“What’s that?”
I licked my lips, knowing that this was it. You asked your boyfriend, someone you were serious about, not a casual friend fuck buddy, to go with your mum’s funeral with you. I shook my head at myself, Damon was so much more than that.
“Mum’s funeral is coming up…” Obviously.
“Yeah, I know. Are you okay? Want me to come over?”
“I’m fine, that’s not why I called. I…” God, why was this so hard? “I wanted to know if you… Shit, Damon, will you come?”
“Of course,” he replied. I could hear the smile in his voice. “I was coming anyway, Nell, but I’m glad you asked me.”
Right. He had this new I-love-it-when-you-need-me thing that I was only just starting to become semi-comfortable with. “Thank you.”
“No need to thank me. Do you want me to come over?”
“No, I’m fine.” My plan, which I knew was idiotic, was to cry as much as I could today in the hope I’d be able to keep it together when the funeral came around. It wasn’t a solid plan but I wanted to be able to give my mum the send off she deserved.
“Are you sure? I hate to think of you upset and home alone.”
When he said things like that I desperately wanted to be with him. His arms around me made me feel safe. But he needed to work and I had things here I had to get done.
“I’m sure. I’ll be okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You will.”
“Take care of yourself, Nell, I mean it. Call me if you need me.”
“I will. Bye.”
He sighed and whispered, “Bye, Nell.”
I dropped my phone on the sofa and picked up a photo I had of me and my mum. I was nineteen. It was the one and only Christmas where she wasn’t with Dad. It was the best Christmas with her I’d ever had. There was no shouting or fighting. No forgotten charred turkey or mushy veg.
We cooked together, drank wine, exchanged presents and watched Christmas movies. It was perfect and that day she was a proper, normal mum that made it about me and her, not her and her fighting husband.
The picture was my favourite. The ones of me, Mum and Dad before the abuse started were tainted with what happened next but that one was so pure that it meant everything to me. We both had on knitted Christmas jumpers and a colourful paper hat from the crackers. I held the camera arms length and Mum held me close, smiling one of her rare, genuine smiles.
I gripped the photo frame hard, turning the beds of my natural nails white. Swallowing a lump in my throat, I kissed the picture with tears in my eyes. “I love you, Mum,” I whispered and fell apart on the sofa, clutching the only memory of my mum that I felt properly loved in.
Nell
Three days later and it was the morning of Mum’s funeral. It was much harder than I’d ever imagined and I hadn’t even gone inside yet. Chloe and Logan were being amazing and waiting outside with me. We had a few minutes left and I didn’t want to spend a single second in there longer than necessary.
The service would start soon so I knew we should go in but something stopped me. Chloe was here but I still felt alone. That was new. Deep down I understood why. There was someone else that made me feel too much. He was the only one that could help me right now.
Logan turned around and touched Chloe’s back. “Let’s go in, sweetheart.”
Chloe frowned but then understanding crossed her face and she squeezed my hand before leaving with him. It only took a second for me to realise why they’d left me.
Damon was walking up the path.
I could breathe again.
He wore a sleek, dark grey suit with white shirt. It was similar to what he wore at work but a little more casual today with the lack of tie and top button undone. I almost ran to him. How could a person feel like home?
My chin wobbled as he approached. “Hey,” he whispered.
“Thank you,” I replied, gulping.
He pulled me into his arms and rested his head on top of mine. “I got you.”
“I don’t really know how to do this, all the singing and readings and–”
“Shh. Nell, you’re getting ahead of yourself. Right now we’re just going to go in and find our seat. Don’t worry about the rest yet.”
“You’ll sit with me?”
He pulled back and his eyes were burning. “I won’t leave your side.”
I wanted him to promise not ever but that was asking too much. I looked up at him and honestly had no idea how I went even a week without seeing him or speaking to him. I didn’t want him to be that important to me, but he was.
Reaching up with trembling hands, I ran my fingers along his jaw and his lips parted. “You really have no idea how thankful I am that you’re here.”