“Are you angry?” Elara asked.
The question threw Adelina off guard and she had to think on it a moment.
“No, I am not angry.”
Elara seemed to breathe easier and she made a point not to look at the queen. “How did you find out?”
“Nadyah suspected.” There was more to it than that, but it would be the simplest explanation. Adelina was not sure how much she wanted to confide to Elara, knowing it would all make its way back to Queen Adele.
It was all very confusing. Her father was still her father, and always had been. But all her life Adelina thought Adele was her mother. She’d felt bitter about their lack of relationship. The two of them weren’t close and they didn’t have much in common though Adele always praised her for doing everything exactly as she should, conforming to the idealistic royal standards perfectly.
It gave her mother – her half-mother? – the time and energy to focus on the heir and the wild one, Giselle. But it left their relationship lacking. Adelina was left to her own devices and only her father had really sought out time with her.
Except Elara. Elara had always done what the queen couldn’t and Adelina had adored every moment of it. She’d thought of Elara like an aunt, but knowing the woman had hid her true identity from Adelina for so many years…
“Did you think I wouldn’t love you as a mother?” Adelina asked. It was sharp and painful to ask, barbed in a way she didn’t usually feel.
Elara flinched. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “I knew you loved me in your own way, and that was enough. We couldn’t risk it getting out. It would have put you in danger.”
Adelina glanced at Adele again who was trying, and failing miserably to look interested in anything but their conversation.
Maybe Adelina was angry, angry at all she’d missed out on. Ian loved his mother dearly, he was doted on and they were close. Adelina felt forgotten and ignored…the quintessential middle child she supposed.
“I’m upset,” she said instead. “I wish I had what you and Ian have, what the queen and Raena have.” Adelina shrugged and wished Giselle were home already.
Elara had always made her feel less forgotten, but now that she knew Elara was her mother, she felt as though things could have been different.
“You were no better than Adele,” Adelina said, words so quiet Elara had to adjust her auditory implant. “You ignored me because you were afraid to get too close, and I understand why, but it makes no difference in the end, does it?”
Then she turned the full weight of her gaze on Elara, feeling the shift in her scent as Elara’s submitted…less dominant than the king, but more than the queen. Adelina didn’t know why she felt so hurt and betrayed, after so many cycles she should know better. This was simply how her life was.
“I will never apologize for keeping you safe, but I am sorry things couldn’t have been different,” Elara admitted. She took a step closer to Adelina so they brushed shoulders. Then Elara took her hand and squeezed. “But now you know, and I want whatever it is you want. If you want nothing to do with me, then I will keep my distance. If you want more…I will do that as well. It hasn’t been easy – staying away all these cycles.”
Adelina shoved the tears back down. Life as a royal was restrictive. Elara had no control over the mate bond; she had no control over the rules that were thrust upon her. She could not have Adele all to herself and her dominance had been locked in place, then to try and make her own life for herself? Adelina couldn’t really blame her when she was trying to do that as well.
“You have been like a mother to me all these cycles, and I’ve always loved that,” Adelina told her, squeezing her hand in return. “It will take me time to wrap my thoughts around the shift, but I would like to become closer if that’s at all possible.”
Elara pulled her into a hug, breaking protocol, but Adelina didn’t care. She hugged her mother for the first time, knowing exactly who she was.
“Adele does love you,” Elara whispered in her ear. “She’s been afraid for you…she knows about the issue with your scent. That’s why she’s ensured your submission all these cycles.”
Adelina pulled back with a frown. She studied Elara’s face and saw the same high cheekbones and the tilted eyes that she had. Adelina had Adele’s chin, and her father’s purple Dragan eyes. Somehow Adele had known about her dominance.
“How?”
Elara shrugged one shoulder delicately and then faced the grounds once more. “There was an incident when you were a little tot. No one remembers, but we’ve been careful since then.”
She wanted to be mad, but she understood the reasoning and that made it difficult to commit to the outrage she felt. What would have happened to her if people found out she was some strange hybrid courtesan-royal? There was a difference between her and Ian, and Adelina worried about exactly what that was.
Adelina decided not to press the matter. “I hope to see you before I leave.”
Elara cupped her cheek and those blue eyes looked so incredibly sad. “If you need anything, just let me know.” She kissed Adelina’s forehead and then went to take her place behind Adele’s elbow.
Adelina stared out at the palace grounds. The palace was to her left, the mountains at her back, and the forest to her right. Mala was still visible in the sky, only a half moon now. Adelina tilted her head back and closed her eyes, feeling the sun on her face and neck.
“Are you all right?” Joslynn asked.
She took a deep breath and let it out, letting loose the storm of emotions inside. Adelina opened her eyes and smiled at Joslynn. She’d never had a female friend before other than Nadyah, but with Nadyah it was a bit different. She felt she and Nadyah were more than friends, even lovers despite the camerraleto.
“I’m okay,” Adelina reassured her fiery-haired friend. “It’s been a long day.”
Joslynn trailed after her and up onto the platform. The countess still looked uncomfortable about spending the Games with the royal family, but Adelina didn’t care. It would keep her safe. Nowhere else was quite as guarded and Joslynn was vulnerable and weaker at the moment than she normally was.
The instincts in Adelina to protect had been triggered the second she’d smelled blood and pain.
She sat next to Joslynn and settled in for a long afternoon.
“I didn’t know you spoke the Drakesthai tongue until today,” Joslynn said.
Nobles, courtiers, and citizens gathered and the drums beat a steady rhythm like a heartbeat. The drums sang to the blood. They signaled the Game of the Wolf was about to begin and the wolf Adelina had buried deep inside recognized something in that rhythm.