Translation of Love

With the exception of food and bathroom breaks, we did spend the majority of the day in bed. Victor called Alex and invited him to come down for the Memorial Day festivities. He asked Alex to go to his house and pick up an extra change of clothes and swim trunks, since he hadn’t planned on staying an additional night. I called Dad to let him know we’d have extra company tomorrow, news that I thought he’d be pissed about but he actually seemed happy with. Maybe he really does like Victor? Since I live closest to the beach, we decided that my house would be the logical meeting place in the morning. Jordan, hearing this news, decided that she would spend the night on the daybed in my spare bedroom. I make her bring her extra air mattress so that we could set it out in the living room for Alex.

By the time Alex arrives, Victor and I have already dragged ourselves out of bed. Now Victor is giving Alex the tour of my house while I wait for Jordan who has just pulled up with more bags than necessary for one night. I open the door for her before she gets a chance to knock.

“What, are you moving in?” I question with a grin on my face.

She smirks at me. “Ha ha, smartass. I have the air mattress you requested and I brought dinner and beer.”

“Oh, wow, thanks. You didn’t have to do that.” I take her overnight bag from her. “Let’s leave this over by the stairs and take the food into the kitchen.” I drop her bag and help her carry the food.

“So where’s Victor?” she questions as she starts putting beers in the refrigerator.

I hop up on the countertop. “He just went upstairs. He is giving his brother, Alex, the tour.”

She pauses to look at me. “There’re two of them?”

“Oh my God, yes, girl. There’re two of them,” I say, nodding my head.

“I can’t wait to see this. So how’s it going with him?”

I try, but can’t fight the smile that’s forming on my lips. “It’s going really good.”

“Oh my God, Elle, you’re beaming!” she squeals. “You’re in love.”

I roll my eyes at her. “What? No, I’m not.” I’m definitely not ready to admit that.

She giggles at me. “You are, but okay, I won’t push.”

“What’s the deal with you and Mark? Did you make your decision?” Putting her in the hotspot is the easiest way to change the subject.

“Oh, I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t move in with him.”

“So it’s over?”

“It’s over.”

I feel terrible for Jordan. I only hope that one day she’ll be willing to take the advice that she gave me and actually try to open her heart to someone. I just want my friend to be happy.

“Hey, Jordan.” We both turn toward the dining room just as Victor and Alex are walking in.

“Well, hello handsome!” she says to Victor as she eyes Alex. Her blatant ogling makes me chuckle. She gives Victor a peck on the cheek. “Hi, I’m Jordan,” she says, moving on to Alex and giving him a hug.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Victor’s brother, Alex,” he says, as he looks her over from top to bottom.

“Jordan brought us some dinner,” I say to no one in particular. “Do you guys wanna eat now?”

Victor pushes my legs open with his torso and wraps his arms around my waist. “I’m starving,” he says with a grin.

I bring my mouth down to his ear. “You’ve eaten plenty,” I whisper.

“Dirty girl.”

“You two! Stop with your whispering over there and bring the subs into the dining room,” Jordan yells.

Victor helps me off the counter. I grab the bag with the subs and take them into the dining room. I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun in a group setting. Conversation between the four of us flows freely. We joke and laugh with each other as if we’ve known each other for years. With Brian, things were so different. He wasn’t social with my friends. Every time I’d bring him around, it was evident that he didn’t fit in. He kept to himself and barely spoke to anyone. My friends tried to include him in conversations and make him feel comfortable but it was clear that he was having no part of it. Often times, I felt alienated from my friends. I couldn’t see them as often as I wanted to because Brian was so anti social. At the end, the only relationship I was able to preserve was the one with Jordan. It’s just another reason why I’ll love her forever. After dinner, the four of us sit in my living room and watch movies together. I’m snuggled into Victor’s side when his phone rings.

“Shit. I gotta take this,” he says, getting up and walking to the dining room. Alex and Jordan barely notice that Victor has left the room, they’re so deeply invested in whatever is on the television. I, however, try to give Victor privacy but I know that if he’s left the room, it’s probably bad. I can’t help but to listen.

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t make it.” I hear him say. I shudder because I know that it’s his mother on the other end of the line.

“I can’t do this with you now. This was your deal, not mine. I really don’t have an interest in promoting anything else.” I hear a long stretch of silence and I know that she’s flipping out on him.

“What am I throwing away? That isn’t my dream anymore, it’s yours. I’m tired and you could care less. Maybe you should think about that.” I can hear the sadness in his voice. It’s hard to understand a parent who cares more about their child’s career than the child himself.

“She has nothing to do with this. This decision was made before I ever met her. Stop dragging her into things that don’t concern her. I know what you did, leaving that article in my house for her to find.” I can hear the anger in his voice. He’s walking that fine line between controlling his emotions and completely losing it. I love that it’s me that he’s defending, that he would get that angry at his own mother because of something she’s done to me. At the same time, I feel guilty, like I’m throwing a wrench into their seemingly perfect relationship.

“It doesn’t matter. For once in my life, the only thing that matters is what I want.” Oh God, this is breaking my heart to hear him go toe to toe with her. What is it about me that she finds so unacceptable? I care about her son. How can that possibly be bad? Ultimately though, Victor’s right. Her approval is not necessary. We aren’t children who need to sneak around behind her back. This isn’t a forbidden love affair. We’re adults and it’s none of her business.

“Well, I’m sorry that’s what you think. I gotta go. Bye.” He hangs the phone up and I turn my head to face the television again. He walks back into the living room and bends down next to me, his lips to my ear. “I’m tired, Love. I’m gonna go up to bed.”

I blink up at him. “I’m coming with you,” I whisper. I get up and turn toward Jordan and Alex. “We’re going up to bed guys. Good night.”

“Good night,” they both return in unison.

Once upstairs, I change into a comfy pair of pajamas and join Victor in bed. He pulls me into his side, bringing my head down to his chest. “Baby? Are you okay?” I ask. He’s silent for a while and I wonder if maybe he hadn’t heard me but finally he speaks.

“I don’t know. I mean, yes, for the most part I’m great. I’m happy with you. I’m happy with the work I’m doing on this new album. I just wish that my management would have my back.”

I sigh. “By management you mean your mom?”

“There are others, but yes, ultimately everyone takes her lead.”

I tighten my hold on him. “I feel bad that I’m the reason that you two are fighting.”

“Don’t. Don’t feel bad, Babe.” He kisses the top of my head. “Did you hear my conversation?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

“I wasn’t hiding anything, you don’t have to be sorry. I just hate the fact that you’re being put in the middle. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I thought she’d be happy that I’m happy but I guess that’s just too much to ask for. I mean, I’m an adult, I don’t need her approval, Ellie, but it trickles down into the work and makes it harder.”

“I understand.”

“Please don’t put it on yourself, okay? It really has nothing to do with you and everything to do with a relationship that was already strained. I don’t want you using this as a reason to push me away.”

I suck in a breath. “I won’t. I would never use this against you. I wouldn’t push you away because your mom hates me. You’re right, we don’t need her approval.”

“Good,” he says, resting his chin on the top of my head. “Let’s get some rest, okay? We have to get up early.”

“Okay,” I respond, moving up so that my face is nuzzling his neck. Without even thinking about it, I breathe in the smell of him. I’m addicted to the scent. As I close my eyes, I can feel Victor shaking underneath me. Looking up, I see that he’s silently laughing. “Are you laughing at me?” I question, confusion on my face.

“Babe, did you just smell me?”

I totally did. “What? No!”

He roars with laughter. “You did, you totally just smelled me.” I roll away from him, grabbing a pillow as I go and covering my head with it. I wanna be embarrassed but I can’t deny that it’s funny.

“No, don’t hide, it was cute,” he says, grabbing the pillow and rolling me over to face him.

“I didn’t mean to. I just love how you smell.” I giggle.

“That’s sweet, Love. Let me smell you now,” he says, covering my body with his. He digs his nose in my neck, and starts tickling me all over.

“No!” I yell, laughing and squealing at the same time.

“You have to say please, Baby.” He starts kissing the spot that he was just sniffing. All of a sudden, we’re playing a new game.

“Please, Baby,” I whisper.

“Are you begging me to stop, or to keep on?” He kisses my jawline.

“Don’t stop.” I thrust my hips up, letting him know what I want. He doesn’t stop and he doesn’t make me wait.



I’m not sure what time it is when we finally get to sleep, but by the time morning comes, neither one of us wants to get out of bed. Eventually, I manage to get up and drag myself into the shower. It takes some doing but I finally get Victor up. He hops in the shower, while I get my green draped halter tankini on. I put a beaded cover up dress on, along with some flip-flops and my look is complete. I head downstairs and find both both Jordan and Alex asleep on the couch, his head on the armrest and hers resting against his chest. I guess they must have fallen asleep watching TV. I laugh at them because they both look a little embarrassed when I wake them up to get ready. Jordan is quick to pull me aside and tell me that nothing happened between the two of them. I assure her that it all looked completely innocent. Once she goes upstairs, I head into the kitchen to prepare lunch. I pack a large cooler with sandwiches, water bottles, sodas, and a few beers. As I’m finishing up, a knock on the door grabs my attention. I jog into the living room, opening the door for Dad, Gavin and Gemma.

“Hey, guys!” I say, excited that everyone is here.

“Hey, Auntie Elle. Where’s Victor.” It figures that she’d rather see him.

“I’m right here, sweetie,” I turn to see Victor bounding down the stairs, looking mouth wateringly good in black cargo swim trunks and a plain white tank top. Gemma bypasses me and throws her hands around his waist. He hugs her right back. “It’s good to see you, Gem. Are you excited for the beach?”

“I can’t wait,” she responds enthusiastically.

I turn to look at Gavin and Dad. “Really? What, am I not her favorite anymore?”

Gavin shakes his head and chuckles. “She’s moved on to bigger and better, Sis. What can I say?”

“Hey, Joe, Gavin.” Victor walks over and shakes their hands.

“Hi, Son.” It makes me happy to know that both Dad and Gavin have accepted Victor.

“Are we ready to go or what?” I turn again to see Jordan and Alex coming downstairs. I introduce Alex to my family. We grab the cooler full of food, some beach chairs, towels, and umbrellas and we leave, taking two cars to the beach, which is only a few blocks away. We get to the beach early enough that the crowds are at a minimum. Getting in and out early is the key to enjoying New Jersey beaches.

We set up our chairs, blankets, and umbrellas in a cluster on the sand and sit to enjoy the view. In May, the water is usually still too cold to get into but that doesn’t stop anyone from going to the beach. Memorial Day is the official start to summer on the Jersey shore and for most people just being there is good enough. I’m lounging on a beach chair soaking in the sun, eyes closed and iPod on. Sensing that I’m being watched, my eyes flutter open and Victor’s sitting in the chair next to mine, eyes on me. I pull the headphones out of my ear. “What?” I say, with a smile on my face.

He gets up. “Let’s take a walk.” He takes my hand in his and pulls me out of my chair. Hand in hand, we walk down to the shoreline, just close enough that our feet get wet. He touches the string on my tankini. “I like this.”

“Thanks,” I reply, blushing at the compliment.

“You know I have to go back home tonight, right?”

I sigh. “Yes. I know.”

“When the album is done, I’m going to have to do a small promotional tour and then a small concert tour.”

I know that this conversation is inevitable but I hate the fact that he’ll be away for God knows how long. “Which means you’ll be gone.”

He nods. “Yes, it means I’ll be gone.”

I take a breath and slow down. “Don’t take this the wrong way but I hate how I feel when you’re not around. It’s hard, and I hate that because it means that I’m becoming dependent on someone else. I promised myself that I wouldn’t ever do that again.”

He comes to a halt. “It’s not a crime to depend on someone else, Ellie. I know it sucks, but the first time around you got close to the wrong person. I’m not him. Your heart is safe with me, and I feel the same way about you. I hate it when we’re apart.” He starts walking again, pulling us along the shore. “I know that this has happened kind of fast, faster than you may have liked, but it feels right.”

I tug at his hand. “It does feel right. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“You didn’t. I want you to say how you feel. I would never try to filter you. Anyway, the reason that I brought it up is because I was hoping that you could plan to come out with me for some things.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know that you work, but I thought that maybe if you have some time that you can take, you could maybe come out on some of the promotional tour and then if you have time left over some of the concert tour.”

The thought of being out on the road with Victor excites me. I think it would be amazing to see what life is like for him out on tour. “I’m sure we can work something out. I want to spend as much time with you as I can.”

“We’ll make it work, Babe. I don’t want you to worry about it.”

“I’ll try,” I say, feeling a little bit sad. I know that none of this is happening right away but it is inevitable nonetheless. I push the thought out of my mind and allow myself to enjoy the beautiful beach. We walk back to our group and spend a couple more hours on the beach before we pack everything up and leave. After that, we all reconvene at Dad’s house for our annual Memorial Day barbecue.

At Dad’s, everyone seems to be paired off. Gemma had one of her little girlfriends drop by. Victor mans the grill with Dad. Alex and Gavin are drinking beer and talking sports, and Jordan and I are lounging in lawn chairs with wine coolers.

“Victor seems to fit in nicely with everyone, huh?” Jordan asks, taking a sip of her drink.

“I know, right? I don’t even know what to make of that. I thought after the way Dad found out about us, he would be a lot less supportive.”

“Sorry, Elle, but I think that everyone is just happy to see you with someone who treats you well and respects you.”

“Yeah. I’m happy about it too.” It’s hard for me to say those words out loud. I’m happy. They aren’t words that I’ve been overly familiar with over the last couple of years, so to say them is strange. To think that not so long ago, I would have closed the door on any opportunity to have a relationship with any man. I’m still not quite sure how Victor broke through, but I’m so glad that he did. The sound of my phone ringing brings me back to present. I look at the caller ID but it’s an unknown number. When I pick up the phone, the caller on the other end hangs up. It’s strange but not unheard of so I brush it off and enjoy the rest of the barbecue with my family and friends. Before long, it’s time for Victor and Alex to leave. I ride with them back to my house so they can pick up their things. Once their cars are packed, I say a quick goodbye to Alex and then I’m left with Victor.

“I’m gonna miss you,” I say, surprised by my own honesty.

“I’ll miss you too, Love.” He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into a hug.

I rest my head on his chest. “Will I see you next weekend?”

“Of course!” he says, placing a kiss on the top of my head. “You want me to come here, or you wanna come up to my place?”

I blink up at him. “Here. There’s too much drama when I go to you.” I don’t want another run in with his mother. I just can’t deal with a confrontation with her.

“I think you’re right. I’ll be here Friday.” He bends down and kisses me. I fight the urge to tell him how I feel about him, what he means to me. It’s too soon for me to give that piece of my self away. He pulls away from me, gets in his car and drives off, taking a piece of me with him as he goes.





I hated coming into work this morning. I’m grateful for the three day weekend but having Monday off throws me for a loop. I’m sitting at my desk enjoying a cup of coffee when Jacinda pops her head in my office. “Hey, Elle, can I see you in my office, please?”

“Sure,” I say hesitantly. On my walk over to Jacinda’s office, I’m trying to think about what in the world she could possibly want to see me about. I’ve never been called into her office before. I hate my job but my work is exemplary, all of my projects have been completed timely and I haven’t called out sick in over a year. I walk into her office. “What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Can you close the door behind you.” I do as she asks and take a seat across from her. “So, is there anything you want to tell me?” I can hear a hint of excitement in her voice.

I tilt my head and stare at her. “Uh, no. Did someone complain about me?”

“Ughhh, Elle!” she grunts.

I shake my head at her. “Jacinda, you’re scaring me. What?”

“This!” she says turning her computer monitor so that we can both see it. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” On the screen is a picture of Victor and I coming out of his apartment. I stare at the screen in horror. How was this even taken? We were outside for less than ten seconds before we got in the car and drove away.

“Oh my God. Where did you get that?” I say, panic in my voice. I try to breathe through the feeling, knowing that this is the last place I need to have a panic attack. My picture is on the Internet for the whole world to see. I don’t know how I feel about that.

“It’s on a Spanish language gossip site.”

“Oh my God,” I repeat, not knowing what else to say.

“Elle! Oh my God, is right. You and Victor Garza? How did this happen?”

Maybe this isn’t such a terrible thing. It’s not like we ever said we were gonna keep our relationship a secret. “I met him on that day that he was here for the book signing. I happened to be in the store looking for a book and I ran into him. I had no idea who he was at the time.”

“So you guys are together? You’re actually dating him?” she squeals.

I smile at her and nod. “Yes, we’re together. I was at his house this past weekend and the paparazzi must have snapped our picture somehow.”

“This is so exciting! What’s he like?”

She sounds like a crazed fan at the moment and I can’t help but smile. “He’s wonderful. He’s just a good guy, Jacinda. He’s so amazing.”

“Elle, I’m really happy for you. I have to tell you though, this isn’t the only picture on here, and some of the things that are being said aren’t so nice. I just want you to be prepared for what’s out there.”

“What do you mean? What other pictures are there?”

“These of you at a restaurant. His ex girlfriend is standing at your table and she looks livid.” She shows me the pictures taken during the confrontation with Christina. “People are saying that you’re the reason they broke up. There’s a picture of the two of them at a restaurant earlier in the week where it looks like they’ve gotten back together and then a few days later he’s out with you. People are calling you a home wrecker.”

“Me? They broke up over a year ago, Jacinda. She called him up and asked him out for lunch because she wanted to get an interview from him, which he declined. That’s the extent of their reunion. We were out to dinner with his brother and she just showed up out of nowhere and caused a scene. Whatever they had is over. You know I would never break anyone up.”

“I know that, sweetie,” she says sympathetically. “I just wanted you to know what’s out there.” My phone vibrates to alert me that there’s a phone call before I can respond to Jacinda. I glance down and see that it’s Victor calling. “Is that him?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Answer it.” She sounds like a silly school girl. I giggle at her and answer my phone.

“Hi, Babe,” I say softly.

“Hi, Love.” I can hear in his voice that he’s smiling. “Whatcha doin?”

“I’m sitting in Jacinda’s office. You remember I told you about her?” I look up and Jacinda is beaming at the fact that I’ve spoken to Victor about her.

“The girl who came to the autograph signing?”

“Yes, she just showed me something that’s kind of upsetting.”

“What?”

“There are pictures of you and I at dinner the other night and Christina confronting us. The website makes it seem like I’m some home wrecker that broke the two of you up.”

“Aww, Baby, don’t read that stuff. Please, it will only drive you crazy. They make up stories, and call it news. If it starts to get out of control, I’ll have my publicist release a statement. I don’t want you worrying about the stupid shit that people write about.”

“I’ll try not to read it.”

“That’s my girl. I’ll let you get back to work. Call me later?”

“Alright, Baby.” He disconnects. I lift my head to see Jacinda grinning at me.

“Oh wow. You guys are so cute.”

I giggle. “Can I go back to work now?”

“Sure. Wanna grab lunch later?”

“Sounds good,” I say as I leave her office. It was strange to see myself on those websites with Victor. Not because we didn’t look good together but because he’s a celebrity. If I’m being honest about it, he’s so out of my league and yet I managed to get him. Can I really deal with people taking our picture all the time? Then again, we’ve spent every weekend together for weeks and it only happened when we were in New York. I remember him telling me that the beauty of singing Latin music for him is that he still gets to lead a normal life. I decide that it doesn’t really matter whether my pictures end up on a blog on some random Internet site. It doesn’t change how I feel about Victor and I’m just not willing to give him up.



The next several weeks pass by in a blur. Most of my free time is spent with Victor, either at his penthouse in New York, or at my house. We’ve spent every weekend together, enjoying the beach, catching movies, going out to dinners and making love. We’ve become a real couple. This is the first normal relationship that I’ve ever had. Victor has managed to form bonds with everyone that is important in my life. I love knowing that my family and friends approve of my boyfriend and I don’t have to sneak around behind their backs or alienate myself from them. My relationships with his family remains complicated. Alex has become like an older brother to me, his mother on the other hand is still against our relationship. Victor has finished working on his new album and is debuting the first single so he is doing a string of promotional interviews on a few Spanish language television shows based in Miami. He’s been gone for three days. I couldn’t take much time off of work but I promised that I would fly down there and spend a few days with him. The only downside is that his mom will be on this trip so there’s no doubt I will have to spend time with her.

I make it down to baggage claim and immediately spot Rob waiting for me by the baggage carousel. Rob has really become a good friend, always making sure that I’m taken care of and that Victor is protected. I make it to him and give him a quick hug. “Hey, Rob. Thanks for picking me up.”

“Of course, I’m glad you made it.” He smiles down at me. “Your boy is missing you.”

It makes me happy to know that Victor misses me as much as I miss him. “I can’t wait to see him. Is he at the hotel?”

“Yup, he’s got the rest of the night off and tomorrow, he made sure of it.” We grab my bag from the carousel and make our way to short term parking. Once we’re on the road, my excitement level goes through the roof. I know that I’m that much closer to being with Victor again.

“Rob, how has it been between Victor and his mom?” I feel like I need to prepare myself for the worst.

“It’s been tough. She refuses to believe this is the last time he’s gonna be doing all of this. I don’t wanna scare you, Elle, but she’s not happy that you’re coming.”

“Yeah,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I figured as much.” My phone vibrates, alerting me to an incoming call. I notice that it’s an unlisted number and I ignore it. I’ve been getting more and more calls from unlisted numbers lately and whoever it is always hangs up when I pick up. I’ve actually considered changing my number, thinking that it might be one of Victor’s fans that has gotten a hold of my number somehow.

We arrive at the hotel situated right on Ocean Drive. The sun is setting right over the beach, the sight of the water gives me a sense of tranquility. When the car comes to a halt, excitement starts to take over. I know Victor is just an elevator ride away and I can’t wait to be in his arms. As I exit the car, Rob looks at me and laughs. He pulls a key card out of his pocket and hands it over to me. “Room 1504, go, I’ll take care of the bags.”

“I love you,” I say, standing on my tippy toes and kissing him on the cheek. I turn toward the hotel and bolt through the lobby. I press the call button outside of the elevators and wait. Moments later, elevator doors open up in front of me. I enter quickly and press the button for the fifteenth floor. The butterflies are forming in my stomach. You would think we haven’t seen each other for months even though it’s only been a few days but every time Victor and I come together, it feels like we’re meeting for the first time. I can’t get enough of him. It’s both wonderful and scary.

The elevator doors slide open and I make my way down the hallway to our room. I slide the card in the slot and the light turns green, alerting me that the door is unlocked. I enter the room and catch my breath. Victor’s back is to me. He’s leaning against the window, arms crossed and staring at the view, perhaps the sunset. Whatever scene he’s staring at, I know that he’s lost in it because he didn’t hear me come in. I walk to him, put my hands around his waist and bring my forehead down to his back. He jumps slightly then realizes it’s me and turns in my arms until we’re face to face. I blink up at him, and he looks down at me, a hint of a smile on his face. No words are spoken but he gives me the kiss that I’ve been craving since I opened my eyes this morning.

I’m breathless when we finally break apart. Victor cups my face in his hands, his eyes hungry for more. He kisses the tip of my nose. “I missed you,” he says softly.

“I missed you too. I didn’t even wait for Rob. He gave me the key and I just ran up here,” I say giggling.

He smiles. “Why does it feel like I haven’t seen you in forever?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know, but I feel the same way. I couldn’t wait to see you.”

He gives me a wicked grin. “I can’t wait to see you naked.”

I slap his chest. “Is that all you think about?”

“F*ck yes, Baby!” he says, grazing my lips with his. “I’m kidding, I think about lots of things, but right now, I’m just thinking about you naked.”

“I guess I wouldn’t mind seeing you naked either,” I say, pulling myself out of his arms and grabbing the hem of his shirt. He raises his hands so that I can pull it off. He reciprocates by helping me remove my shirt.

“You’re so beautiful, Ellie.” The words make my heart swell with love for this man. When most guys would have walked away thinking that I wasn’t worth the effort, Victor showed nothing but patience and understanding. I reach out for his jeans, undoing the button and lowering the zipper. I tug them down until they fall around his ankles. He steps out of them, then helps me out of my pants. His hands find their place on my hips and he starts walking me backwards until we hit the bed. He reaches around and unhooks my bra, letting it slide down my arms to the floor. My panties are next to go.

I stand there naked, illuminated only by the light of the moon flooding through the windows. It hits me that, for the first time in such a long time, I feel beautiful. It’s a feeling that Victor has given back to me. A piece of myself that I lost in a much uglier time of my life. Now, with him in my life, I’m surrounded by nothing but beauty. It’s a precious gift, and receiving it makes my heart fill with love. I can’t find the words to tell him. All I can do is show him. I pull at his boxers, dragging them down his legs until they’re gone. Standing on the balls of my feet, I kiss him. I kiss him with everything that I am. With all of the emotion that I have and pray that it conveys what I’m trying to express.

I sit on the edge of the bed and push myself up as far as I can go. Victor follows until he’s hovering over me, our lips just inches apart. He strokes my hair and grazes his lips on mine. He looks down at me, and I swear I can see a bit of hesitation in his eyes. He opens his mouth, then closes it, I can tell he wants to say something but what I don’t know. He places a kiss on my forehead then finally he speaks. “Te amo mi amor,” he whispers in my ear.

I blink up at him and smile. “What does that mean?” I whisper back. He’s never really spoken to me in Spanish before.

He hesitates, but only for a moment. “It’s the translation of love.”

My breath catches. I can feel the muscles in my chest expanding and the tears pooling in my eyes. “What?” I ask, barely above a whisper.

“I wanted to say the words in a way that I thought you’d be okay hearing them.”

I hear what he’s saying, but I can barely believe it. He loves me. It’s a declaration. Victor’s telling me that he loves me in a way that only he can, in a way that he knows will protect me from my own fears. Suddenly, I don’t care about my past, my fears, or the walls I’ve built around my heart. I only care about him, about how much I need him, about how much I love him. I’ve known that I’ve loved him for weeks now but was too afraid to take the leap of faith and tell him. Now I just wanna hear him say the words. “Say it.”

He smiles at me and I can hear my heart pounding in my chest. “I love you, Ellie.”

The tears that I was trying to hold back break free, streaming mercilessly down my face. “I love you too,” I say through my sobs. “I love you so much. I’ve known it for a while but I was afraid to say it.”

“Oh, Baby,” he wipes away my tears using his thumbs. “I’ve wanted to tell you for weeks now, but I thought that it might scare you.”

I can’t help but giggle. “God, we’re both so stupid. We’ve been feeling this way for weeks and we’ve both held back.”

He chuckles. “We’re saying it now, that’s all that matters, right?”

I nod. “Baby.” I wrap my arms around his neck. “Make love to me,” I say, wanting nothing more than to feel him everywhere. I whimper as he slides inside of me, filling me with love. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Victor makes love to me slowly, savoring every moment, making the most of our precious moments together, solidifying the words that have just been spoken between us. This is what it feels like when two people really share a love. There are no false hopes and promises, no anger or resentment, it’s just pure love. Tonight when I fall asleep, enveloped in Victor’s arms, there is no restlessness, no haunting memories. I’m filled with peace and I know I owe it all to him.