. ‘Hope you can find somewhere to sit.’
He turns round, scans the empty room and laughs. ‘Is it always this quiet? I’ve never been in here before.’
I lower my voice, even though there’s nobody else in here. ‘I call it the dead time. Most people are rushing home from work, and the students have long gone, so it’s pointless us being open. But don’t tell my manager that.’
He winks at me then thanks me for the drink, and I watch him head to a table in the corner. He seems okay. Perhaps I should make more effort to get to know the people on my course, instead of throwing all my focus onto Zach. But then I think of Alison and decide I’m better off keeping myself to myself.
By closing time Craig is still here, even though for the last ten minutes I’ve been hinting that we’re closing soon. But I feel a bit sorry for him, sitting by himself with his lecture notes spread out in front of him and his pen poised over a piece of paper that’s been blank for as long as he’s been sitting there.
So I give him more time and start cleaning the tables.
‘Can I help you with anything?’ he asks, looking desperate for anything to do other than his assignment.
‘No, Pierre will kill me. I’m the one he’s paying so I should do it myself. He’s probably watching the CCTV from home right now.’ I’m not sure why I say this when we have no CCTV inside the shop, but it’s dark outside and Craig’s the only one in here, so perhaps it’s my instincts protecting me after everything I’ve been through.
Craig nods. ‘Makes sense. So, can I ask you a personal question?’
My heart sinks. Here it is. This guy is probably just as much a sleaze as Aaron, and all the others I’ve ever met, and has been waiting to ask me to go for a drink with him or something. His struggling student speech was just an act.
‘What?’ I say, letting my annoyance seep into my voice.
‘Um… when I was talking to Zach, he, um, kind of said you’d be a great person to chat to about short stories. He said you’d got one of the highest marks he’d ever given. I just kind of need inspiration, I suppose. Like I said, I just don’t think I’m creative.’
‘Zach told you that?’ I try not to smile, but there are annoying flutters in my stomach.
‘Yeah. He’s given up so much time for me and I think he’s got a lot of stuff going on at home, but I could tell he was really impressed with you and thought you could help me.’
I’m so thrilled by Zach’s compliment that I don’t register much else of what Craig is saying. ‘I really don’t know how I could help.’
‘Maybe just a chat or something some time, if you’re ever free? I’ll give you my number.’ He rips a piece of paper from his pad and scribbles on it. ‘I’d better go, got work in an hour. Late shift at the bookies.’
I watch him leave and realise I’m still smiling. Mostly because of what Zach said, but also because I actually think Craig might be quite a decent guy.
* * *
When I get home the flat is freezing, as usual. I’ve grown used to Alison’s pathetic trick of turning all the radiators off except for her own, and usually I ignore it, but this evening I’ve reached the end of my rope.
I storm towards her door, but stop when I hear my name.
‘I just can’t stand her, she makes my skin crawl. I’m counting the days until the summer holiday.’
There is a pause and no one else speaks, so I realise she must be on the phone. I lean against the wall by her door and continue to listen.
‘She’s some kind of psycho or something. Always making things up. I can’t trust her… But I know stuff about her and she has no idea. Stuff you wouldn’t believe… No, not yet, but I will.’
She is walking around now. I can hear her feet shuffling on the carpet. ‘I don’t even know how she managed to get on a degree course. A fly’s got more intelligence than she has, she’s complete trash.’
It’s time to walk away. I don’t need to hear what she’s saying; none of it is true and her comments say more about her than they do about me, but I can’t help feeling as though I’ve been stung.
I think of the bottle of gin in the living room. It’s calling my name but I won’t listen; I won’t be that person Alison and the rest of them want me to be. So I go straight to my room, with no idea how I’ll spend the rest of the night.
Studying is the only thing I have left now, but I’m up to date with all my assignments. Desperate for something to quash the loneliness, I begin copying up lecture notes I’ve hastily scrawled at university. There’s no need for me to do this, they’re perfectly legible, but it will kill a couple of hours until I can sleep.
Vanessa texts and invites me to a party at her place but I delete her message without replying. And then I delete her phone number. Just in case I’m ever tempted.
I crawl into bed not long after this, with every inch of my body fighting tiredness and isolation. How can the absence of one person have left such a gap in my life when I’ve only known him such a short time?
But I can’t let this weaken me, I’ve got to pick myself up.
Without thinking, I pick up my phone and begin texting.
Let’s meet up some time.
Craig replies within seconds.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Mia
* * *
I couldn’t sleep last night. Of course I couldn’t. The video of Josie Carpenter’s photo disappearing from Alison’s phone was far too convenient, and she was insistent that it must have been Dominic who got rid of it.
‘Does he know your passcode?’ I had asked, expecting her to say yes. It made sense that someone so controlling would have access to his partner’s phone, but Alison’s answer had surprised me.
‘Not that I know of – I’ve never given it to him. If I had then there’s no way I would have kept that photo on there. No way. I would have transferred it somewhere safe. But I suppose he could have seen me typing it in and memorised it.’
‘And when was the last time you looked at the video, or noticed it on there?’ I had tried to catch her out, to find out if she could be trusted, but nothing she said has helped me decide either way.
‘When I showed it to you,’ was her reply. ‘But that was only a couple of days ago. How could it have disappeared in that time?’
I’d told her to check properly and she spent some time doing this, but by the end of it there was still no video of the photo of Josie on the computer, and Alison was still insisting she had no clue how it could have happened.
‘I know how this looks,’ she’d said. ‘But you saw it, didn’t you? You know it was on my phone.’
‘Yes, I saw it, Alison, but now we’ve got nothing to take to the police. We can’t go in there and start accusing Dominic of anything without even that flimsy evidence, can we?’