What If

My eyes snapped to his, meeting those whiskey irises. I narrowed my dark brown ones at him. “Are you judging me now, Arrow?”

He became visibly annoyed; his jaw clenched, eyebrows furrowed, nostrils flared. “You know I’m not. I’m just trying to figure out what’s really going on here. You’ve been a different person for too long. I tried to ignore it. I tried to let it go and let you figure out whatever in the hell you were trying to discover about yourself. But, it backfired. You turned inward. Instead of digging yourself out of wherever your mind went, you got lost. I lost you, Briar, and I want to know where you went!” His voice rose at the end.





I knew the moment I looked into Briar’s blood shot eyes that she was back. The real Briar, my Briar, was back. She hadn’t shown any real emotion in over a year. I hated seeing that the emotion she was feeling now was pain, but at the same time I was just happy to know that I hadn’t lost her forever.

Getting her to tell me what happened a year ago to make her fade into herself was, at best, frustrating. I thought it had something to do with Kai and my best guess was that it had to do with him pushing her to have sex. If he did pressure her, I was going to kick his ass. As I questioned Briar, she stilled. I watched, helplessly, as her eyes swam with tears causing the flecks of green in her brown eyes to become brighter. Immediately, I regretted my inquisition. She was clearly hurt deeper than I imagined.

“Don’t cry,” I pleaded. “Briar, I want to know everything. But if you’re not ready to talk about it, I’ll wait.”

Her body shuddered as she fought back her tears. I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into my lap. I fastened my arms tightly around her, pulling her against my chest until she laid her head on my shoulder. Wetness soaked into the fabric where her tears finally spilled over. Rubbing from the back of her neck down to her lower back, I whispered soothing sounds, praying that my damaged girl’s tears would heal her broken soul.

“I love you, Briar.” She didn’t hear me because she fell asleep in my arms, emotionally exhausted.

I carefully adjusted her over to the middle of the bench seat. She awoke lightly, her eyes trying to open only to close again, her breathing becoming slow and steady, her head lying against the side of my shoulder. I perused the small hills of her face, the small indent between her eyebrows, the little wrinkles on the side of her lips. There was a natural color to her lips that was almost red and her brows were slightly darker than her hair. They arched up in the center of each of them. Briar was a naturally beautiful woman. Without makeup her features were soft; with makeup those same features became fierce. I enjoyed both.

Switching the car back to drive, I maneuvered us back onto the road. I went slower than before, letting her sleep, and selfishly wanted to have her next to me longer, even if she was sleeping. At least she was asleep against me.

The sun was lowering, giving the sky a multitude of colors: oranges, pinks, reds, and variations of blue by the time I pulled into her driveway. She was still conked out. I had my arm around her shoulders. I began running the hand around her through her hair, hoping I could wake her easily. She stirred but didn’t open her eyes until I caressed her cheek and said her name against her ear.

“Briar, we’re home.”

She blinked a few times and then sat up. Immediately, I missed the pressure of her weight against me.

“How long have I been out?” she asked as she looked out the window at the setting sun.

“A few hours.” I kept my arm resting on the back of her seat.

Her brows furrowed and she looked at me curiously.

“What did you do while I was sleeping? Just drive around?” she asked, pushing her hair away from her face and rubbing tiredly at her eyes.

Her nose scrunched up, making me smile and without thinking, lean in to press a kiss to her forehead.

“Yeah, you needed to sleep, and I didn’t want to wake you up,” I answered with a shrug.

“That had to be boring.” She tugged at her lower lip with her forefinger and thumb.

I pulled her hand away. “Not at all. You know how I like going on drives.” I smiled down at her. “I just had a pretty girl as company this time.”

Her face turned a shade of pink, making me chuckle and her to blush brighter. A set of headlights lit up in my rearview mirror.

“Your parents are home,” I stated.

She jumped in her seat and turned around, not wanting to believe they were home. Briar’s never told me that her parents don’t like me, but I’m pretty sure if they had a shit list, I’d be on it. She cursed under her breath, a frown forming and causing her lips to pull down at the sides.

“Well, I guess I better get inside. Thanks for today,” she said with sincerity.

“Anytime.” She started to go for the passenger door. I stopped her by taking hold of her left arm and pulling her back into the car. “Nuh uh, not so fast.” I dragged her across the seat and into my arms for a hug. “I mean it, Briar. Anytime. You can tell me what’s been really going on whenever you’re ready. But you know I’m not a patient person, so sooner would be better,” I teased her at the end to lighten the mood.

Her hold on me tightened around my neck, and I swear I heard her inhale deeply.

“Patience is a virtue,” she giggled lightly into my ear.

“I never claimed to be virtuous.”

That caused her body to shake with laughter in my arms. She pulled back, her face only inches from mine, and she looked directly into my eyes, still laughing. “It’s true. You will definitely not go down in history for your virtue.”

She patted my cheek when I smiled at her. Before I could take her into my arms again, she was out of the truck door and jogging towards her house. Her parents were standing there watching and giving me the stink eye.



As I drove home I thought back to when I met Briar.

The first day Briar thought we met wasn’t the first time we ever saw or spoke to one another. I laid eyes on Briar the very first day of high school. It was halfway through the day, right after lunch, when I saw her. Her hair was shorter back then, the same dark blonde color, and had a shine that caught in the light. It could’ve been the musical ring to her laugh that caught my attention, or maybe it was just my glance finding her randomly in the rambunctious crowd of students making their way to class.

I won’t say that I was pulled to her like some supernatural link you hear about in all those cheesy movies. That’s not how it was. There was no invisible thread linking me to her, but, even then, without speaking a word to her, I knew she was extraordinary. When she stopped conversing with her friend walking next to her, she looked forward, meeting my gaze. She smiled at me with a small, sweet, but genuine smile. She didn’t know me from any other Joe, but still, she gave me that fresh grin, a little piece of sunshine lighting up my world. Not many people in this world exist like that, the type of person that smiles at a stranger for no other reason than kindness.

She was different from me. Going out of my way to make a stranger feel good wasn’t my typical motto for life. I certainly didn’t spend time grinning up at people that didn’t do anything to put a smile on my face.

It’s strange the things we first notice about a person. I’ve heard that first impressions last a lifetime. Once a person gets that first good look at you, they almost instantly know whether or not they are going to enjoy your company. For the first time in my life, I was praying to the heavens that her impression of me was a good one, because the first one I got of her was beyond words.