‘No. But I’m just wondering if he abused her too.’ I agree with Alison about Elaine. She didn’t strike me as the type to be walked over – in fact, if anything, she appeared to be the kind of woman who would demand control, although outward confidence can mask many things.
Alison picks up her fork again and stares at a piece of pasta speared on the end of it. ‘I don’t think he did – Elaine was probably too controlling to let him. But he wouldn’t tell me, would he? And people change, don’t they? Maybe he wasn’t always an abusive man. Or maybe… maybe I just brought it out of him.’
‘Listen to me, Alison. It’s never the fault of the person being abused. Never.’
‘I know.’ She puts down her fork. ‘I just never thought I’d end up in an abusive relationship.’
‘No one ever does. But now you know you’re in one you can make some changes.’
Alison laughs. ‘You just can’t stop being a counsellor, can you? But you’re right. Everything you say is always so… sensible. I can’t fault any of it. Thank you again for everything you’re doing for me. But…’ She pauses. ‘There’s one thing I can’t understand.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Don’t you want to know the truth about why your husband is dead?’
‘Yes, but I need evidence. I’ve been through too much already for it all to come to nothing. I’ve spent five years believing Zach betrayed me, and worse, that he most likely murdered that girl, so unless there is proof to show me otherwise, I can’t rake it all up again. I’ve just about come to terms with what happened and I don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing. I can’t do that to myself, or Freya.’
‘But that photo on Dominic’s computer. You even said yourself there was no way to explain it.’
‘I meant I couldn’t think of a way. That doesn’t mean one doesn’t exist. I need more than that, Alison. And I know you said you spoke to Zach and you trusted him from that short conversation, but I can’t just go off your instincts. I hope you understand that. Just because Zach might have loved me doesn’t mean he couldn’t have hurt me. Or Josie Carpenter.’
There is a long silence as she takes in what I’ve said. I can sense her disappointment. I’m not saying what she wants to hear, and she can’t understand why I’m not dropping everything to search for evidence. Because I know what happened. I know it in my bones, in every inch of my skin. In every part of me. But she will never understand that.
‘Alison, if there’s something – anything at all – that can prove Zach didn’t do it, then I will be the happiest woman alive. And I will go straight to the police. But I just don’t know how you think I can help find this evidence.’
Again, I sense the disappointment emanating from her. ‘If you help me, I’m sure we can do it. I know Dominic is involved somehow, Mia.’
With her words, things are gradually becoming clearer. This isn’t about Zach at all. Alison’s so desperate for a way to get Dominic out of her life that she badly wants him to be guilty. So badly that the truth doesn’t seem to matter, and it won’t stop her.
‘I think there’s only one thing we can do, Alison. We need to go to the police with that photo at the same time as we report what Dominic’s done to you. That’s the only help I can offer.’
Minutes pass and I have no idea how she will respond to this. When it comes, her answer is a surprise. ‘Okay, you’re probably right. I do need to show that photo to the police. But are you ready for that? For everything it will bring up? They may very well reopen the investigation.’
I nod. I’ve thought of nothing else since she showed it to me. Since she came to that first appointment. ‘We’ve got no choice, Alison. I think both of us need answers. But you’ve also got to be willing to tell them the truth about being there that night and talking to Zach. Are you ready for that?’
This silences her and I know her mind must be flashing through a hundred different scenarios. ‘Yes,’ she says eventually. ‘I’ll do whatever I have to do.’
Pleased that she seems to be making good progress, I ask if I can see the photo again. I was too stunned when she first showed it to me to take it all in, but looking at it again is something I need to do, even though I don’t expect it to provide me with any answers.
Alison goes to the hall to get her bag. When she comes back she’s already scrolling through the phone, but there’s a frown on her face.
‘What’s the matter? Have you heard from Dominic? What’s he saying?’
She shakes her head. ‘No, it’s not that. It’s the video – it’s gone. It’s disappeared, Mia!’
Chapter Twenty-Two
Josie
* * *
Weeks pass and it’s obvious Aaron hasn’t spoken to Alison, hasn’t bothered to do the decent thing and tell her I was defending her. I know this because nothing changes. If anything, her frostiness and bizarre behaviour escalates.
Things go missing from my room, but I ignore these petty incidents. I’m too busy worrying about Kieren, and Richard’s threat, to devote any time to solving my issue with Alison. There’s nothing personal I care about anyway, except a picture Kieren drew me before I left, to say goodbye. But I make sure that stays with me at all times. She’ll never even set eyes on it. Though I’m at work, the café is quiet, so I pull the drawing out of my bag and smile at the two stick figures walking a dog we’ve never had. The one that’s supposed to be me has long hair, before I cut it all off. We’re both wearing huge misshapen smiles – something that rarely happened in that house. It’s not a bad drawing for a five-year-old, but more important is what it represents: Kieren’s dreams. He’s always wanted a dog – it was one of his first words – and one day I will make sure I get him one.
I put the picture back in my bag. I’m supposed to keep all my things in the back office but Pierre’s not here and I’ll be closing up soon so I keep it on the floor by me.
I could easily retaliate and snoop through Alison’s things, pay her back for invading my privacy, but I won’t stoop to her level of craziness. And every day I pity her more than I hate her.
As for Zach, we are practically strangers now. His game of helping me one minute, claiming to be a friend, and then cutting me off the next was doing my head in. I’ve had enough; I’m done with him.
‘Excuse me? A hot chocolate with extra cream, please.’
I’ve been so lost in my thoughts I haven’t noticed anyone come into the coffee shop.
‘Sorry. Anything else?’ I smile at the customer, even though I’m exhausted and ready to go home. He looks familiar, maybe around my age, and he’s dressed casually in jeans, trainers and a hooded top. Not the usual suited-up man we get in here at this time. I’m sure I know him but I can’t place him.
‘You’re Josie, aren’t you?’
Hearing my name puts me on alert and I edge away from him. My phone is in my bag by my feet, but by the time I’ve fumbled around for it anything could have happened.
‘I’m Craig. I’m in your creative writing class.’ He hands me a ten-pound note.
I relax a bit. ‘Oh yeah.’ But I don’t recall him from any of the lectures. There are far too many students and I’ve had too much else going on to pay much attention to anyone.
‘Don’t worry, I don’t really know too many people either so I’m not offended if you don’t recognise me. Anyway, how are you finding it?’ he asks, as I hand him his change and start making his drink.
I could tell him how much I enjoy it, that Zach has opened my eyes, made me see the world in a different way, but of course I won’t tell him any of that clichéd shit. ‘It’s all right.’
Craig nods. ‘To be honest, I’m struggling a bit with the assignments. I’m just not really that creative. I thought I was, before I started uni, but hey, I guess not. Actually, it’s really stressing me out. I need to pass this year.’
I’m not sure why he’s telling me all this when this is the first time we’ve spoken, but I find it refreshing. I’m so used to guys putting on an act, trying to make out they’re so much more than they are, so it’s nice to hear someone actually being human and admitting they’re not perfect.