Just One Song

chapter Nine





It takes us almost twenty minutes to get out the door of the bar. I hadn’t noticed how much it filled up while we played pool, but the bar is packed by the time we leave. And I think everyone stops him for an autograph. Zack smiles and shakes hands with his fans while he signs napkins, shirts, grocery store receipts, and even some well-concealed body parts on a few women. I take a few steps away from him when it happens. I just don’t need to see other women’s chests and stomachs. I notice Zack doesn’t give those women a second look and it secretly thrills me. It also makes me nervous.

It’s the same feeling I had in my condo. Our lives are so completely different and once this tour is over – what will happen then?

I jump when Zack’s hand grabs mine once we’re outside. “You okay?”

“Yeah…that was just…a lot.” I nod my head back towards the bar. He looks worried. “Not bad. I just can’t imagine what it’s like to have that happen whenever you go out in public.”

Instead of saying anything, he pulls me to a stop on the sidewalk. Slowly, he puts both hands on my shoulders and spins me around in the opposite direction.

“This is your surprise.”

At first I’m confused because I don’t know what in the world I could be given in Chicago that would be a bigger surprise than spending an afternoon with Zack shopping and playing pool. It’s been perfect enough.

But then realize I’m surrounded by a sea of blue and orange, and I totally get why he told me to wear purple. Soldier Field is across the street.

I spin around, my eyes as wide as possible, and my mouth hanging wide open in excitement. “You’re kidding.”

Zack puts his hand up. “Nope.”

“Oh my gosh, you’re not kidding. You’re taking me to the game?” The Vikings are playing the Bears tonight at Soldier field. I’m completely amazed. I clap my hands excitedly and jump around a few times. “I can’t believe you did this for me!” Without even thinking about it, I fling myself into his arms. I squeeze him tighter when his arms wrap around mine.

“You like it?”

“Yes. I absolutely love it. I’m so excited.”

I laugh along with Zack. “Then let’s go inside. I have one more surprise left.”

I pull away from him slowly. I don’t think there is a single surprise better than the one he just gave me.

“Come on, I’ll show you.” He lets his arms drops from my waist, but grabs a hold of my hand. I bounce excitedly across the street following him happily.

***

My mouth drops, again, when we reach a door on the second floor. “You got us a suite? How?” It’s amazing. I have never been inside one but have always wondered what they looked like. There are two rows of leather seats along the open windows over-looking the field. Behind the seats is a row of bar height tables. My eyes dance around the six flat screen televisions mounted along the walls showing various sports channels and then to a kitchenette and huge bar along the back wall. A waiter stands behind the bar wiping down the counter with a towel. I get to watch the game being served by a waiter in a private suite?

Hell yes! I whip out my camera phone, shoot a few pictures and send them to Mia. She’s going to be so jealous.

“This is so exciting! I can’t believe you’d do this for me! How?”

“This suite belongs to some friends of mine. When you agreed to join the tour, I called them up begging and pleading them to let me steal their suite for the game. I didn’t know until I called that the Vikings were playing, but since I know you like them, I had to get it.”

I doubt Zack has to beg and plead to get anything, but regardless this is awesome.

“Friends? Who? I’ve always wanted to know who watches the games from here.”

“You know the band Mystical? They played in a few opening acts on our first tour and their drummer is from Chicago.”

“Wow.” I am completely stunned as I look out through the wall of windows and watch the stadium seats filling up and the teams on the field warming up. I’m in complete awe. “This has to be at least one of my top ten favorite days, ever.”

Zack laughs behind me. “I have one more surprise for you,” he says as he finishes typing on his phone.

“There’s more?” I ask.

“Yeah, we have some company coming.”

Before I can ask who, the door to the suite flies open. In walks Jake…covered in purple and yellow with a braided Vikings hat on his head. My jaw drops, again. Behind him are Garrett, Chloe, Chase, and Darren.

“I thought it’d be more fun for you to watch the game with people who actually like the sport.”

“I just…I can’t believe you did all this for me.” I turn towards Zack and wrap my arms around him.

“Too much?”

“No way. If you can pull off surprises like this, I say keep ‘em coming.”

By half time, my team is getting creamed, but I don’t care. I’m having a blast watching them play. Based on their voice levels, Jake and Garrett have had a couple beers too many and Zack is sitting with his arm around the back of my chair while we watch the half-time show. I am still in shock. I look around and smile as Darren and Chase give each other shit over the last play before half-time. They’re still arguing about the call twenty minutes after the play. Zack and Garrett are talking about the upcoming shows and a song they are working on for their next album.

I am…completely content. I feel more alive than I have in a long time, almost as if I can physically feel a sparkle of energy returning to my body and soul. I am becoming me again; the old me, who loved life and loved experiencing new things. That’s who I was, and I don’t realize until now, how much I have truly missed that excitement of experiencing life, until I look around and see this small group of people who have brought so much fun and energy into my life over such period of time.

And I have Zack to thank for it. I sigh contently and lean my head on his shoulder.

“Having fun?” He asks me softly, turning from his conversation with Garrett.

“Yeah. I’m really…..happy.” It’s completely true and freeing to say it out loud.

Zack presses his forehead against my temple and whispers, “Me too.”

When I turn my head slightly to the right so I can see him, he pulls back just a bit. We are so close together, it would take a simple movement from either of us and our lips would be touching. I feel my palms begin to sweat a little bit as my gaze falls down to Zack’s lips. He has really nice lips. They’re full and soft-looking. They look completely kissable. I want to feel them on me. I suck in my top lip and bite down gently as I think about what they might feel like pressed against my lips. Or on my neck. I know my face is flushed but this time it’s not from embarrassment at all, it’s from pure desire.

I want him.

I pull my eyes from his lips back to his eyes to see Zack with the exact same expression on his face I must have. I know there are other people in the room. I also know they’re not being quiet because Jake and Chase are always loud. But in this moment, I hear nothing. It’s just me and Zack and I can practically feel the tension crackling between us.

“SHIT!” We both jump in our chairs at the scream. I turn my head and see Jake clenching his cell phone on the countertop of the bar. Everyone’s eyes are on him and a tension that has nothing to do with the feeling I felt for Zack a brief moment ago fills the air.

I look back at Zack and know whatever we just had, is gone.

Chase instantly lowers his head and pounds his fist on the countertop. He glares at Zack. “Ethan’s coked out. Again.”

“Shit.” I hear a few other curse words muttered by the guys and watch as they all huddle around the bar. I want to go to Zack, to put my arm around him and bring him the same comfort he brings to me. Instead, I stand back with Chloe just off to the side as the guys talk about what happened. Eventually, I can’t stop myself from going to him.

“What’s going on?” I ask Zack. His entire body is filled with tension.

“Ethan’s on drugs again.”

I open my mouth to say something and then close it again quickly. This explains the tension between the two of them and the glassy-eyed, distant and feral look in his eyes whenever he looks at me.

“I’m sorry.”

Zack leans forward in the chair and rubs his hands through his hair. I recognize this move as the first thing he does when he’s upset or frustrated.

“He was clean for a while, but I suspected he started using again shortly after the tour started. He’s good at hiding it, but…shit. This could totally screw us over.”

I follow him when he walks to Chase at the bar. Chase is scary when he’s pissed. I thought he was scary and intimidating the night I met him at the sound check. He’s so large, and muscular. He towers over all the other guys in the band. As I’ve spent more time around him, I’ve learned that he’s gentle. A gentle giant, really. But when he’s pissed, like he is now, I think he might be the scariest person in the world. I think if he wanted to, he could throw someone threw the glass windows facing the stadium.

“Jon called. He found Ethan passed out in his bunk, holding his stash.” Jon is the main driver on the bus. I don’t know if I’ve spoken more than a few words to him since we were introduced, but he comes across as a good guy. He’s older, almost as old as my dad and sometimes I’ve wanted to ask him how he can spend so much time around guys in their late twenties without losing his mind.

“What do we do?” I feel almost foolish wanting to laugh when I look at Jake as he asks the question. He’s not a Vikings fan. I’m not even sure he likes football all that much, but when I saw him walk into the suite dressed head to toe in purple and gold, I fell in love with him. In a completely brotherly way, of course. He’s the guy that keeps everything light-hearted. He relieves the stress in almost any situation, and it’s sobering now to see him so pissed off and concerned.

“I don’t know,” Zack says, roughly rubbing one hand through his hair. “Keep an eye on him and hope he hangs in there for the next few weeks. But when this tour is done he’s gone. I’m not putting up with his shit anymore.”

I have no idea what it’s like to spend so much time with people in such enclosed spaces. It must make them really close and I’ve noticed even in the last few days that he and Chase and Jake are more like brothers than just band members. But Zack is also their boss, he decides who plays with him, and I can only imagine that after having Ethan play and travel with him for the last few years, it’s difficult for him to even think of just letting him go.

I stay silent while the rest of the guys discuss what to do with Ethan for the next few weeks. Eventually, I go back to watching the game, but my head isn’t in it. I’m not even upset when the Vikings lose; badly.

***

“I’m really sorry about tonight.” Zack says to me when we reach the bus. Heaviness filled the suite after the news about Ethan and it didn’t leave for the rest of the night.

“Don’t apologize. You guys got some pretty bad news. I don’t mind. Really.” I rest my hand against his cheek.

Even with the bad news about Ethan, something changed in me during my day with Zack. I want to embrace the feeling of freedom I felt earlier at the game. I want to feel the closeness Zack and I experienced before the phone call. I just don’t know if this is the right time.

I enter the bus when Zack opens the door for me and start heading to my room. I want to say something…anything that will make him feel better about Ethan and what he learned today. I want to bring him comfort like he does to me.

He takes my hand in the kitchen and pulls me around to face him. My breath instantly hitches when he places both hands softly on my cheeks.

“I know we had a rough night tonight. And I’m sorry for ruining the second half of your game. I really wanted today to be perfect for you.”

“It was,” I say, a little bit breathlessly because standing so close to Zack again has already re-ignited the feeling I felt earlier. “My night wasn’t ruined at all.”

He opens his mouth to speak and closes it quickly. I watch him take a deep breath as if he’s searching for the right words to use.

“We are only just getting to know each other, but in the short time we have, there has never been a moment where I have not been impressed by you. I know you’ve been through a whole lot over the last year and if all you can give me right now is friendship, I’ll gladly take it. I just want you to know I want more. I don’t know if this is the right time to tell you or not, but I think you’re beautiful. You are the most beautiful, down-to-earth, funny, smart, and kind woman I have ever had the privilege of knowing.”

I freeze slightly when he pauses. His eyes darken, right in front of me and I can once again feel the tension between us crackling. I wonder if there’s an actual physical sound to what I feel, because to me it feels like a large fire is just beginning to build. I’m blown away by this man in front of me, who is admired by thousands of people, all over the world, declaring his feelings towards me.

I’m stunned I don’t feel scared by the words he says.

“There is nothing I want more right now than to kiss you. But our night didn’t end the way I wanted it to, and I’m not sure you’re ready. Yet.” His thumb moves from my cheek and slowly moves along my lower lip. I watch him sigh, as if he’s struggling to stop himself from taking me right here on the bus living room floor. My legs go numb at the thought of what it would be like to have Zack, in that way.

He sighs again, but this time it sounds more defeated. Resigned. His hands drop to my waist and he simply lowers his forehead to mine.

“Good night, Nicole. Sleep well.” He turns to leave the room, and as he walks away, I know he’s wrong. Because I’m completely ready for anything he has to give me, and I want to make sure he knows.

“Zack?” I walk towards him when he stops and turns around to face me again.

In the few steps it takes me to reach him, I watch the features on his face change from apprehension, to something else much more desirable. I don’t think about what I’m doing. I don’t stop to wonder if I should feel guilty, or if he’s right and it isn’t the right time, and all this is happening too soon. In this moment, all I want is to feel him. It’s a want that burns deep in my chest whenever I look at him and I want to be closer, to know him more.

I feel no guilt and no remorse, just pure, unadulterated want when I reach him and pull him to me. “I’m ready.”

He looks into my eyes searching for an answer. I gaze back intently because I want him to see that I am not afraid. I want him to know how badly I want him; how much I want to get to know him. How happy he has made me these last few days.

A brief flicker of a smug grin crosses his lips before he lowers his head.

His lips are warm and soft when they touch mine. He starts off timid; slow and tender. I hesitate only briefly feeling the touch of another man’s lips on mine. I feel his tongue wipe gently across my lower lip and I part mine in response. A low groan escapes my mouth as his tongue softly enters my mouth. We cautiously explore each other as I feel his grip on my waist tighten even further and one of his hands move to the back of my neck..

“God you taste amazing,” he murmurs against my lips before going back for more.

The fire I felt beginning earlier, feels like it’s blazing out of my control and my hands move up to his hair, tugging him even closer into me. I have to feel more.

I know what’s happening, Zack lifts me up and carries me to the couch. He sits down so I’m on his lap, straddling him, my hands still gripping his hair and holding him to me.

I rock against him instinctively and feel how much he wants me. His erection presses roughly against me and I moan into his mouth.

“God, Nicole,” he says again and I say something completely unintelligible in response. I can’t think of a single word to save my life. He tastes good and his smell overpowers me. I haven’t kissed a man since Mark’s death, but I’m not thinking about Mark at all right now. I’m thinking of how good Zack’s hands feel gripping my waist, pulling me to him. And how warm his mouth is.

Fifteen months of suppressed hormones rush to the surface and I’m just about to ask him to take me to his room because I just want to give in to everything I’m feeling right now.

And just as I open my mouth to speak, he pulls back, and softly ends the best kiss in the history of my life.

“Mmmmm.” He hums and rests his forehead against mine, his eyes are closed and a slight smile is on his lips. We’re both panting and I want to rock against him – tease him – until he takes me wherever he wants to, but reality hits me in a split second and I realize, I’m not fully ready for that yet. But I am ready for a lot more of what we just did.

“Good night, Zack.” I gently kiss his lips and press myself against him one more time but pull back as soon as his hands grip the back of my head and hold me close to him.

I slowly climb off his lap, with a small smile on my lips and don’t remove my eyes from his. He looks at me through half-hooded lashes and his mouth parted slightly. He looks as dazed and confused as I feel.

I turn and walk away leaving him sitting there, staring after me. I’m thrilled that for once, I’m not the one frozen in place.

I enter the bathroom and stare at my reflection. I feel different; better. Happier than I’ve been in a long time; and as I look into my eyes, I see it.

It’s taken one year, three months, two weeks and days but my sparkle has returned. I almost hate to wash my face and brush my teeth. It will erase every lingering taste of him, but I do it reluctantly. I replay the kiss in my head the entire time.

It was more passionate and powerful than anything I have ever experienced. I can’t wait to have more.

I can’t sleep after I crawl into bed. A thousand thoughts from the day run through my head. Every single thought puts a smile on my face and I know I’m smiling out of control. I do the only thing a girl can do when she’s just had the kiss of her life. I text my best friend.

He kissed me. I type it out and hold my phone in my hands, waiting for her response. Not thirty seconds later, my phone buzzes.

OMG! I totally knew he would! How was it!!!????? How are you!!!???

I can practically hear Mia’s giddy screams from half a continent away.

Amazing and I’m good; honest. Can’t sleep now. What’s with the ???!!!!

Can’t help it! Too excited for you. U have 2 tell me everything.

Later. Just wanted u 2 know.

Luv u…I’m proud of u, Nic. Call me soon.