What If

Briar was tense in her seat. Each of her muscles pulled taut and ready to spring if Killian or I made a move towards one another.

“We met through my friend at work, Arrow,” Briar answered stiffly.

I took a small sip of my whiskey, knowing that it was affecting my actions and mouth but not willing to stop. I wanted my chest to stop hurting and my mind to move away from Briar.

“When?” I asked.

Killian looked over at Briar, smiling a shit-eating grin. “A little over a week ago,” he answered for her.

“So are you two dating now?” I pointed my glass at Killian and then Briar. My eyes never left hers.

Briar coughed. “Uhm, well… I wouldn’t…” she started to speak.

Killian interrupted her, “Yeah, we’re dating.” He didn’t bother looking at me. Instead he implored for Briar to look at him. She did. I bounced my sight between the two of them. Killian was looking at her quizzically. My guess was that he didn’t know if they were actually dating or not. The bastard was stating his claim on her, for the first time, right in front of me.

A petite, shy smile tugged at Briar’s lips, taking the ends and tipping them upwards just enough to tell us both that yes, she was okay with being exclusive with him. The whiskey became rotten in the depths of my stomach when Killian reached over and took Briar’s hand in his. He rubbed his thumb back and forth over her knuckles looking self-satisfied.

“Briar, can you grab me a beer?” I asked. I pushed my glass to the side. Briar looked at my nearly empty cup.

“You sure you should have another drink?” she asked, worry creasing the middle area between her brows.

“I’m sure,” I stated.

She shook her head, unconvinced, but stood up and went to the refrigerator. I leaned forward, my forearms lying flat on the wooden kitchen table. My hands were balled into tightly clenched fists, and my face was within a few inches of Killian’s.

“You know you’re dating my girl, right?” I asked, my jaw clenching tightly, my knuckles turning white from holding back my fists from meeting his nose.

The asshole didn’t look afraid though. He smiled at me with one of those smiles that widens your entire face and shows off every single one of your top and bottom teeth.

“Your girl, huh?” he laughed. “If she was your girl, I don’t think I’d be here right now. I don’t think she’d be holding my hand. I don’t think she would’ve told me that you were her best friend.” My glare must have echoed my fury, but he didn’t stop. “I think you’re confused man, so let me help you out…” Killian leaned forward in his chair, bringing us even closer. “She. Is. Not. Your girl. From what I’ve heard? She never has been. So, why don’t you back the fuck off,” he bit out the last words.

Briar chose that point to show up at the table and put a beer in front of me.

“I had to go out in the garage and bring in another case. The fridge was empty,” she explained.

“Briar, I need to talk to you,” I said with urgency.

“Can you call me tomorrow?” she asked looking down at Killian.

He took whatever hint she gave him and stood up.

“We should probably head out,” Killian said.

She nodded up and down and let out a breath. “Call me tomorrow, Arrow.”

“You’re leaving? You just got here,” I complained, trying to make her feel guilty and decide to stay. I didn’t want her alone with Killian. He was a smooth talker and probably planned on putting that charm to work on Briar.

“I have to work early in the morning,” she clarified.

Killian took her hand in his and started walking away from me.

“Wait, no goodbye?” I asked her.

I couldn’t remember a time when Briar and I didn’t at least hug before she left. This time, she was willing to leave with just a few short words. It was then, I realized, Briar was pulling away from me.

She turned around and watched me stand from my seat. She whispered something to Killian. He nodded and disappeared out into the living room where I couldn’t see him. Briar looked down at her feet as she walked over to me.

I tipped her head up, forcing her to look at me.

“You’re mad,” I said.

“I don’t know what I am, Arrow. I know that you weren’t nice tonight, and you certainly didn’t make me or Killian feel welcomed here,” she criticized.

“You’re always welcome here. Always. I don’t trust that guy,” I answered.

“Arrow, you don’t get to choose who I date. It’s not up to you.”

I opened my mouth to tell her that it sure as hell was up to me. But it wasn’t. I knew the greatest reason I didn’t like Killian was because he was the choice she made instead of me. There was something else though, something in the gleam of his eyes that was unsettling.

“I was a dick. I’m sorry,” I said into her ear, pulling her into me; she let me. Her hands locked at my lower back, my hands could reach my elbows around her neck. I laid my head on top of hers and breathed in the flowery scent of her shampoo.

“Yeah, you were,” she said.

“Am I forgiven?” I said in a lighter tone.

“I guess.” Her cheeks rose from her smile, and I could feel it against my chest.

After she pulled out of my arms, she gave me one last small smile and then turned and walked away, into Killian’s waiting arms.



Once she was gone, I lost myself in taking shots, dancing, and playing some games. Everything that happened that night began blurring together, confusing me, but relieving me of the heartache of never having Briar. She would never be more than what we already were. She made that abundantly clear the night I told her I was breaking up with Darcy and then again tonight when she showed up with Killian.

I woke up the next morning in my full sized bed with a warm, naked body next to mine. I looked down, lifting the blanket back and seeing that I was naked too. Sighing, I laid my head back down on the pillow, pressing down on my forehead and trying to relieve the pressure from the hangover headache as well as force the memories from last night forward so that I could recall who was next to me.

I leaned over, trying with difficulty to not wake the girl next to me. She had light blonde hair and tanned skin that I remembered from a long time ago. It was Lacey, the girl I lost my virginity too. I was sure of it; I didn’t even need to see her face to know that. We stopped talking after we had sex the summer before our freshman year of high school. We saw each other still, every so often, when we’d both show up in our neighborhood at the same time or leave for school. She lived only a few houses down; we were bound to notice one another. Still, this was the first time she’d been within touching distance… and we slept together. Again.

Not wanting to wake her, I edged out of bed as slowly and as quietly as I could. Not bothering to put on my boxers, I went directly into the small bathroom connected to my room and filled my hands with water, splashed my face, and gulped down handful after handful. I sat on the edge of the toilet seat, hoping the nausea would desist. As I sat there with my head in the palms of my hands, covering the light from my eyes, I thought back to last night. Memories slowly came forth. I remembered the shitty things I said to Briar, how my jealously reared its ugly head right in front of her pretty brown eyes.

I remember the intense desire to knock Killian out and demand Briar to no longer see him and instead be with me. Then she left me there and went with him. After that, I decided to get completely wasted. At some point, Lacey showed up. She came in and walked directly up to me, looked me in the eyes and then down like she was seeing my naked flesh instead of the clothes I was wearing. She smiled a sultry smile, grabbed the back of my neck, and pulled me down to her lips. The kisses weren’t gentle, they didn’t build up. It wasn’t a smoldering heat becoming a blazing fire. Instead, it was a pure, unadulterated desire to fuck.