Just One Song

chapter Seven





“You play?”

I jump a little bit when Garrett speaks and my hands freeze. We’ve been on the bus for about an hour and while it’s not late, I’m mentally exhausted. I’ve also been staring at my Kindle screen ever since I sat down on one of the couches. I haven’t turned a page the entire time because I’m still in shock over everything that has happened in the last few days. And not just the things, but the feelings I’m having.

There’s an intensity I feel between Zack and I that I can’t recall ever feeling before, not even with Mark. I keep trying to put my finger on exactly what it is, but I can’t.

It’s just….there.

Or at least for me, the intensity is there and I can only guess that Zack feels something similar. Otherwise, why else am I here? There’s obviously the physical attraction on my part, but the attraction goes beyond his emerald green eyes and the light brown hair that’s shaggy and messy but perfect at the exact same time. There has to be more to it than just that… right?

I look down at my hands that were tapping on the side table and then up at him with a matching smile.

“I can play some. It’s been awhile.” It’s actually been one year, three months, two weeks and three days, but I’m not counting anymore. I also play a bit more than some. But I’m not about to tell Garrett that I was classically trained for a dozen years and can play almost any song I hear after just listening it to once. What he just noticed was me tapping out one of my most favorite pieces I memorized. It’s by Debussy and not overly complicated, but it’s upbeat and quick and when I’m nervous my fingers just tend to play it without thinking. Some people tap pencils or their feet. My fingers play music.

He looks at me like he’s trying to figure out a missing puzzle piece. I suppose it has something to do with the fact I met Zack three days ago and now I’m on his tour bus. When he figures out the puzzle, and what it is Zack sees in me, I wonder if he’ll let me know.

I like Garrett, he’s laid back, much like Zack and Chase. I also like that he’s engaged. Zack told me Chloe will be meeting us in Chicago for the weekend and even though I don’t know her, I like the idea of having another girl around while I get used to being surrounded by all these guys all the time.

“I thought you didn’t like music.”

“Actually I said she doesn’t know who I am because she hasn’t listened to music for a while. If you’re going to repeat what I said. At least get it right.”

I turn my head and smile as Zack enters the room with his guitar slung across his back. He, along with Jake and Chase, have been trying to write some new music. My heart rate increases slightly. Seeing him here, in his element, leaves me completely awed. I can’t even help myself from thinking he has to be one of the most gorgeous men I have ever seen in my entire life. Because he is.

He totally is.

What I’m having a hard time currently wrapping my mind around, is why he told his band members anything about me, what did he tell them, and why is the fact that I actually find this guy totally attractive doesn’t feel like some betrayal to Mark?

It’s a lot to think about in the span of a few seconds.

“What else did you tell them?” I pointedly ask Zack who grabs a water bottle from the fridge and heads our way. He knows what I’m asking and I’m thankful when he shrugs his shoulders and looks straight at me.

“The rest is your story. It’s not my place to say anything.” And I know, by the way he drops his head just a bit, that he’s being one hundred percent completely honest.

I ignore the confused look on Garrett’s face and go back to staring blankly at my Kindle screen.

Once again my fingers are itching to tap out the Debussy piece I was playing earlier.

Fortunately, before my nerves can totally take over again, the rest of the band is up front, and we’re all sitting around playing poker. I’m pretty sure I earn a modicum of respect from Garrett and Jake when I take all their money. Unfortunately, Chase cleans the rest of us out. And by the end of the night, something about this whole scenario doesn’t feel nearly as terrifying as it did just a few hours ago.

And I wonder how things can change so quickly.

***

The Chicago concert is even more incredible than it had been in Minneapolis. There are over twenty five thousand people there. And this time, I watch the entire thing from back stage. Zack gave me a back stage pass for the tour that allows me access to anywhere I want to go. I spend most of the concert taking photographs of the band members and the crowd. I consider it a practice run since I haven’t done this type of photography before. I know before the night is even done it’s going to be a learning experience. I make a mental note half way through to order a new lens to help with all the flashing lights.

I freeze half-way through the concert and lower my camera. I’m standing just off to the side of stage, in full sight of Zack, as they begin to play what is quickly becoming one of my favorite songs. It’s a song about how girls grow up to be women and how men should protect them and care for them and treasure their gift. It’s about how fathers should teach their girls to be strong and the truth about boys and how cruel they can be. I absolutely love it, not only because the beat is perfect, but whenever I watch Zack when he sings it, I know this is the kind of man he is. Someone who will treasure and protect and watch over the people he loves.

It’s the song he sang directly to me when we were in Minneapolis, and I smile even wider now, when I notice his eyes directly on me. He sings the entire song, never once looking out to the crowd. It’s almost as if I can feel him promising me that he will always treasure me, and a growing warmth blooms within me.

It leaves me breathless and I struggle to maintain a professional and calm composure the rest of the concert while I have a myriad of emotions running through me. Confusion, happiness, doubt, trust, hope, fear; they’re all inside me, running rampant while I try to figure out why I’m so happy around him, why Zack makes me nervous and yet, calm, and why I ever decided to go on this tour with him in the first place.

“You must be Nicole.” I jump in surprise at the soft voice suddenly next to me. Even amidst the loudness it sounds as smooth as butter. Next to me, is the most stunningly gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my entire life. She’s short, with jet black hair, a perfectly heart-shaped face, and curves women pay high amounts of money for and it’s all fitted perfectly into a sleek silver dress with hot pink stiletto heeled boots. She’s tiny, and beautiful….and I have no idea how she knows my name.

She obviously notices my confusion, ignores the way I’m drooling over her boots, and offers me her hand. “I’m Chloe. Garrett’s fiancée?”

My shoulders relax immediately and I take her offered hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Garrett’s talked a lot about you.”

Her wide smile shows off perfectly white teeth. Is there anything that isn’t absolutely beautiful about this woman? “Garrett’s told me a lot about you, too….or well, he’s told me a lot about what Zack says about you.”

Her eyes are twinkling happily as she dishes out this little piece of very interesting gossip. I feel like I should be nervous about what Zack has said, but I’m not. Instead, I want in on the news.

“And what’s that?” I ask with an arched eyebrow.

“Not my place to say. I’m sure he’ll tell you soon enough.” Chloe shuts her mouth and smiles a smug little grin. She’s feisty, and I like her instantly. We head back to the common room before the concert’s over so we can talk a little bit more without the music blasting in our eyes. Chloe reminds me a lot of Mia with her perky attitude, but she’s so much smaller. Garrett isn’t all that big, but she’s so tiny I feel like he could just pick her up and toss her around whenever he wants to go somewhere with her. Even with those amazing boots and four inch heels, at least, she’s still much shorter than me. And I’m only five feet six inches.

The concert must have ended because eventually the room begins to fill up with people who have backstage passes. I see a lot more cameras around tonight, and even though I know we’re in a completely different state, I try to stay away from them.

I stand off to the side and start clicking away on the camera when Zack and the rest of the guys start to enter the room. It’s amazing to me that even behind the camera lens, I can see all the female faces go from apprehension to instant lust the moment they see Zack. A part of me smiles because I know I’m going to be the one that goes back to his tour bus with the band at the end of the night. But then a scary thought enters my mind.

What if they ever bring back some of these women? What if he does? He’s obviously interested in me in some way, he said he’s not interested in groupies anymore, but there’s a lot of skin being flashed around right now and what if our new friendship, or whatever it is we have, moves too slow for him? He’s still single. And surely he still has to be tempted every once in a while. I can’t believe he’s been without female company for too long.

And I almost start panicking, because what if that’s what he wants from me? I haven’t been with anyone, ever, except for Mark. And Zack’s been single for years. Even if I’m ever ready to take that step with someone, could I do it with someone so much more experienced?

I blow out a deep breath and lower my camera while my pulse continues to race at an insanely fast pace. Am I having a heart attack?

I turn away from the crowd and go to the bar at the back of the room. I need a drink. There’s too many thoughts of possible what-ifs going through my head to focus any longer on photographs.

I catch Zack’s glances several times since he’s walked into the room, but I’m still trying not to freak out about Zack and thoughts of sex. I admit I’m totally avoiding him, and whenever I see him take a few steps towards me, I take a few steps into the different direction or pull out my camera and act like I’m taking pictures.

I turn around when I’m bumped from someone behind me and look right at Ethan. There’s something about this guy that has unnerved me, and not in a good way, since I met him at the sound check. Not only is he by far the least friendly of the band, he looks at me like he’s annoyed by my mere presence and I can’t figure out why.

Tonight is no different. He’s practically leering at me with his black eyes that just look dangerous.

“Get some good photos, tonight?”

I doubt he actually cares, but since this is the first time he’s said anything to me besides a grunt in acknowledgement that I’m in the same room with him, I answer. “Some. Maybe. It might take me a few nights to get the hang of everything. You guys did great tonight, though.”

I do a crappy job of trying to keep my tone completely even so I don’t give away that being anywhere close to him makes me nervous. It comes out shaky and foreign sounding to my own ears.

He says nothing for a while, but his eyes don’t leave mine. Slowly, he gazes over my entire body from my head to my toes. I begin feeling much more naked than I actually am in my strapless black mini dress and red patent leather peep toe heels. Ethan’s mouth turns up in a smile that makes me feel slimy and gross. I feel like I need a bath to wash his filthiness off me. I turn my eyes away from him to look around the room trying to find some way to get away from him without being too rude. My eyes catch Zack’s and I see him instantly stiffen when he sees I’m talking to Ethan.

This is the second time I’ve seen him behave like this where Ethan is concerned and I wonder what it is between the two of them that can cause so much tension.

“You’re prettier than the other girls.” Ethan’s thick voice catches my attention.

“Pardon me?” The other girls?

He smirks. I’m really beginning to hate it when he looks like this. “You don’t think you’re the first fan girl to be picked up and brought on tour do you?”

My eyes widen as his look changes to victorious. I just have no idea what he thinks he has just won. “Oh you do. That’s….cute.”

I’m shocked. I want to walk away from him, or tell him off for being such a complete prick, but before I can say anything, two hands are on his shirt and pushing him away from me.

I gasp when I realize it’s Zack who has him by the shirt and is speaking to him. He’s practically growling at him. They’ve moved a few feet away and I look around for help because the last thing I want is Zack pissed, or for Ethan to get upset because the man seems completely unhinged. I’m surprised no one else has noticed anything, but if they do, they’re acting like they don’t. Maybe this is more common than I think.

I watch their conversation in hushed angry tones not able to make anything out but from the look on Zack’s face and the tension in his shoulders, he’s incredibly pissed off.

I take a few steps towards them. When I get close, Zack notices me from the corner of his eyes and he stops arguing with Ethan for just a second before Zack turns back to him and pushes him away one last time.

“Stay. Away. From. Her.” Each word is spit out like it tastes vile coming from his mouth.

Ethan takes a step a back, not seeming upset about this at all. He actually looks amused when he brushes his shirt a little bit, straightening it out. He gives one last look to Zack, then to me, before turning back to Zack.

“No worries, man. Have fun with her.” He walks away before either of us can say anything else.

It’s only after Ethan walks away when I begin focusing on what he actually told me. I am just one of many girls he’s treated this way and I feel like such a fool. How naïve could I be? This guy has had women flocking him for years. Is this how he attracts them, by acting like the nice guy next door and interested in them as a person before trying to seduce them into his bed? I wonder how long he would have waited to get me into his before kicking me off the bus. The thoughts are flying through my head so rapidly I don’t notice Zack until his hand is on my arm.

“Are you okay?” His expression shows concern. But is this just an act? Is he just pissed that Ethan sold him out and now I can leave before his plan comes to fruition?

I’m so confused. Worse than the confusion, I feel completely disappointed in myself for falling for it; and in him, for acting like he cared about me when I was spilling my guts about Mark and Andrew.

My words come out just above a whisper. “No. I’m just….I’m gonna go.”

I turn around and begin pushing my way through the crowd before he can stop me. I have to get out of here, at least until I can clear my head and think a little bit. Zack has always looked so sincere and kind. I can’t believe it was all an act, but there was a sick joy on Ethan’s face when he mentioned the girls. He was thrilled to dish out the details of why I am here. I’m out the door and walking, practically running, down the hallway when I hear Zack shout my name.

***

Zack

I shout Nicole’s name again and stop chasing her when she freezes in the hallway. I glance back briefly at the doorway before slowly turning to face her. What in the hell am I even doing chasing her?

I can’t exactly place why this woman feels so important to me and maybe Ethan’s right. Maybe this is all an act from another fan who’s just trying to get a few minutes of fame, or maybe get me to buy her some expensive shit.

I watch as she breathes heavily, a pissed off look in her eyes and I know whatever Ethan thinks is totally wrong. I haven’t been able to get this girl out of my head ever since the sound check the other night. She can go from looking scared to full of life in the span of mere seconds. She’s beautiful and sexy and she doesn’t even realize it, which just makes her that much hotter.

She’s not impressed with my job, but somehow seems to just like me. Or at least I hope she does. Even though the idea of wanting someone so badly like I want her is confusing as hell on its own. I haven’t cared what anyone thinks about me in years. Why her?

My entire body tenses in anger as I remember the look of anger in Ethan’s eyes and all the shit she told me about her husband and son. She’s been through the hell and the last thing I want, for whatever reason, is for her to go through crap like this when the tour just started.

I clench my fists and crack my knuckles to fight the urge to go back and punch Ethan in the face. It wouldn’t be the first time, and he totally deserves it.

“What did he say to you?” I ask her, although I pretty much already know.

“I’m not having sex with you.”

Well, hell. I wasn’t thinking about that either….but now that she mentions it, I can only imagine all the things I want to do to her. I bite my cheek and rub a hand roughly across my face to hide my laughter and shock. She’s blushing enough and I don’t want to make her feel worse.

I also need to erase all the images she just put in my head.

She’s not ready for that. I can totally tell, and while usually I wouldn’t go for someone who can seem like such a skittish rabbit, I’m really liking the fire in her eyes right now. Am I getting a glimpse of who she used to be before the accident? The woman she said she’s trying so hard to find again? If so, it’s sexy as hell, watching her light up like a firecracker in a mixture of anger and embarrassment.

“I don’t recall asking you to.” My lips twitch slightly as I fight the urge to smile at her.

I take a few steps toward her when she drops her forehead into the palm of her hands. I just want to touch her. To get close enough to gently run my hands down her soft skin and smell her hair. It smells like raspberries and I love it, even though it makes me feel like a pansy at the same time.

“Nic,” I say again while trying to keep my voice soft. “What did Ethan say to you?”

“He said something about how I’m not like the usual girl you bring on tour.”

Damn it, I so wish I would have punched Ethan earlier. By the time I get back inside he’s going to be so drunk it won’t even be fun anymore. It’s not my problem Ethan’s been screwed over by the last chick he liked. And it’s not my problem he couldn’t be faithful to his girlfriend either. I hate he put this doubt in Nicole. She’s not like the normal girls who throw themselves at us and I could tell that the minute she walked up to the bar the other night.

“You’re not. They’re…” I take a deep breath. “I have never brought someone on tour with me; ever. I’m not saying I haven’t had women on the bus with me.”

I hate that I just admitted that to her, but god I hope she believes me about the other stuff. I watch the doubt and embarrassment in her eyes and I feel like punching a wall. She’s been honest with me about so much shit in her life, and she actually thinks I brought her on tour with us just to screw her?

“Ethan and I have had some issues in the last few months, Nic.” Ever since the last chick he brought on the bus ditched him for me as soon as I walked in. I didn’t want anything to do with her, but it doesn’t stop him from being pissed. “Whatever he said to you tonight was for the sake of hurting you and pissing me off.”

I want to hold her and kiss her and make her believe me but she still seems nervous so I don’t. Slowly I watch acceptance fill her eyes in the place of doubt and she sighs. She believes me.

“And you are different than the other women. You’re not impressed with my image or what I do. You seem to just like…me. And you’re kind, passionate about what you do. I asked you to be with me on this tour because I want to get to know you more. My intentions are honorable, honest.” My lips twitch again and I fight the smile because she did bring up sex a few minutes ago and the thought has crossed my mind of what it would feel like to have her legs wrapped around mine. “Mostly honorable, anyway.”

She smiles and I just want to pull her to me and kiss her but I think that might scare her some so I don’t. This girl is going to take some time and for some strange reason, I’m willing to wait for her to be ready.

“I’ve had a long night. I think I’m just going to head back to the bus now.”

I smile slightly because her eyes are beginning to sparkle and I love seeing them when they light up. It hasn’t happened except a few times since I’ve met her, but I want to see it more. “I’ll come with you.”

“That’s okay. Stay and go out with the guys tonight.”

Screw the stupid bar we’re supposed hit after the show. I want to wrap my arms around her and just hold her close. I shrug like it’s no big deal to miss it, because it isn’t and reach out to take her hand. I start pulling her down the hallway before she can argue with me anymore.

“I’d rather be with you.”

I can only imagine the shit Chase and Jake are going to give me for this, but I don’t care. I haven’t felt this way about someone in years and if I only get her for three weeks I want to enjoy her as much as I can.

What in the hell has gotten into me?