Translation of Love

The sound of rain, tapping against windows wakes me from my peaceful slumber. My eyes flutter open and I’m confronted with a wall of chest in my line of vision. Strong arms are wrapped around me, a strong leg pinning mine down. The sound of soft breathing mingling with the tapping of the rain is all I can hear. Victor’s body cocooning me in, giving me warmth and protection brings a smile to my face.

Did last night really happen? Victor and I really made love, permanently and magnificently ending my vow of celibacy. The memories of last night’s activities play on an endless loop in my mind. I should be mad at myself for giving in, for letting him have that piece of me and for letting myself indulge in all that he has to offer after being strong for so long. I should be furious with myself but I’m not. Truth be told, if I could pat myself on the back I would. Why shouldn’t I enjoy everything that we’ve shared over the past few weeks? I’m starting to understand that I shouldn’t let one past relationship dictate the outcome of the rest of my life. This is good. What Victor and I have is very good, and even though I still can’t let myself think in terms of forever, I can enjoy him in the here and now. Whatever happens, I’ll be alright. I’m a lot stronger now than I was a few years ago. I’m smarter, braver and not so f*cking naïve. I can allow myself to be his and still hold onto the essence of who I am as a person. I don’t have to change for him and I don’t think Victor would want me to. He likes me for me, I’m sure of it. He’s never given me any indication to the contrary. Everything about him screams of kindness, loyalty, passion and a giving nature. After last night, I know there’s no going back, I’m addicted.

Now that my plans for a life of solitude, have gone out the window, I may as well embrace it. I shift my body so that I can nuzzle my nose in the crook of Victor’s neck. I hear him let out a soft groan and it makes me chuckle. I repeat the maneuver, and he shifts in his sleep, moving onto his back. This is a playful side of myself that I’m not all too familiar with, but I like that he brings out this side of me. I shuffle myself closer to him, and kiss and suck on his neck, my right hand traveling down until I encircle his hardness in my hand. I begin a soft stroking motion and continue kissing on his neck.

My teasing stops abruptly when I find myself on my back pinned down to the bed. I’m greeted by Victor’s heated eyes causing the fluid to rush between my legs. He dips his lips to my ear and whispers, “You’re playing a very dangerous game.”

My heart flutters. “You don’t like the games I play?”

He lifts his eyes to mine again and grins. “Baby, I’ll play whatever game you want as long as you’re willing to finish it.”

“I’ll finish it,” I say, tugging his bottom lip with my teeth and bucking my hips up as an invitation. He stares at me for a moment then kisses me tenderly.

“I need you to know I’m clean, okay? I saw your birth control pills in your kitchen the other day so I know you’re protected. I should have said something last night.”

“I trust you.” That’s all I need to say to him, he enters me quickly, filling me completely and leaving me breathless. I whimper at the feel of him as he begins to move inside of me. He grabs onto my hands and pulls them up to either side of me, linking his fingers through mine. It’s a simple act but it makes me feel closer to him, like it somehow connects us further.

Victor never lets go of my hands, like he’s holding onto me for dear life. He kisses my neck as he increases the pace. “F*ck, Baby, you feel so good.” I tighten my grip on his hands, the familiar jolt of electricity, awakening my nerve endings, telling me that I’m close.

“Oh God, Baby,” I whimper, the sensations getting more and more intense. I lift my legs, locking them around his waist, giving him better access and increasing my pleasure. He grounds his hips in a circular motion and takes my mouth in his, muffling my cries as I come in a spectacular wave of currents. He thrusts again, coming as I start to regain my composure. “Wow,” I say as he collapses on top of me, his face in my neck again.

“Wow,” he whispers in agreement. He lifts his head, nuzzling my nose. “Good morning, Love.”

“Good morning,” I say, beaming at him.

“You look very happy.”

“I am very happy.” That’s what scares me.

He pushes my hair away from my face. “If you let me, I’ll make sure you’re happy a lot.”

I feel a lump in my throat, his words hit me hard. Besides my family, no one has ever really cared about my happiness. “I can try.” It’s the same vow I’ve been making to myself since he walked into my life, but today, I feel like it’s actually possible. Victor kisses me again, this time it’s slow, sweet, and thorough.

The sound of the bedroom door clicking open breaks our sweet moment. Victor’s body tenses, shielding me from whoever has entered the room. “Victor?” I hear a woman call in a high pitched voice that sounds both shocked and annoyed. My body tenses at the sound of her voice. His eyes go wide. He looks completely stunned as he cranes his neck so that he can look back toward the open door.

“Mom? What the f*ck? Don’t you knock?” I can hear the disbelief and anger in his voice as I attempt to melt into the bed, trying my best to hide from his mother’s view.

“I’m sorry. I called but you didn’t answer your phone so I used my key.”

“Get out! I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Alright,” she says. The door closes and once again we’re alone. Victor brings his face back down to the crook of my neck and starts to laugh, his body shaking.

“Why are you laughing? That was mortifying!” I say, slapping his bare back.

“I’m sorry, you’re right. Just leave it to my mom to barge in on me practically having sex.”

“Oh my God!”

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry,” he says, hopping off the bed and pulling on the sweatpants that he had on last night. “Come on, get dressed.”

“I’m not going down there!”

He chuckles. “Yes, you are. It would look way worse if you stay in here and hide.”

I let out a sigh. “I guess you’re right.”

“I’m gonna go see what she wants, if you’re not downstairs in five minutes I’m coming after you.”

“Fine!” I say with a pout, grabbing my bag and stomping into the bathroom.

How did I get here? Two weeks ago, I wanted nothing to do with men or relationships. Now I’ve had sex with Victor twice and I am about to meet his mother who just walked in on us post love making. This whole scenario is so out of my comfort zone. It was hard enough introducing him to my family, I don’t know if I’m ready for this. I do my best to calm down, taking a minute to do my breathing exercises before the panic sets in.

I wash my face, brush my teeth, and finger through my unruly hair, trying my best to get it to look less like just f*cked hair. When I’m satisfied with the results, I put on a pair of jeans and a heather gray t-shirt. Taking one more deep breath, I exit the bathroom and make my way downstairs.

Victor’s waiting for me when I reach the bottom of the steps. He pulls me into his side and walks me over to the living room.

“Mom, this is Ellie Brooks. Ellie, this is my mom, Lucia.”

Victor’s mom is shorter than I’d expect, definitely shorter than me. She has blonde hair that’s a couple shades too light for her olive complexion. I can tell that she was at one time a beautiful woman but time and maybe years of stress have aged her quite a bit. She glares over at me, taking me in from head to toe. I can’t help but think that she’s looking at me like a bug that needs to be squashed as she plasters a fake smile on her face.

“Mrs. Garza, it’s so nice to meet you.”

“So you’re the lovely little thing taking up so much of my son’s time.” Lovely little thing?

“Mom was just stopping by to drop off some contracts I have to look over,” he said to me, trying to break up the obvious tension in the room.

“Yes, I won’t stay long. Victor, go put a shirt on, it’s not polite to be walking around like that.” I can tell that she wants to get rid of him. What does she care what he wears in his own home in front of his girlfriend who he was just naked in bed with?

“Ma, seriously?” he asks, clearly annoyed at being told what to do in his own home. They’re in the middle of a stare down and I’m about ready to wither away. “Fine. Whatever. I’ll be right back.” He turns to me, kisses me on the forehead and runs upstairs. I can feel her eyes burning into me.

“So, Ellie, how long have you known my son?” she asks. Her face is blank, not showing any emotion.

“Um, about two weeks,” I respond.

“That’s it? It’s pretty soon for sleepovers, don’t you think?” she asks, with a tilt of her head. My cheeks are burning from embarrassment. What the f*ck is her problem? “Not that it matters, Victor tends to be very fickle when it comes to women.” What a bitch! I don’t respond. how could I? I’m not about to bear my claws at his mom. I know she’s lying. Victor is anything but fickle. According to him and Rob, he’s had one serious relationship and has not dated all that much since. “I think I’ll make myself some coffee. Would you like one?”

I shake my head. “No, thank you.” She turns on her heels, drops what appears to be a contract and maybe a newspaper clipping at the bar area and makes her coffee.

“You okay, Baby?” Victor comes up behind me, slipping his arms around my waist and putting his chin on my shoulder. I was so stunned by what his mother said that I didn’t hear him return.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He kisses my neck and walks me over to bar guiding me onto a stool.

“Ma, what did you need me to look at?”

Mrs. Garza comes back, coffee in hand and picks up the stack of papers she placed on the bar earlier. “I’d feel more comfortable discussing these in your office.”

He rolls his eyes. “Alright, let’s go.” He looks down at me. “This’ll just take a minute, Love.”

“No problem. Do you mind if I check my email on your iPad?”

“I don’t mind.” He kisses the top of my head and follows his mother into his office. I reach over for his iPad, the newspaper clipping his mother dropped is on top of it. I pick both up and take a look at the article. My heart stops when I see a picture of Victor and what looks like a supermodel at a restaurant. I look at the date and, according to this, it was taken just a few days ago.

Romance Rekindled:

Latin Heartthrob Victor Garza was spotted out at a SOHO eatery Tuesday afternoon with his on again off again love and Spanish language television host, Christina Perez.

I can hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears, the anger taking over my body. I freeze for a moment trying to take in what I’m seeing. I turn on Victor’s iPad and Google their names. An endless amount of pictures come up of the two of them together. I carefully inspect the pictures and what strikes me the most is how happy he looks in all of them. As a couple, they look stunning together. The sight of them makes my heart ache. The thought of him with anyone else makes me sick to my stomach. I’m not a jealous person by nature but after looking at this picture, I want to rip Christina Perez to shreds.

I get up, leaving the article and iPad where I found them and run upstairs to Victor’s bedroom. Everything in me is telling me that there’s more to this story than meets the eye. The one thing that I am sure of is that his mother wanted me to see that article. The way she tossed it on the table and then conveniently picked up everything except that. I lie down on his bed and try to regain my composure. Don’t jump to conclusions, Elle. Don’t assume the worst. I keep telling myself that Victor’s been nothing but wonderful to me since we’ve met, and if anything, he’s been the one who’s been open and honest about everything. I’m the one with the secrets. He told me that his last relationship ended a year ago. Christina must be the girl who he told me about, the same girl Rob mentioned. Try as I might to gain control of my emotions, I’m still angry and I can’t explain why.

The door opens and I can feel him in the room before I can see him. He sits on the bed next to me and looks down at me cautiously. “Ellie? What’s wrong?” He can see the anger in my eyes. I hate myself for not being able to rein in my emotions.

I sit up partially so that my upper body is resting on my elbows. “I don’t know. It just seems like anytime I need to find out something important about you, I have to do it from a newspaper article.” My voice is full of venom.

He flinches at my words. “Ugh, I was afraid you saw that. I saw the article on the table when my mom left,” he says closing his eyes and grabbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

“Are you back together with Christina, Victor?”

His head shoots up and his eyes meet mine. “What? No, Babe!”

“Then why were you with her two days after you left me in Jersey?”

“Christina is an entertainment news reporter for a Spanish news station. She found out that my contract is up with my record label and she’s trying to get me to give her an exclusive interview regarding what my future plans are. She called me on Tuesday, asked me if I’d have lunch with her. She said she had to talk to me about something important. I went, but nothing happened Babe. Lunch lasted an hour tops and I was out of there.”

The anger slowly starts to dissipate, for whatever reason, I believe him. It seems like a plausible story.

“Are you giving her the exclusive?”

“F*ck no! I’m not giving her anything. I haven’t seen or heard from her in over a year and all of a sudden she wants to be my new best friend.” This makes me smile. “Besides, I wouldn’t want my beautiful girlfriend to get the wrong idea,” he says, pushing a loose piece of hair behind my ear.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whisper, showing more vulnerability than I’d like.

“Honestly, what was I gonna say, Love? I didn’t really think it was a big deal. I can see now that I was wrong. I have no intentions of seeing her again, okay?”

“She’s beautiful.”

“Yes, she is. She’s also cold, controlling and more worried about her career than anything else. She doesn’t compare to you. I want you, don’t doubt that.”

He’s given me more of an explanation than is necessary. I know he’s trying to make me feel better, and for the most part he’s succeeded. I just can’t stop thinking about his mother. How can anything ever work between us when the woman so clearly despises me?

“There’s something else bothering you.” I sit up all the way and nod my head. “What is it?”

I take a deep breath. Normally I wouldn’t be honest about something like this, but I’ve spent too much of my time making excuses for others and putting up with shit that I shouldn’t. I’m not doing that anymore. “Your mother hates me.”

“What did she say to you?”

“She said that it was a little bit too early for us to be having sleep overs and that you were fickle when it came to your women anyway.”

He let out a chuckle. “First of all, it’s none of her business what we do. Second, she said I’m fickle to piss you off, and third, she hates everyone. She’ll get over it.”

I shake my head like a crazy woman. “How can you be so calm about this? She’s your mother and you’re basically telling me she’s trying to turn me against you. I’m sorry, Babe, but you know she left that article on the table, right?”

“I know.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Sometimes my mom lets the line blur between being my manager and being my parent. It’s not you that she hates, Babe. It’s what she thinks you represent.”

“And what is that?”

“The end of my career. All of a sudden, I’m more and more adamant that I’m done after this album and I happened to meet you around the same time.”

“So she thinks I’m the reason you want to give it all up.”

“Yes. I’ll talk to her. I don’t want you to concern yourself with it. I’ll deal with her.”

“No! If you say something to her, she’s gonna know I said something to you.”

“Ellie, I have eyes. I saw how cold she was toward you. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t stand up for you? Is that the kind of guy you’d want to be with?”

“No, I guess not.” He was right. I’d want a man to protect me and defend me. Not one that would break me down and let me deal with problems all on my own.

He cups my face between his hands. “You alright now?”

“Yeah, I’m alright.”

He places a kiss on my forehead and releases me. “Good. Now that we’re talking about this stuff, can I ask you a question?”

I hate when people ask me that. “Yes.”

“What happened to you to make you so closed off?”

I tense up at his question. “What do you mean by that? I’m not closed off.”

“Hmm, let’s see. You cringe every time I call you beautiful, you never talk about your past, and you try to keep me at arm’s length. You let me in just enough that you think I don’t notice that there’s a whole other side of yourself that you keep guarded. It’s like you’re just waiting for me to screw you over or something.”

What do you say to a statement like that? When someone calls bullshit on you that accurately, there’s not much you can say. “Okay. Maybe I’m a little bit guarded and I might have been hurt in the past.”

“We can talk about it. You can tell me anything, you know? I’m not gonna judge you, Ellie. I promise you can tell me whatever.”

I want to tell him. I want to be honest and tell him about it all but I can’t. I don’t want him to know how f*cked up my life really was back then. “I can’t. I just… Can you just please be patient with me? Give me a little more time? I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to talk about it but I can try to be more open.”

He sighs, brings his face down to the crook of my neck and says, “Yeah, Babe, I can be patient.”

“Thank you,” I say placing a kiss on his exposed cheek. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah.” His voice tickles my neck, making me giggle.

“Yeah? I can make us some breakfast.”

“You wanna cook for me?”

“Sure, besides, I love your kitchen. I’m dying to cook in it.”

“Then go for it, Love.”