She throws her head back. ‘But how could you have seen anything after what that person did to you, whoever it was? You could barely open your eyes. Look, if you tell the police the truth then I suppose we can all make allowances for you, given the state you were in. I mean, you maybe just thought it was Johnny, right? Maybe it was someone who looked like him? But you’ve got to stop lying, Josie. About Johnny, and about me being there.’
I’m transported back. I see the outline of my mother, her thick frame familiar and unmistakable. I can even hear her laugh – the nasty chuckle she gave as she relished in my battering. She’d finally paid me back for being born.
I shake my head. ‘I know what the truth is and that’s all that matters. Just because the police couldn’t prove you were there it doesn’t make you innocent.’
Her eyes narrow. I know she must be finding it hard not to explode in public. ‘I thought you’d run off to start a new life, Josie?’
‘Yes, I did, and I have. I’m at uni now, Liv, something you could never have even dreamed of. So—’
‘Then what the hell is it to you if Johnny gets out of prison?’ She shouts this at me; I knew it was only a matter of time. Thankfully, it’s too noisy in here for anyone to notice, or care. ‘He won’t come after you, he wouldn’t want to go anywhere near you after what you’ve done, so why can’t you just leave us to it?’
Her question doesn’t even deserve an answer. ‘It’s Kieren I feel sorry for, stuck there with you. He deserves better.’
She snorts again, an animal disguised as a human. ‘Kieren is just fine. D’you know what? He’s actually a decent kid, not like you were.’
I should walk away now; I don’t have to sit here and let this woman, one who’s supposed to be a mother, insult me, but I need some answers and I’m too stubborn to leave without them.
‘What did I do that was so bad you had to neglect me, emotionally abuse me and then let that monster almost batter me to death? And don’t give me that shit about me being mouthy. Yeah, I speak my mind, but I wasn’t out of control. I generally kept to myself as a kid and hardly bothered you.’ I take a breath. ‘I know you think having me ruined your life, but surely you’re not stupid enough to think that’s my fault? I didn’t bloody ask to be here. And you had a choice to make – you could have just got rid of me.’ I stare at her cold, piercing eyes and wait for a response.
‘It was too late to get rid of you by the time I realised I was pregnant. So actually, I didn’t have a bloody choice. And you were a rope around my neck.’
I stand up and turn away. This is the only answer I’ll ever get from her and I don’t need, or want, to hear any more. I accepted long ago that she’s a despicable creature and I’m not wasting any more time on her.
‘You might want to hear what else I’ve got to say before you walk off.’
I turn back and there’s a smug smile on her face. ‘I’ve tried to warn you, Josie, but you’re just not listening. I can’t control what Richard does, but believe me he’s not going to let this go. No chance. Sooner or later it will catch up with you.’
‘I’m not interested,’ I say. I’ve had these threats ever since I reported the attack and nothing’s happened yet, so I’m not going to be bullied by her or anyone else.
She nods her head, as if she’s known I would say this. ‘Not even for your brother’s sake?’
‘What’s that supposed to mean? This has got nothing to do with Kieren.’
‘I can’t be responsible for anything that happens. This is Richard’s business as much as it is mine. So maybe you want to go away and have a think about it all.’ She stands up and pulls on her coat. ‘See you, Josie.’
And then she is gone, leaving me standing in the pub, hoping I’m wrong about what the woman is capable of.
Chapter Seventeen
Mia
* * *
Of all the things Alison has come out with, this is the biggest shock. She’s now claiming to have spoken to Zach on the night he died. It feels as though I’m going to vomit, but I have to keep in mind she could be lying, and the more she says, the more I have to believe that.
‘How is that possible? There’s no way. You couldn’t have been there.’
‘Mia, I’m telling you I was. Only for a few minutes, but I was. I know how this sounds, but you have to believe me. What reason would I have to lie?’
Because you’re deluded, and for some reason you’ve picked me to play your sick games with.
I force myself to tell her I’m listening. And even though the windows are open as usual, and there must be noise drifting in from the busy road and park outside, I can only hear silence until she continues. Loud and threatening silence.
‘I was at Josie’s flat that night and I spoke to your husband. It must have been way before he… before he died, and as I said, it was only for a few minutes, but that was long enough for me to be convinced that he had no intention of harming himself.’
I take a deep breath. Whatever she has to say – lie or not – I need to hear it, every last detail. ‘Start from the beginning, Alison, and don’t leave anything out. If you’re going to tell me this then I need to hear everything this time, not just snatches of information as and when you feel like giving them to me.’
‘But anything I say is still confidential, isn’t it?’ Her forehead creases.
I nod. ‘Unless I think you had anything to do with what happened.’
Her pause reveals that she’s nervous. If she’s lying, surely she has nothing to fear except being caught out in her deceit? ‘Okay, well, that’s not the case.’ She tucks a loose strand of thick red hair behind her ear. ‘I really didn’t like Josie, that’s no secret, and she felt the same about me. We’d been placed together in that flat so didn’t really have much choice about living together. I tried several times to get a transfer but there was nothing close enough to the uni. Eventually I took out another student loan just so I could get my own place. It was a tiny one-bedroom flat, and far too expensive, but at least I was away from her. And after my experience living with her, I definitely wasn’t going to share with anyone again. Even if it bankrupted me.’
Part of me wants her to hurry up and get to the Zach part, but I need this information too, so I have to be patient. I need to take note of every word she says, in order to be able to trip her up in any lies. The only things I’d ever learned about Josie were that she’d left home and didn’t keep in touch with her family. At the time of Zach’s death it was reported that she’d suffered a brutal attack a few years before but the police didn’t think there was any connection; the man responsible was behind bars.
‘Why did you hate her so much?’ I ask. I have to know. What can make someone so loathsome to one person yet so appealing to another?
Alison looks me up and down. ‘Haven’t you ever met someone and they instantly repel you? Maybe there’s no simple explanation for it, but no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get along with them? Everything they do or say just puts you on edge.’
This hasn’t happened to me but I understand what she means. The closest I’ve come to it is happening here, right now. ‘Well, we’re not meant to get along with everyone. We just need to try and be courteous, treat people with respect.’
She doesn’t look convinced. ‘Even if they don’t deserve it?’
‘Yes, Alison. It’s not for us to judge other people. Anyway, please carry on. Where are you going with this?’
‘I’m getting to it. But you need to know everything first, you need the whole picture. I don’t want you to jump to conclusions about me.’
‘I just said I don’t judge, Alison. And it looks like you’ve got no choice but to trust that I mean that. So, please, go on.’ I am trying my absolute best to remain calm and patient, because no matter what we’re discussing here, Alison is still my client. She is clearly still in need of some sort of help.