Translation of Love

Bright rays of sun beaming through a window wake me up. My eyes flutter open. I realize that I’m alone. I sit up quickly and look around the room but Victor’s nowhere to be found. I get up, and put on the boy shorts that he discarded last night. I check the living room and find him on the couch wearing a t-shirt, the same pajama bottoms from last night and holding his phone to his ear.

“I’m away for the weekend. I’ll be back tonight.” He senses my presence, looks up and smiles at me. He holds out his hand, motioning me to come to him. My heart flutters and I bound across the room taking his hand as he curls me into his side and kisses the top of my head.

“What’s the big rush? There’s no deadline for this album to be done. I wanna take my time with it.”

He stops speaking, listening to whatever the person on the other end of the line is saying. He begins to run his fingers through my hair, causing me to melt further into him. “I understand that, but this might just be my last studio album. I want it to be the best. I’m not gonna just throw something together for the sake of putting something out.”

I hear the person on the other end of the line practically shouting now. I can tell it’s a woman. I look up at Victor and he rolls his eyes and smiles at me, telling me that his conversation is getting him nowhere. “You’ve always known that there was a possibility that this would be my last album. If I’m gonna go out, I might as well go out on top. Besides, nothing has been decided yet so there’s really no need to freak out about it.”

More silence on Victor’s part, then finally. “Whatever, I have to go. I’ll call you when I get back into town.” He presses the end button and tosses the phone on the coffee table. He tips his head so that his lips are against mine, giving me a gentle kiss. “Good morning, Baby.”

“Good morning.”

“Did I wake you?” he asks, stroking my hair again.

“Nope, not at all. I woke up and saw you were gone, so I came looking for you. I didn’t mean to interrupt a private conversation. I’m sorry.”

“You never have to be sorry for walking into a room, Baby. Even if I’m on the phone, it’s all good. Besides, you didn’t interrupt anything. That was just my momager.”

“Your momager?” I ask, smiling at the term.

“Yeah, I told you my mom is my manager, right? When she puts on her business hat she becomes a beast.”

“Oh. It doesn’t sound like she’s too thrilled with the prospect of you retiring.”

“No, not at all. She damn near had a heart attack. I love my mom, Ellie, I do. But she’s living her dream of stardom through me. This is the life she always wanted. She just can’t understand that I would ever want more.”

“Were you serious when you said this might be your last album?”

“Yes. It is. I’m sure of it, though nobody else knows that. I wanna settle down, figure out where it is that I wanna live long term, think about having a family one day.”

I ignore the family comment. I can’t think about what that implies right now, this conversation is too important to him, for me to muddle it up with my negative thoughts. “So what would you do then, if you retire?”

“I can stop performing and stay in the business. Remember how I told you and Jordan that my favorite part of the process is being in the recording studio?” I nod my reply. “Well, I could do that. I can write and produce for other artists. It’s something that I already do now, occasionally.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, actually my brother Alex is really good at it too. We’ve been talking about opening up our own studio somewhere and focusing on that aspect of the business.”

“But your mom would freak out?”

“I don’t care. My mom always has an opinion but she should know by now that she can manage my career but she doesn’t get to run my life. If she wants to stay in the business, she can find another person to manage.”

I get now what he was trying to tell my family. He fully intends to resolve the craziness that surrounds him. He’s looking for the one thing that’s been missing from his life for so many years; a sense of normalcy. He wants to set roots, settle down and have a family. For the first time in such a very long time, I want the same thing, but the thought of taking such a big risk scares me. I can feel the walls of my defenses locking into place. Victor feels it too.

“Uh uh,” he says, shaking his head, “don’t you tense up on me. None of this is happening tomorrow. There’s a long road ahead and we have plenty of time to decide together if you’re gonna be a part of that road or not.”

I start to relax. “How do you do that?”

“How do I do what?”

“Know when I’m in my head, and how to calm me down.”

He strokes my cheek. “I can see it in your eyes. The light starts to dim, then your body gets tense.”

“Do you think you want me to be a part of that road with you?” I’m scared to hear the answer but I need to know.

“I think I do. There’s something happening here, and you can deny it, you can run from it but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s there. We owe it to ourselves to see where it goes, don’t you think?”

His words penetrate and my body starts to melt into his again. My arms circle around his waist. “I want to.”

“Then let’s just take it one day at a time, like we’ve been doing, okay?”

“Okay,” I reply.

He gets up, pulling me up with him. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” he says, as he leads me back through the bedroom and into the bathroom. Victor releases my hand, walks over to the shower, slides the glass door open and turns on the water. The sound of my heart pounding is getting louder in my ears. I struggle to contain the urge to run. What is he doing? He turns to face me, a wicked grin on his face as he takes off his shirt and tosses it on the ground, landing right in front of my feet. I look down at the discarded piece of clothing, the sight of it makes my face blush. Before I can look up, his pajama pants join the lonely shirt, creating a pile on the floor.

My head shoots up before he can take anything else off but it’s too late, he’s not wearing any underwear. My eyes go wide and my mouth drops opens in shock. My gaze drops down almost instinctively to take in the view of his swollen package. I try not to, but my mind takes in the impressive size and girth, the sight of it sending a rush of liquid racing through my traitorous body. He’s perfect. In case I had any doubt before, my mind can be put to rest. Every single part of this man’s body is just beautiful. I force myself to look away, his eyes on me and a shit eating grin on his face. “Like what you see?”

“What the hell are you doing?” He turns his back to me, giving me a prime view of his perfect ass. Suddenly, I’m thinking seriously impure thoughts.

“I’m taking a shower.”

“And this requires my presence, why?”

“Cause I’m hoping you’ll get your pretty little ass in here with me.”

Oh my God, I really wanna get in the shower with him but the prude in me is putting up a fight. “I don’t think so,” I say, shaking my head.

“Come on, Baby. In the last few days, I’ve seen it all, and in case you haven’t noticed, I like it all.” I stand still, arms crossed across my chest staring at him as the water runs over his body. The sight of him makes my mouth water. “One of these days, I’m gonna get you to stop being embarrassed around me.”

“I’m not embarrassed,” I say defiantly.

“You’re lying,” he throws back. “Come here.” I can’t move, my feet are rooted to the ground. “Baby, come here.” I take a deep breath and walk to him just outside the open shower door. Victor grabs my hand and pulls me into the shower fully clothed.

I let out a squeal of shock. “Are you crazy?” I cry, the water rushing over me as he puts his hands on my hips.

“No,” he says, dipping his head, placing a gentle kiss on my lips. “I’m just trying to help you out.” His heated stare is melting through me. Grabbing the hem of my shirt, he swiftly lifts it over my head, dropping it on the shower floor. As if on cue, his lips drop down and begin a slow assault on my breasts. A moan escapes from my lips caused by the currents of pleasure coursing through my body. The pleasure is intensified as his fingers find the waistband of my boy shorts and tug them down until they’re gone. “Next time we do this, maybe you’ll be brave enough to strip yourself.” It’s barely a whisper but it’s enough to make the butterflies take flight in my stomach. He nuzzles his nose against mine. “Should we continue our explorations, Baby?”

My heart flutters and I’m lost again, his to do with whatever he wants.

Victor turns me around so that my back is to his front. He wraps his left arm around my waist and kisses his way down from the back of my neck to the gentle curve of my ass. His finger enters me and just as quickly it’s gone, the motion leaving me breathless. He stands again tightening his hold around my waist, bringing his free hand to continue his assault on my breasts, rolling the sensitive nipples between his fingers.

“Baby,” I call to him as I throw my head back and it lands on his chest.

“Shhh,” he whispers in my ear. “It’s okay.” He kisses the exposed skin of my neck and drops his hand. I close my eyes as his fingers start a circular pattern on my *. The familiar build up in my stomach makes me panic. I can’t come standing up in a shower. I won’t be able to hold myself up let alone see straight. I can feel my legs start to tremble, I bring my hand down to his wrist and tug. “Victor, no, I can’t like this.”

“Shhh, let go. I’ve got you,” he murmurs against my ear as he increases the pace. My knees buckle as the powerful orgasm takes hold of me, electric shocks surging through my body. Victor tightens his hold on my waist and I know that I’m protected, free to surrender and experience the release he’s giving me. It’s a freedom unlike anything I’ve ever known. It’s a gift that Victor offers to me whenever he’s near me, shattering pieces of my defense every time.

Slowly, I turn around and drape my arms around Victor’s neck, pushing up on my tiptoes. I lean in and give him a kiss. I have no words to tell him how I feel. This seems like the best way to express it. The desire to make him feel as good as he makes me feel, I deepen the kiss and let my hands drop, placing one on his chest and grabbing his hardened member with the other. He groans in my mouth at the unexpected touch, and slowly I start to stroke him. He pulls his lips from mine. “You don’t have to do this, Love. You don’t owe me anything,” he says, cupping the sides of my face.

Feeling a little bolder now, I reply, “I know, but I want to.” I give him another quick kiss on the lips and then drop down to my knees, the water from the showerhead massaging my scalp. “Ellie.”

My eyes move up, taking in his hooded eyes. “Just relax, Baby. I’m gonna make you feel good.” I barely recognize my own voice. The feel of him against my lips as I kiss, then lick the tip gives me a needed sense of control and power.

“F*ck, Baby,” I hear him say as I run my tongue up and down the entire length of him. The sound of him losing his carefully held control makes me smile. I kiss the tip again then slowly take him in my mouth.

Victor lets out a long breath of air, and gently picks up my hair, holding it away from my face. He’s doing his best not to grab my head, knowing that it would make me feel trapped. He lets me have this moment to do what I want and I take advantage, picking up the rhythm, as I take him as deep as I can. I release him from my mouth and begin stroking him harder with my hands. He tightens his grip on my hair and I know he’s close, so I take him back in my mouth and increase my pace, needing his release as much as he does.

“Shit, Baby, stop. I don’t wanna come in your mouth.” I grip his hips, letting him know that I’m not going anywhere, ravaging him, loving the feel of him in my mouth. I look up at him wanting to see the moment of release and as I do, he throws his head back, groaning in pleasure as he spills his load into me and I watch him come undone. This is not a part of sex that I’ve ever enjoyed. In fact, I’ve always hated it; but with him, it’s beautiful. I relish in the fact that I have the power to give him even a little bit of what he’s given me.

Victor reaches down and pulls me up to a standing position. He hugs me tightly and kisses me. It’s the kind of kiss that hits me in every part of my body, making me dizzy and leaving me breathless. In this moment, I leave my doubts and fears behind and focus on him. I know that it will take time, I have a long road ahead of me, but if anyone can help me to move past the road block I’ve placed firmly in my way, I know Victor can. I have to let him try.

“You know you didn’t have to do that, right?”

“I know. I wanted to.”

“You’re so beautiful.” I shudder at the comment. I wish I could see what he sees when he looks at me. It’s what I used to see when I was younger, wearing all the latest trends, expensive handbags and my fake blonde hair. That image is so different from the one of today. It’s not that I think I’m ugly, I know I’m not, but beautiful is something different. To be beautiful, I’d have to love what’s inside as well as out and up until very recently, I haven’t been sure if I liked any of it.

He turns off the water and leads me out of the shower, grabbing a towel and slowly drying me off before wrapping me up in it. It makes me feel pampered and taken care of. It makes me question everything I ever thought to be true about what men do, how they act. Maybe he’s just an exception to the rule. He dries himself off, wraps his towel around his waist and leads me back into the bedroom.

“You wanna go out for breakfast or do you want room service?” I want to skip breakfast altogether and stay in bed with him but I know that’s a dangerous choice. I need more time before I can take that step. I know he’s doing his best to take things slow, but his idea of slow and mine are two different things, not that I’m complaining.

“Let’s go out for breakfast,” I respond.

“Okay, then I’m going to pack my stuff up and check out. I have to get on the road this afternoon. Is it okay if I hang with you at your house till then?”

“Of course.” Deep down I wish he didn’t have to go. It’s just another emotion that I’m not ready to face yet.