‘He’s a nice fellow,’ Graham says. ‘Funny, but I reckon Zach would have liked him. I can almost see the two of them chatting, having a drink together.’
It’s difficult when death means you end up in the arms of someone else. If I had known Zach and Will at the same time there is no doubt I would still have fallen for, and married, Zach. But strangely that doesn’t make my feelings for Will any less than they were for Zach. Different, of course, very different, but fate has brought us together, determined that he is the one I should be with, not Zach.
‘That’s a serious face,’ Graham says, and I realise I haven’t responded to his comment.
‘I think you’re right,’ I say. ‘They probably would have got along.’ They have something in common, after all – they both chose to be with me. ‘Will’s great. And he loves Freya. I’m just so blessed to have this second chance.’
‘You’ll all be fine,’ Graham says. ‘Life goes on, doesn’t it, and you can’t stop living it. Especially when you’ve got little Freya to think of. Thanks for bringing him here. And telling us. You didn’t have to. By any account it’s not really our business.’
I lean across and give him a hug. ‘Freya is your business, Graham, and that means Will and I are too. Don’t you forget that.’
He squeezes my shoulder. ‘Well, he’s a good man, like I said, and seems trustworthy, so you’ve both got my blessing. Not that you needed it.’
‘Graham,’ I say, slowly, ‘how do you know when you can trust someone? Are we supposed to just give people the benefit of the doubt until something proves otherwise, or is it the other way around?’
He smiles wryly. ‘You sound like Zach. Let me think about that for a second.’ He takes a sip of wine. ‘I think you have to trust your instincts. They never usually steer us wrong. Why, are you saying you’re worried about Will? Because he doesn’t—’
‘No, it’s not Will, just a client. I can’t say anything more than that but I find her a bit strange – I just don’t know what to make of her.’
‘I would have thought you’d be used to difficult or unusual people in your line of work.’
‘That’s not exactly true. For the most part my clients are just everyday people who need a little help with something they’re wrestling with. I’m not a psychiatrist so I don’t see people with severe mental health difficulties. I’m not qualified for that.’
‘No,’ Graham says, ‘but you must have met some people you just can’t click with. Can’t understand.’
His words echo through my head and now I know what I have to do. I don’t understand Alison and what she’s trying to achieve. And until I do, nothing will be laid to rest.
* * *
‘They’re lovely people,’ Will says once we’re in bed. ‘Thanks for tonight, it must have been hard for you.’
‘Actually it wasn’t,’ I say. ‘And I feel good that we’ve told them. Now we can focus on the future. Our future.’ I say these words to Will even though I know actually doing it will be impossible until I know the truth. Everything is clearer now. I’ve got to fight for my future, no matter what happens with Alison. I need to protect Freya and Will, so I will do what I have to. Just as I’ve always done.
Will kisses me and I can feel the happiness emanating from his body. I hate lying to him. Ultimately it was lies that resulted in Zach’s death, and I can’t bear any more. Would things have been different if Zach had been able to talk to me about how he was feeling? It would have been hard to accept or even understand his feelings for Josie Carpenter, but in my heart I know I would have tried. It’s the lies that leave the bigger scar, that cause the mistrust. But I look at Will and know I can’t destroy his happiness. At this point there is nothing I can tell him anyway.
‘Don’t get me wrong, I do miss Freya being here,’ Will says, oblivious to my turmoil, ‘but it’s nice that I don’t have to sleep in the spare room.’
And then he shows me how nice it is and I get lost in our passion, shutting out everyone but him. Afterwards, we cling to each other and I feel pleasure mixed with pain.
Will doesn’t deserve someone with so much baggage – I’ve got to lay Zach to rest.
* * *
‘Alison? It’s me.’ I say this as though she should know who I am, though I’ve called her from my mobile and she only has my office line.
‘Mia. I’m glad you’ve called. So quickly too. Does this… does this mean you believe me?’
‘I don’t know what to believe, Alison, but I want to figure out the truth.’
I’m pacing my office, looking out at the park every time I pass the window, hoping it will keep me calm. It’s raining this morning so it’s not as busy out there as usual.
‘Can you meet me at my house?’ she says. ‘Dominic’s away on a course, so it’s safe.’
I hesitate. Do I really want to do this? It feels like I’m about to jump off a cliff, free fall a thousand metres. ‘Okay, I need a couple of hours, though. I’ve got a client this morning.’
Thankfully, Megan’s mum is taking the girls to London Zoo this afternoon and then she’ll drop Freya at home so I have a few hours clear. And Will has back-to-back meetings until six.
‘Thanks,’ Alison says. ‘Thank you so much.’
* * *
Their house is pristine, cold and soulless. I don’t like clutter but I could never live like this. There are no pictures on the clinical white walls and the dark wood flooring makes me feel claustrophobic. It doesn’t feel like I’m in someone’s home, more like I’m in a surgery or hospital, waiting for some sort of unpleasant procedure.
‘Not my choice of decor,’ Alison says as she takes my coat. ‘Dominic’s very particular about his surroundings. He hates mess of any kind.’ She sighs. ‘It’s hard work, keeping this place up, but now I’m not working I suppose it gives me something to do.’
‘You’ve given up work? Why?’
‘I just need a bit of a break, some time to sort all this stuff out. It’s easier this way. That’s the beauty of temping.’
‘Why do you stay with him?’ I ask. It’s not the first time I’ve put this to her, but she still hasn’t given me a valid reason for putting herself through this. ‘Especially if you think he hurt Josie.’
‘Up until now, it’s been because this is my life. Yes, it’s messed up, but it’s my mess and I can’t imagine just walking away from it. What would I do?’
I want to tell her this is not the way to look at things but I don’t get a chance.
‘But all that’s changed now since the picture. I want him to rot in hell. For what he did to Josie and for everything he’s done to me. Come with me, I want to show you something.’
She heads down the hall and I follow her into the kitchen, my stomach churning. I’m alone with a woman I don’t know if I can trust.
And then, just as I’m wondering what she wants to show me, she is pulling up her jumper, revealing a skinny torso covered in fresh, reddish-purple bruises. ‘Dominic did this last night before he left. Something to remind me of him until he gets back, something to make sure I don’t go anywhere.’
I rush to her and grab her hand. ‘My God, Alison! You can’t let him do this to you.’
‘I don’t know what to do, Mia. I’ve got no evidence to prove he did anything to Josie. I’ve searched the whole house, and his computer, several times – but there’s nothing. Like I said before, I can’t risk going to the police with just that photo because then he’ll get away with it and I’ll… I’ll end up like her.’
‘But that might happen anyway, Alison. Look at you.’
‘No, it’s no good. And I’m sorry I wasted your time with this. I just can’t prove your husband didn’t kill himself.’
I am not an impulsive or reckless person. Everything I do in my life is carefully considered, all the pros and cons meticulously weighed up, but Alison needs help and I can’t afford to take my time over this. ‘Pack some things, you’re coming to stay with me. We can sort out how to get you out of this mess once we’ve got you away from Dominic.’