Just One Song

chapter Six





What? My head snaps up and my eyes widen to the size of saucers. He continues before I can say anything.

“I’m not ready to say good-bye to you yet.” Zack’s green eyes pierce straight into mine. He speaks it so simply as if it makes total sense. “I want you to come finish the tour with us, and be our photographer.”

I furrow my brows in confusion and disappointment. I cock my head to the side. “You want to hire me?”

A nervous laugh escapes Zack’s lips. He rubs his tongue across the front of his teeth and then his upper lip on the right side twitches a little bit.

“Yes….no.”

Well that clears it right up. His hand covers mine in my lap. “I want to get to know you more. You’re beautiful, and strong. And the first woman I’ve met in a really long time that I want to be around. But I thought hearing that may freak you out a bit.”

He is right. It does.

And it doesn’t.

His lips turn upward into a small smile. His head dips a bit closer to me and his hands squeeze mine gently. “I thought maybe asking you to be our photographer would make you feel a bit more comfortable. You can take pictures of us over the next few weeks for us to use on our website and album covers and posters. I’ve seen your work. You’ll do a great job.”

I clear my throat to say something; anything. This man is insane. He saw one stack of photographs and thinks I’m someone who can take pictures of them?

“So, you want me to travel with you. And the photography gig is just an excuse to get me closer?”

I see his eyes flicker from cautious to hopeful. He leans back against the couch and throws his arms along the back of it. He looks like he couldn’t be any more relaxed. “Pretty much. What do you think?”

Two hours ago I was explaining to this guy how my husband and son died, and now he is asking me to go on tour. It is the strangest turn of events I could have imagined.

“I...” I have no clue what I’m actually thinking. I can’t. I have clients, and photography appointments and deadlines to make. I can’t just uproot my life for almost a month. It’s irresponsible, and not normal.

But...travel with a band? That would have been my dream when I was twenty. I can practically hear Mark screaming at me, “DO IT! DO IT!” I’m terrified at just the thought of it; but yet, strangely, a little bit excited. And I absolutely don’t want to say good-bye to him, either.

“I don’t know. I need some time to think about this.”

He nods as if he seems to understand the internal struggle I’m facing and stands up to leave. “I need to get back to the bus. We leave tonight at eight from the Center parking lot. I want you there – but if you don’t want to come, I understand. It’s crazy, and scary. But if you decide not to, will you at least meet me there and say good-bye?”

I just nod like an idiot because I can’t think of anything else to say.

I follow him to the door, stunned.

Without warning, Zack takes two steps forward. His hands slowly cup my cheeks and he leans forward as if he’s going to kiss me. I tense immediately, but relax when he stops several inches from me. His green eyes soften as he looks at me, a faint hint of a smile on his lips. I’m nervous, at the thought of kissing someone again. I don’t even know if I want him to kiss me.

But if I were to kiss someone, his lips look perfect. I blink my eyes in surprise at my own thoughts. How can I even be thinking like this?

“I have had the best time with you over the last few days. I know its short notice, but think about coming.” I notice his breathing has increased just slightly. Mine does too, but I think it’s because he smells absolutely masculine and delicious.

“And please, say yes.”

One hand lowers to hold the back of my head and the other wraps around my waist. He smiles softly at me the entire time. I lean into his chest without even thinking like it’s the most natural thing in the world. His muscular arms completely envelope me and my entire body feels warm from his touch. I move my arms under his and wrap them around him, pulling him closer to me. I breathe him in and sigh. This feels good. Really good.

I don’t flinch at all when he slowly releases his arms and gives me a quick, and gentle kiss on the top of my head. He turns and walks away without a word. I watch until he turns a corner – the only thought in my head is….what in the hell just happened? And if I’m being completely honest….his butt looks really good in those jeans.

***

I sigh dramatically. Overdramatically, really. Which has always been Mia’s thing, not mine. I’m the sensible one and the sensible thing here is not to get on this bus.

“I have appointments this week, Mia. I’m not just going to cancel on them last minute because I get the itch to become a groupie.” She shoots me a look out of the corner of her eye and immediately drops a pile of shoes onto the floor. Before I know it, she’s at the dresser and tossing my cell phone into my lap.

“Call them and reschedule. Or recommend another photographer.” She’s daring me to do this, and I hate that she knows me so well that even after all this time, I won’t pass on a dare. She holds up one finger to stop me from speaking. “If you tell your clients the reason, they will totally understand.”

She takes a deep breath and sits down next to me. My compassionate best friend, instead of the bossy one I’ve seen all afternoon, is back. “This is the chance of a lifetime. Professionally….and personally…and you know it.”

“I’m terrified out of my mind.” I’m scared to leave my new condo to get on that tour bus. I’m scared of leaving Minnesota, and being on a bus with five guys for three weeks. This isn’t me. I’m not the fly by the seats of your pants kind of girl. That role has always gone to Mia and now she’s throwing me straight into madness.

Mostly though, I’m terrified because my arms still feel warm where Zack placed his around me earlier today. The fact that I can still feel him, still smell him and see his green eyes smiling at me as he walked out my door terrifies me most of all.

I may have told Mia I was thinking about being ready to move on, but when

I said it I meant a coffee date with an accountant. Or if I was going to get really daring, a drink with a lawyer, or maybe dinner with a construction worker. Not haul off for a month with a rock band and a singer currently listed on magazines as one of the hottest and most wanted bachelors of the year. This has disaster written all over it and I don’t get why Mia doesn’t see it yet.

“I know you are.” She squeezes my shoulder tightly and holds me still for a few minutes while we’re both completely silent. As she releases my grip, I think maybe I’ve talked some sense into her and she’ll understand where I’m coming from and stop packing my suitcase. Instead she says, “but you’re still going.”

And before I know it, the pile of shoes she dropped earlier is thrown into a smaller suitcase. She smirks at me and for the first time in our friendship, I have the overwhelming desire to yank her long blonde ponytail and wrestle her to the floor until she comes to her sense.

But then I realize she’s absolutely right.

Because as terrified as I am of getting on that bus, I’m suddenly more terrified of not doing it. When I made a decision nine months ago to smile again, it wasn’t just for the sake of smiling. It was the decision to live – despite missing Mark and Andrew so much that my heart ached like I was being shot every single minute of every single day. It was the decision to live for them – and their memories. To make the most of what I have been given and to honor their memories. So far, I’ve done a piss poor job of doing that, and Mark would flay me alive if he was here and I turned this down.

Mia smiles at me when she sees me make my decision before I voice it. I’ll do this for Mark. Because he’d want me to. That’s all this is – a month vacation taking pictures of a rock band and getting to see parts of the country I haven’t visited.

The fact that I still see Zack’s light green eyes whenever I close mine isn’t a factor at all.

I go to the bathroom and start packing my toiletries leaving Mia to gloat alone.

Two hours later, we’re pulling up behind the Center where Zack told me his tour buses will be loading. I’m still having a hard time believing I have agreed to this, and while I’m in shock at my decision, seeing Zack’s tour bus increases my shock level exponentially. I don’t know what I am expecting to see. I think in my head on the way over, I imagined a motor home like the kind my parents and I use to go camping in as a kid. I figured it would be a little bigger since there are more people on it, but this bus…this thing is massive. It’s not even just a motor home…it’s like the size of two semi-trailers being pulled by a cab. And taller. I can’t believe how high it is. I’m completely dumbfounded and amazed at the same time.

I don’t notice Zack and a couple other men standing around outside the bus until Mia parks her car. But I do notice his smile explode when Mia pops the trunk to her car. I watch nervously as he hurries over to us, calling for Chase to help him out. I don’t know what he’s thinking – maybe that since I’m a girl, he’ll need more manpower to unload my luggage. The thought makes me laugh and I’m finally able to feel my legs enough to reach for the door handle.

“Yeah….he doesn’t look interested in you at all.” Mia deadpans from the driver seat. I choose to ignore her.

Zack reaches the car as soon as I step out and doesn’t take his eyes off of me for a second. He looks relieved, but at the same time like this is exactly what he expected.

I snort a bit. His confidence that I would – and am – following through on this whole crazy idea is too charming to be completely irritating.

“I’m still thinking about saying no.” I warn him as soon as I step aside. I try to be serious, but the smallest of smiles escapes my lips and widens when Zack realizes I’m only joking.

From the corner of my eye, I see Chase and Mia talking while they unload my suitcases.

“I tried to pack light.” I nod my heads toward the two bags. “I didn’t know how much room there would be.” I look back to the monstrosity that is going to be my home for the next few weeks and realize it may have been ridiculous to be concerned about space.

“There’s plenty of room. We moved all our stuff around today so you could have a bit of privacy.”

“You were that confident?” I ask, mimicking what he said earlier.

He smiles. The way his eyebrows raise and his lips turn upwards, just slightly; instantly knots my stomach into a dozen different directions. This man affects me. I catch my breath when he leans in and whispers, “I was that hopeful.”

Without even giving me a chance to respond, and really, what response is there after that, he simply walks away and grabs my large duffle bag from Chase and throws it over his shoulder.

I follow him to the bus and stop at the front door, turning toward Mia.

She’s bouncing around in complete excitement. “I might take some time off work and meet you in Boston in a couple weeks.” She’s smiling and I don’t miss the fact that her eyes briefly flicker toward Chase. I return a knowing smile. I thought maybe she liked him after the night of the concert, but Mia is pretty fickle when it comes to guys so I thought it was just a one night thing. Maybe not.

Regardless, knowing I’ll be seeing her in a couple of weeks comforts me. I reach out and pull her into one of the strongest hugs I’ve ever given her, which is saying a lot.

“I’m so scared,” I whisper into her ear and her arms tighten around me.

“I know. But take lots of pictures. And have as much fun as you possibly can.” She pulls away from me, slightly and looks me dead in the eyes. “That’s all anyone wants for you.”

I let go and wipe a quick tear from my cheeks because I know exactly who she means by anyone. She turns and walks away with a wave and I’m thankful because had she stayed any longer I probably would have ended up a puddle of mush. I suck at good-byes.

When I turn around, Zack is standing there patiently waiting. A small part of me still wants to flee. But I don’t.

I jump slightly when the door to the massive moving structure slams and Jake walks out. He slaps what looks like a stack of bills into the palm of Zack’s hand. Then he smacks him on the shoulder, hard. It’s hard enough for Zack to lurch forward just a bit. They’re both grinning like they just got caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

I raise one eyebrow in question, a little bit too uncertain to ask what’s going on because there’s apparently some joke or something I’m not a part of.

Jake just grins at me. It’s a huge grin, full of complete and utter mischief. “I bet him one note you wouldn’t show.”

My jaw drops and my eyes almost bug out of my head. I almost want to be slightly offended they would bet a hundred dollars on me, but then I remember that they’re boys. And sometimes boys do stupid things, so I shake my head in my amusement and decide to let it go.

Zack has the decency to look slightly chagrined, probably more so at being caught than the actual bet.

“So…want to see my home away from home?” He steps back and opens the door and with a wide sweeping arm, gestures for me to enter the bus.

I actually gasp. There’s a stairway. On a bus.

I turn to him, looking completely flabbergasted. “Your tour bus has two stories?” I’m amazed, absolutely amazed. It’s a tour bus, and I have no idea why this place suddenly seems like the most exciting place I’ve ever been. But I’m pretty sure I’ve never, ever, heard of a bus having two floors. It’s insane!

Zack just waves me through to the living room, which looks like, an actual freaking living room. Four couches line the walls with a television larger than the one I have at home on one wall. The floors are wood, covered with an area rug. I don’t think it was possible, but my mouth opens even more. “With so many guys, and us being on the road so much, I wanted a space big enough where we weren’t completely stepping over one another all the time. So I custom ordered this bus last year.”

“It’s gorgeous,” I respond breathlessly. I follow him through the rest of the main floor. The living room opens into a full-size kitchen. We pass the kitchen, and Zack opens a folding door. I peak inside and see a smaller lounge area.

“I thought this could be your room. It’s normally a quieter lounge area, but the only other sleeping areas are the bunks upstairs, or my room. The couch pulls out to a bed, and there’s sheets and everything in the closet. I’d offer you mine, but then you’d be sleeping close to six guys and I thought that’d make you nervous.” He nods right outside the door by the kitchen. “There’s a bathroom down here. I told everyone else they have to shower upstairs.”

A part of me wants to take his room because I suddenly wonder what his pillows smell like. And then I realize that’s sort of gross, and completely uncharacteristic of me. Or it used to be. Zack has me feeling so many strange things from what I normally think and feel I have no way of knowing what’s up or right anymore. I’m especially confused when he stands so close to me I can practically feel him, like he is now. But I’m impressed he did this for me, because once again, his intuition was totally correct. I wondered if I’d have to sleep on a bunk bed, so the fact he’s giving me my own space is really, really sweet.

“This will be perfect. Thank you.” He sets my luggage down and we stand there, looking at each other like a couple of middle school kids at a school dance. I know that’s at least how I feel. I have the sweaty palms and butterfly nerves to prove it, too. Zack takes a few steps towards and I swear the closer he gets it, the warmer the air becomes.

“I’ll let you get settled.” I nod because I can’t speak. My throat is suddenly parched and I’m too nervous to say anything at all. I watch his every move as he turns to walk out and leave me alone. At the last second he stops and turns towards me, leaning against the door frame. He places his hands in his pockets and I can tell he’s trying to look casual, but there’s tension in his shoulders that tells me differently. I think he may be just as nervous as me right now.

“I’m really glad you’re here Nicole. Thanks for saying yes.” He winks at me and walks away leaving me to just stare.

I have no idea how long I stand frozen in the middle of my new small room, but I’m still standing there, when I feel the bus start moving. I flip through the last few days in my mind and wonder how, I went from being open to maybe dating someday, to ending up with front row seats and backstage passes to a rock concert, and now, on their tour bus for a month.

Whatever happens in the next month is going to change my life drastically. I can feel it in my bones. I only hope I survive.