What If

Arrow’s compassion towards me wavered slightly on the days I was short tempered and argumentative. Darcy and he weren’t getting along as well as they used to, and I found that every time they argued I took Darcy’s side. Most of the time I didn’t even agree with Darcy; she got mad and jealous over the smallest of things. She didn’t trust Arrow and always thought he was cheating on her. Yet, I’d side with her anyway. I didn’t fool Arrow. He knew me better than I knew myself half of the time. He could tell I didn’t actually think Darcy was right, so he’d constantly pin me when no one was around us and demand answers. He wanted to know why I was deliberately going against him, why I wanted to piss him off.

Glaring at him, I’d tell him he was the one in the wrong. I, honestly, had no real answer for my actions. I didn’t know why I was being purposefully vindictive. Did it feel good to act this way? No. I wasn’t a spiteful person. I never wished bad things on people, and I certainly didn’t want anything bad to happen to Arrow. Yet, I couldn’t figure out why I kept up with my bitterness.

The biggest difference I noticed in our relationship though; I loved him more now than I did in the past. It’s like after I woke up from our car ride and looked at Arrow… I don’t know… I was looking at the person who was supposed to be there every time I woke up and every time I went to sleep. I didn’t even bother shoving those feelings away because I didn’t have anywhere to push them. My entire body was already full with love and regret.

There were new things I loved about Arrow. I loved the way he laughed at my jokes when no one else understood them, the way he looked at me when I felt strongly about something, the way I’d sometimes catch him watching me. I even loved the way he’d not take my shit. If I got short with him, he called me out. When I yelled at him, he was willing to raise his voice back. Everything felt passionate and real.

But still, I couldn’t handle the idea of ruining our friendship or losing Darcy over how I felt. Instead, I kept it to myself.



Our junior year finished quickly. I spent my summer working at a small boutique, and when I wasn’t working, I was with Arrow and Darcy. I started dating a few guys casually. It was nothing serious; I mostly just wanted to try and have fun and forget about everything else. Soon, summer ended and the next thing I knew we were well into our senior year.



One day after school, Arrow was driving me home after hanging out at Darcy’s.

“I need to talk to you,” Arrow said, navigating the vehicle the opposite direction of my house.

“Okay, but where are we going?” Butterflies erupted in the lower depths of my stomach.

“My house. Parents are out of town for a few days so we’ll have the place to ourselves,” he wiggled his eyebrows up and down then winked.

I pushed his right shoulder for teasing me. It seemed like he was flirting with me, but that was how it always was with us. Words that he said sounded more like foreplay than friendship, but there was never any action to back up his remarks.

“I’m surprised Darcy isn’t forcing you to let her stay the weekend with you.” My mouth felt full of acid with the images of what they could do together those days and nights locked up in a house alone.

“She doesn’t know they aren’t home for that exact reason,” he said.

Perplexed, I looked over at him and then back at the street through the windshield.

“I guess you guys have been arguing a lot,” I commented.

“We’ll talk about all of this when we get there, alright? I have a lot to say.” He reached over and turned the volume up on the radio. Avenged Sevenfold resounded through the speakers in each of the doors. I didn’t ask any more questions, and he didn’t offer any more explanations. I sang to each song on the CD, quietly listening to the rumble of Arrow’s voice as he gruffly sang along.

Once we pulled into the long driveway, Arrow shut off the truck and sat for a minute. I waited for his lead to move out of the vehicle.

“Alright, let’s head inside.” The door creaked open, and I followed him inside.

When we got inside all three dogs went straight for me. Two of them were jumpers, and when they jumped they were nearly my height. The other sniffed at my legs until I was able to pet her.

“Down!” Arrow commanded.

Of course the big pups didn’t listen until he grabbed them by the collars and pulled them away from me.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind getting some puppy love in. You know how my parents are; we’ve never had a pet,” I said as I dropped down to my knees and let the dogs lick my hands as I rubbed their bulky heads.

Arrow’s eyes were on me. I’d feel him looking at me if we were in a room full of people.

“I’m going to let them outside,” he stated, and called for them once he had opened the back door.

When he came back into the family room, I was situated on the couch, my knees curled to my chest comfortably.

“You want a drink?” Arrow asked. “I think we have some coke and bottled water.”

“No, I’m good. What did you want to talk about?” I wondered. The air kicked on, filling the house with a low humming sound. It was the only noise until Arrow sat down next to me. His left leg touched my right.

“There’s a couple things…” he began. “Face me,” he commanded gently.

I turned on the couch. My back pressed again the armrest, and my legs curled Indian style as I faced him. He turned and folded his legs the same way, his arms rested on my knees.

“You’re freaking me out here, just come out and say it.”





There was something magnetic about Briar. Her hair that flowed down her back and was constantly getting in her eyes made me want to reach up and tuck it behind her ear. The way her lips parted when she’s in thought made it nearly impossible to not reach up and trace the bow shape of them. The innocent touches she gave me throughout the day made my dick swell in my pants. My head knew she wasn’t trying to be sexual but my body thought otherwise.

I constantly wanted to have my hands on her, and having her alone in that big house was making it extremely difficult to stop myself. I put my hands on her knees and felt her body tense and then relax underneath my palms.

Tonight, I planned on telling her three things; one of which was that I love her. I always have, and I’ve realized, always will. I couldn’t keep that secret any longer. She’d either feel the same way, or I’d have to find a way to win our friendship back. A life without Briar was unacceptable.

“Well, I don’t know how you are going to react to any of the things I want to talk to you about, which sucks.” I chuckled when her nose scrunched up.

“Haven’t you always said you can read me like an open book?” she asked.

“I said that once, and you knew I was lying. You’re the most confusing and complex person I’ve ever met. But I like it.” I smiled at her.

“That was a backwards compliment, but I’ll take it,” she giggled. “Just get on with it. Tell me whatever it is you have to say so that we can finally figure out how I’ll react,” she joked, but I could sense the bit of urgency in her voice.

“I’m breaking up with Darcy,” I bit it out quickly and waited. I can’t say she reacted the way I hoped for. I imagined her smiling largely and possibly professing her love for me. But she didn’t. Her back straightened, her eyes narrowed, and she didn’t say a word.