Misguided Heart

Forty-Four

Sloan

Well, at least that took care of that. I knew it was going to be hard, but my heart felt like it was being ripped straight out of my chest. It was inevitable that I was going to hurt her at some point, better now than later.

As I watched her run from the ballroom, I knew I had broken her heart. As much as she didn't want to admit to me how much she cared, I knew she was falling for me. I knew this because I was falling for her, just as hard. My eyes began to moisten up as I saw the car pulling away from the curb outside.

I wanted to run to her. I wanted to run after her and ask her to go with me, to be with me, for as long as she would have me, but my feet stayed unmoving in their place. I finished up my speech and toasted to the room full of people I had known almost my whole adult life.

It had to be done this way!

I didn't touch an ounce of liquor the rest of the night. I checked my phone at least a million times, but nothing. She was really gone, and it was my fault. I had finally pushed her too far and who could blame her? I was an a*shole through and through. No matter how hard I wanted to change, that fact would always remain.

An hour after her departure, I took my own. I told my father I needed to get home and pack for the move. He easily bought it, seeing as I was leaving in three days. Of course, the first thing I did when I got home was hopped on my bike and took off like a bat out of hell. I didn't even put on my helmet and I never forgot my helmet. After Alex, my helmet was my number one priority when I rode.

Tonight I felt out of sorts, and I just didn't care anymore. All I could think was maybe I would be better off leaving this world and being with the one woman I had truly loved. My heart ached for her, or Aston, I wasn't quite sure anymore, but I didn't need to know. I just knew that the pain I was feeling was not one I was comfortable dealing with.

The freeway was a desolate road as I merged onto it. There were maybe a handful of cars traveling down it and I took my opportunity to let go. I switched through every gear and within seconds, I was hitting a hundred and twenty miles an hour. The warm night breeze flying through my air had me mesmerized. I was starting to feel like myself again and it had been too long since I had felt that way.

I spent the rest of the night driving around the whole valley practically. I felt the need to go to her, just to drive by and possibly see her face, but I fought against it. Instead, I ended up at the small bar with my only true friend, Ronnen. He wasn't really surprised when I pulled the bar door open. I could only assume that my mother had already called him.

"Hey a*shole, so how's your night been?" He chuckled as he poured me a shot of Jameson.

"Hey dick head, my night has been fantastic, now don't ask me about it again and just keep em’ coming." I slammed the shot glass back down in front of me and Ronnen poured another, this time to the rim.

"Dude, we need to talk, like now." He grabbed the bottle and my shoulder and pulled me across the bar. I quickly reached for my shot glass, not wanting to leave it behind. He pushed me down in one of the only booths in the bar and let me have it, just as I expected.

"Dude, I know how much you loved Alex."

"Love." I interjected.

"That's just it man, you can’t still love something that isn't here. She's been gone for a long time now Sloan. Don't you think it's time you moved on? I knew Alex, and she wouldn't want to see you like this. She would have wanted you to be happy."

"How the f*ck do you know what she would want?" I snatched the bottle from his fingers and poured myself another.

"She was my f*cking cousin, Sloan. I miss her just as much as you do. She was my only cousin, and you were the guy she loved, but she isn't here anymore and we can't keep living like she is. She loved the shit out of you man, but if she saw you doing this and treating Aston the way you have been, well I know for certain she would kick your f*cking ass and take your balls as a trophy."

I sat back with shot glass in hand and debated whether or not to finish it. I knew what Ronnen was saying was right, but it still f*cking hurt like a son of a bitch. "You're right." I stated as I threw back my last shot of the night.

"I'm sorry can you say that again, I didn't quite hear you?"

"I said you are right a*shole. Now don't go getting all high and mighty and full of yourself." I snapped.

Ronnen stood up and pulled my arm so I was standing with him. "Now go get your girl, man. Because honestly, if you don't I might have to go after her myself. Your mom told me all about her and from what she said, she is one pretty fine ass piece of meat."

I punched Ronnen in the arm and then pulled him into a bear hug. "Thank you Ronnen. I will always love Alex, you know that right?"

"Of course I know that Sloan, and she loved you too. I'm sure she still does, but you have to move on. Be happy for once. Live your life with Aston and make tons of babies." He let out a loud laugh and I couldn't help but laugh right along with him.

"Alright man, I'm out of here. I'll see ya soon."

"You better!" He yelled over his shoulder, as I ran out of the bar as fast as my feet would take me.

When I approached Aston's house, my nerves had taken hold and were making me a wreck. I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to say to her, but I had to let her know how I felt either way. Her house was dark and I couldn't see a single light illuminated inside. I parked my bike in the driveway and ran to her door. I pounded on the thick wood like I was the cops, praying that she would at least hear me out. After five minutes of constant knocking, I almost threw in the towel and headed home, but then I heard the lock click on the door. I stood back a few feet, waiting to see her beautiful face in front of me. Only, she didn't answer the door, HE did, and he was shirtless.

MOTHER F*ckER!

As his shit eating grin spread across his face, it took everything in me to not knock this guy on his ass. She would never listen to me if I did that, so I gutlessly walked away. When I was half way down the walkway, I heard her voice cut through the night air. I turned just as her eyes locked on mine. She was wrapped in a towel and I could only assume what they had been doing.

I dropped my gaze and approached my bike. My head dropped as I started the engine and a stray tear fell from my eye. She was gone. She no longer wanted me, and who could blame her after what I did. As I started backing out of her driveway, she came walking out to the top of the drive. Her mouth opened to speak, but no words followed. With that, I turned on my bike and sped off.

New York here I come!