K elly told herself she could handle this. She could keep a handle on her emotions. Keep her heart in check. Not let him get to her with those intense gray eyes and those hands that knew just where to touch her.
He was the only man in the world who could make her lose control. The only man who could offer her a mistake and make her think it was heaven. But she knew he could, indeed, offer her a little slice of heaven. At least for a little while. Because in the moments she’d been wrapped in his arms, she had been in heaven. The down side was that at some point she would have to leave his embrace and the reality of what she’d done would come crashing down on top of her.
“You look like a woman faced with the firing squad instead of a roll in the hay with her ex-husband.”
She jolted hard at the sound of Buzz’s voice. Because she didn’t want to comment on what he’d said, she asked about her son. “How is he?”
“Sound asleep.” He made no attempt to lie down on the sleeping bag with her. “I covered him up.”
“Thanks. It’s cool tonight.”
“Yeah.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
Kelly knew better than to give her eyes free rein, but they took on a life of their own and swept over him. His jeans were snug enough that she could see the hard ridge of his arousal just behind his zipper. The realization that he’d given her so much pleasure, and she was already having second thoughts about going through with this made her feel guilty. It was a silly thing to feel because even when they’d been married Buzz had never been selfish that way. Of course, back when they’d been married she’d never told him no….
Making love with Buzz was like stepping into a swirling whirlpool. She knew once she did—if she did—she would be tumbled around and swept away. Maybe for good.
“You’re having second thoughts,” he said after a moment.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. We don’t have to do this.”
It hurt to hear the words because the ache to have him close was so intense she could barely take a breath. She hadn’t put her clothes back on and her body still throbbed where he’d touched her earlier. She could still feel the wetness between her thighs. The heaviness of her breasts. The stab of need in her womb.
Guilt and need and a dozen other emotions thrashed inside her, pulling her in different directions. God, how she wanted to go to him, touch him, kiss him the way she had a thousand times before. But caution refused to let her move, refused to let her put so much of herself on the line for a man who would do nothing but hurt her, hurt her son.
“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered.
“You know what you want,” he answered in a rough voice.
“I can’t get involved with you.”
“You already are.”
“We’ve been down that road before, Buzz.”
“If I remember correctly, it was a pretty damn good ride.”
“It was a mistake.”
“Some mistakes are worth making, Kel.” He knelt on the sleeping bag next to her.
“Some just hurt.”
“I won’t hurt you.”
You already have, she wanted to say, but it was too late. Her voice locked up. He was so close she could feel the warmth coming off him. She could smell the faint remnants of his aftershave and the all-too-familiar scent that was uniquely his. Need coiled like a spring inside her, tighter and tighter until she felt she would explode. Her heart pounded. Her breaths quickened and she could see the faint white puffs in the cool night air between them. No one else had ever done that to her—make her feel as if she’d run a ten-mile marathon, when he hadn’t even touched her yet.
“I want you, Kel,” he said. “I want you more than my next breath. I’ve never stopped wanting you.”
The words shocked her brain, battered her defenses. She told herself he was talking about physical need. He was a man, after all. But she knew that wasn’t what he meant and nothing else he could have said would have shocked her more.
She stared at him, wanting him so desperately the need was an ache. But the knowledge that loving him tonight would only hurt her tomorrow and bring to her heart a pain she was all too familiar with stopped her.
He sat back on his heels. “Come here.”
Indecision hammered at her. A moment of heaven for a lifetime of hell. She’d never been more at odds with herself. Body and mind. Heart and soul.