I Love You to Death




I’m walking home from work on Friday evening. It’s beautiful outside, winter is mostly gone now and spring is slowly on its way. The days already feel different. I don’t know what I’m going to do tonight, but for once, I don’t feel like sitting at home alone.

As I walk along, I’m startled out of my daydream by the sound of someone knocking on glass. Looking up, I recognise the guys from Infinity sitting on the other side of the window. I don’t really know them that well and I can’t see Luke with them, but they’re gesturing for me to come inside.

Reluctantly, I hoist my bag further on my shoulder and push open the door to the diner. I go over to their booth and one of them sticks out his hand. "Ash hey, how are you?"

I shake his hand warily as I answer, "Okay."

"Jared, remember? I live with Luke," he says smiling. "And this is Ben and Steve, from the band," he continues, gesturing to the other guys sitting in the booth. "Have a seat, join us."

I feel a little weird standing here with these guys. Guys I don’t really know, but evidently seem to remember me. I do recognise them now and I know I met them all at Luke’s party, but that already feels like ages ago. Plus, Luke is not with them, which makes this whole thing feel even stranger.

"It’s okay thanks, I don’t want to disturb you guys." I say, already backing away from the table.

"Don’t be stupid, we called you in. Sit, have a drink with us!" Jared says to me, laughing.

So I sit. I sit next to the guy named Steve and across from Ben and Jared. They are all smiling at me and I have no idea what to say.

"So you’ve worked with Luke for a while then?" Ben eventually asks me.

"Yeah a while now I guess, maybe seven months," I answer, wondering why he’s asking me this.

"But you worked there before he started right?" Ben continues, smiling at me now.

I think back to that time. To the reason I wasn’t at work. To the reason Luke was hired in the first place. "Yes, before he started," is all I can bring myself to say.

A waitress comes over and I’m looking at her, trying to think of an excuse to escape. Ben orders another pitcher of beer and an extra glass. I’m stuck here then.

When the beer arrives, Jared pours me a drink. They’re all talking about a band they like. I’m half listening, when I feel someone slide into the booth next to me, pressing the length of their body against mine. Before I even turn, I know who it’s going to be.

"Hey," Luke says, a smile on his face.

I smile nervously back at him, "Hey."

I’m not used to being crowded like this by him. It feels very different to a shared arm rest, to my tears on his chest. Now I can feel the whole length of his body pressing against mine, feel the heat radiating off him. Now I can really smell him.

He tops up the beer he has in his hand. "When did you get here?" he asks, half turning to face me as he drapes his arm across the back of the seat behind me.

My eyes flick up to his arm and then back to his face. Up close, I can see now that his eyes are a very dark blue. They are also very alive and very bright as they watch me. "Um, I don’t know, maybe a couple of minutes ago," I suggest. "They saw me walking past outside."

He’s still smiling. "Cool, I was just on the phone, but I’m glad they caught you. Do you remember everyone?"

I unconsciously lick my lips. My mouth feels very dry so I take a sip of beer. Luke watches me. I feel like all of them are watching me.

"Yeah, I remember them, sort of. I’m surprised they remembered me actually."

Luke laughs, a little red creeping onto his cheeks. "Yeah you know, the party, plus they’ve been in to work before, and I guess they all saw you at our show too."

I’m confused. I don’t remember ever seeing them in the shop and I’m still surprised I would even be that memorable for them. I’m about to ask Luke, when Jared interrupts us.

"We should get going soon boys, Ash you’re coming with us right?"

I turn to look at Jared and see he’s smiling at me like it’s obvious I’ll be going. Luke leans over and I feel his warm breath as he whispers in my ear, "We’re going to watch a band, some friends of ours. Come with us."

It’s a statement, not a question.

I feel my hand tighten around the cold glass in response to his words. I don’t know what’s going on here. Jared and the others are all looking at me and smiling. Luke has pulled his head back, but I can feel the heat of his arm behind me. Finally someone speaks as though to diffuse the situation.

"Yeah you should definitely come with us, hang out, it’ll be fun."

What to do. What should I do?



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