Speechless
September 11, 2001
“Kelly!” Banging my glass on the table, “Why so sad?”
“I don’t know, they won’t tell me.”
“For cripes sake, enough with the “they” business and just tell me why you’re sad.”
She’s been gnawing on the same fry for over a minute, and she keeps looking over her shoulder at the door like she’s expecting someone.
“C’mon, woman, stay focused! I have a lot of stuff to tell you about last night.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just that I thought they were expecting a lot of people today.”
“It’s Chili’s, Kelly! Not the Nordstrom’s half yearly shoe sale!”
And then I see the tears in her eyes. I’ve only seen them once before, and it’s a weird sight.
“Sorry, Kel, it was just a little joke.” Reaching my hands across the table to hold hers, “Please tell me what’s going on.”
She looks intently at the salt shaker for a few seconds before she pops her head back up. Now she’s smiling.
“They’re starting to come! I have to go and you should to.”
“But, we’re not done with the awesome blossom yet!” Yelling at her as she runs out the door, “I STILL HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE MAGIC WAND!”
The phone ringing yanks me out of my deep fried onion dream and I mumble, “I’ve got to get to the bottom of these damn things. They’re really starting to freak me out.”
Blindly reaching for the phone, I find the note instead. Ignoring the annoying sound, I sit up to focus on Leo’s words.
If I could whisper in your ear right now I’d say the same thing as last night. I’m never letting you go. I love you. Leo
Happy that the ringing stopped, I clutch the note to my heart and fall back into bed. My happiness only lasts for two seconds, when it starts to ring again.
I grab at the phone and yell into it, “This better be important!”
“WHERE’S LEO?”
Laughing as I fall back on my pillow, “Megan, please don’t tell me you still have a crush on him.”
“Have you turned on the TV yet?”
“No, why?”
“You need to turn it on.”
“But I haven’t had my coffee yet and…”
“TURN ON THE GOD DAMN TV, CHRISSY!”
Reaching for the remote I mumble, “Our yoga collection better be on Good Morning America or I’m gonna kick your ass.”
Confused by the special effects I’m watching, I switch to channel 4, then to channel 7 and then back to channel 4 before I slowly say, “Megan…what’s going on?”
“We’re being attacked! Have you heard from Leo?”
For a second I think it’s all a big joke. Nobody can attack us. We have eyes and ears everywhere, and we have missiles and bombs that can easily destroy whatever those eyes and ears see and hear. Still confused, I flip through the channels again and make out that the plane I’m watching slam into the World Trade Center, over and over again, is one of ours. Piecing together everything I’m looking at, Megan’s question now jolts me to my feet. Leo works on the top floor of the Bank of America building, the tallest building in San Francisco!
“OH MY GOD, HE’S IN HIS OFFICE! I have to go Megan! I have to find him.”
Frantically pushing the end call button so that I can enter Leo’s office number, the line just rings and rings and rings. No answer. After my tenth attempt, I call Megan back.
“He’s not picking up in his office!”
“Did you try his cell?”
“It’s Leo, remember? He doesn’t have a f*cking cell!”
“Oh shit…that’s right.”
“Megan, I can’t turn on the TV and look. Did he get hit? Please tell me we’re okay here. Please tell me this is only happening in New York! Oh my God, he’s not answering his office phone! He got hit, didn’t he? Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God.”
“Chrissy, take a deep breath. I’m pretty sure he’s okay. So far it’s just New York…Oh, and the Pentagon.”
“Holy shit…the Pentagon?”
“Yeah. Chrissy, I’m scared. Can I come over?”
“Of course. I’ll call Barbara to make sure she’s okay. You call everyone else from the studios and tell them not to come in today.”
“Okay. But Chrissy…”
“Yeah?”
“Doesn’t Taddeo work in the World Trade Center?”
Instantly my knees give out from under me and I crumble to the floor. It’s a reaction that I’ve only experienced two other times in my life, at the baby killing clinic when I was seventeen and the night of Leo’s college graduation when I thought I had lost him forever. Please, Jesus, who I’m still struggling to believe in, please don’t let Leo lose his best friend. I’ll never forgive myself.