“You saw the way Eddie looks at you,” she said. “He’s only four years old. His mind is impressionable. He’s only known you for a few hours and already he looks at you like you’re some kind of hero.”
He blinked at her as if momentarily stunned, but that didn’t keep him from stepping toward her. She took another step back. “He looks at you the same way Kyle looked at Dad. Look what happened to Kyle. No matter what, I won’t let that happen to my child.”
Understanding struck him like a wrecking ball slamming into a building. For the first time, the divorce, the secret pregnancy, the child she’d hidden from him made perfect, terrible sense.
He looks at you the same way Kyle looked at Dad.
Buzz had seen the parallel before, but he’d never imagined that the deaths of her father and brother had affected her so profoundly. The implications astounded him. She hadn’t asked for a divorce because she didn’t love him or because he didn’t want children or because he couldn’t handle sitting behind a desk. She’d asked for a divorce because she couldn’t live with losing him. She hadn’t told him about the baby because she couldn’t bear the thought of losing her son the same way she’d lost her brother.
Buzz almost couldn’t believe it. For a full minute he just stood there feeling waylaid while his heart beat out a wild staccato in his chest. He wasn’t sure who moved first, but in the next instant he had her backed up against the face of a smooth granite boulder. A surprised gasp escaped her when his body came full length against hers. He raised his hands to cup her face, then tilted her head closer.
“You have no idea what that divorce did to me,” he ground out. “You walked out on me. That hurt, Kel.”
He could feel the rise and fall of her breasts against him. Hear her quickened breaths. He could smell panic, knew she was on the verge of bolting, but he didn’t let her go. Wasn’t sure if he could even if he wanted to.
“I know,” she said. “It hurt too much to love you.”
“A divorce doesn’t magically make someone stop loving.”
“I couldn’t live with you. I can’t ever live with you.”
“I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to hurt Eddie. And I’m sure not going to get myself killed.”
“He’s just like you, Buzz. He’s fearless and daring with a never-ending sense of adventure. Those things scare me because I know where they can lead.”
“You’re wrong about me,” he said. “You’re wrong about all of this.”
He didn’t intend to kiss her. Now wasn’t the time to test his control. It sure as hell wasn’t the place. But the chemistry between them had never relied on anything as reasonable as timing or simple right and wrong. The pull was too strong to resist, so he went with it and lowered his mouth to hers.
Her lips yielded softly to his. She tasted as sweet and mysterious as dark chocolate. The familiarity of her scent taunted him, tested his restraint, broke it. Crazy thoughts rushed through his brain like flashes, unleashing a hunger he’d kept buried for five long years. He knew it was insane to want her like this, to hope for something that could never be, but the taste of her mouth intoxicated him, made him believe in impossible dreams.
“Don’t do this to me.” But even as she said the words, her head lolled back and she offered the tender flesh of her throat.
Buzz kissed her neck, tasting her, remembering, savoring the sweetness of her flesh. Arousal flowed hotly through his veins. Pleasure zinged through his brain like a shot of whiskey on an empty stomach. She was the only woman in the world who could make him shake with need. The only woman he could hate and love at the same time and know fully he would never reconcile the two.
He kissed her throat, her jaw, her temple, then worked his way back down to her mouth. Something primal broke free inside him when she opened to him. He used his tongue, and she accepted him, welcomed him in with a small sound of pleasure at the back of her throat.
Buzz knew kissing her like this was a mistake. He knew it would do nothing but hurt him in the long run. The conversation they’d just had hadn’t solved a damn thing. And if he let this go any further it would complicate an already complicated situation exponentially.
But control had never been his strong suit when it came to Kelly. She could topple that stone-and-steel structure with nothing more than a look or a sigh…or a single, earth-shattering kiss.
Five years of need and hurt tangled inside him, a rope drawing ever tighter around him until he felt as if he couldn’t breathe. A hundred memories of how it had once been between them joined the melee. Caution sparked, a tiny light in a raging sea, but was quickly doused by the rush of heat that flamed over him like the afterburners of a jet engine.