Tempted by the Soldier

Chapter Seventeen


Lilly stepped across the threshold of the carriage house behind the inn, thankful for a reprieve from the whirlwind of action that the rehearsal dinner had been. It was past midnight and most of the group had retired to their rooms for the evening, including the bride and groom. As exhausted as she was, Lilly couldn’t find it within herself to go back to the bed-and-breakfast just yet. Not when Nate’s room was right next door to hers.

He’d actually missed the rehearsal dinner. She didn’t even know what to make of that, but it had cemented what she’d already suspected. Something was very wrong.

She cast off the cloud of uncertainty that had been hovering over her the entire night, and pointed her camera at the open slats of the carriage house where stars peeked through the beams. She’d have to come back for more shots in the morning when there was light. She wasn’t sure what kind of shots they would want for the magazine, but it would be a crime not to capture every piece of this breathtaking property.

It didn’t hurt that she’d finally found a place to be alone. She wasn’t sure how much more she could have taken of Hayden planning out their futures—as if Nate had already put a ring on Lilly’s finger. At this point she wasn’t even sure he wanted to speak to her, let alone have a lasting relationship.

She took in the rest of the space through her lens, appreciating the simple beauty of the stacked hay bales and the antique-looking horse carriage. She spotted a ladder that led up to a loft and pulled off her heels to investigate. Draping her camera around her neck, she stepped up onto the ladder, and grabbed on to steady herself. She wasn’t a fan of heights, but her curiosity had won out. She climbed a few more steps and—

“Lilly?”

Her heart suffered a jolt of surprise—and an unbidden prick of hurt—at the sound of Nate’s voice behind her. She turned too fast, and her foot slipped off the narrow rung.


“Oh!”

She grabbed the ladder and felt it tip underneath her.

Oh, crap.

She squeezed her eyes shut and screamed, bracing for impact.

Nate’s outstretched arms caught her and he stumbled backward. It took a moment for her to realize the world had stopped moving. She peeled open her eyes and found him staring down at her. He pushed off the ladder, and it clattered to the ground beside them.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She pulled out of his embrace, the anger that had been building for hours finally snapping free. “You scared the crap out of me.”

He raked his fingers through his hair. “Sorry.”

She rubbed her ankle where she’d probably have a bruise tomorrow. Great.

“What happened to you tonight?” she demanded. “You just disappeared.”

“I know…” He stopped himself, and sighed. “I know.”

She took a few steps back to put some distance between them, and his gaze followed her movements like that damn lion watching its prey.

“Did you need something?” she asked, rubbing her forehead. “I’m trying to get a game plan together for tomorrow.” She fidgeted and played with the strap of her camera.

His jaw ticked and he took a deep breath, his gaze torn between her and the exit.

“We need to talk,” he said.

Famous last words.

Lilly swallowed the disappointment leaving a nasty taste in her mouth and straightened her spine. She would not cry over this man. She would not waste another second on a man who didn’t want her back.

“If you don’t want me, just say it, already,” she snapped.

He narrowed his gaze on her. “What?”

“That’s what today was about, right?” She laughed bitterly. “The minute we crossed the Vermont state line, you checked out.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, voice low and dangerous.

“I don’t?” she scoffed. “Clearly, you’ve forgotten that we’ve been here before, Nate. The minute things get too deep, you check out. It’s what you do.”

He scowled and strode forward, pushing her back until she landed against a wall. His lips slammed over hers in a possessive, all-consuming kiss that she felt all the way to the tips of her toes. He plunged his fingers into her hair and erased the space between them as he rolled his rock-hard erection against her belly. He broke away from her lips and dropped his forehead to rest against hers. A long breath shuddered out of him.

“Does that feel like I don’t want you, Princess?”

Her eyes fluttered closed and an unwilling moan escaped her lips when he thrust forward, rubbing, teasing her with his hardness, when she wanted it all.

“Nate…wait…”

“Does it feel like I’m checked out now?”

She shook her head, getting lost in the escalating sensations he was creating between her legs every time he ground his cock against her. Oh, God…if he didn’t stop, she was going to come.

“Jesus…you weren’t supposed to be like this,” he ground out between gritted teeth. “It wasn’t supposed to be this hard to—”

Before she could ask him what he was talking about, he grabbed her blouse and jerked it apart. Pearl buttons scattered on the ground and cool air touched her partially exposed chest. He cupped her breasts through the lace of her bra and she arched into his hands. He groaned, and his mouth came down on hers with an urgency that spiked her need to fever pitch.

“You have no idea how much I want you. How f*cking addicted I am to you,” he rasped.

She reached up to loop her hands around his neck, hating the way her skirt restricted the movement of his hips. As if he sensed her frustration, he slid his hands up her thighs, pushing it up, forcing the tight fabric to bunch around her hips. Once the barrier was gone, he slammed against her and she cried out, reaching between them to grasp his zipper and slide it down.

“Are you wet for me?” he breathed, shoving his jeans to his knees.

Her gaze dropped to where he was holding his cock in his hand, stroking, waiting. She licked her lips. “Find out.”

He lifted her in one swift move, pinning her to the wall with his hips to hold her in place. She expected him to slam into her, but he hesitated, rubbing the head against her *, making her crazy. She clutched two handfuls of his hair and squirmed, moving forward to force him inside.

“Nate…I need you,” she pleaded. “Make love to me. Please.”

He froze, breathing hard, and…he pulled away. He dropped her to her feet and took two big steps back.

She blinked in surprise as she watched him tuck himself back into his jeans, wincing.

“What’s going on?” When he didn’t answer, fear began to douse her desire. “Nate?”

He stopped pacing and dropped to his knees in front of her, shaking.

“Nate?” she repeated.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry, Lil. I didn’t want to hurt you. That’s why I fought so long and hard against this.”

Ah, hell. He was going to dump her again. She could feel it. She’d been abandoned enough times in her life to know the signs. She blinked up at the ceiling, fighting back tears as he brushed a kiss over her stomach.

“I knew I’d hurt you. I knew I’d f*ck this up.”

“Just say it,” she whispered. End it. Get it over with. She didn’t need the pain prolonged.

His shoulders tensed and he gripped her thighs as if he were holding on for dear life.

“I want to be rid of this f*cking grief, and the guilt that’s eating me alive. I want it so bad…”

The pain in his voice cut her bone-deep. She wanted to take that pain away, extinguish it, but she was starting to think that wasn’t possible. Nate was so broken inside, so hurt… Getting a glimpse of the anguish he’d been living with made her want to cry.

Would he ever get past this? Would he ever be able to give them a real chance?

“I’m a selfish bastard,” he said. “If I were a decent man I’d walk away from you.”

“Why would you say that? You are a decent man. Do you hear me?”

He searched her eyes and a grimace passed over his face. “You’re wrong. If I were decent, I would have told you the truth three days ago.”

Fear flooded her, and her heart skipped a beat. “What are you talking about?”

Regret filled his expression. “I’m leaving, Lil.”

She scrambled away from him and jerked the ruined sides of her top together. “You’re…what? Leaving before the wedding?”

His jaw tightened. “No. I’m leaving the country. I’ve been recommissioned. I deploy in two weeks.”

The world fell out from under her. He’d known this whole time that he was leaving, and he hadn’t told her?

Pain exploded in her chest as reality hit her hard. He hadn’t told her because he’d never really wanted her. Had the past year taught her nothing? Once again, she’d allowed herself to become a distraction for him. An amusement to fill the time until he had something better to do.

Anguish decimated her insides. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. She wanted to hate Nate Jennings for turning her into the one person she swore she’d never become.

But she couldn’t. She couldn’t hate him…not when she loved him so damn much.

“You never wanted me for anything more than sex, did you?” Her voice broke. “What was I? Just a way to pass the time? One last f*ck for the road?”


“God, no!” He shot to his feet, pulling her into his arms, forcing her into his embrace. He exhaled against her hair. “You mean everything to me. But if I stay with you now, Lil…I’ll ruin you. I’m so f*cking broken inside. You deserve so much better than me. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see how f*cking good you are?”

She choked back a sob and held him close. She couldn’t help him. She couldn’t save him. He wasn’t even going to give her a chance to try.

“All of those things I said to you last year…all of the times I pushed you away…I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Lilly. I was trying to save you.”

“From what?”

He exhaled, and moved a hand up to caress her face. Her lips. He finally took a deep breath and rested his forehead against hers.

“From me,” he whispered. “I was trying to save you from me.”

She swallowed the painful lump in her throat and tears blurred her eyes. She couldn’t do this anymore. He was right. She had to walk away before he broke her, too. She pushed him away and he fell back to his knees, looking up at her with so much pain in his eyes she had to force herself to keep walking. She wiped a tear away from her cheek and looked at him one last time.

“You win. Good-bye, Nate.”