Translation of Love

Work has been more miserable than usual this week. Testing new programs is never easy, the glitches usually seem to outweigh the benefits. The work has been a combination of tedious and mundane, and my hours have been out of control. Normally, I’m thankful for any available overtime but this week my mind is elsewhere.

Victor and I spent most of Sunday together. He followed me home so that I could drop off my car and then we went out for breakfast. Afterwards, I made him take me to the bookstore so that I could pick up a copy of his book. He protested, telling me that I shouldn’t waste my money on it, but in the end I got my book (which now sits proudly on my coffee table) but he paid for it. We had lunch at my house and then he had to go back home to New York, promising that he would call me when he got there.

Victor kept his promise and called me as soon as he got settled, and he has called me everyday since. He usually calls me first thing in the morning when he knows I’m driving to work and at night when he takes a break from recording. Now it’s Wednesday evening and I didn’t get his usual morning phone call. I hate to admit it to myself, but that one missed call set the tone for my entire day. I was miserable and I hate the fact that his lack of communication is having such a negative effect on me. I’ve struggled so long to be in control of my life and it scares me that I may be giving Victor too much power over me.

I decide to throw on my most comfortable sweats, pop a frozen pizza in the oven and lounge in front of the television, but as I sit here my mind goes to Victor and the possible reasons why I haven’t heard from him today. Maybe he doesn’t want to see me anymore? We didn’t make any plans before he left. He didn’t ask to see me again, he just said he’d call. I have his number, it’s not like I can’t pick up the phone and call him but I’m just not at the point where I feel comfortable doing that. Plus if I did call and he didn’t pick up, I’m not sure how I’d feel.

The sound of the doorbell ringing brings me back to reality. Besides Jordan, no one ever stops by my house unannounced so I’m startled. I’m stunned when I open the door to see Victor standing there with a bottle of wine in one hand and a DVD in the other. The butterflies in my stomach take flight at the sight of him, his eyes are partially covered by a baseball cap but the smile on his face is enough to make the stress of the last few days evaporate.

“Victor, what are you doing here?” I sound as surprised as I look.

“I was in the neighborhood. You gonna invite me in?”

I smile at his sarcastic answer. “Of course, smart ass, come in.” He comes in and puts the bottle of wine and DVD down on the coffee table. “What are you really doing here?” I ask.

He takes a step forward so that he’s in my space, wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug. I breathe in at the feel of him surrounding me, his cologne smells of woods and musk. I’ve come to love that scent. I return his hug, deepening our embrace as he speaks softly. “I missed you, Ellie.” I know his words shouldn’t affect me but they make me happy.

“Are you okay?” I ask, bringing my hands up to circle around his neck.

“I am. I’m just tired.” He releases me from our hug but, still holding onto my hand, leads me to the couch. We sit down, he leans over and places a soft kiss on my lips. “I’m sorry that I didn’t call you today. I spent the entire night in the recording studio. By the time I made it home, I knew you would already be at work so I crashed. I woke up this afternoon and decided to take tonight off. I asked Rob to drive me here because I just wanted to see your face.”

“I’m glad you’re here, Victor, but you look exhausted.”

He nods in agreement. “Can I stay with you? My plan was to come here, watch a movie with you, then go to the hotel but, Babe, I’m really f*cking exhausted.”

“Of course, you can stay.” Just the thought of him in my home excites me, even if all he does is sleep, having him here makes me happy. This is bad, the kind of emotions I’m experiencing are the kind that eventually lead to heartbreak but I’m powerless to stop them.

“Okay, I’m gonna signal to Rob that he can go.”

“Where’s he gonna go?”

“Hotel.”

“I have an extra room, ya know?” I don’t even know this guy and I’m inviting him to use my spare bedroom, but if Victor trusts him, I know he’s okay.

“Babe, you have a daybed in there. He’d never fit in that thing. He’ll be more comfortable at the hotel.”

The thought of a big, burly man trying to sleep on the tiny daybed makes me giggle. “Okay.”

Victor signals for his bodyguard to leave and when he comes back in he plops back down on the couch, leaning his head on one of my throw pillows. I notice he looks kind of pale and I have to wonder if he’s been taking care of himself these last few days. I sit down next to him. “Babe, are you feeling okay? You look pale.”

“Yeah, just tired. I’ve barely seen sunlight the last few days, been spending a lot of time in the studio,” he says.

I pull the baseball cap off of his head and put my hand to his forehead. “I think you have a fever.”

“No, I’m sure it’s nothing, I just need rest. I’m sorry, Babe, I just wanted to see you. I was fine when I left the city but the more time I spent in the car the more tired I got.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just stay right here okay?” I run upstairs to the bathroom and rummage through the medicine cabinet. I grab the thermometer and bottle of ibuprofen and run back downstairs, turning the thermometer on as I go. “Here, Honey, put this under your tongue.” Victor looks up at me. I can see in his eyes that he feels miserable but he obeys. While I wait to find out his temperature, I go to the kitchen and get a bottled water out of the refrigerator. I hear the thermometer beeping as soon as I walk back into the living room and pull it from his mouth. “Just like I thought, it’s 101. Here, take these,” I say, handing him two pills and the bottled water.

Once Victor swallows the pills, taking him by the hand, I lead him upstairs to my bedroom. I undo his belt buckle and help him out of his sneakers and jeans. He gets into my bed and I pull the covers up over him. “It’s cold in here,” he trembles.

“That’s just cause you have a fever. You’ll feel better soon. Just close your eyes and get some rest.”

“Are you gonna stay with me?” he whispers.

My heart clenches and my eyes burn with unshed tears. Why am I getting emotional? For whatever reason, I have this unexplainable need to take care of him. I hate the thought of him being all alone in his apartment with no one to make sure that he’s okay. “Yeah, Baby, I’ll stay with you.” I turn off the lights and get in bed, his back to me as I lie on my side. I prop my head up on my hand while I run my free hand through his hair. We stay this way for a long time until I hear his breathing regulate telling me that he’s asleep. Only then do I close my eyes and allow sleep to come.



The sound of my alarm screeching wakes me up. I see Victor sleeping soundly next to me. Seeing him here in my bed does something to me. It feels nice waking up with him here, but the thought of my carefully constructed defenses beginning to falter scares me. I lean over and put my hand to Victor’s forehead. His fever seems to have broken and I can already see that some of the color has returned to his cheeks.

I contemplate calling in sick from work but if I do, there’s no way that I’ll be able to meet the deadline for the new program installation. I go to my dresser and pull out a black lace bra with matching panties. From my closet, I grab a light gray satin top, black skirt and black patent leather pumps. After a quick shower, I get dressed, do my hair and makeup then go downstairs to make myself a cup of coffee and make some hot tea and toast for Victor. I make my way back upstairs with his tea and coffee in hand, place it on the nightstand and sit down on the edge of the bed.

“Victor,” I say, touching his cheek. “Victor wake up.” He opens his eyes and when they meet mine, the fluttering in my heart starts.

“Good morning,” he says, stretching his arms out.

“Morning. How do you feel?”

“Much better.”

“Good. I brought you up some tea and toast. I want to stay with you but I have to go in to work. If I could call out, I would but it’s been crazy.”

“No, it’s okay. I have to leave soon anyway. I gotta get back to the city today.”

Why do I feel disappointed that he’s not staying? The thought of coming home to this empty house depresses me. “Are you sure you’re up to going back to the studio today?”

“Yeah. It must’ve been a 24 hour bug. I think I just needed a good night’s sleep.”

“Okay. I have to go. Eat your breakfast and stay as long as you want. Just lock up when you leave.”

“Okay.” He tugs at my hair. “You look very pretty today.” His comment puts a smile on my face. “You know, I am actually still feeling a little weak,” he says, pouting his lips.

“You are?” I ask. Putting my hand to his forehead to check for warmth.

“Yup, but I think a kiss goodbye would make me feel better.”

“Well, how can I possibly deny you that?” I comply with his request, leaning down and placing my lips on his. He places one hand on the back of my neck and the other on the small of my back, effectively locking me in. The kiss intensifies and I know that if I don’t pull away soon, I may never. I break the connection, place one last kiss on his forehead and get up.

“I wanna see you this weekend,” he says before I reach the door.

The corner of my lips curve up and I do my best to control my smile, trying not to let him see how his words affect me. I just can’t help but be happy that he wants to see me. “You do?”

He nods. “I wanted to talk to you about this before I left on Sunday, but I wasn’t sure what you’d say.” I tilt my head to the side. What I would say about what? I’d already spent the majority of two weekends with him, what would be so different about us seeing each other this weekend? “Will you come stay with me? I’ll pick you up tomorrow after work and we can spend the weekend at my place in the city. I have to work a little this weekend but I still wanna see you and I really want you to see where I live.”

A weekend in New York with Victor, at his place, alone! It should be a no brainer. I know what I’m starting to feel for him and I want to spend time with him, but when he’s here I can control what happens. I’m in my element. If I go to him, I’m out of my comfort zone and basically at his mercy. There’s no escape. Would I even want to escape? He’s not yet given me a reason to doubt him or to think that he might hurt me. “Yes. I’ll go. I’d love to see where you live.” Before I can turn to leave, he calls for me again.

“Ellie?”

“Yes?”

“I know this is a big deal for you. I promise that you won’t regret it.” I nod my response. “Thanks for taking care of me, it felt good having someone looking out for me.”

My heart flutters again and just as quickly it hurts. I hurt for him and what he just said. I can read between the lines of his statement, it felt good to have someone looking out for him, the real him and not the singer. Someone who’s not out to protect their investment. I walk back to him and sit on the bed again, feeling both possessive and protective of the man in my bed. Looking into those chocolate eyes, I know that my defenses are slipping. I care about him and I haven’t allowed myself to care about anyone in a long time. I push a few strands of hair off of his forehead and brush my lips against his. “It felt good to have someone to look out for.” I flash him a smile, get up and walk away.