Translation of Love

I exit the restaurant and find Rob waiting in the car. I jump in the backseat before he has a chance to get out and open the door for me.

“That was fast,” he says.

“Don’t Rob. That woman is the devil.”

“I’m sorry, Elle. I’ll get you back to Victor in no time.”

“Thank you.” I can’t believe the nerve of that woman. Who the f*ck does she think she is? Trying to control the life of a grown man like that. Is she so blind that she can’t see that we make each other happy? I haven’t given her a reason to hate me. I’ve never hurt her son and I never will. Can money be that much of a motivator for her that she would cast aside the feelings of her own son in order to get what she wants?

I have to calm myself down before I get to Victor. I can’t have him seeing me upset like this. It’s only going to make him fly off the handle and I don’t want to be the reason he has more issues with his mother. If he decides that he’s done with her, it will have to be a decision he makes on his own.

We pull up to the hotel and I’m out of the car before Rob can even put the car in park. In the elevator, I try to rein in my emotions. I need to keep them in check. I don’t want Victor to know just how upset I really am. I’ll try to sugar coat the events of my lunch with his mother to soften the blow. Once on the fifteenth floor, I fish my card key out of my purse and open the door. Victor is splayed out on the bed, face down with a sheet covering him up to the waist. I have a perfect view of his beautiful, bare back. The sight of him calms me and makes my mind run wild with the possibilities.

I walk further into the room and out of the corner of my eye catch movement. I turn just in time to see Christina, walking out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel and a Cheshire cat smile on her face.

“What the f*ck is going on here?” I question, my voice full of shock and anger.

She shrugs her shoulder as if to tell me that the answer is obvious. “I told you he’d get tired of you, didn’t I? It didn’t take long for him to get bored and call me.”

“You f*cking bitch,” I yell at the top of my lungs, completely horrified by the sight of her in our room. There has to be some logical explanation but the proof is standing right before my eyes.

“Baby, what’s going on?” I turn to see Victor sitting up in the bed half asleep, rubbing his face with his hands.

How dare he call me baby after what he’s done with Christina behind my back. I don’t think I can control the rage inside of me right now and I’m not sure I even want to try. “You son of a bitch! How could you do this to me? You told me you loved me and then you turn around and you f*ck this bitch?” I motion toward Christina who’s standing there with a smug smile on her face.

His eyes are wide open. I’m pretty sure he’s just now realizing that we’re not alone. I guess he assumed that the whore would have left by the time I made it back. But, of course, my lunch date was cut severely short, thanks to his crazy mother.

“Ellie, no! No! This is not what it looks like.” He shakes his head. “I have no idea what she’s doing here,” he says, stumbling out of bed.

“Don’t Ellie me you a*shole! What it looks like is that you waited for me to be gone and then you snuck your lover into our room. Am I getting warmer?”

“Baby, please, do not jump to conclusions. I have no idea what the f*ck is going on right now.”

Christina sighs and moves to stand next to him. “Oh God, Victor please! Stop lying to this poor girl, already. You’ve had your fun and now it’s over. She caught us red handed.”

“Christina, what the f*ck are you saying? Why are you doing this?” he yells at her.

I can’t believe that he’s actually trying to cover this up. “Oh my God, I can’t stand the sight of you right now,” I say, tears threatening to spill over. Victor takes a step in my direction. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you even think about taking a step closer to me. I trusted you, I believed everything you ever told me and this is what you did with my trust. You betrayed me. I hate you. I never want to see you again.” With that, I’m done. I can’t stand to be in the same room as either of them. I turn around and, before anyone can stop me, I run from the room.

“Ellie wait.” I hear Victor calling after me but I don’t stop. Thankfully, the elevator doors open immediately after I press the call button. My cell phone starts ringing almost instantaneously. I dig it out of my purse and put it on silent. I wait till I’m safely tucked away in the rear of a taxicab and on my way to the airport to let the tears finally fall freely. I let myself cry for a few minutes, then I wipe away the tears and pull myself together. I just have to hold it together until I get home. Once at the airport, I purchase the first available plane ticket back home and only after the agent asks me if I have any baggage to check do I realize that I’ve left all of my belongings back at the hotel. Luckily, I have my credit cards and identification in my purse and that’s all I really need to get home. I can replace my clothes and my makeup.

While sitting in the terminal gate waiting for my plane to board, I decide to call Jordan. Newark Airport is an hour away from my house and I’m hoping that she’ll pick me up. Grabbing my phone out of my purse, I see that I have over twenty missed calls and nine text messages. I don’t even bother looking at them. I scroll through my contact list until I come to Jordan’s name. The phone rings once and she picks up.

“Holy shit, Elle, where the hell are you?”

“I’m at the airport.”

“Victor has been calling me nonstop. He’s going crazy.”

“Listen, Jordan, my plane is about to board. If I text you the flight information, do you think you could pick me up?”

“Of course.” She hesitates for a moment. “Are you gonna call him, Elle?”

“I never wanna see his face again, let alone talk to him.”

“I know you’re hurting, babe, but I think you should hear him out. He sounds like he’s on the verge of losing it.”

“I don’t give a f*ck what he sounds like. Whose side are you on anyway?”

“Yours, Elle, I’m always on your side. I’m just saying that there are two sides to every story.”

“I can’t do this right now. I’m exhausted. I’m texting you the information now. I’ll see you when I get to Jersey.”

She sighs. “Okay, I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course. I love you, Elle.”

“I love you too.” I hang up the phone feeling drained. Why would Jordan want me to talk to Victor? What could he possibly have to say to make this any better? There’s really no excuse. I walked in to find another woman in our room, there is no way to talk that away. I board the plane, grateful that I have a window seat. Looking outside helps to calm my nerves a little bit. The plane takes off, leaving behind the pieces of my tattered heart with it. I try to block out the events of this day but I just keep replaying it over and over again. It’s almost like I’m in the middle of a nightmare. It’s so hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that Victor would do this to me. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I would never have believed it. I shut my eyes and try with all my might to sleep but my mind won’t relax and the unshed tears are burning the back of my eyelids.

By the time the plane lands in Newark, I feel like I’m having an out of body experience. I’m exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally drained. Jordan is waiting for me just outside of the gate. The minute I see her, I lose all composure, collapsing in her arms and sobbing uncontrollably. To the unsuspecting passerby, we’re just two old friends greeting each other after not seeing one another for years, but we both know that these tears are not happy ones. These are the tears of a person whose heart has been ripped apart.

“Shhh, it’s okay, everything’s gonna be okay, Elle,” Jordan says, stroking my hair.

I nod my head and pull away. “Please just take me home,” I say, wiping away the tears.

She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Okay.” We walk silently together through the airport, and out to the car. The car ride home feels like it takes forever, and I know that Jordan wants to give me her opinion but I think she realizes that I’m not ready to hear it.

“He asked me to tell you to call him,” she finally says.

“I don’t know what he told you but whatever he said was a lie. You weren’t there.”

“Maybe it’s because I wasn’t there that I’m able to look at it without clouded judgment.”

“There’s nothing clouded about my judgment, alright? I walked in on them. I can’t talk about it right now. I just need to crawl into my bed and sleep for days.”

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” she says, grabbing my hand. “The last thing I wanna do is make it harder for you. I’ll drop it. We can talk about it whenever you’re ready.” I may never be ready to talk about this. It’ll just be another part of my life that I bury deep in the back of my mind. It’s just another reason to reconstruct my armor, rebuild my walls and not ever let another person get close to me again. Maybe this time I’ll dye my hair red and get glasses and an even more conservative wardrobe. The only thing I know for sure is that I will never trust anyone again. I will never allow myself to love another man again.

When we get to my house I give Jordan a hug but decline her offer to come in and keep me company. I’d much rather be alone with my thoughts. I drop my purse on the table on my way upstairs not bothering to take out my phone. There’s no one in the world that I really want to talk to right now anyway. I’m sure Jordan will convey to the masses that I’ve arrived in one piece. I rummage through my medicine cabinet for anything that might help me get some sleep. I come up with a bottle of Nyquil. I take two teaspoons and pray that it’s enough to get me through the night. I throw on a pair of sweats and a tank top and flop down on my bed, finally allowing myself to let go and sob uncontrollably, eventually crying myself to sleep.



I wake up to the rays of the sun shining through my window. My entire body is sore. My eyes are burning from crying so much. It’s a reminder of what Victor did to me. It’s proof that it wasn’t just a bad dream. He was with Christina, and according to her, it wasn’t the first time. It’s an odd feeling when you realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you. That life goes on whether you partake in it or not. It’s like when you’re young and you stay home sick from school and you think that everyone and everything is frozen in time because you aren’t there. Then one day, you realize that’s not true. Life does go on. People go on and it hits me like a rock that he’ll go on. He’ll move on without me and he’ll still be beautiful, handsome, and charismatic. He’ll keep working, making millions of people smile, living an awesome life without me. I don’t know why I ever allowed myself to get swept away in his world. I should have known that it would never work out. That a relationship like this could only end badly. I had fooled myself into thinking that I would be enough for him, that I could be exactly what he needed. I’d known all along that getting involved with someone like him would be hard, that I would need to have a thick skin and an infinite amount of patience. I actually fooled myself into believing that I would be up for the task because he seemed so genuine. He made me feel like he wanted me so badly, as badly as I wanted him. When he looked at me with those big, brown eyes how could I not give in?

Just as I decide to spend the rest of my day in bed, Gavin barges into my room with a tray of pancakes and a cup of coffee.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing here, Gav?” I bark out at him. Why the hell did I give him a key anyway?

“I’m here to make sure you’re okay and that you eat something,” he says, placing the tray on my lap.

“I appreciate your concern but really I’m not up for company. I need time.”

“He’s going crazy, Elle. Says that he’s been trying to reach you nonstop but you won’t pick up the phone. Says that the whole thing was a set up to break you two up.”

I roll my eyes. “How f*cking convenient. This isn’t a movie, Gavin. People don’t just go around setting other people up.”

He sighs at me. “I believe him, Sis.”

“You believe him? That’s rich coming from a man who hasn’t had a real relationship in over thirteen years. How the f*ck would you know?” The claws have come out and I’ve gone straight for the jugular. I note the mix of pain and anger in his eyes.

“I’ll let that shit go because I know you’re hurting but you have to understand something, Elle, I’m a dude. I know when another dude is lying and he isn’t.”

“I wish that were true Gavin but it’s not. I’m sorry for what I said to you just now, I didn’t mean it but I really just wanna be alone. I’m not ready for company.”

“Fine, eat your breakfast and I’ll leave.” He sits on my bed until I take a few bites of my breakfast and drink half of the cup of coffee. Once he’s satisfied that I’m not going to die of dehydration or starvation, he leaves. I relieve myself in the bathroom and take another dose of Nyquil. Sleep is the only thing that is welcome in my life right now. It’s how I’m managing to escape the pain, even if only for a little while.



When I wake again, it’s dark outside. My muscles feel tight and I know that I have to get up and stretch out my muscles for a few minutes. I walk downstairs, turning on lights as I go. I enter the kitchen and open the refrigerator. I grab a handful of grapes and a diet Coke. I’m not sure my stomach can handle much more than that. As I’m finishing up, I hear a knock on the front door, I’m not ready for any more visitors and I’m terrified that it’s Victor at the door. I take a breath and answer the door.

My heart stops, my body goes stiff. I’m completely immobile, stunned and fearful of the cold, green eyes staring back at me.

“Brian?”

“Aren’t you gonna invite me in Elle?” The sound of his voice makes my blood run cold. I figure it would just be easier to appease him and let him in rather than cause a scene outside. I know he’s capable of it. I come unstuck and move out of the way, allowing him to walk through the doorway.

“Brian, what are you doing here?” I question as I close the door.

He moves into the living room and turns back to face me. “God, Elle, you look like shit. What the f*ck happened to you?”

Typical, not even two minutes back and he’s insulting me already. “I’m not feeling well.”

“Yeah, I would imagine you’re not feeling well. Lover boy wasn’t all that you thought he’d be, huh?”

“Excuse me?” I question. How does he know about Victor and what does he mean with the cryptic comment?

“The mother though, she’s a piece of work that one. Called me up out of the blue one day asking me all sorts of questions, trying to get dirt on you.”

My head is swimming. I can’t tell which way is up right now. Victor’s mother was plotting against me from the beginning. “You’re the one that sent her that video? Are you the one that’s been calling my cell and hanging up?”

“F*ck yeah, I sent her that video. She paid a pretty penny for that shit. Then she pretty much guaranteed me that you’d be home today. I figured I’d come check it out for myself.”

“Why would you do that to me? Haven’t you put me through enough hell? You had to help her ruin my relationship too?”

“Word gets around, Elle. People telling me that you’re all over the internet with pretty boy. I have to admit, you look good in those pictures. Made me think that maybe we should revisit our relationship. Try to get it right this time.”

Oh, hell no. He’s completely insane. I shake my head at him like a lunatic. “Brian, what we had ended over two years ago. I’m sorry but I have no desire to revisit any of it.”

His nostrils flare and he clenches his fists, a sure sign that he’s angry. He struts over to me almost in my space now but I stand my ground. I won’t give him the satisfaction of running away. “What? You think you’re better than me? Too good to go slumming with someone like me now, Elle? Now that you’ve had lover boy? Well, we saw how that ended, huh? You’ll never be good enough for someone like that. The sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be.”

“You’re the one who’ll never be good enough for me. You’re right about one thing, though. I did go slumming when I was with you. I scraped the bottom of the barrel and you nearly destroyed my life.”

The sheer force of his hand slapping me across the face sends me crashing down to the ground. I hold my cheek and apply pressure, trying to minimize the stinging sensation. “Old habits die hard, huh Brian?” I don’t know why I can’t just shut my mouth. I’m only making it worse for myself but I’m not gonna let him hurt me and keep my mouth shut.

“Oh, what? A few months with the rich and famous and you’re big and tough now? Or better yet, you think he’s gonna come save you? Honey, right now your lover boy is shacked up with a hotter piece of ass. He’s not coming for you.”

“Maybe not,” I say, picking myself up off the floor. “But you’ll never have me. I’d rather be alone forever than to ever go back to you.”

He grabs me by the collar of my shirt. “Who the f*ck do you think you’re talking to like that?” There’s nothing but venom in his voice as his fist connects with my face. I hit the ground hard, it takes me a minute to recover but I try to crawl away, remembering my phone is in my purse, not too far away. I don’t get very far before he attacks again, pulling me by my hair and tossing me on my back. I can hear him cursing at me as he starts to kick me over and over again. The pain is gone, my body is just numb. I roll onto my stomach and try to get on all fours but he kicks me again. I hear a loud thud as my head hits the floor, then darkness.