He shrugs and tries to laugh, but I can tell it’s forced. ‘Sod it. If that happened there’d be even more motivation for me to finish my book.’
From out in the hallway something clicks and I freeze. Alison must be home early, and the last thing we need is for her to find Zach here – she’ll love exploiting that.
‘What was that?’ Zach whispers, jumping up and grabbing his coat. ‘Well, I’m glad I could help,’ he says, winking. ‘Remember to hand it in on time.’
But when we head into the hallway there is no sign of Alison or anyone else. I check her room and it’s empty, as are the kitchen and bathroom.
‘Weird,’ I mutter.
‘Must have been the neighbours we heard,’ Zach says.
But I know it wasn’t. Alison was here, I’m sure of that. I don’t mention this to Zach, though, as I see him out. He doesn’t need anything more pushing him away. Though our connection is strong, our friendship is hanging by a thread.
After he leaves, I sit at the kitchen table with my laptop, researching everything I can about social services and whether or not I can push them to do anything about Liv. I’m so engrossed in the words that I barely come up for air.
And when I notice the time, it’s eight fifteen, but there’s still no sign of Alison.
Chapter Nineteen
Mia
* * *
I’m standing at the door of Zach’s parents’ home, holding the hand of someone who is not Zach. Coming here with Will makes me yearn for Zach, for my past, but I need to fight this. He’s gone. He betrayed me, and our daughter. Whatever Alison thinks did or didn’t happen, there is no denying that he was in that girl’s flat. Alone with her. That’s all that matters.
Since I saw Alison yesterday I’ve done nothing but stew over her words. I can’t decide what to do about it yet; it’s better to do nothing for now than make the wrong choice. Alison clearly needs help; I just don’t know in what way. So tonight is a welcome break from having to think of her and the mess caused by her world colliding with mine.
‘Are you all right?’ Will asks, squeezing my hand. I can tell from his words, and his eyes, that he’s desperate for me to be okay. For me not to have changed my mind about us living together. But he doesn’t need to worry. I am in this for keeps… just as I was supposed to be with Zach.
‘More to the point, Will, are you okay? I know how weird this must be for you, too.’
‘It is weird, definitely. But a good weird. A step in the right direction for us,’ he says, still clasping my hand. ‘Are we still going to tell them about us moving in together?’
‘I don’t see why not. Freya knows now so it’s not fair to keep it from them. She’s so excited about it she could easily blurt it out when she sees them next and that wouldn’t be fair. They need to hear it from me.’
We all thought it best if Freya stayed at her friend Megan’s house tonight, just so Graham and Pam could have a chance to get to know Will properly. Freya was only too happy to agree to an evening of pizza and chips, and probably ice cream, with her best friend.
‘Right, let’s do this,’ Will says, taking a deep breath before he rings the bell.
Pam and Graham answer the door together, with huge smiles and tight hugs for both of us, and I can see Will is immediately put at ease. They are amazingly strong people to react in this way to what some might consider their son’s replacement.
‘We feel like we know you already.’ Pam takes Will’s arm and leads him through to the dining room. ‘You’ve got a long drive home so dinner’s practically ready. I just need a minute to get it served up.’
‘Thank you,’ Will says. ‘Whatever it is smells delicious.’
Pam beams at his compliment and hurries off to the kitchen, and as Graham fills glasses with wine, Will winks at me, showing me that he will be okay tonight.
Even though it’s a Wednesday night, Pam has made a huge roast dinner – enough to feed at least four more people. ‘Better to have too much than too little,’ she says, as she puts the heavily laden plates in front of us. ‘Besides, it won’t go to waste, Graham and I can have the rest tomorrow for lunch.’
Graham rolls his eyes. ‘But we never do, do we? You always end up wanting to cook something else from scratch.’ His tone is affectionate; this banter is the norm for these two. Zach used to admire the relationship the two of them have, how they can disagree about anything and everything but it never gets between them, never changes how they feel about each other. Solid, like a fortress, he used to say.
‘Well, cooking keeps me busy,’ Pam says. ‘It’s… good for me.’ Her eyes glass over.
Over dinner, Pam fires questions at Will, even though I’ve already told her the answers to most of what she’s asking. ‘So you’ve never been married?’
Will doesn’t seem to mind being asked such a personal question. ‘Nope. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against it, and I’ve had a few long-term relationships, but it just never felt right.’ His eyes flick to me, and I offer him an apologetic smile. ‘I don’t know, is it weird that at thirty-four I’ve never been married?’
Pam chuckles. ‘Oh no, not at all – at least not these days. People are too busy with their careers, I suppose.’
‘Guilty!’ Will says, reaching for my hand. ‘But I’m trying to change that.’
When we’ve all finished eating, both the men managing to clear their plates, Will glances at me and I know it’s that time. I clear my throat. ‘We’ve got something to tell you both.’
Pam’s eyes widen, and I realise she might think this is a pregnancy announcement. I can’t let her think that – it would break her heart, I’m sure, even though she would also be happy for me.
‘Will and I are moving in together,’ I say, as quickly as I can get the words out.
‘Oh, that’s wonderful!’ Pam says, raising her glass.
We all follow suit, and I glance at Graham, just to check he’s okay too, and I’m pleased to see a wide smile plastered on his face, as he toasts with one hand and pats Will on the arm with the other.
‘Where will you live?’ Pam asks.
‘We’ll sell both our properties and find somewhere new,’ I say. ‘It might take some time but it’s quite exciting.’
‘Well, we’re thrilled for you,’ Graham says, taking another sip of wine.
‘I take it Freya knows?’ Pam asks.
Will answers this time, and I’m glad he feels comfortable enough to answer questions about Freya. ‘Yes, we told her earlier today and luckily she’s really excited about it.’
Pam nods slowly. ‘Of course she is.’ Her eyes drop to her plate and she swirls food around with her fork. ‘But then I suppose because she doesn’t remember Zach it won’t be strange or hard for her.’ She looks at me and I’m surprised that the warmth has gone from her eyes. ‘Oh, sorry, you two, just ignore me. It’s all just very emotional. I really am pleased for you.’
‘Of course it’s emotional for you,’ Will says, reaching over and placing his hand on her arm. ‘But I will never pretend to be her father and she’ll always know about Zach. We’ll keep his memory alive for her, I promise. And I want you to know that I’m not trying to take his place in any way.’
But it will only ever be the good parts. Freya will only ever hear what a good father Zach was to her. I made that promise to myself when he died and I will never break it.
After we’ve all had coffee, Will helps Pam clear up while I stay with Graham. He’s always been a quiet man, but tonight he’s had a couple of glasses of wine so is more relaxed than normal. I stuck to fruit juice tonight because I wanted Will to be able to enjoy himself, so I am the designated driver.